relationship

[Imeni]

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you decide to follow. But it does sound like she is using the fact that you crossdress as an excuse to cheat. To try and make you feel like her infidelities are your fault, which is not the case. Just stay strong, and don't let her ruin what makes you happy.

[marlacd]

My wife just bailed on me for pretty much the same reason. One thing that really opened my eyes to my wife was the fact that she was screwed up before I even came along. And, even if I dropped my dressing for her, she would still be screwed up, because she wasn't wanting to try to fix her problems. Now, I invested 21 years in my marrage, and I gave up a ton to try to keep her happy. I gave it my all, and I've nothing that feel sorry about. That in itself, has made it far easier for me to get over getting divorced. And its "me time". I've always wondered what it would be like to be an out and about CD, and I am really going to find out. So far, I've discovered how unprepaired I really am for this, so I now have to make up for lost time. And it has been quite an eye-opening experence, for as little as I've done to this point.

My suggestion- Cut your losses, and go exploring! What do you have to got to loose, besides a wife who has clearly demonstrated that she does not respect you.

[eluuzion]

hiya b,

sometimes your are the dog, sometimes you are the hydrant, eh?

“I’M scared”
Is “scared” the correct label? How about “disappointed” or “sad”?

“I have used the crossdressing as a way to cope with it…”
Does “It” refer to your wife or to stress? Have you considered that your insecurity derived from your wife’s behavior is creating stress, and stress is the issue, not your wife. Have you retreated to CD to cope with other times of stress in your life? (not directly related to wife’s cheating?)

Stress tends to increase desires to engage in paraphilic activity (in those that have them). Giving into a compulsive behavior (to CD in your case) as a reaction to stress is not uncommon. If you view your compulsive behavior (CD) as an undesirable behavior that you have tried to extinguish unsuccessfully in the past, engaging in the behavior will exacerbate the guilt associated with an activity that you feel you are unable to control.

“…she has ms…”
“…I feel like a maid”
“…as well as the scenario that she has been cheating, …”

“Which feeds the need to crossdress as I must not be fulfilling her needs”.


Although the excerpts may be a little out of context by isolating them, you have added some of your wife’s physical traits as suspect along with her behavioral indiscretions. Seemingly in an effort to establish an external “target” or cause to be able to justify continuing to engage in what is viewed as an “unacceptable” behavior, but one …

“I don’t really want to quit…”

Have you considered the possibility that you might have two issues instead of one?
1) How to address your desires to CD
2) Your total disconnect with your wife, evidenced by both of you engaging in behavior that your partner considers totally unacceptable.

My personal perspective on marriage infidelity is that there is no logical defense to excuse or justify the behavior. It is not an action born from circumstance. It is simply a character issue. You choose to make it part of your character, or you do not. You either choose to live with those who do make it part of their character, or you do not.

As far as chances of your relationship surviving, or anything else in life…

“Anything is possible…
Unless you can’t do it.”

just my thoughts, hopefully interpreted as help, not an attempt to "beat you up"


Good Luck,