GET YER GOAT .A Moaning sermonn on crossdressing pains

[Shelly67]

My goodness - there seems to be much searching for that poor goat . I should think its in hiding somewhere ........ look in the closets ladies - it may right now be munching on your fave frock ......
Bidding on Ebay ........ in the days of health n safety , I reckon ebay will eventually be banned for inducing far too much stress . We won't be able to buy anything .
The goat will go hungry .
Its enough to make you pull your hair out ....speshly if its a wig . Mind you I simply darent do that with a randy parrot on the loose .

Crossdressing is such a wonderful chapter in life ... all the joys of feeling so relaxed ... no matter how tough the effort taken to get there . looking back we all have something to laugh about ... and thats one thing I love about it all sometimes .....
Like old photos of yourself .... now just like when we were children , I look upon them with an embaressed fondness .... back then i thought I looked nice .....

Unless like my wife she pinned an old one of me to the front door .


We haven't had any junk mail for weeks now ....... praps the delivery boy isn't well .

My wife read this daft thread earlier and added her point - " one thing I dislike , is seeing you dressed watching football " - I asked why .
Apparently she thought I looked like the Clyde in drag , the orangutaan from the Every way but lose , Clint Eastwood films .

I'm off to go kick that bl**dy goat .

The cheek of the woman indeed .

Clyde .

[Shelly67]

Heres another really annoyance ...
Wearing cheap earings ,clip on or not , leaving the earlobes really itchy .......
You forget where you are , start rubbing scratching the earlobes like mad ...making the itch worse causing stares and a few odd questions ... children run for cover fearing a monster will emerge as you pull grimaces ...

Or the remains of poorly removed nail varnish ...... " Oh that on my nails , well you see I dropped a tin of paint at home ...it went everywhere I can tell you ".

And if anyone believes that , then pubic hair is peter rabbits cousin .

[Patty B.]

This thread is one to make me laugh, what a relief. Our goat (lucky) was a riot, just like a 200 lb. dog and it way hysterical to watch the footrace between him and my wife to see if he could get to her flowers or maple tree so he could get a treat, loved her flowers. Still makes me laugh which is why nobody can probably find a goat.

[Shelly67]

Over here in Blighty we have some odd sayings .... get your goat meaning something that annoys ....havent a clue where it originates from . Then theres the very odd calling people me duck . Its an East Anglian term that is harmless like calling someone mate , at times tho really confuses folks ...
I once was served by a nice Turkish barman on holiday , without thinking I just said " thanks , cheers me duck " as he passed me my beer . He just stood and stared .
Later in the evening he asked what it meant - was it swearing ......
The little quirks , things that annoy or confuse is abundant , take this morning for instance . lately I posted in the picture gallery on here in a floral type dress .... well as soon as I'd taken t off I hit ebay and brought a cheap black one in the same style . So , back to today ...got up early , showered , shaved , waited for the postman . Being bored senseless I made a bet with myself .... If the dress was delivered I'll get Shelly out again ....if not ........ praps go cycling .
It didnt arrive .
It really got my goat !!
Praps tommorrow .......

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Purchasing clothing online only to find it doesn't fit.

Memo to self: You are not a medium, you are a LARGE. Except in Hong Kong, where you're an EXTRA large.

How very true, I just struck out myself, and ordered a dress I thought I could fit in. I should tried size 10 instead of 8.

[Aprilrain]

Sheesh! What would you ladies have done back in the Victorian days when looking pretty took your breath away? You know, day after day of morning to night tightly laced into your corset, gamely trying to smile and still breathe?
Persephone.

I would have been a frontiers woman settling the american west. The corset got sold for some feed for the goat back in St louis!

[Shelly67]

I've just thought of something really odd .
Imagine being abducted by aliens whilst dressed .
All the medical questions .... the deep enquiry into the human form...
I wonder what the celestial being would think after removing all the clothing and suddenly realising - this ones different ...
Do you think he may have "goat the horn" - lol ......

Seriously the past .. all those years ago , the layers of clothing must have made a young married couple very impaitient . And smelly .Laundry day must have been an explosive angered event . Mind you , the whole appearance is very femme , very seductive , very sexy . You know , I'm rather envious of the female attire ..... theres so many choices , so many styles the world over . Blokes on the other hand just really have one basic style . Trousers and shirts ... its a bit sad and rather stale....
I wonder ..... in the past it must have been seriously stressful to crossdress in all those layers after a days ranching ... imagine if you heard the sound of hoofs approaching the homestead .... my god - it must have been like having a fight with an ostrich trying to get all the clothing off ......
Now that would really get ones goat !!

