I'm not very passable, although I was somewhat blessed in the hips department, which was really noticeable back when I was 145 lbs (I'm 5'9). I loved it and I got lots of attention from men and women.
Still I don't think of myself as that feminine (I can certainly play the masculine role) but it often feels just that, a role. But back when I was slimmer and more presentable as a Cd I would get confused - which one is the role, masculine or feminine?
There was this one time I was dressed in woman's slacks, heels, a cami and a woman's suit jacket and I managed to do my make-up somewhat okay and this wave of euphoria came over me. I don't know why that particular outfit did it, but I felt so intensely feminine and I wanted to stay that way, it felt so comfortable and pleasant. I didn't wear that outfit out, but I've worn some pretty short skirts to clubs and I've always been able to walk really well in heels, yet I've never felt as feminine and natural as I did that time I dressed at home.
I've had a few similar moments to that one but not as intense, although I did love the feeling, it was the most calm I've ever felt.
As a Cder from a young age with TS thoughts from an even younger age I, like so many here, wrestled with embracing and repressing my feminine desires.
Once I became a teenager I chased girls like all the other boys, although not nearly as aggressively, but not because I wasn't interested, just because It wasn't my nature. Again like so many here I wanted them, but I also wanted to be them.
Now that I'm forty I find myself wondering, do I wish I'd let myself pursue my feminine side more? I always felt I was honest with myself but now I feel like I've repressed a lot more than I was willing to admit.