excuse me where can I try this on?

[cdtraveler]

Ok I'm still closeted but have recently begun shopping (in drab at present) at department stores and mostly by walking by a section quickly (usually several times scouting things out) then diving in for the quick bombing run before beating a path to the self check out lane...but would really like to begin pushing things a bit more I.E. taking my time in the dress isle for instance then maybe even trying a thing or two on. Would just like to hear about your first experience doing something similar then little bit about how that's changed over time. Maybe a bit abut a recent shopping trip?

Just love how your experiences are spurring me on!

[avery.j]

The last time I was in a store was a week ago. I first looked at some men's clothing and found a shirt I needed. Then I went to the women's section and went through the entire collection of cardigans and sweaters in my size. There were two other women shopping in the same aisle and I was checking out stuff alongside them. I don't go out dressed, so yes I was in my usual jeans and sweatshirts.
As I crossed these two women, one was in mid twenties around my age and the other looked slightly older in her thirties, they both gave a very pleasant smile (one that is like a unsaid greeting). Then I picked up two items of which I finally bought one. I was holding both the shirt I picked first and the cardigan sweaters from the women's section and I asked the salesperson for the fitting room.
I have worried about shopping excursions before but now I can do it with so much ease. Businesses only want good customers and I wonder if they really care who buys what. My experience of last five years of shopping tells me that more relaxed you are the more pleasant is the shopping experience.

[Diane Smith]

To be comfortable, I think you need to choose the environment carefully for your first shopping excursion. Pick a store that is part of a national chain (and may have corporate policies in your favor) but go when they are not terribly busy, say on a weekday morning. In my neck of the woods I would recommend Dress Barn. Find something -- anything -- you like, make eye contact with an SA and ask, politely but confidently, if you can try on the item. Once you make it to the fitting room, you're over the summit and it's all downhill from there. The second time will be easier and the third time will feel completely normal and natural.

- Diane

[Kate T]

I started by shopping in Op shops. The staff are generally lovely and most of the time make no comment about who it is for or why you are trying it on. I had one lovely lady who after trying a few things on we started joking sround about exactly how to put on some of the shall I say pieces of fabric, clothes would be a bit of an overstatment for these items.
Once you've done this a few times it builds your confidence then it's easier to go to mainstream stores.

[LeaP]

I don't ask, I simply take the item to a men's dressing room.

Nothing has really changed. The first time was the hurdle. I had a recent problem looking at shoes, where I was uncomfortable trying them on with people all around. But if there's a dressing room, no issue. I don't use attended dressing rooms - no point in calling attention to yourself.

The fear is ridicule and rejection, along with the emotional consequences. The answer is to just keep collected. 99% of it is in your head. The other 1% can be dealt with calmly.

Lea

[Joanna41]

Shop at places without an attendant by the dressing rooms. Kohls and sears are great. As far as looking...just pretend your the only one looking. Nobody cares what you look at in the stores...just browse through and pick out out what you like. Have fun with it...

Joanna

[kimdl93]

There really was nothing to it. I bought some pantyhose and panties at Target. Nothing else. The cashier, if she noticed, didn't make any comments. My first time shopping en femme was a little more nerve wracking because I just started venturing out. As it turned out, the SAs were cool, I tried on several outfits, got some great deals and my nervousness subsided.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi, I found that the first time was definately a high hurdle to get over, but once you have conquered your fears it does feel completely natural.

I like this reply from Diane.

Find something -- anything -- you like, make eye contact with an SA and ask, politely but confidently, if you can try on the item. Once you make it to the fitting room, you're over the summit and it's all downhill from there. The second time will be easier and the third time will feel completely normal and natural.

A chain store which stocks male and female lines are easier because you can go largely unnoticed, and use the male changeroom. The stores that are femme specific are more of a challenge, and believe me, much more of a buzz to shop in. In my experience the SA's are well trained (at least in my locality anyway) and CDers are treated just like any other customer. Not only I have never had any trouble trying on a dress in either guy mode or out en femme, but I have had the SA's literally falling over each other bringing me all sorts of things to try on.

All you have to do is get over your own fears.

Good luck with it all.

Tash

[PretzelGirl]

I agree that I also think that trying things on at any chain that has unmonitored men's changing rooms is easy. So go there. But you still have to go through the racks and get some clothes to try on. There is nothing that makes it a little easier, you just have to do it. What I wouldn't do is go to a rack and every time a lady gets near you, you move away. That is telling. Just keep looking at what you want to look at. It is no big deal, but you do have to do it some to convince yourself.

