Frustrated and discouraged

[Michaella]

I've heard it explained that women can look good at being feminine (if they wish) because they've had a lifetime of practice. We, on the other hand, have had days or just hours to learn it. I think that some of it for many crossdressers is just trying and giving it a chance. And some of us will never make it --- I'm getting to the point, with aging, that I think going out again is not a good idea, that nothing will make me look feminine enough. It's a shame, isn't it? Believe me, you have my sympathy. Just don't give up too easily.

Michaella

[Cari]

I had a slow start as well and would like to share some advice I received that helped.

Find something positive about every session and build on it.
Simple things like I got my lipstick on right or I picked a good color become building blocks for the next session.
I was seeing everything I needed to practice more and missing what I did right.

Another tip was to take pictures and study them the next day.
It helped me to see things better and pick areas to work on.
Same view as the mirror but so different at the same time.

Set reasonable goals - no one can meet I'm gonna look great everytime.
One of mine was to get my eyes right, it wouldn't be the only goal of a session but it was one.
I was very happy when I got the mascara on without a black mark on my nose.
The rest of me was a mess but my nose looked great :-)

And to this day even if I mess everything up; wrong outfit new makeup color didn't work right ect
I still enjoy being dressed for awhile and practice walking in heels.

It can be allot of fun experimenting and learning.

[Eryn]

I'd have to agree with that. The first picture of me that looked "pretty" was the first time out with a new, more expensive wig. It can make all the difference. Don't be afraid to walk into a wig store. I figure we must account for at least 25% of their sales.

It's the same with me. The one thing that improved my look (and my outlook) the most was a wig. It doesn't have to be expensive. Second on the list was forms. After that, makeup, clothes, shoes, more clothes, more shoes, more makeup...

[connie23]

Hi,
As I read this thread, I feel bad for you . I too, feel like my shape will never be good enough but, I went to MAC once and the SA gave me some really good advice. She helped me with makeup but she also advised me on the best clothing styles and sent me to stores to buy jewelry. It is all about the total look. I believe that you can look great but please try to find someone who can give you some coaching.
It is totally worth it. I managed to get a really cute outfit and went out a while back. I will never forget how good I felt. Please keep trying.
Hugs and best wishes,
Connie

[GBJoker]

Start out slow. Many of us have been doing this for 5 or 10 years or longer. You don't get the skills overnight! Find something you enjoy, be it makeup, playing with hairstyles, walking like a lady, or maybe you're interested in breasts. Concentrate on that one thing for awhile and read all you can here and other places on the Internet. There is loads of info out there to give you a head start. Don't stress out, have fun with it. Eventually you will gain skills in one thing and you can start practicing something else.

From my point of view, this post is virtually perfect. And the analogies are obvious.

Think of football or baseball players. They didn't hop into the sport at about middle school age and suddenly 20 years later they are making the big bucks. A quarterback sat down and said, "Okay, I'm spending all week working out my arm, and throwing, in order to gain the pure power and speed I need to put behind my throws. NEXT week, I'll work on accuracy." A baseball player, "This week I'm hitting the batting cages until I hit every single ball, next week it's on the other side, trying to catch the balls."

At the same time, I'll quickly admit I had the same feeling this past week. Tried on my Halloween stuff and instantly thought... Jeez, my shoulders are bloody huge, my fore arms are massive, and I look pregnant. Yeah... And I didn't even think about make up or any of the complicated stuff.

[AlannahNorth]

There are a few good books available for women on how to dress for your shape, or body type. Can't recall any titles at the moment but I've run across them from time to time.

You may have to dig around a bit to find one. Worth a look - it will give you a good start.

[Eryn]

A friend and I were talking about makeup and she put it very well. Most GGs have been learning how to put on makeup since age 12 or so. That is the reason most makeup books and videos seem so exoteric. They're addressing woman at the grad school level when our skills are squarely in high school. Don't worry about executing the perfect "cat eye", concentrate on getting a nice subtle makeup application first.

