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Thread: Bi, when dressed

  1. #26
    Junior Member Caroline2tone's Avatar
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    Well, I am going against the flow. I am a heterosexual male, I have no interest whatsoever in any form of relationship with a man. However, as Caroline, all of that changes, the dichotomy of that has yet to arise but my mind identifies with the 'once naked' situation and I percieve that that will/would prove a challenge to overcome. On the plus side - when presenting en-femme I stay related to that mentally.
    Perhaps I'll report back if the situation ever arises.

  2. #27
    Heels Rock! SandyR's Avatar
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    Bi is Bi. I agree, but you are not alone I assure you. When Dressed I have times when I want to head out for a drive in a nice skirt, do some shopping get a cup of coffee and there are times I want to put on a hot little Teddy, thigh highs, heels and open the door for my date.....

    Wew......glad thats off my chest.

    Hugs!

    Sandy
    Real Men can Cook in Heels...

  3. #28
    New Member Julie in Virginia's Avatar
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    Totally hate the labels. If in girl mode u fantasize (or more) about being with a guy - is this gay? Bi? As Julie, I'm very into cute guys, but that is not how I choose to spend the majority of my life. I say explore, discover what u like, and then enjoy! Don't worry what other people think.

  4. #29
    Member Maxi's Avatar
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    You may Bisexual, but if you take an interest in CD/TG's too, would that make you a trisexual?

  5. #30
    Junior Member CO_Bobbie's Avatar
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    In the very simplest terms, if you are attracted to both sexes sexually, then you're Bi, the clothes you wear have nothing to do with it...

  6. #31
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    allyssa wrote:
    I totally disagree with the crowd...you can be whatever you want...you may not necessarily be "bi when dressed" though...it may be just a fantasy fullfillment, or wanting to conform to the role...either way, only YOU can tell YOU what you are!
    yangstyle wrote:
    I'll go out on a limb here and I know there is at least one philosopher on this board so it might take an interesting turn.

    An actor playing a role takes on the character's persona and characteristics. Method actors are known for immersing themselves in their characters to the point they have been known to remain in character even when the cameras are not running or they are not on stage. The point is that actors, in taking on a role, often absorb characteristics of the character they are portraying, sometimes, very convincingly.

    In the case of the OP, is it possible that, in dressing as a woman, he takes on the characteristics of that particular woman who, I think we can all agree, is inside him. Is it possible that he, in his drab self, loves chicken wings and beer. But, when he is dressed, he prefers cosmopolitans and tapas. So, would it be a stretch to say that the woman inside him is bisexual but he is not?

    Again, I think that by virtue of us being who we are (crossdressers), we do take on a role when we dress. Clothes, we know (by societal and own reactions) are more than just the fabric cut, sewn, and configured in certain ways. Clothes are an identity. We go to job interviews dressed one way and to a BBQ dressed in another way because they put forth an identity. Some may say they are identities.

    By the way, in drab mode, I am very conservative; when I dress, it is as s provocative and borderline ****ty woman.

    Are there flaws in this logic?
    JosieCD wrote:
    I've heard of this concept (in some cases from gay friends of mine) called "hetro-gender". This refers to a crossdresser that takes on a sexual orientation according to the gender they are presenting. You might be bi.....or you might just be enjoying being accepted and treated as a woman. From my gay friends, I've often heard this with a certain amount of frustration. That is, they might be genuinely interested only to ultimately discover that the "hetero-gender" person is ultimately just playing a role. That is, they are not attracted to the person as much as they are the idea of being treated as a woman.

    Obviously, I don't know your situation. You have to decide if being with a male is what "gets your motor running" or if it's really just being treated as a woman is what is doing it for you.[/B]
    Julie in Virginia wrote:
    Totally hate the labels. If in girl mode u fantasize (or more) about being with a guy - is this gay? Bi? As Julie, I'm very into cute guys, but that is not how I choose to spend the majority of my life. I say explore, discover what u like, and then enjoy! Don't worry what other people think.
    I also dislike labels. I think they can give an inaccurate picture of who you truly are. And yet as a society we like labels as they help us give some some comfort in categorizing actions, things, people, etc... And yet labels can get in the way of being who you are. So... don't let anyone tell you that you can't... or you aren't. This is for you to decide.

