Do you KNOW yourself? Are you BEING yourself?

[suchacutie]

Great thread, Anne, and it strikes a tremendous chord in me!

One Friday morning in August 2005 my wife and I left for an overnight together. I was a "normal" male as far as I knew. 24 hours later I was, for the first time, dressed in stockings, heels, and garter, and my wife and I had been looking on the internet for a dress for the person we soon named "Tina". It was at that point that I was faced with the fact that I did NOT know myself, and had not for 55 years. It was a bit of a shock, but that shock also propelled us to "fix it"! How to fix it....get to know Tina, who she is, who she has been, and who she might be.

There have been many threads asking, "why do you dress". I have no idea what the answer might be 10 years from now, but right now I need to "make a life for Tina" (my bi-line here) in order to "know myselves"! In our opinion, the only way to know about Tina is to BE Tina.

So, the direct answer is: I know myself better because Tina exists, and I know myself better every day because Tina exists.

[LeaP]

[SIZE="2"]I am a solipsist. Case closed…[/SIZE]

Freddy, you're the only other person I've encountered that described themself that way.

On the case closed, though - solipsism doesn't invalidate reality, it just constrains it. Ie, we're subject to it, even if we create it (assuming the stronger solipsist view, anyway) and, moreover, don't always know what's been wrought!

It would seem to render cognitive dissonance and other kinds of self-conflict moot!

Lea

[Torrey]

Or, as Stephen King once said, "Tis the tale, not he who tells it."

[Alice Torn]

To fully understand the human mind, and life, is a little like understanding the mind of God. Limitless Always learning, creating. Carol, thanks for sharing about taking care of you father, through those very tough years. I am in a similar situation, as my father's mental faculties are failing now. he is 90. My mom is 91 with Alzheimers. I often felt like a human "doing" rather than a human "being", and will be going through a dark night of the soul soon. Thanks for this great thread, and posts!

[GBJoker]

I do know myself. Well enough to know how I'd react in any random situation. But I'll never be myself.

[Suzy Parker]

I am she, she is me, we are one.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I am fully myself and paid a huge price for it.


Julia

[Stephanie47]

Sorry Anne but your post was like reading some secret note that strangers aren't supposed to decipher.
What did you discover?
What are you doing now that you weren't doing before?
If you discovered yourself then what did you find?
If you are now being true to yourself, then what is it that you are actually doing differently now?

See what I mean?

Scarlet,I am with you. So, where are you going? What goals do you have? What are the consequences of choosing the new you? How will they effect others?

I know going to my grave I abandoned certain goals because I had to consider others involved in my life. Sometimes the grass on the other side of the fence is not greener.

[ReineD]

So, where are you going? What goals do you have? What are the consequences of choosing the new you? How will they effect others?

I have a feeling that at this point, Anne is detecting a shift in self-awareness, but it is inchoate. This is common for people who shift from thinking "this is something that I do", to an awareness that "it is a part of who I am".

Anne needs time to make sense of it all for herself, and also recognize how this awareness shift affects the other aspects of her life which are also very much a part of her.

I don't blame Anne for not being definitive right now.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Having a realization is a powerful thing in anyone's life
...Especially if the realization is that you start to understand yourself as a woman, and you've lived (are still living) the life of a man....all of sudden your life feels like a big lie....

As Julia points out, the costs of changing your life to live an authentic existence can be enormous..
..the costs are so high and so many, that many choose (or try to choose) the life of a man, only to find the costs are even higher...

The stakes involve feeling like you are alive...if you can feel alive and useful as guy...forget about transition unless you are totally comfortable with yourself.....you'll hate it..

take all the time you need, seek out support from wherever you can find it, get your head on straight, try to make good short term decisions and above all be honest with yourself and others..take good care of your loved ones, help them cope, and you will need all your coping "mechanisms" to make it..

one way to cope it is to write...laying it all out like this is fearless and above reproach..
it may even serve to help others that are suffering all by themselves, afraid to post what they really feel, or afraid to post at all....

[docrobbysherry]

Having a realization is a powerful thing in anyone's life
...Especially if the realization is that you start to understand yourself as a woman, and you've lived (are still living) the life of a man....all of sudden your life feels like a big lie....

