I think some people would complain even if they were hung by a rope made of diamonds! When in 'fem' I talk, dress, act, feel, and think as such! Just because I say I love you, you are beautiful, you are sooo sexy! Does not mean I want to take you to bed! Hugs!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
lol,,,your sooo right doll......Originally Posted by Cynthia Anne
got that right Jillleanne
Last edited by ReineD; 10-17-2011 at 07:30 PM. Reason: Merging consecutive posts. Multiposting is not allowed, please learn to use the Multiquote button.
"it all unfolds before your eyes ,let Merlin cast his spell" [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Diddo - just silliness sweetie <3got that right Jillleanne......YO,wasssup DUDE,,nice forms and cleavage...lol...
The terms sweetheart, etc., are a bit overkill, but some GGs still do it. Women sometimes address each other that way, and it has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Males would never do that because most of them are homophobic and insecure.
The OPs real question is why a heterosexual genetic male would compliment another genetic male with endearing terms that would seem gay if they were both presenting as males. The simple answer is that they are conversing with their female persona, which means that they can act female even if it does not match their true feeling.
My opinion s that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the presentation of a sexy woman even if you know there is a male underneath. In fact, I don't know why it would be a big deal to anyone to have girlfriend with a penis. Genitalia is only a small part of a person's total sex/gender.
Juno Michelle Krahn
Normal people are weird. Stealth is another word for "in the closet".
I love being called sweetie! I think it's adorable.
i was not dressed. but smiled inside when a water called me hon. (yes he is gay. i am not. and first time we ever saw each other and have not since), this was in a little greasy spoon, in a very small town, in very red-neck-cow-boy country.
my friend gives me ribbing about it...but i get back at him cause the waiter sat down next to him. ;-)
as for getting called "hon", i guess it is ok...pending the what, when, and were. would rather be called loni. but not all know my name.
Actually, if you see post #24, the OP concern is that her husband is the cder using those terms of endearment and saying 'you're so hot' on other cder's pics. I am assuming it makes her uncomfortable since he is HER HUSBAND. Cindy, I have told you what I think. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he should respect that.
Last edited by J'lyn GG; 10-16-2011 at 09:49 PM.
I've called lots of people on this site hon. Never derogatory. Just meant to be supportive. And have always appreciated when it came back to me. it's not easy being green!
regent,
Your right.... talk to him about it.... everyone hetre is giving there oppinion of hearing it... not saying it.
I myself don't think much of it, and it's not much of a big deal. I myself when talking on this site i do speak as Maria and not as my male side. It's not uncommon to hear girls calling each other hot or you look good and i hear my wife always calling her friends hun or hey girlfriend. If it bothers anyone they should say something. If i see a pic of someone looking good i will tell them they look hot almost like a girlfriend to girlfriend talk. Iam sorry if i offended anyone in the past.
I read those posts and just laugh.
Years ago I saw a post my husband signed off with " kisses or huggs " or something like that. Now she's out and about and she knows it would out her in a flash.
She would be the only one in the group to use such phrases.
I think it shows more the closeted verses those who go out.
Just my observation or opinion
Presh
Thanks for your response. I'm not singling you out, but rather using your quote because it represents the majority of answers in this thread. Many others have also said they use the terms "hun" and "sweetie" in order to get into femme character. In fact, the topic went back to being a discussion about using these terms as a form of address, which is understandable.
But, this is not about just using "hun" or "sweetie" as a benign form of address, unless, Cindy, I completely misconstrued your intent.
The issue is, when a husband tells another CD she looks "hot", or he is paying particular attention to her legs and not her outfit, or he particularly notices how sexy a CD looks in lingerie as opposed to a dress (whether he uses "hun" or not), he is behaving exactly like a man would when he is attracted to a woman. He's not behaving the way a woman would when looking at the same pics.
And this is why newbie wives have such a hard time understanding where their husbands are coming from. I did too, in the beginning. I took it that my SO was coming on to other CDs and they were coming on to her. It was enough for me to stop looking at her myspace profile. It drove me crazy just as it would have, had he been spending his time looking up sexy GGs on myspace and telling them how hot they were. I didn't get it, and this is why:
There would be no other reason for me, as a GG, to post a sexy pic of myself showing off some leg or cleavage, while posing in a vulnerable pose and pursing my lips, than to put myself out there up for grabs. And if a guy told me how hot I was, I wouldn't get the impression he was telling me this as his sister!
I've been around the forum for awhile and now I do understand that although my motives might be to hook someone (OK or maybe keep my bf on his toes), a hetero CDer does this for validation (although it is still my impression that CDs who are into men do this to hook someone too). Anyway, it took me a long time to understand that my SO (and the other thousands of hetero CDs) want to be validated and I was hoping that most members here would be able to discern Cindy's real concern and address it, rather than engage in a conversation about wanting to behave in character when dressed. A GG/wife will perceive a difference between, "I love your dress, hun", and "OMG, I'm drooling, you're so hot!", whereas a hetero CD might not?