    But to answer your question... the clothes do help me get into the role... like I feel more vulnerable in a skirt compared to pants. Or being naked in heels. But I feel more vulnerable to a woman... and not a man. A man does not get my... "motor running"... only a woman. Now I do have some fantasy's... but I'm not bi. But who you are is up to you.
    Don't suppress who you are inside your heart. Let the world know how special you really are. Don't forget to smile as you share. It will come through in your beautiful words.

    Your Sister/Brother,
    Debbie/Steve

  7. #32
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Maybe the OP means she is normally hetero except when she's dressed she also fantasizes about men ... which I guess is why she believes she is bi?

    Not unlike this thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...an-you-are-gay

    Two different ways of wording the same thing, IMO.
    Reine

  8. #33
    Member Susan_Xdress's Avatar
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    If you are attracted to both sexes, then you are Bi-sexual. It doesn’t matter a damn if you are wearing high heels and a formal evening gown or a jockstrap.

  9. #34
    Moderately neato ElusiveGirl's Avatar
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    OK perhaps some clarification is in order...

    When presenting as a man, is the OP attracted to other men, men presenting as female (CD's), and/or women?

    When presenting as female, does the OP's attractions to these groups shift in any way? If so, in what direction?

    I have heard "straight both ways" as an orientation. As in only attracted to women when presenting as male, and only attracted to men when presenting as female. It isn't quite the same as bisexual, because it excludes man+man and woman+woman same-sex scenarios. Even if it is only gender play.

    Confused yet? LOL

    Someone asked if two CD's together would be gay or lesbian. I'd say half of each. Others might vote gay if they are focusing upon biology. Still others might vote lesbian if feminine sexual identity was the main issue.

    We need better labels.
    Last edited by ElusiveGirl; 10-27-2011 at 12:10 AM.

  10. #35
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Question Wait a minute------

    We know that SOME here change clothes and change their gender at the SAME TIME!

    Whose to say others here can't change their sexual orientation when they change clothes?

    I don't understand it and doesn't work for me. But then, I don't understand anyone eating at McDonalds either!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #36
    Member Elizabeth Ann's Avatar
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    Do not be surprised, Brenda, by the forcefulness of these answers to your query. For many members, you are asking them to face threats that they do not want to admit exist, to be at risk and vulnerable with nowhere to take refuge.

    We all need, or at least want very much, to have some immutable core of our being. It is the "real" us, the person we are when we are alone in the dark with our thoughts. But there is a problem with immutability. We grow older and our dreams change, we fall in and out of love, we find our needs adjusted by advertising, our politics and religion evolving with experience. And we, who think of even gender as fluid, have even less firm ground upon which to stand.

    I think this is the reason you have so many categorical statements expressed with such certainty on this forum. If "once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser," well then at least that can be added to our core being. But this makes it really frightening not to understand our gender, because we don't understand something about our core. There are usually two responses: the soul searching, agonized "why do I do this" threads, and the "don't worry, just enjoy" responses.

    We learn to live with the contradictions. Some talk about the male and female "sides" within, or that they occasionally "express" a feminine personality. We go so far as to give each side a name. But which one is the "real" us? Our core being is suddenly a little less knowable.

    So what is left to add to our core being, but our sexuality. We don't know whether we are "really" Joe or Jane, or both, but we cling to the belief that at least our sexuality is a constant in our life. If the sexuality of Joe and Jane is different from each other, then what is left of our core being? Many have responded that they are the same person, dressed or not. But something changes, or they would not bother to dress. Is it impossible to believe that some of those changes could involve sexuality?

    Liz

  12. #37
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    Hiya BT,

    Welcome
    I like your hat!