[EllieOPKS]

Another thought process. I have spent years buying stuff for my wife and never gave it a second thought. Then I go out with the intention of buying something for me and all of a sudden I feel like satellites are zooming in, security is racing down the halls, and the SA's are training cameras on me. Now I have finally settled down and have my mind set that I am shopping for someone else, which is true, Eli is shopping for Ellie. Now if a SA says may I help you? I usually answer yes you can. I pick out the things for Ellie to try on first, fold them over my arm where they are not recognizable, grab a shirt or some jeans in the mens section and head to the dressing room. My be something you want to try, it works for me.
Ellie

[Anita Luken]

Good Morning Lovely ladies. I have have had two occasions now where I have bee out shopping and asked questions. The first time I was fully dressed and shopping at Penny's. It was a cool fall day and I had taken girly winter jacket off and was shopping in the dress department. I am always scared when out dressed and don't make contact with people except SA's. Well, I was rather shook when I hear a ladies voice behind me asking for advice. I turned around to see who she was talking to and she was talking to me. EEEKK!! She asked me a question about where to find a piece of ladies clothing. I do not have a feminine voice but knew what she wanted and I pointed her in the right direction and told her where to look. Her eyes opened a bit wide and she apologized and said "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were a sales clerk." I didn't think I passed but it was soooo scary and exciting and I felt quite complimentary to be approached like that. Love hearing from all of you.

[SquirrelGirl]

I see men in the women's department pretty much every time I go shopping and don't think a thing about. When I was married my husband loved to buy me clothes and jewelry. I think you're experiencing a little anxiety is all.

[Jilmac]

I started buying my own clothes before many of the big box stores existed. Most of what I bought then was lingerie and to try it on I would choose the items I wanted and take them along with several men's items (shirts, pants, etc.) into the men's dressing room. When I was satisfied with the fit, I would replace the men's items and pay for the lingerie in the women's dept. If I was asked who it was for (which was very seldom), I would say it was for my wife. I also want to say that I was deep in the closet then but my desire to wear panties out weighed the fear of being outed.

It took many years to get where I am now but now I can shop in any store, in any ladies dept, choose as many items as I want, and take them into the ladies dressing rooms, try them on, and pay at any register because I'm able to pass and blend in with the other women in the store. With stores like Target, Walmart, and Kohl's it's easy to place female items under male items and try them on in the men's dressing room. If you still need to use the self check out, you can pay without anybody noticing.

[bridget thronton]

Once in a while I will get asked if I need a gift receipt when I checkout. There are only 3 ladies stores I shop at (Avenue, Kasper, Dress Barn) in each case they ask me if I want to try on my selections before I buy them.

[Heisthebride]

For years I have shopped via the Internet which can be hit and miss as far as sizing goes. I am lucky enough to have large national chains like Macy's and Nordstroms available to me. I had an idea of visiting the personal shoppers page and setting up an appointment. A sales person called me back and I explained my situation. She was very helpful and asked what I was looking for. I was able to tell her my features and where I had fitting issues nd my style preferences.

I set up an appointment to try on some items. She was very helpful bringing me to a fitting room with several items already picked out. She offered assistance with zippers and offering her opinion on size and fit. She went out and found more item for me to try. It was fantastic. I'm sure you could look on the web sites and have some specific items set aside too. I did buy a dress and blouse so she got her commission. The best part was they have in house tailors who fit the waistline of the dress and I came back a week later to see that it fit correctly.

Kudos to Nordstoms for stepping up and treating me like any other paying customer.

[Karren H]

I hardly ever buy anything without trying it on... And don't ask to try them I just go... Typically its in the men's dressing room if not enfemme and if its close but if enfemme or the men's it too far away or on a different floor I use the women's dressing room.

[Cheryl T]

Take your time...no one cares who you are when your shopping. Men buy for wives, daughters, girlfriends all the time.
Just shop as you would normally or you will draw attention. Then if you want to try something on just go to the men's fitting room. Who cares if someone gives you a look, unless you happen to know them.

[Roberta Marie]

I have to second the recommendations for Dress Barn and Avenue, and add Lane Bryant to the list. These stores are frequented by crossdressers and usually the sales associates do not even bat an eye when a man asks to try something on. Lane Bryant, in the forums section of their web site, even has a form called, "Men Who Shop Lane Bryant" which is comprised of CDs. And one thing that is gender neutral is cash. They don't care if it's a man or woman spending it, as long as you're spending it in their store.

The last store that I was in was a Walmart in Columbia, SC. We stopped there while driving home from Florida (we went on a cruise) to pick my wife up some jeans, since we were driving into colder weather, and I got some leggings. I was dressed. My wife enjoyed, and was even laughing at the reactions of some of the other shoppers. I guess they don't see many crossdressers down there.

While we were in the Bahamas (I was in guy mode) we stopped into a shop where my wife found a pair of wrap pants and top that are both beautiful and comfortable. When I started looking at them, the SA said, "Oh, that's not the size your wife needs." "This may sound a bit strange," I started, "but I'm looking for one for me." Her eyes got big as did her smile. "Yeah, this would fit you. Do you need me to show you how to put it on?"