As Julia points out, the costs of changing your life to live an authentic existence can be enormous..
..the costs are so high and so many, that many choose (or try to choose) the life of a man, only to find the costs are even higher...

The stakes involve feeling like you are alive...if you can feel alive and useful as guy...forget about transition unless you are totally comfortable with yourself.....you'll hate it..

take all the time you need, seek out support from wherever you can find it, get your head on straight, try to make good short term decisions and above all be honest with yourself and others..take good care of your loved ones, help them cope, and you will need all your coping "mechanisms" to make it..

one way to cope it is to write...laying it all out like this is fearless and above reproach..
it may even serve to help others that are suffering all by themselves, afraid to post what they really feel, or afraid to post at all....

Kaitlyn, and EVERYONE! NEVER feel your life has been wasted or that you're living a lie!

Life is NOT a test! U DON'T score high or fail! It's a process and it's different for EVERYONE! If u think of it that way, you'll realize u HAD TO LIVE THE WAY U HAVE TO GET TO WHERE U R NOW!

It took until NOW to figure out what and where u r. U can CHANGE what u r doing and where u r going at ANY TIME! Don't look back except for references! ! Keep looking forward and you'll be fine!

[Jenniferathome]

I know myself but only recently I am finally being myself. This is only because I came out to my wife. I often think about the wasted years fretting and hiding, of course I probably saved thousands of dollars in clothing costs, but what a shame I didn't have the courage to come out sooner.

[RachelZ]

I'm only 20 so who knows where the hell I'll end up... but I'm definatly being my self. You can tell that by the pride flag and my negligent attitude toward proper grammer.

[xcross23x]

I am only starting out on my journey of discovery. I am trying to be true to myself but at the moment I dont really know who I really am. I hope to find out one day but right now I am just enjoying my period of discovery.

[sometimes_miss]

I think I know myself about as well as anyone can. Yet, there's plenty about the rest of the world that I don't know, and I'm still learning after all these years.

[Pythos]

During my normal daily life, I live in partial denial. When I start flight instruction I will be concealing a side of myself, and the only thing keeping me happy will be the flying.

That being said, when I am with my friends, or my love, or clubbing, I am truly myself. I am in no denial. I look how I like, I act like me, and I am with others like me.

When I am home, I once again am partially in denial.

Anne, I hope your path leads to what you want and need. Good thought inducing post.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kaitlyn, and EVERYONE! NEVER feel your life has been wasted or that you're living a lie!

Life is NOT a test! U DON'T score high or fail! It's a process and it's different for EVERYONE! If u think of it that way, you'll realize u HAD TO LIVE THE WAY U HAVE TO GET TO WHERE U R NOW!

It took until NOW to figure out what and where u r. U can CHANGE what u r doing and where u r going at ANY TIME! Don't look back except for references! ! Keep looking forward and you'll be fine!

Yep!

I think realizing that to get to today, you had to go through everything up till now is a pretty good way to think of it....

doing a good job learning from your past is important to quality of life, unfortunately it very often includes some pretty terrible things.....
i guess its true for everyone in all facets of life..

[Debutante]

"Know thyself" -- this saying was carved into the archway leading to the Delphic Oracle's chamber's, in Delphos, Greece.

The journey that is ours to do as transgendered, crossdresser, transexual, is to go deep into ourselves and know oneself as one tuly is. This is often so hard!
We have inner blocks, delusions, wounds, and pain.... we have family issues, we have gender roles expected of us, we have immense social pressures to behave as the assigned gender at birth... we are on a journey of self-discovery... it is a spiritual journey, like it or not.

"Know thyself" -- a truly awesome path to wisdom....

[Cynthia Anne]

To know oneself, one must trust oneself! To be oneself one must beleive in oneself! Thank you Anne for the words of wisdom once again! HUGS!

[PamelaHowit]

2 Years ago if anyone said i would become a member of a CD forum I'd have punched them. Now after meeting my beautiful partner at work i was gradually introduced to Crossdressing. First it was lingerie, followed with make up. To full dressing. I know who I am and who I want to be.

[CassieV]

I'm not 100% sure who I am yet, but I'm getting there, and I'm liking what I see so far.

[k lynn]

For me If I look into a mirror and I like who is looking back then I am happy for many years I didnt like who was looking back but for the last 9 years after facing and admitted who I am a happy person.