    If you start referring to BrendaT in the third person and start talking about “her” to the point of implying there is an additional separate “person (personality)” that is capable of independent thought & action which you are not responsible for…you will have a much better chance of finding some people on this forum that support that concept, lol. I am not trying to discount the credibility of those who adopt the concept. The logic and/or cognitive stretch required to support it simply does not exist in my world. (aside from diagnosed mental disorders, which I am not including as part of this topic)

    To answer your question, I do not become “bi” when I dress any more than I become a real doctor if I wear a stethoscope and a lab coat. My perceptions, character, personality and sexual orientation might appear unstable or distorted to many people…but it is always consistent and exists as a single entitity….

    Last edited by eluuzion; 10-27-2011 at 02:09 AM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  13. #38
    Yahoo me, let's chat. BrendaT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie View Post
    You will find that there are some around here that just cannot handle any kind of metaphor. So if you use a metaphor like "bi when dressed" or "male lesbian", it makes them go into full *TILT* mode. They just can't wrap their mind around it. After all, metaphors should be literally true. Right?


    I take "bi when dressed" to mean that you cannot imagine having a sexual encounter with a male unless you are in the "female" role. You want to be dressed female and treated like a female by your male partner. That's different than a cis-gendered guy that is attracted to either sex and who sees himself as a guy in any combination of sex partners. I've had those "bi when dressed" kind of thoughts before so I can identify with it to some extent. But, I realized a long time ago that I'm not really attracted to males in any way.

    Wow, didn't expect all the replies telling me what I am. I agree with the above, it is a metaphor to discribe exactly that I only find men remotely attractive when I'm dressed, and then I'm picky. I know I'm BI, I'm not confused about that at all, i was really asking a more light hearted question and I should have wrote it like this, "who here is bi and is really only attracted to men when dressed". If I'm in guy mode I might take a look at some really hot guy like Mark Whalburg, but I just don't think about it alot in guy mode. But OMG when I'm dressed I just feel much more attracted to good looking men.

    Sorry, I should have made myself more clear.
    Keep your hands off my freedom and on my

  14. #39
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    You can be whatever you want regardless of what anyone else says if you think your only bi when dressed that's fine

  15. #40
    Yahoo me, let's chat. BrendaT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by joannemarie barker View Post
    You can be whatever you want regardless of what anyone else says if you think your only bi when dressed that's fine
    Your right, this is America. Lol. You know I have never understood a man that dresses like a woman but doesn't have the same desires As a woman when dressed, but I would never presume to think I know their inner self and I would never say some absolute statement like, because you dress like a woman you must be gay or bi or anything else. I'm just not sure we still understand the human mind enough to make any kind of absolute statement about anyone else. I just try not to label people.
    Keep your hands off my freedom and on my

  16. #41
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    either you are "BI" or you aren't, you sexual orientation does not change by the clothes you wear. I mean really think about it!! That is just none sense to think a peice of clothing would change your sexual prefernce, Face the facts.

  17. #42
    Just getting my feet wet Marie-Elise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CINDYO View Post
    either you are "BI" or you aren't, you sexual orientation does not change by the clothes you wear. I mean really think about it!! That is just none sense to think a peice of clothing would change your sexual prefernce, Face the facts.
    With all due respect, I completely disagree.

    As one who did martial arts for years and competed in tournaments, I can say that my aggressiveness increased once I got into uniform and stepped into the ring. As a former soldier, I can say my uniform gave me a feeling of invincibility I did not feel in civilian clothes. Even now, when I dress, I am more careful about my eating and more considerate toward my wife.

    Does dressing change my sexual preference? Not exactly. I son't fancy men in any way, but I do find I fantasize about my wife walking up behind me and handling me as I do her when I am in drab mode. I would also be open to her being the man with the help of a toy, if you get my drift. This is something that I never fantasize about with me in drab.

    Again, I think that it's different for everyone but I do not find a change in sexual preference due to clothing to be improbable, unlikely or impossible. I find it very much in the realm of possibility and can say I have experienced shifting preferences due to what I am wearing.