Does this make sense?
Oh ... and Cindy, it's perfectly OK for you to jump in here and give your two cents worth, or ask anyone a specific question. They won't bite!
EDIT ... well, hopefully they won't bite. Some of our members don't take kindly to GGs who have issues but I hope this won't happen here.
Last edited by ReineD; 10-16-2011 at 11:05 PM.
Reine
I've been called HON or Sweetie by other CD's, sometimes I do the same. I don't really mind that and if they find me hot or atractive still is ok with me. I am into men but not into CD's or men that CD. I understand that if I project some sexuality even if its subtle some people wil react to it. I dress mostly for me but if someone else like it , makes me happy too
Last edited by Barbara Dugan; 10-16-2011 at 11:06 PM.
Well Reine, as usual, you more than answered the question. I agree with you, that in getting into the femme mode a lot of us Cders over emphasize some aspects of what we see GG's do. I occasionally see GG's say Hon, Dearie, etc. to other women, most of whom are good friends or at least very good acquaintances. We do take it to another level when we see a MtF CD who really looks good and even "hot" in the male vernacular. She is dressed well, has the hair, face and figure to match. That in my opinion is hot, as a woman. I am not into that person, it is the look. That being said, this CDing can also bring out another side of us that we may not have ever known about. That is an attraction to a MtF CD who made the grade and has the "look". That does not mean a person is Gay nor Bi, but it could mean that the CD may fantasize and could even be a bit Bi-curious. Who knows? Maybe "The Shadow Knows"?
I don't think I answered the question ... I was trying to elaborate on Cindy's post, based on my understanding of what she meant.
But, oh dear ... you're confirming every GG's fear. It can mean their SOs are bi-curious then, when they say more than "nice dress, hun", or if they strike a sexy pose when putting up their own pics? They're not just saying and doing this for validation?
There must be an awful lot of bi-curious CDs here, judging by the comments in the Gallery, which in my world is not that different than being bi ... I mean, either the attraction is there or it is not. Whether or not someone acts on it surely must just be a matter of time? Or, if they are married and will not act on it, then they are desiring something they are denying themselves just because they are married?
Edit ... *sigh* maybe I still don't get it.
Last edited by ReineD; 10-17-2011 at 12:05 AM.
Reine
First... if this offends you let the other person know.
I can certainly understand why this seems strange. But when a person is presenting as female it changes the dynamic a lot. Some do this full time and others are not. When I see the avatar or picture I see you in that gender role... at that moment... so I think of you as such.
I present as both so I can understand how that in itself can be confusing. So when I say call me Debbie it sounds female and I'm fine with gender terms that are feminine. If you call me Steve which sounds masculine I'm fine with gender terms that sound masculine.
These are not terms I use in my speech. Like another person said... it could be considered a pass or come on... and this is not something I want to commonly do. I might say it to a trusted friend who I know won't mind... like a pet name... or a wild complement...."look hot" or call them sweetie or hon...
This may show my age but I have heard the older generation (like myself) use these terms to each other. BUT... and this is a big BUT... it was with someone they knew well... not just someone on the street they did not know. On occasion I have heard this said to a stranger... but it was not common and very rare.
For myself... I don't mind. I don't mind a friendly pass. I'm not married so I have no SO to offend or become jealous. But since my name here is Debbie I prefer that. If you use sanderlay... my account name... or Steve... that's fine. I am presenting as both male and female.
For you... Please let me know if I'm offending you. I will look for your name and try to use that. And for now... I will drop saying sister. I can see that it might offend some here even though you have a female avatar or picture.
PS: In public... not a forum... (because I know your name here or your account name) I've said Ma'am, Miss, or Ms to women before and had bad reactions. So I have stopped the practice. I now try to say genderless terms like... Hello... excuse me... Hi... etc... It is possible to use genderless terms that express no gender to the person you are communicating with. Using a gender term in conversation can be offensive to some.
Don't suppress who you are inside your heart. Let the world know how special you really are. Don't forget to smileas you share. It will come through in your beautiful words.
