She is interested in me?

[Noemi]

Hello,

I have a situation. A GG that I am working with is asking me, "What is my sexual orientation?" Actually inquired in an email. She is interested in dating me, but I do not know any longer if I am meant for GG's. I am comfortable in my panties and continue to lose weight and remove body hair and dress at home.
I do not present as a woman, and am not out to anyone. But do act a bit fem(normal) around women, I always feel comfortable with them. Which is probably why she is wondering if I am gay. And I am wondering what I am too these days. I do not want to deal with her, but there is a small part of me that would like to walk away from the cd'ing and date her. This has happened to me a few times with women(what can I say I am cute LOL)but now makes me uncomfortable because it makes me really take a look at who I am.
Help.

[GBJoker]

Seems to me that you're going to have to do some meditating and decide which you want more out of three options, keep CD'ing... Date her, and eventually reveal CD'ing... or give up CD'ing and date her...

I'm trying to understand why that question was even asked in a work environment. Just seems like dangerous paths to me.

[ReineD]

Well, what is your sexual orientation?

You said you don't think you are meant for GGs, but you didn't say that you are attracted to men?
So are you straight, bi, or gay?

Is this a person you could come out to, meaning is there a risk she would tell everyone at work, and if she does would this impact you negatively (I don't know how "out" you are).

If you're not out at work and don't feel comfortable telling her just yet, you could simply answer her question. If you're interested in her and are also into men, you could just say you're bi. Or, if you're not into men, you could say you're hetero but you're not looking for a romantic relationship at the moment, so maybe the two of you could do things together and become friends. And then see where it goes.

Your last comment concerns me though .. the fact that you don't like to give in to your desire to date women because it makes you question yourself. Are you on your way to transition, and does experiencing an attraction to a GG bring out more male feelings in you than you would like? Or is it that you feel that seeing a GG would take time away from the CDing?

[Noemi]

Seems to me that you're going to have to do some meditating and decide which you want more out of three options, keep CD'ing... Date her, and eventually reveal CD'ing... or give up CD'ing and date her...

I'm trying to understand why that question was even asked in a work environment. Just seems like dangerous paths to me.

Joker, Thank you for the reply. I agree I do not like to date anyone I work with and rarely do.
She is someone I could come out to, cool and smart chic.

Well, what is your sexual orientation?

You said you don't think you are meant for GGs, but you didn't say that you are attracted to men?
So are you straight, bi, or gay?

Is this a person you could come out to, meaning is there a risk she would tell everyone at work, and if she does would this impact you negatively (I don't know how "out" you are).

If you're not out at work and don't feel comfortable telling her just yet, you could simply answer her question. If you're interested in her and are also into men, you could just say you're bi. Or, if you're not into men, you could say you're hetero but you're not looking for a romantic relationship at the moment, so maybe the two of you could do things together and become friends. And then see where it goes.

Your last comment concerns me though .. the fact that you don't like to give in to your desire to date women because it makes you question yourself. Are you on your way to transition, and does experiencing an attraction to a GG bring out more male feelings in you than you would like? Or is it that you feel that seeing a GG would take time away from the CDing?

I did not mean to answer the last post three times. Do Not know what happened.....

Anyways Reine,

You do great response. There are many times that I think about transitioning. I am attracted to men, but am also attracted to some women too. However, I am in a career that I love, that my current brain works well for and would not transition.
This GG is a person who is a good match....but the sexual chemistry might not be there. I worry about this allot. I really appreciate your excellent advise, I am going with BI for the moment.

[ReineD]

The posting .. that's OK, some machines will hang and if you click the Submit Reply button several times waiting for the post to go through, you may end up with multiple posts. Also, if you want to answer two people at once, just click on the ["+] icon on the bottom right corner of each post (the Multi-Quote button), then click on "Reply to Thread". You'll see a reply window come up with both quotes and you can place your cursor under one quote to respond, and then under the other quote to do the same.

Back to your issue ... I don't know if this will also help, but many people start dating others not knowing if there will be any chemistry. You just need to see her a few times and see if things develop. The only danger would be if she develops feelings for you and you do not reciprocate them, but this happens even with couples where there are no trans issues. You would just need to be honest with her and tell her you do not return her feelings if you sense that she is falling for you.

If both of you end up falling for each other though, please, please, please be sure to tell her about yourself, along with a request to not divulge this at work because it may ruin your career. There are very few women who would be vindictive or immature enough to out a CD out of spite, and I dare say you'd have to treat her pretty poorly to have her react this way.

