Why do few women give comments or advise to CD threads?

[IMkrystal]

[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]Prior to, and since the ”Love Ones” forum has been on here, there are patterns to the type of threads that are posted. This is also true in other forum areas. Crossdressers are constantly asking for advice or comments on beauty, dress (clothing), pictures, going out, significant others, passing, and other topics Seldom have I seen any advice or comment made by women. It is as if, they have no knowledge about any of these topics. On the other hand, when women post a thread mostly on here and a few times where it is not only viewable by women, Crossdressers respond openly. The sharing is one sided. It is understandable women have little knowledge about crossdressing, however obviously from Crossdressers’ post, man have less knowledge about emulating a woman. There is a thread on here entitled something like, how many women want a CD? Mostly crossdressers have responded saying how lucky they are to have a wonderful wife or they have a friend who is looking for one, or they are they are out there you just have to find the right one. I think there are only two women responses. My perception, and probably the perception of many others, of this and other women threads is how negatively women view the subject of crossdressing. The advantage of this website for crossdressers is it a place to come to feel safe and find acceptance in a world where we are still considered outcast. The advantage for women is to share their frustrations publicly without interacting with those who are causing their problems.

[Melanie R]

If you want to read good advise written by the wife of a cross dresser, read the books of Dr Peggy Rudd and Helen Boyd. Peggy,s first two books, My husband Wears My Clothes and Crossdressing With dignity, are available from all book stores and now Kindle and Nook.

[Stitch]

I used to give advice, but honestly I feel pretty invisible here. I used to post, but rarely got responses in the main areas of the forum. Hence why I am now a "lurking GG" always here, but rarely post. I've unfortunately resigned myself to only posting when something riles me enough to do so, or is about key topics that I adore or have enough experience in to warrant a post. As one of the younger GG's I feel that sometimes my perspective and life experience may be lacking enough to give an informed response.

Another reason why I don't post in some threads? Well my Mum always told me if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. I do feel that there are many members here who wouldn't enjoy the level of constructive criticism we as GGs would bestow if we did post more.

I have also found that my generation especially receives a fair bit of flack from some crossdressers, as many of us wear trousers or aren't as feminine as you'd all like. Which isn't exactly welcoming.

[Nigella]

I will only say this, a maxim I have lived my life by, if you ask for advice, at least listen to the advice you are given. How often have you heard the expression, "don't shoot the messenger"? Well that is what happens all too often when a GG gives advice in the M2F forum.

Yes there are GGs who would gladly give advice on how to be a "woman", but IMHO, too many CDs only want to listen to their peers.

[goofus]

I for one like constructive criticism...and I don't think that CD's should be giving GG's flack about not being "feminine enough" anymore than GG's should be giving us grief about not being masculine enough...but that's just me...I like to think I'm a liberated person...

[Presh GG]

I am a GG
I have answered that question a few times since i've been here,

Look to your friends with excepting wives
[ birds of a feather ect ]

Be honest, yada yada

I usually feel nobody wants to hear the same 'old from me.

Good morning
Presh GG

[Sandra]

It is understandable women have little knowledge about crossdressing,

Really, there happens to be a lot of women on this forum who do have a lot of knowledge about crossdressing as they are living with it everyday.

I have seen many a time and have had it happen to me, we post and just because we speak the truth we are wrong of the embittered wife. If we don't agree with what is said, or post all the oohs and aahs again we are wring and no nothing.

We get fed up of being treated as if we don't know anything, and a lot of GGs won't even venture into the MtF let alone post for fear of being blasted or slammed, and when advice or comments are given they are ignored, but if another cder makes the same comment as a GG has then they are praised....any wonder why we don't post much.

[kellycan27]

Most of the gg's that i know, who don't have a dog in this fight, Don't see you as a threat to their sexuality, they see you as a threat to yours. It seems to me that while there are a lot of gg's here who accept the cding there doesn't look like there are a lot who actually embrace it. Not saying that there aren't those who do, but I think they are more the exception than the rule. "first you want me to accept the fact that you dress in woman's clothing, and now you you want me to give you tips on being more lady like"? I think it would be interesting to poll the accepting gg's and ask that even though can accept their SO's cross dressing, how many would prefer that he didn't to begin with.