One has to develop a style in makeup and clothing and that takes time. GGs don't develop it overnight and neither can we. Consider your age, and body shape, then pay attention to what GGs of the same type are wearing. This isn't exactly what you want to wear (after all, one of the reasons we crossdress is freedom of choice, right?) but it will help you figure out what is reasonable for you.

[gabimartini]

Dela, it's perfectly normal to get frustrated sometimes. It's a totally new world, with a lot more options. It can be daunting, but the flipside is that there's something for everyone. You just need to figure out what looks good on you. I know it's no small task, but it's possible. Here's a little something to help you get started, in addition to what everybody else has written.

As a rule of thumb, light colors reflect light and hence make things appear bigger; the reverse is also true. So, for instance, to downplay your shoulders, try wearing garments of darker colors. Another thing is that tops that are too revealing (eg: camis with straps) or too tight emphasize your size and shape. Favor tops that cover your shoulders fully and are a bit on the loose side.

For your hips, padding helps get the right shape, but they are not mandatory. No matter what you do, just make sure you hide your "package", as it's a dead giveaway. Anyway, have you tried skinny pants (the ones that really hug the legs from the knee down)? They tend to make the hip area appear bigger.

As for makeup, there are several videos online that can guide you through the basics. Try mastering beard shadow concealment first.

And however you choose to pursue your CDing, remember to have fun!

[Laurie A]

With all the advice and encouragement I received from this thread, I took another shot at it today. After watching several you tube videos about make up, went to the super market and picked up some new supplies and tried again. Better results this time, but I don't get how you apply eye line and mascara. I'm afraid I'll poke an eye out! And the mascara goes everywhere but on my eyelashes!

[Stephenie S]

My advice?

Go slow. Most natal women do this. We start with one thing that our mothers will let us use. Lipstick. We practice this for a year or so until our mothers let us move on to, say, eye makeup. So we get practice going small at first. Teenagers rarely need foundation and makeup. That comes later.

So, do the same. One thing at a time. Get comfy with your lips. Then move on to eyes. Covering a typical male beard shadow is, unfortunately pretty difficult for daytime wear. If you don't go out in the day, this is not an issue. But enough makeup to cover a dark beard shadow in the bright sun of day just screams fake.

Any makeup counter will be able to help you with beard cover. Sephora, MAC, or any cosmetic counter in a major department store will have VERY willing employees ready to teach you all the beard cover tricks. Don't forget to buy something. That's the whole idea, right?

Skill with makeup, like any other skill, takes time to master (mistress?). It's really easy once you get the hang of it. Natal girls and women have years to practice. Don't feel bad just 'cause you can't get it in a relatively short time.

S

[Shananigans]

Women come in all shapes and sizes. Small hips, big hips, narrow shoulders, broad shoulders, big nose, little nose, small breasts, big breasts...

If all women looked alike, I probably wouldn't be bisexual. Everywhere I turn, I see beautiful women and they all look different in some ways. I'm never bored looking at them.

Sorry, but the emphasis of big hips, narrow shoulder, small nose, and big breasts is a little too constrained for me. I like to browse...and, I browse to see different forms of beauty.

Makeup can enhance your beauty...but, learning this skill takes time.

Once you get the idea of this "ideal woman" out of your head and become happy with accentuating the feminine beauty that you have, you will be much happier.

[Anna Lorree]

I'm not too far ahead of you. What I have figured out is that there are rules to dressing in clothes that look right on you. Spend some time online looking up how to dress for your body style. Some sites go by fruit names, some go by shape names. I am an inverted triangle (also called strawberry), so there are certain kinds of clothes that I should seek out and certain kinds I should avoid. To help my figure, I got some shapewear and it really DOES help!!! As for facial contours, that's all make-up technique. I haven't mastered this, but I have seen it done well where a "manly" face is shadowed and contoured to look quite believably female. Also, have realistic expectations. I have a rather "distinct" nose and a fairly square jaw, I know I will never look like a super model. Knowing that, I hope to blend in enough to pass some of the time and at least make people wonder the rest of the time.