But, if you do fall for her and you tell her about yourself, she may surprise you and react the same way I did with my SO, which was to be supportive. We've been together for some years now.

So, do go in with both your eyes open, but also try to open up your heart a little.

[Imeni]

Reine has a good point. You don't even know if you'll like her in a romantic sense. She senses something about you that she takes comfort in, and wants to know where things may lead. Being a crossdresser has little to do with anything like dating. Like she said, if you're interested in her as a person, just take her out for supper one night. Hang out, talk. Worst case, things are wierd and nothing happens. But more often than not, even if romantic things don't happen between you two, you will at least have a new friend. One whom you said you could feel open enough to share that part of yourself with. Give it a shot.

[Noemi]

The last GG I dated was a few years back. I put all my Girl clothes in a luggage and put them in the closet(double closeted ha ha)At least I did not throw them away as i used to. It did not work with her, she was very dark and needy, and super frisky. I could not come up with my end all the time romantically. I worry about this, am I interested in women? I just keep to myself and my work, which is consuming, and my Cd'ing which keeps me happy.
I fantasize about being with men all the time too, and being the wife or GF. I do look at women too...

I like the positive message of give it a try, we could go out. Funny thing is that I am a Jazz musician and am going out with her Friday night because I will be backing her up at a restaurant. It is like an old Cary Grant movie except with a modern twist. Lets write the screen play...But really I am nervous about coming out to anyone, but resolve to be honest with her when the time is right.

[gabimartini]

[...] I do not want to deal with her [...]

Filomena, taking it from your own words, seems like you are not that interested in her, so, why bother? It's an ego booster to have people hit on you, but it's a bit deceptive to lead them on if you are not interested.

Plus, you know you can't walk away from CDing... it will always know where you live!

[Noemi]

Ya Know you are right to an extent. I only posted this because this has happened a few times in the last month. To date I have not followed up on the GG's because I do not want to deal with confronting the issue of why I shave my body and paint my toes and wear panties. One of these girls was pretty hot, which made me even more embarrassed. This particular one is a bit different more artsy,possesses depth, and is older than me. Maybe I am tired of being alone and need to take a step forward and say yes I am tg'ed but can try to have some relationships in which i am open about my sexuality and preferences. Maybe with this person, it is a chance to start a new part of my life. Thank for your input, really thank you, I am grateful.

[heel_addict]

From my experience, sexual orientation is not in any way (and shouldn't be) dependent on choice of clothing. I do paint my toenails red, wear pantyhose, skirts, leotards, high heels whenever at home, I do like to feel feminine all the time but I am sure that I am straight. I do love women and women only. Don't get confused at the point "Why should I give her a chance and start up a relationship when I will have to reveal my CDing to her and deal with her reactions". They're two separate things. You decide if you definitely need to feel feminine and then you decide if you would like her (or any other woman) to be a part of your life, regardless of the first choice. In this case, however, you should try to come out to her and reveal your special lifestyle to her as soon as possible.. Just don't let your CDing affect your decision on whether you're interested in women or men..

By the way, how old are you, Filomena?

[Rachel Flowers]

I can see your dilemma. Dating is totally the mechanism for determining whether someone is a potential mate or potential friend or potential disaster. But if you know already you don't fancy her, there's nothing to stop you being honest and saying you'd like to be friends, especially if you're right in your judgement that she'd be a cool and supportive friend. But I agree dating her as a date if you're not interested is dangerous! Good luck with this, Filomena

[TxKimberly]

What's wrong with telling her that you're not sure?

[deebra]

Tell her nicely you're not interested in dating and your sex-orentation is personal and she shouldn't have asked, if you date her and let her know you cd chances are she will tell the whole office. Good rule of thumb, if you have secrets like cding don't date those you have to work with because it might backfire and you would have to live with the fallout everyday at work. Most believe you are born with cd desires and they won't go away, so stay in your bra and panties and enjoy, don't let her bring stress and problems into your life. Stay as you are and take the time to find out your orientation and if you progress in cding. If you wantto date fing someone away from work.

[jillleanne]

Well if she is asking your sexual orientation she obviously has reason to question something other than politically straight hetero. male. Do you act feminine at work or is your voice very fem? Something makes her question you. Having said that, you did not answer the question yourself in the post. Just because you like clothing normally associated with the opposite gender does not make one gay, bi or anything else except gender enhanced and you wouldn't be here if you weren't. The only decision you need to make is whether or not to possibly date her and if you would like to date her, go for it. To answer her question of orientation tell her what you are, i.e., bi, straight, gay, etc. You do not need to mention your love of expression of the opposit gender at this point anyway, but if you need to qualify your explanation to her, you might mention that although you are hetero. or whatever you are, you are very open and would like to try new things also and have no issues with experimentation nor are you prejudice towards others that express themselves in public.

