Purging because it's easier

[bredalee25]

Stacey,
Trust me when I say purging never works. I purged all my stuff on two occasions and here I sit dressed. My wonderful wife accepts my dressing and I dress all the time while home no outside dressing which is fine with me. Now back to what I was saying it's just gonna eat at you not having your girlie stuff until you break down and buy more. I've got some major regrets for doing it I tossed some really great skirts and tops I can't seem to find anything like them now.

So think hard before you do this as everone has said it won't change your wifes oppinion at all.

[Stephanie47]

Stacy- Normally I would counsel against purging because it does not work. However, if your wardrobe is not extensive, I would discard it. Why? Because the real issue is whether or not your marriage will survive. If you hide your wardrobe, what will happen if your wife discovers it? A breech of trust and accusations will arise. Will your wife continue to hold the cross dresser's sword above your head? I suspect she will. A person never forgets. A person may forgive, but, never forgets. Even if you can break away from your cross dressing or fetish, I suspect your wife will forever use her nuclear weapon against you. Do you want that relationship?

Secondly, you did not say whether you have children together. If you do not- DO NOT GET PREGNANT TOGETHER!!!! That will only complicate the situation.

I've been married forty years. We had our disagreements over different things other than cross dressing. But, never was there anything that made me more vulnerable than her yelling if we ever divorced she tell the world and destroy me. Our disagreement or disharmony had zero to do with cross dressing. It was her weapon- her secret-my secret-but her weapon. Sure, I had accepted her faults along our marriage road, but, I have no weapon. Why, because I have only memories of things she told me of before we married. They are disclosures that are hurtful for her. They meant nothing to me when I married her, but, they do effect our relationship-still. But, there are storage boxes of dresses, slips,foundation garments, wigs, etc that she can throw in my face. She did apologize for yelling her intentions, and, said she would never to it even if we were to divorce. Do I believe her? Do I have doubts about her sincerity? Yep!

She never brings up my cross dressing. Maybe she realized from our discussions that the man she married is still there, but, with a little twist. The woman I married is still there with a little twist.

At age 29 I would not remain married to a woman who would torment me whenever she felt like it. Marriage is a long term negotiation. If it is not, then it is a master-slave relationship.

[Jilmac]

Take it from someone who has been there and done that too many times to count, PURGING DOESN'T WORK! Your feminine desires will always be with you, they're an integral part of you, and sooner or later you will be buying more panties jeans and tops. Please accept yourself for the person you are. I know how difficult that can be when a spouse says something that makes you feel like an outcast, but for the sake of your sanity, don't let it get the best of you.

[LRoberts]

I"m also in the middle of seperation due to my crossdressing. It hasn't been a pleasant journey to this point. I've purged many times due to feeling guilty that I was "broken" and not normal. At the almost end of my journey I look back and all those purges just prolonged the inevitable conclusion that CD'ing is a part of who I am. Its not going away. I think if I had kept all the clothes i would have come to the conclusion a lot sooner. So long story short. Don't purge!

[AnitaH]

What you do about purging or cross-dressing is up to you but I must say as others have, there is a bigger issue between you and you wife at work here. Her words that hurt and play on your guilt have no place in any healthy marriage. Whatever you do decide both you and your wife need to work things out perhaps marriage counciling is in order.

Just my 2 cents from someone who's been there done that.

AnitaH

[erin8042]

Has anyone thought that we never hear from the ones that purge and are successful? I did it once and did not dress for a year, which i think was worth it. Yes, i do agree it is easy to start dressing again. But, there has to be some successful purges out there don't you think? If the choice is dress or married, i would pick married.

[Amanda22]

I think you're purging the wrong "thing" in your life. Why the need to please your wife at the cost of your own self-acceptance? This isn't going away and if you don't know that now, I'm afraid you'll realize it later, when this will all resurface and hopefully at that time you will seek respect and understanding from your partner. You use the word "ammo" in reference to your wife. How can you call that a healthy, respectful relationship?? The things you purged can be replaced so don't feel guilty about purging. Look at your relationship. Look at your self-respect. Good luck with those.

[Piora]

Has anyone thought that we never hear from the ones that purge and are successful? I did it once and did not dress for a year, which i think was worth it. Yes, i do agree it is easy to start dressing again. But, there has to be some successful purges out there don't you think?