  18. #43
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yangstyle View Post
    . . . I can say that my aggressiveness increased once I got into uniform and stepped into the ring. As a former soldier, I can say my uniform gave me a feeling of invincibility I did not feel in civilian clothes.
    Ah! I get it now! Your aggression and feelings of invincibility were in your uniforms and not in you. Putting on those clothes magically transferred those feelings (that were certainly never in you) to you. Wow, imagine; simple cloth that has the power to not only imbue the user with invincibility and aggression, but changes sexual orientation as well. Neato!



    Kathi

  19. #44
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    i can see why some of u say what u do and believe what u believe, could be from the way u grew up ,. some people dont believe in split personalitys some do . for me i dont like the male body regaurdless but there are day that i feel like im a female and my mood is like im looking through the world with the eyes of a female and other days im strictly male all the way . now im not turned on by the male figure at all but i love to see a sexy ******* when im in my femine mode , but when in male mode i dont see any atraction at all
    its not just about the clothes, more the feelings that emerge from whereing them,

  20. #45
    Just getting my feet wet Marie-Elise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    Ah! I get it now! Your aggression and feelings of invincibility were in your uniforms and not in you. Putting on those clothes magically transferred those feelings (that were certainly never in you) to you. Wow, imagine; simple cloth that has the power to not only imbue the user with invincibility and aggression, but changes sexual orientation as well. Neato!



    Kathi
    In a way, I suppose that's correct. Other examples are priests in the Catholic church. They perform mass in different clothing than when they go counsel folks at home. They also kiss that band (whatever it's called) before putting it on to perform any rites.

    Superman, and other superheroes, always changed before going to fight crime. They probably had the same powers in or out of uniform, but they did not have the identity.

    Take the Boston Tea Party: Why did they dress as Indians to go do that?

    I know it isn't an intuitive concept but there have been many studies done about this. Just google "clothing and identity".

  21. #46
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    Can you be more specific? If you're just day dreaming and getting in touch with your girly side...maybe you would choose a different term other than Bi. Is it a day dream you wish you would act on?

  22. #47
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    Perhaps if you have a SO that would crossdress you two could act out your fantasy. I think there are very few women who would do that though.

  23. #48
    New Member denierdeluxe's Avatar
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    Hi Brenda, no you're not alone. Just because others don't regognize it doesn't mean it's not possible. I have similar feelings: never look at a guy. as hetero as they come....but...when dressed I am the girl, and all of a sudden I enjoy showing leg to guys and maybe even more, so bi when dressed. And people, if you can't agree with that, again, doesn't mean it can't be.

  24. #49
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by denierdeluxe View Post
    . . . and maybe even more, so bi when dressed.
    It's that ". . . and maybe even more . . ." part that is the central truth, here. Doing things that you would normally never allow yourself to do or thinking thoughts you would normally never allow yourself to think - when you are simply wearing different clothing - that's just a fallacy.

    You are correct, though. Clothes do indeed have power; the power to allow yourself to admit the truth - a truth that you may never admit when dressed as a male - that you do have feelings (yes, including sexual ones) for the same sex. Truthfully, the clothes don't have the power, you do. Own it, girl! Don't hide behind your clothing as your source of desire. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel - no matter which side of the closet you get dressed from.

    Kathi

  25. #50
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    Truthfully, the clothes don't have the power, you do. Own it, girl! Don't hide behind your clothing as your source of desire. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel - no matter which side of the closet you get dressed from.
    I think this makes a lot of sense. There are so many members here who refer to themselves dressed in the third person, as if it is someone else. I can only explain it to myself by believing that the construction of a sharp division between male mode and the female persona is the only way some men can cope with the feelings of shame over needing to express femininity?

    I'm not a psychologist. This is just a sense I've developed over having read so many accounts of CDers who really do have a hard time with sharing themselves with their partners. They just don't want to talk about the CDing, as if there is a very thick internal wall, built to both protect their more vulnerable femme selves from harm, and also to prevent the outside world from seeing some of the guy's more feminine facets.
    Reine

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