[Raychel Torn]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I am sorry that any GG ever feels their input is unwanted. I want to know what you think. I want a good set of opinions, not just the ideas of people who agree with me. So don't give up on us.

[Aprilrain]

I think it would be interesting to poll the accepting gg's and ask that even though can accept their SO's cross dressing, how many would prefer that he didn't to begin with.

this poll has already been taken, sorta.

GG's, Could you let her go?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...you-let-her-go

[Kittyagain]

Keep in mind that it is love that makes a man becoming a woman relationship work with the SO. Without the love I think would just as soon not deal with us. Not to say they would avoid us or be critical just not supportive.

Kitty

Kitty

[kellycan27]

this poll has already been taken, sorta.

GG's, Could you let her go?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...you-let-her-go

Yes, kind of, but i was speaking in more in terms of knowing beforehand as opposed to after the fact.

[J'lyn GG]

Your post is an exact reason why GG's don't post much. IMO, it comes off as condescending. Did I want a CDer? Heck, no. But that isn't what the OP wanted to hear. If you have seen most of my posts/replies, you will see I have been slammed, talked down to, and completely ignored.

Heck, in a recent post, I and 3 other cders said, roughly, the same thing. The OP thanked them and ignored me. Fine. Didn't hurt my feelings. But it makes me think twice to the posts I reply to. And that post, specifically, asked for GG's thoughts.

I also posted about the steps I have made to become more supportive. One particular person said (in a nutshell) that I was a horrible person and I needed a complete 'reframe' of myself. That doesn't make me feel all too warm and fuzzy. Although, others did stand up for me and I thank them tremendously.

I, and other GG's, have received PM's from cders chastising us for replies. Some don't want to hear ANYTHING we have to say and some don't like to feel the bubble burst when we inject a little reality into a 'fantasy world post'. Or don't want us to remind them how their wife might feel about the things they just ranted about. How are we supposed to know who wants to hear from us and who doesn't? I respond to posts that deal with coming out to a spouse or being reasonable in expectations of a spouse, for the most part. Why? Because I don't want any other woman to go thru what I went thru in the beginning.

Beauty question posts? I don't go to that forum, b/c, quite frankly, talking about makeup and stuff bores the pants off me. And depending on the tone of the post, well...never mind. My hubby and I may talk about that stuff, but I love him. He doesn't talk down to me. I guess I have been burned one too many times to put myself out there too much. Although, I have found myself posting a little more often, lately.

[Presh GG]

So Krystal

Care to take another stab at us ?

Presh gg

[Joan_CD]

Any non genetic female for mtf or non genetic male for ftm that thinks the genetic person feels threatened or jealous is off base. You cannot match the genetic person for various reasons, such as life experiences to name one. Wearing their shoes doesn't mean you walked in them.

[Stitch]

Support and acceptance go both ways. Many people here want to loved for who they are, not because of their gender or the clothes they choose to wear. To be who they are inside and not be judged for it. Yet I see much judgement cast out towards GGs for not wearing dresses, wearing no make up and even having tattoos.

Practice what you preach people!

Can't we all just be who we want to be? I'm sure we can all agree the world would be a better place if we could all wear what we wanted without people looking down their noses at us, regardless of gender constraints.

[babs816 GG]

I'm a supportive GG.. new to a relationship with a gurl that I adore..NEW to the CD lifestyle and a pretty recent member here. I'm still feeling my way around here but I do post when the mood strikes and not just in threads started by other GG's I'm all about the shout outs when I see a great pic or a SMOKIN HOT pair of shoes..etc.

Give me sometime and I'm sure there will be people here thinking..OH NO HER AGAIN when I post. LOL

Barb

[Speck]

Krystal,

Irl, I love doing people's make up and if I could make any money at it, I'd love to be an image consultant or something. There are lots of times when I want to give a compliment and other times when I'd like to make a suggestion but here, when someone's not paying for my advice, I think my agenda would be questioned.

When it comes to comments about someone's looks, there are two competing values at play. On one hand, you want to be honest and on the other, you want to be nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. On a CDing forum, I think it's best everyone sticks to the "ooohs and awes".

