I'm a new member and this is my first post. Over the years I have gone from occasional dressing when I was a teenager to now dressing full time in my home as a senior citizen. My wife is the only person that knows and we both have kept it a secret and want to keep it that way. Looking back it has been a steady progression. Always one step further. It's like something was pushing me or driving me and I couldn't resist any longer so I would give in. Now I have that same feeling and it is pushing me to "kick it up another notch". The trouble is that if I kick it up any further I will be a full fledged, grade A transexual and I don't want to go there.
I want to stop this train and get off. Heck, I would like to slam it into reverse and go backwards. I don't like the journey I'm on any longer but I seem helpless to stop it. The drive to go further is unrelenting. It won't leave me alone. It doesn't give me any peace and quite frankly it scares me. Is this how I'm going to spend my "golden years"? Fighting this battle that I don't think I can win. Do I have to go down the road that ends with SRS before I can find inner peace. My dear wife deserves more than that but she has also said she will stand beside me whatever happens.
The reason for writing is that I am reaching out. I'm looking for anything that could help me understand what is going on. Does anyone have any knowledge if the process can be stopped. I thought I read somewhere about "mind exercises" that may help. Is there any truth to that?
I have the impression that most of the people here look forward to going further on their journey and I wish them all well. Part of me wishes I could just resign myself to doing the same and embrace my dominant feminine side and become the real woman that I am inside. I enjoy and find release being dressed as a woman and I like being the more understanding, more kind, more gentle person I become when I am dressed. But there is still another part of me that doesn't want to go down that road and all that entails. So I hope I don't offend anyone by giving my side of the story because every story is a little different. Is anyone going through or has anyone had a similar experience?