Getting tired trying

[Maria 60]

I just can't believe the way things work out for me. It's like I am fighting against a big monster and can never win. I complained on threads in the past about this but it's just amazing how things work out. Last night i came home from work and my son had asked me if he could use the car to go out for dinner with some friends. My daughter was going to be home from work at seven, so i figured that my son was going out at 7:30 and my daughter would be home at 8, the way it usually happens. My son surprised me and said he had to pick up a few friends and he was leaving now. I looked up at the clock and it was 4. OMG i have almost 4 hours to dress. I got dressed minus make up because i was to tired for that. I went to get a bottle of wine downstairs and when i came up with the wine my wife told me that my son had just texted her and there's been a change of plans and he's bringing his friend's here to hang out, and told me to get changed that they were on there way and would be here any minute. Wow that's f#^king amazing that out of all the place's 19 yr old kids would want to be on a Friday night, these kids want to hang out in my basement. What a waste of time getting dressed and i was so tired to. My wife said this always happens to me, last Friday i had dinner plans with friends and from the minute i got home from work at 4, went out for dinner came home around 10 the house was empty, half in hour later my kids came home. It's like when iam out, there out, and when i am home there home, and one come's home and other go's out and for some reason there,s never more then a hour that someones not home. It's just f#^king amazing. It's like no matter how hard i try to work it out to get some time it never works out. Sorry i think iam starting to sound like a broken record, but thought i would share some of the struggle's of being a closet dresser. Not that any here of you already know.

[Raychel]

I feel for you Maria, the same thing happens here all the time. My only salvation is there are morning when the teenagers will sleep in, And I am always up with the sun. So if I am luck I can get a couple of hours on the weekends.

Just be patient, Your time will come.

[Babette]

Maria, I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune. Try looking at it this way, at least those kids are safe in the comfort of your home instead of running around where they shouldn't be. It sounds to me like they are old enough to be moving away from your home in few years. So enjoy what time you have to spend with them now because soon you will be having a lot more for yourself. This is probably not what you wanted to hear but as the cliché' says, when life hands you a lemon, then make lemonade.

Babette

[josee]

Such is the life of a parent. I have to go to the bathroom to get any privacy around here!
Then I think, in two years my youngest will be gone off to college and/or starting his life on his own and then I treasure the moments I have left with him.

[LeeAnnRose]

Sometimes a day off from work to unwind is EXACTLY what you need. So glad there is PTO! Now if I could just get that working from home deal I would be set!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Maria, Anytime you can spend time around the kids is a blessing, even if it's with their friends hanging around in the basement. Too many teens get into trouble 'hanging around' . I agree, it's frustrating and you DO need time as well. Mayby you need a 'sick' day from work while they are in school ?


Hang in there Hon !

Kelly

[SusanLCD]

You're right. It's so frustrating to have your time dictated by the whims and desires of others. Sons, daughters, spouses, landlords, plumbers, auto mechanics, bosses, "etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."

As Babette said, be glad that your children are safe within your home. I would add that you might take pride in the fact that they chose to be there instead of other places. They must feel that your home is a safe and [relatively] fun place to be (although they would never admit to it.)

Others would remind us that our cage is one of our own making. We would be paroled if we were to come out of the closet. But, the fear of losing what we most treasure is too high a price. So, we rail against the bars until our sentence is up.

This phase will be over in a surprisingly short time. Your children sound like they're approaching the time when they will depart to live their own lives. So, try to take solace by enjoying the experiences you can still have with them. When they move on, you will only have the memories of those times.

Be assured that we know what you're feeling and wish you the strength to endure the frustrations. Marriage and parenting are both the most frustrating and the most rewarding things anyone can undertake willingly. And they're worth every tear that you cry.

[Piora]

It's like no matter how hard i try to work it out to get some time it never works out. Sorry i think i am starting to sound like a broken record, but thought i would share some of the struggles of being a closet dresser. Not that any here of you already know.

Hey, BE a broken record. This is where you come for advice and to vent. We listen and help each other on here. It's what we're all about. I do sympathize with your frustration.

It won't always be this way. There will soon be a time when they will have their own lives, and you'll have tons of time to dress whenever you choose. You don't mention their ages, but I'm guessing they're around 18-22? The thing is, you're having difficulty trying not to resent them for always 'being there'. Believe me, there will be a time when they will be gone and you will really miss them. My daughter was with me for 25 years. She only recently moved out, and I miss her so much. We're very close and I'm finding it really hard without her.

My point is, don't resent your kids for wanting to be there. Lots of parents don't know where their kids are half the time. Those kids don't WANT to be at home. Be thankful your children feel happy and comfortable in your home. I can also understand your need for privacy so that you can dress more. But, you will get there.

[KarenS]

Maria,
I can certainly identify with your plight. And, it is frustrating as the dickens. I wish my daughter could plan more than ten minutes in advance. She is so unpredictable.

One evening my wife was out of town and my daughter was supposed to be at a friends until the next morning. I dressed and went out - boi bag in the trunk fortunately. I came home dressed, parked in the garage, closed the door, and entered the house. Something didn't feel right - a soda can on the kitchen counter that wasn't there before - and there I am fully dressed including makeup. I went back to the garage, opened the door and got back in the car. As I was driving out the door, I looked back and could see my daughters girlfriend peeking between the blinds. I don't think I could feel my legs for two hours for being so shook up.

Nothing was said so I don't think they understood really what the situation was.

[JenniferR771]

I am right there with you Maria. My wife is OK with my dressing...IF...I get dressed only while she is at church every Sat night for 90 minutes. Sigh. I am getting faster with makeup. But see avatar. And Profile.