Speck

[susan54]

I have some sympathy with Stitch and many of the other GGs who have replied. Though this is probably the least judgmental of the CD forums, that aspect is still present, and why people want to have a go at GGs is beyond my comprehension - if they are on here they are sympathetic or asking for information. Why is that regarded by some as a problem? For my own part I feel I have little in common with other CDs and none at all with TSs, and interaction with GGs, on line or in reality is what I value. Please do not be discouraged by these people - some of us greatly value your presence here. CDs and others on here want tolerance in society - so, critics - how about practicing what you preach?

[larry]

To: All the GGs on here,"I' Thank You for taking the time and effort to post. To just be on this forum tells me you must be a nice
person.

[Presh GG]

Larry and susan54 ,

THANK YOU !

We are here to support and BE supported .. Can we all play nice ?

Presh

[michelle64]

WoW...finally a refreshing thread of truth...i too lurk for durations on end as when it is posted what needs to be said many flame and attacks are sure to follow..the GG's are right..many many here cannot handle the truth when it is spelled out for them..so why bother anymore i say

ps: i am so sick of the sex while CD'ing stuff and what color of panties are you wearing today threads..come on people..ive never seen such stuff posted on other boards that are 99% GG's..many here drive GG's away and i do not blame them for going elsewhere (something to think about)..posts above by the GG's have been well stated

[ReineD]

I remember a few months ago, a newbie CD went into the Beauty section and in his title, asked specifically for input from GGs about hose or tights (or something). You'd be surprised at how many CDs who responded in the thread resented this. They felt as if their own expertise didn't matter. I rather got the impression they felt as if their own turf was crossed.

And this is an attitude I pick up here as well. My opinion of fashion as a GG is dismissed (not by everyone but by many CDs here), since CDs just know so much more than I do. I've even sensed in my SO whom I love dearly, that my opinion is not welcome unless specifically requested. Frankly, I understand this. There's no way that I spend as much time and energy studying fashion as many of the CDs here. Or, maybe when a GG offers an opinion it is viewed as a criticism?

Also Krystal you've got to consider that we only do have a handful of GGs who participate in the forum at any given time compared to the several hundreds of CDs who post on a regular basis. This is probably the biggest reason there are only a fraction of posts in the MtF section from GGs, apart from many of them feeling unwelcomed when they do post their opinions.

If any of you believe that GGs don't post here because they feel as if their femininity is threatened, or they are jealous, or they feel as if their female sanctuary has been breached somehow, then please get that idea of out of your minds. It is a CD fantasy that women feel this way, and not the reality. lol

The thead in Loved Ones that April posted about whether GGs could let the CDing go - pease remember people that many GGs don't go out looking to be in relationships with CDs, any more than little boys grow up actively wanting to be feminine or effeminate. How many purges are there before a TG accepts himself? How many years does he keep the CDing to himself thinking and hoping it will go away, before he tells his wife? The opinions you read in that thread are from GGs who are along their own journeys of acceptance. If they do not accept or if they experience difficulty along the road to acceptance, it is because of the way that anything trans-variant is vilified in our society, and not because these GGs are b*tches. GGs who are married to CDs are not raised in some little bubble where they are exempt from the general societal bias against the CDing. So please, people ... keep this in mind!

That said, when I read this thread I see an awful lot of posts from GGs who do support the CDing because they love their husbands, even if they could let the CDing go. In fact, many of the GGs said they would respect their husbands' choices, whatever these choices might be.

[IMkrystal]

[SIZE="5"][/SIZE]I wish to apologize to all the women that have responded to my thread during the past 6 hours. From you responses it appears Crossdressers do not value your opinions and that is sad. I must be the exception on here and I did not wish to sound condescending. I am on here looking for responses from women because I am interested in your opinions. From your post to this thread, it appears most crossdressers resent your opinions. I guess if the US Congress cannot work together to solve America’s problems what chance do we have in solving ours.

[J'lyn GG]

[SIZE="5"][/SIZE]I wish to apologize to all the women that have responded to my thread during the past 6 hours. From you responses it appears Crossdressers do not value your opinion and that is sad. I must be the exception on here and I did not wish to sound condescending. I am on here looking for responses from women because I am interested in your opinions. From your post to this thread, it appears most crossdressers resent your opinions. I guess if the US Congress cannot work together to solve America’s problems what chance do we have in solving ours.

It takes great strength of character to admit a mistake. I admire that and I thank you. While I know there are some that truly want a GG's opinion, it is hard to know who they are.