If you shop far enough away from home, who cares what others think. Chances are that you will never see these people again. So, drive to the next town (or further) where it's not likely that you'll run into anyone you know, and have fun shopping.

[Cindia]

I used to worry about people watching me, but not anymore. Most people don't care. Kind of fun to wonder if they're thinking about me wearing the dress I'm looking at.

For dressing rooms, Kohls usually doesn't have an attendant, so pretty easy to get in tot the mens dressing room there. Target I will take a mans shirt or something along with what ever else, the attendants usually aren't looking too closely. Day time during the week is definitely best, less people, less kids.

My best experience was at a Torrid in the mall. I was returning a skirt that was too big. Got to watch the sizes in the plus shops, you're not as big there as you are usually. It was really dead, so I told the sales girl "if you haven't guessed, this is for me. Would I be able to try it on?" Pretty much no other customers around, so she even brought me a few other things to try, suggested shoes to go with it. She looked a bit disappointed that I didn't get the shoes (great style and fit but wrong color), but she sold me on some fishnet thigh highs and a garter belt that I hadn't planned on getting.

[Jodi]

I have shopped openly in guy mode for the last 11 years. I generally shop in women's clothing stores, ie BCBG, White house/Black Market, Cache, Guess, etc. In the stores where I am known, the SA,s routinely set me up a fitting room. In a new store, I just tell the SA the outfit is for me and I'd like to try it on. Have not had a problem

The SA's actually thank me for my honesty. It let's them do their job. SA's have told me many storys of cd's shopping for themselves who will not be open. Most all of them know. They just wish the cd's would be open with them.

Jodi

[Robin Lee]

All the big national stores just like your money. In boy mode years ago I would just go to the men dressing room. Now days I am dress all the time. So when in Rome, do as the Roman's do! Enjoy your self out shopping, its your cash.
Best Wishes
Robin Lee

[KellyJameson]

I keep a small tape measure with me because there seems to be no logic to the number system used. I did this to save time so I would not have to carry so many items to the changing room but a funny thing happened on the way to the forum. During the occasional chit chat with other shoppers they would always assume I was buying clothes for my wife (when I'm shopping in guy mode) and I did not want to make a mistake in "her" size so if you want to travel in incognito take a tape measure with you for practical reasons and enjoy the side benefits.

The real fun happens when you stop shopping in drab, thats when things get super interesting but nothing wrong with small steps. If you respect your comfort level you are less likely to make others nervous.

[Eryn]

I kind of slid into shopping "sideways." Before I really acknowledged my dressing to myself I had been married for some time. I would go shopping with my wife. She'd go to try something on and would sometimes leave her purse with me for safekeeping. This left me standing there with nothing to do. I'd amuse myself by shopping around for other items for her to try. (I wasn't buying anything for myself at that time) Often I'd find a gem that we had overlooked before.

So, I spent quite a lot of time in drab, shopping my way through the racks, with a purse slung over my shoulder and a couple of garments over my arm. If confronted, I had the perfect excuse, that I was waiting for my wife who would soon reappear. So, how many times was I confronted? Zero.

When I started shopping for myself I remembered that lesson. No anxiety required. Shop, find items I like, take to dressing room appropriate for my presentation, try on, reject, or buy.

[lingerieLiz]

Rebecca is not Nordstrom's service great. I picked out a couple bras when I was in Chicago at their store in drab. As I was looking a young SA asked if she could help me. I said, I'm not sure about the fit. Presto I was in the dressing room, lingerie department, trying them on. The dressing room was actually busy, but no one seemed to care. She came back and asked if I needed anything. Nice part was that whoever was in that dressing room had tried on a bunch of long line bras (bride type) and she was my size. Of course I tried on a couple. Same great service in NY. In Houston the SA suggested that I use one of their special customer's dressing rooms as they were more private and she would be happy to assist me.

I don't fret much about what people think. Have had some interesting conversations while in the lingerie department. One seventyish lady was really impressed that I was at ease retrieving bras and recommending sizes for my wife and her friend as they were trying them on. She told me she thought more men should be that knowledgeable about them. I do notice that some women don't seem to feel comfortable shopping for panties with me in the aisle.

[sanderlay]

In the days I bought items without trying them on was just crazy but still a thrill. Even when I had figured out my sizes, styles would be an issue in the fit. When I got home I had many rejects that were donated. But my money is as good as the next person and the stores want customers. So I perceived.

When I came out and dressed in public it changed the experience big time. Mind you I was not in fem. I was and am in mixed gender clothing. When I wanted to try on a skirt I took it to the men's or unisex dressing rooms. No one has ever said a word and I have been treated with respect.

Now trying something on is part of the experience. I'm very choosy and ask questions of sales persons whenever I need to. I do try to avoid crowds and give other shoppers some space especially in the lingerie department.