I really think that it's not so much "if" you'll ever want to start dressing again after purging.....it's "when". I purged every single article of female attire when the family home was sold and my ex-wife and I went our separate ways. It was such an emotional and intense time of my life. Something changed in me that day, which left me without a desire to ever dress again. Fast forward 7 years. One day, about 2 years ago, I was just looking at some things online, and it all came flooding back. Suddenly, I needed to put on feminine things again. I couldn't wait to get those first few items. I'm back....and the desire is twice as strong as it ever was.

[sometimes_miss]

You love her, but does she love you, from the sounds of it, one wonders. Throwing that up in your face is an act of control, you feel humiliated, she wins.Love is not about control, or winning, it's about wanting the person you care about to be happy, how is she contributing to that. It's one thing to not like it, and not want to be a round it, or see it, these things I can understand, but to use it as a weapon, that's just wrong.
Tina B.

And if she uses it as a weapon once, she'll do it again. Be prepared to do whatever she wants for the rest of your life; and because of that, she may begin to see you as less of the masculine man she married, and that can be the beginning of the end. Tread very carefully. Prepare for the worst.
I can't ever be sure, but I think that when my wife found out, she probably started planning the split soon after that, it just took a few years for it all to come together for her. Then she used the crossdressing as blackmail to take everything I had, and then some.
Bottom line....if she doesn't like it, and you keep doing it, eventually it can easily push her past the point of no return.
Good luck. You'll need it.

[bridgetta]

Inanimate objects have no power. In the case of purging it is an external action for an internal problem. Just fabric.

[DonnaT]

It's time to do two things: (1) accept yourself fully so you won't be embarrassed about being a CDer, and (2) have a calm an rational meeting of the minds with your wife. Explain how you've accepted her terms regarding your dressing, and that she should quit using it as a point of argument. Propose that if she can't do that, then you should have the right to dress when you feel like it, even if it means she sees it.

[Cheryl T]

Purging because it's easier


[SIZE=4]Yes, it's easier, but it's not a final solution.

After all the years of dressing (I began at about 8) and all the times I've Purged I can say from my experience that it's only a temporary fix. Sometimes it was a few months, sometimes a year or two, but the NEED to express this side of my personality always resurfaced. Now that I've come out to my wife fully and we've discussed everything and she's accepting I so regret all the beautiful things I've tossed into donation bins and the trash over the years.
I thought it was necessary at the time. I thought I was going crazy from all the guilt and hiding. I thought that Purging was going to make every thing better.
IT DIDN'T!
It just made me think things were better until that day when I just had to put on a pair of stocking, or a pair of panties or a bra or a slip or a nice pair of heels. Then it all began again. The guilt and fear built up and then there it was again...a Purge. It didn't solve anything, it just delayed my inevitable face to face meeting with my femininity and my need to express it.

Purging is the easy road...but it's a dead end road![/SIZE]

[Babeba]

Stacey,

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' I would like to maybe guess that if your wife flung your eye colour out at you in an argument it would just seem ridiculous, right? Regardless of what you do with your clothing, I would like for you to try and learn how to accept and love yourself as the person you are.

So often when we fight with the people we love, we do or say things because we know it is a sore point with the other person... I'm not sure exactly why your wife brings your dressing up in fights, but what do you think would happen the next time you fight if you were to look her straight in the eye and say, 'I'm truly sorry that I didn't understand or accept myself for who and what I am enough to tell you when I should have. That was a mistake and you have every right to feel upset about it. But this is a part of me that isn't going to go away and it doesn't mean for one minute that I love you any less. You don't have to like this, you don't have to see it if you don't want to but you need to know that it's a part of me.'

I think sometimes one of the things GGs are worried about (besides honesty issues, and getting their heads around gender in ways they've often never had to think about) is that they'll lose what their man represents to them - presumably strength, dependability, and that partner they can lean on. It's important to have both people in a couple realize that anyone can have those traits. Hopefully having a little bit of confidence in yourself will help convince your wife that the core being of your person is still someone who meets her needs.

[ReineD]

'I'm truly sorry that I didn't understand or accept myself for who and what I am enough to tell you when I should have. That was a mistake and you have every right to feel upset about it. But this is a part of me that isn't going to go away and it doesn't mean for one minute that I love you any less. You don't have to like this, you don't have to see it if you don't want to but you need to know that it's a part of me.'

I'm quoting this for emphasis. I think that many closeted CDs should print it and put it in their wallets. Thanks, Babs.