[Joanna41]

Perhaps since you mentioned she is one you could come out to...then do it and see where her orientation is...maybe she is Bi also. Invite her out for a lunch and take a stab at it and see what happens.

Joanna

[Rachel Flowers]

We're all very excitedly hoping that the reason she asked you is because she really likes you and is herself very turned on by CD men...!

Not that I want to raise your hopes to the level where you do something reckless!

Proceed with caution, you can be honest enough without making yourself hostage to her discretion. Relationships with workmates CAN work, I'm married to the woman I met in work 22 years ago, and I just wish I'd been more open (to mysefl as well as her) about dressing back in 1990 rather than back in September.

[sinead]

The gg seems a nice person thats probably why she asked by way of an email
she could of asked you in front of others which would of been embarrasing.
The best way is to answer truthfully that you are a crossdresser and leave it at that, you might add that this is between you and her as you don't want the whole workforce to know.

[Badtranny]

I went through that for years until I finally figured it out. I thought I was bi because I loved women but believe it or not it took me a long time to figure out that I didn't LOVE women. I'm not sexually attracted to them but the testosterone had me fooled because when the little guy perks up, it tends to confuse the issue. Now that I'm no longer under the influence of testosterone, women don't interest me at all yet I'm still attracted to men. So, I'm gay and I was always gay. After transition, I'll be straight.

My advice is simple, don't date women. It's not fair to either of you.

[Cindy M]

Never get your Honey where you get your Money

Dating someone at work leads to disaster many times.

I also like Melissa's response (Badtranny)

[Sherry Lynn]

Tell her that you haven't decided yet but you might be a lesbian. Be very careful what you reveal as "hell hath no fury as a woman scorned." I had a gf once that was ok with my cding and even encouraged it but when we broke up she used it as a club to beat me with.

[docrobbysherry]

Filomena, here's what I constantly tell my teen daughter, " How do u know u won't LIKE; sushie/cucumbers/surfing/concerts/Jimmy unless u try it/him?" Try these girls. Try some guys. Then, you'll KNOW if u prefer sushie or cucumbers!

[Alice B]

I would tell her the truth. That you like to wear woman's clothing and dress up. I will assume that your primary sexual intrests are as a male and that you would love to be in a relationshipwith a woman that accepts your desires. If she is accepting of this you might be the lucky one. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[Lorileah]

From my perspective right now, if you don't talk to her you will never know what she thinks or wants. I have seen this (with me even) where I suspect that the woman has an idea and they really don't. But then they love me and not how I present.

And what's to say it has to be sexual to start? Kimberly said it right, just say that you don't know right now and then let it happen. Let me tell you life is a lot more fun with friends than it is sitting alone at home watching the walls. I would not want to miss a friendship ( that could turn romantic) just because I was worried what they may think. Let her decide

[Noemi]

Thanks every one for their input.
I still have not decided what to do. I am going to see her Friday night. I am 42 and at this stage in life when ladies see a single man that has no kids they get their wheels spinning. I look masculine and I would say that I blend in to society well, so women perceive me as normal. Until they get to know me and I mention that I am home watching Doris Day movies or some thing like that...then they say hey real men don't rent Liz Taylor movies and Doris Day LOL!!
It is a confusing life being a cd'er or tg'ed or whatever. Than on this board there are many stripes of gender too. Many cd'ers that are straight, some that are not...
I am leaning towards talking to her about myself, telling her I am BI...and just being friends.
I wish I was not working with her, than it would be easy, I just would not call her back or something....Anyway I am writing too much. I would rather be listening to what you all say it is a big help, thanks again.

[BiancaEstrella]

That's the other thing - liking Doris Day, Liz Taylor, Barbra Streisand, RuPaul, whomever doesn't determine your sexuality either. "What real men do" is a hyper-active way to keep men monolithic and none of us here are, well... that.

If you're going to hang with her (since I'm wholly unable to talk you into or out of it), do it with no sexual undertones. Don't mention sexuality and don't position yourself to where it will come up. You're going to have to figure out your comfort level with her outside of work before you tell her about something as sensitive as your cross-dressing... or your sexual orientation.