[georgia_937]

I'm very hard to fit with shoes, and that's what gets my goat, either enfemme or drab. My shoe size is an 11 1/2 regular in men's, and either the stores carry 11 1/2's in wide only or not at all. In women's I've found 12 1/2's that were too wide, and 12's that only came in wide width. I have one pair of strappy wedges that I had to equip with another hole in the strap in order they not constantly fall off. Over the years, I've probably donated a dozen pairs or so to Goodwill. The weird thing is, my most comfortable shoes are a pair of size 11 ballet flats.

[Stephanie47]

I have to go with the broken nail complaint. No matter how close I can get to having ten nails of an admirable length, worthy of coating with polish one always breaks, gets a gouge, etc. I'm close to having eight days to amuse myself starting next week and I was hoping to have nails of an equal length ready for Revlon's Love That Red. Nope. And, fake nails are too small for us with larger masculine hands- ugh!

As to the running commentary on goats- well, the prior owners of the domicile raised and BBQ'd goats whose carcasses I continuously dig up.

[Shelly67]

Seems as tho nails are a common pain in the bottom for quite a lot of us .
They are also a give away too ...... I've been asked " do you play the guitar " quite a few times by work mates over the years . One was quite forthright and rude - I nearly replied , " no , but I have large nostrils - work it out "!
Then theres eyebrows ..... or should I say monobrow in my case . Brought one of those little battery trimmers , believing it not to be up to much .... the thing was like a pirahna . It removed TONS of eyebrow hair , and no matter how careful I was neither brow was symetrical ....in fact the more I tried , the worse it became .
The stares were almost hypnotic .
Footwear ....... now there is a problem .
I feel for anyone who finds locating footwear a pain ......... sizing issues must be so frustrating .
But also , its wearing femanine footwear thats a pain itself . My goodness , imagine wearing high heels all day to work , commuting in them , walking home ...... The very attractive stilletoe although an image of stunning beauty really hurts .... The insane thing is they are totally addictive . Remember the first time you popped on a pair and tried to walk ? It felt odd , wobbly ....... Then the second time - it felt naughty . Thart was it ..... hooked .
From then on it became almost like a blind obsession .... I've a pair that are simply , gorgeously sexy - can I wear em ? Well the last time I tried I nearly hit the carpet . I think in the 4 years I've owned them theyve been out of the box twice . I've one pair I'll be darned if I'll chuck em out ..... let em walk out on theyre own I suppose .
And another thing - why do brand new female shoes have to be bullet proof stiff and hard ??
I've worn brand new steel toe capped boots that are comfier !

Then theres another pain ........ cleavage tape .
In warm weather , or tape worn for quite awhile ( medical grade only ) on removal , its very difficult - about as hard as finding rocking horse droppings ! My wife reckons I end up making animal noises . The oohs and ahhs loudy cursed must her remind her of Clyde once more ............

I dunno ....... the pains of trying to look femanine ...........

I love it .

[SarahLynn]

Shelly daaaahl'n your posts are so funny I nearly split a wedge. Got me to laugh'n so hard I come close to spill'n my bitters. And a waste of good bitters I'll not be do'n. So see here lass, mind yourself when work'n in the garden to keep the goat drop out from under the nails.

If I've a pet peeeve it's to get all dressed up only to find I've forgotten where I put the finish'n touch, be it my lippy, or the wee bottle o' smell good I use, or the powder puff. Gawd but I hate go'n out with a shinny nose.
And another thing, why the 'ell cant size 14 be 14 in everybodys closet. I buy a 14 pair of slacks and they are at best a 10 or 18 or some other gawd awfull size. Or a size 16 blouse and it's 10 inches to short in the sleeves and 3 times to large in the neck. Mind I wanted it a bit large in the neck area but to have the neck line down to my naval is not my idea of a proper fit. (it is but i can't fill it out like my wife does.)

Please, someone please tell me where is that boss who is in charge of the ostrich of a designer with his head up a skirt trying to make a size 2 look good for most women who are in reality size 12.

SarahLynn

[Shelly67]

Bl**dy good point . The sizing issue , its like trying to hold a dog in the bath . It certainly brings home the truth on why when you go shopping with youre partner it takes them nearly an hour to try on 2 -3 garments in the changing rooms . Goodness I bet if you were to peek in there I'd be like watching a wrestling match !
I know we're all shapes n sizes , but jeepers ..... some items are only fit for Barbie ( or Ken if he's feeling fruity ) or resemble the Big Top circus tent .
Washing clothes is a bit of a gamble too . Now I'm not saying don't wash em ( at least the odour of stinky clothes would keep the flies away from Granny ) but what happens to some clothes once theyve hit the water ? That lovely pink blouse comes out smelling gorgeous , but is only fit for polishing your armour like new shoes !
Then theres gods own vengence . Bleach .
Bl**dy stuff - really gets my goat !!
Even if I stay a mile away from it , I've only got to look at the bottle to find in an hour my clothes look like I've been used for pigeon dive bomb practise !