Don't give up, girls spend their first two decades learning how to be women, we have a steep learning curve to catch up. Being beautiful takes dedication and work, so practice!!!

Anna

[docrobbysherry]

What's your hurry, Dela? R u planning to appear dressed at your daughter's wedding? Just take it easy! Try everything! Find out what u like and what u don't like! Try to suit yourself first! U CAN'T GO WRONG if u dress for yourself!

Then, after you've tried everything u've wanted to, u can step out with confidence! Knowing u look good! As good as u feel u can, anyway.

[Laurie A]

What's your hurry, Dela? R u planning to appear dressed at your daughter's wedding? Just take it easy! Try everything! Find out what u like and what u don't like! Try to suit yourself first! U CAN'T GO WRONG if u dress for yourself!

Then, after you've tried everything u've wanted to, u can step out with confidence! Knowing u look good! As good as u feel u can, anyway.

There's no rush actually, it's just that after years of strictly under dressing, I have decided to take it to a new level. With a supportive SO, there are no more excuses, so I'm like a kid at the candy store, I want it all now! I wish there was a device where I could push a button, and poof, I'd be beautiful.

After a few attempts, I am realizing how much knowledge and experience is needed. I am really in awe of those of you who do all of this so well.

The suggestions and feedback here have been very encouraging, please forgive my impatience.

[Paula_56]

I have a post-op friend who before transitioning was 6' 240lbs and hairly as can be today she's a knock-out, she once told me the biggest thing she did to become more feminine was too loose weight. She said that many trans girls don't realize what an effect that has on your over all presentation.

[eluuzion]

"If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect, why practice?"

Ok, repeat after me. Photoshop fixes everything...Photoshop fixes everything...

If CD was an easy job, there would be women and children doing it!
(I'll look forward to your letters GGs and Transmen, lol)

Hey, think positively...if you were trying to learn carpentry, you could have cut your hand off by now! Just adjust your expectations a little. Remember, work is the place where you get paid to be frustrated, angry and humiliated. CDing is like charity work. You are suppose to at least act like you enjoy working for free...

I have not met a GG yet that thought she was perfect. (oh wait, yes I have...ignore that statement...lol). I mean everybody is self-critical when it comes to appearance. Unfortunately, CDing is one of those issues that seems to fall outside of the ("It is not what's on the outside that matters, it is what is on the inside")logic when we look in a mirror. It is not a job, it's an adventure

Squint your eyes, push in on the middle of the mirror, hold your mouth open when you apply eyeliner, quit comparing yourself to Barbie, relax and realize it is a long endless learning curve...even for GGs. Have some fun with it.

oh, and ah,...Photoshop is available at any computer outlet and Wal-Mart...

[susan357]

Dela,

What worked for me recently is to goto a TG makeover service. I could never get the eye makeup part done right but my eyes looked great from the makeover. As for body type, there are so many types of close to choose from that will help your appearance. For me, I found dress that had ruffles from the waist down which helped my narrow hips look wider.

Susan

[MsJanessa]

don't worry too much about it--everybody posts their best pics---the bad ones stay in the locked file in the computer---do you have any more experienced friends who are CDs or TSs---when I first started I met a great preop (or maybe I should say non op) who really helped me with hair, makeup, undergarments etc---

[Ressie]

I get the same feelings and imagine how plain looking GGs feel trying to compete with those that have been blessed by nature. I have been applying makeup a little more in the last couple of years and still haven't a clue. But I am getting better at not poking myself in the eye applying mascara. Good lighting is important. Maybe starting at the tip of the eyelash without blinking would help. There's a normal reaction to blink that has to be overcome. I hate my stomach and long for the days I was slim.