Your Sister/Brother,
Debbie/Steve
ReineD I am not saying that a lot of MtF CD's are attracted to the person who they have labeled "hot' in a post. I feel from my own experience that if I think a CD's pic is hot, and I may or may not have written that in a post, I mean the she really looks hot because of her physical look when presenting as a woman. I may also sometimes write "hot" when someone almost makes that level as a GG can, but more in support of the OP. That does not mean that I would like to "do" her. In the part of my post that you quoted I meant that some people may learn something about themselves that they did not know before, fantasy or possibility. That does not mean that they act on it. It probably fits more into the type of fantasy that some MtF CD's have about being with men. I also do not think that I am confirming every GG's fear. But then I am not the SO to a CD, so I have no experience there. I am saying that it could be possible and that may be more than she may read and understand here from someone else's post. Also in the use of words, I have heard women say that another woman is hot. I have also heard much more frequently that they like someone dress or outfit or hair. Few men that I know get into a lot of details when discussing a woman's look with another man, like complimenting them on their outfit. They do say that she looks good, hot or sexy. The people I always associate with do not get into any more detail than that. This is only my opinion and I cannot speak for others here.
This is where I thought you gave a good answer to the OP's question" "I've been around the forum for awhile and now I do understand that although my motives might be to hook someone (OK or maybe keep my bf on his toes), a hetero CDer does this for validation (although it is still my impression that CDs who are into men do this to hook someone too). Anyway, it took me a long time to understand that my SO (and the other thousands of hetero CDs) want to be validated" Now maybe I misunderstood what you were saying, but to me validation of reaching a certain level of, for lack of a better word, "hotness", is a great validation for the time, effort and abilities of the CD to show their talents and to look great in someone else's opinion.
The two aren't unrelated. If you posted a picture of yourself for your girlfriends to see--one that you thought made you look pretty--wouldn't you be posting it because you wanted positive feedback? Wouldn't you expect your girlfriends to respond in that manner? That's what girlfriends do, right? They support each other, and encourage each other? So we want to look pretty, we want our effort to be validated, we turn to other girls for that validation, and we participate in a kind of mutual admiration sorority.
If you read through the Picture and Video Gallery, the vast majority of the comments will use the words 'pretty', 'beautiful', or 'gorgeous'. Occasionally one will see 'hot' or 'sexy', but that's usually when the girl was going for that particular look, and it's just a way of telling her that she nailed it.
At least, that's true in the majority of cases. There are a certain number of CDs who desire or fantasize about sex with other CDs. I've never been hit on on this forum, though, and from what I've seen, it's not used as a dating site. I always feel safe in treating the occasional compliments I get as just friendly support. I've never gotten the kind of responses from girls here that are typical of guys trying to hit on a girl.
Therefore, the fact that Cindy's husband is complimenting other girls here on the forum is not, in my opinion, sufficient to prove that he wants to have sex with them.
The OP didn't say anything about drooling, and we weren't given specific comments to pass judgment on. If someone commented on one of my pics by describing the effect it was having on her, I'd probably read that as being a bit more than just supportive. "Oh, girl! You look so hot!" can be heard as a casual, throwaway comment. "Damn, girl. You're makin' me horny." is something else altogether, right?A GG/wife will perceive a difference between, "I love your dress, hun", and "OMG, I'm drooling, you're so hot!", whereas a hetero CD might not?
Thanks Allie. Honestly most of the time I think I understand but then sometimes I wonder if I'm not just filtering out a significant segment of the CD population who are into men, because of my own relationship with my SO. Ultimately I can only speak with authority about my own experience and no one else's.
I spend a lot of time trying to answer questions from newer GGs here and this is hard to do, not knowing their SOs or their real life circumstances. So I have a tendency to approach it with very general statements based on what I've gleaned from the membership over the years and also my own experience. A loose and unscientific average of sorts, based on my perception of what I've read. But, do I filter what I read? I know that all CDers are different, yet despite their differences they will either fit in one of three categories of sexual attraction: hetero, gay, or bi (with a small percentage asexual). We have no way of measuring if the majority of CDs are hetero, or if they are divided equally into thirds, which would then lessen the likelihood that any given GG's husband is purely hetero (which translates into being purely into their wives).
This is why your comment caused me to doubt my "unconstructed law of averages". Because it made sense. As much as I'd like to understand, my understanding can only be conceptual. I've really no idea how a gender flexible male deals with his sexuality especially when, despite what everyone says, sexual expression is such a deep rooted part of all of us. So, how can gender change and not sexuality along with it, especially when reading all the posts from CDs who do fantasize about being with men ... and whom, everyone says, are the hetero majority. Is it really just a fantasy that serves to emphasize feeling femme, or is there a real attraction that would be acted on (and enjoyed if the CD could let go of his socialization enough) if circumstances allowed it?
I hope you can all understand why GGs have such a hard time wrapping their minds around all of this and it can be particularly difficult as CDs age and experience a lessening of libido. Or if the libido was never all that high compared to the wife's.
Anyway Allie, I appreciate your response.
EDIT And you to, Sophie!
Two points you made - first about GGs posting their pics. I was talking about GGs who would post a pic more in the style of a boudoir pose in attitude and style, than a pic of herself having fun with her friends or in a prom dress. I was comparing the CDs who most definitely go for the sex factor more than the girl next door look. Second, I know the OP didn't say anything about drooling ... but I also know for a fact that she was talking about more than the use of "hun" or "sweetie" as just a form of affectionate address. She is new here and I know when I was new it was hard for me to find ways to accurately describe what I meant. The term "drooling" was mine, because I wanted to find a way to emphasize her intent and get the conversation away from using benign forms of address, since it was not answering her question.
Last edited by ReineD; 10-17-2011 at 02:20 AM.
Reine
That's a poor schema for classifying people. It doesn't account for people who are heteroflexible/situationally bi/bi-curious. It also doesn't account for the difference between fantasy and reality--i.e., that people may have fantasies that they might be willing to play around with in an artificial or controlled way, but would not want to try out for real. For example, a guy might be willing to explore his bi-curious fantasies with his wife, but not with an actual guy. He might also explore those fantasies solo, or through online encounters. There's a whole world of sexual fantasy going on inside the heads of some men (CDs or not) that their wives will never be aware of, because the husband is afraid of her reaction. It makes genuine communication difficult.
Far more important than whether he is strictly hetero is whether he is strictly faithful. That's the real issue, right? Even if a guy were 50-50 bisexual, he could still be 100% faithful. Having a larger pool of people with whom to cheat doesn't mean that he's necessarily going to cheat.We have no way of measuring if the majority of CDs are hetero, or if they are divided equally into thirds, which would then lessen the likelihood that any given GG's husband is purely hetero (which translates into being purely into their wives).
I thought part of her intent was to assess what her husband is actually saying. That's why I'm concerned about straying into the realm of the hypothetical. Differences in wording can be important, and she shouldn't take what we're saying as proof of anything. What she really needs to do is talk to him.The term "drooling" was mine, because I wanted to find a way to emphasize her intent and get the conversation away from using benign forms of address, since it was not answering her question.
Last edited by Sophie86; 10-17-2011 at 11:33 AM. Reason: With who? Sheesh...
I am often called hon by sales assistants, mostly older ones, while I am in guy mode and don't look the least bit feminine.
Vieja
That's a simple and effective response to being called anything you don't want to be called.
My first name, the one my parents gave me, has a very common nickname. I don't go by that nickname, but by my given name. Some people assume that I go by the nickname and call me that. I correct them politely - the first and second and maybe even the third time. After that, I ignore them.
Also, some people call EVERYONE "hon" or "sweetie". It may not be about you, but them. Still, if you don't like it, correct them.
I was corrected once a few years ago ...called an engineer at my last place of work Twinkle as he'd called me Wurzel when asking for me to pass the monkey wrench .
They don't half fly well those monkey wrenches .
Seriously ..... I know its only a term , perhaps trying to emulate the femanine character with an innocent pleasantry , but I just find "Hun" ( not very appropriate due to historical reasons ) , a little strange but I have to admit I simply detest the term hugs . I find it rather sickening like when you see two ladies pretend to greet each other , kissing on either cheek but not making contact at the same time loudly announcing the word " darling"
I mean Hugs .... hug what ?? Bear hug ???
Still , its all horses for courses , everyones taste is different .
I suppose to end a message with the word "hugs" is more lady like than "much groping and grappling ............. get yer coat you've pulled " Or really offend with the moniker - mate .
Perhaps we have all started to speak a fashionable language of Gobbledegook taking things way too seriously ?
So just in case -
Warmest regards .
Wurzel ....... sorry -
Shelly .
Last edited by Shelly67; 10-17-2011 at 12:30 PM.
Sophie, this isn't a essay on all the intricacies of human sexuality. It's a general statement that reflects the major groups of sexual attraction. Cindy wants to know if men who tell CDs how hot they look are attracted to them, which is a question that comes up frequently among GGs. The question of whether a husband acts on it or not isn't a part of the discussion.
Some respondents to this thread got it, but many did not. I am clarifying the questions that I know Cindy wants answered, as opposed to whether people use "hun" or "sweetie" as a customary form of address. I also spoke about how difficult it is for newbie wives to understand these types of picture comments. Please contact me privately if you have an issue with my words or want to get into an discussion on the intricacies of human sexuality or marital fidelity.
You've already answered in your post #26 that you can't give an opinion about someone you don't know, so just leave it at that.
Last edited by ReineD; 10-17-2011 at 05:40 PM. Reason: Removed a comment that Sophie felt was too harsh.
Reine
apparently you have never been to a dinner! sweetie!
Last edited by Aprilrain; 10-17-2011 at 08:08 PM. Reason: ReineD has issues
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