[Suzy Parker]

Hang in there, you will get some time to relax. I do know exactly how you feel. Suzy rearely gets out of the closet anymore. To many things going on and to many people cycling in and out of the house. Only have one child now at home, the others are off on their own, so chances are slowly starting to open up a little more frequent. The bad parts is I get a little b!tchy if I go to long without letting Suzy out. I am a crossdressing addict and when I cannot get my fix the withdrawls are a real bummer. When I cannot dress I usually turn to shopping, not as enjoyable but something I can do that I do enjoy. I like shopping for Suzy 10,000 time better than for boring man things. I have way to much shopping time and not enough Suzy time though, Suzy shopaholic can't pass up a nice skirt or a gorgeous piece of vintage shapewear on Ebay.

Hope hope get some me time soon, I know how it feels.

[Cynthia Anne]

Yeah, very frustrateing! Then they grow up and leave there home and move clean across the country and if your lucky you get to see them once a year! Life sucks! Hugs!

[suchacutie]

Hmmm, let's see: you have children who think it's cool to be in your home when you are there.

Your complaint is?

First things first. Your feminine self isn't going anywhere, but your children eventually will. Be happy with them while you can.

tina

[josee]

Maria,
I came home dressed, parked in the garage, closed the door, and entered the house. Something didn't feel right - a soda can on the kitchen counter that wasn't there before - and there I am fully dressed including makeup. I went back to the garage, opened the door and got back in the car. As I was driving out the door, I looked back and could see my daughters girlfriend peeking between the blinds. I don't think I could feel my legs for two hours for being so shook up.

Nothing was said so I don't think they understood really what the situation was.

OMG that sounds terrifying!!! Good thing for the boy bag.

[steftoday]

Maria, I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune. Try looking at it this way, at least those kids are safe in the comfort of your home instead of running around where they shouldn't be. It sounds to me like they are old enough to be moving away from your home in few years. So enjoy what time you have to spend with them now because soon you will be having a lot more for yourself. This is probably not what you wanted to hear but as the cliché' says, when life hands you a lemon, then make lemonade.

Babette

Listen to this wise lady. ^^^^

Before you know it, they will be out of the house and gone, and you will wish you had more time with them around. Yes, it does make it tough to do things you want sometimes, but believe me, you should cherish this time. It flies by faster than you can imagine.

[Barbra P]

I guess I was lucky in the fact that by the time my daughters were in high school they both knew I dressed. My oldest came to me one day and said she was having some friends over for a sleep-over and it was going to be an all girls night and since I was going to be home would I mind dressing so it would truly be an all girls thing. My youngest has always been very supportive, and still is to this day; I tried to be discrete around her friends but one day she came home from school and I thought she was alone and walked through the house to the kitchen, on my return to the bedroom I met one of her friends and thought oh d@mn, but her friend was OK witth my dressing and even thought it was cool.

My oldest is married and living a couple thousand miles away and I haven’t seen her since her wedding in 2006. My youngest is living at home again with her two daughters after a failed marriage. My Grandchildren ages 5 and 6 have seen me dressed and don’t have a problem with it; have they told anyone, like their teacher, I don’t know and I don’t much care as I’m tired of hiding. There are very few people in this world that I care if they know and they are not accepting – I just don’t need them in my life. It helps to be retired as I don’t have to worry if my dressing would affect my job and my earning a living – Social Security doesn’t care.

I’m not advocating that you come out to your children, just saying that it worked for me. All my life, until just recently, I have been in the closet and now I’m finding out that my neighbors don’t care that I dress and quite a few of the women on the block actually like visiting with Barbra – a whole lot more than they like visiting with my male persona. I’m sorry I had to reach 68 before I realized that being in the closet was of my own making and that most people are either OK with my dressing or they just don’t give a rat’s patootie.

[Missy Tanya]

I guess there is something good about getting older. My kid is out on her own, for the most part. But it never seems to fail that if I want to spend the time getting pretty, which is considerable, someone calls or knocks on the door. Then into the shower while the wife play defense.

I hear you girl, Tanya

[kimdl93]

Don't let it get you down, Maria. Pretty soon the kids will be moved out and you'll have the place pretty much to yourself. Really...it does happen. Our girls moved out a couple years ago for college and have been back and forth a couple of times, but mostly on their own. I'm sure you feel good about the fact that your kids enjoy the home you and your wife have made for them, and by the fact that they're welcome to come and go.

[Dawn cd]

One way to keep your spirits up is to plan a weekend getaway—to someplace where you'll be able to dress as much as you want. In that way, even if you meet temporary setbacks, you know you'll eventually have space and luxurious time.

[Joann Smith]

I remember those days ...And the interuptions got real old real fast....I finally resorted to saving up money and vacation time and getting a hotel room... that worked out pretty good for me ...it saved my sanity on many occasion ..

Joann

[Leslie Langford]

Maria, it sounds as if you are not alone in your frustration, and I, too, feel your pain. I wish I could tell you that it does get better eventually, but life has a way of taking mysterious twists and turns and even throws the odd curve ball at us.

In my case, I was "downsized" from an executive management position a couple of years ago at age 60 as part of the "Great He-cession", and after having made the brilliant (NOT!) choice some 35-odd years ago to seek a career in the manufacturing industry. Well, we all know where all those jobs went to over the years, and unfortunately, I'm a bit old to start learning Chinese. So now, given the rather anemic demand in the Corporate world these days for a 60-something, non-minority male who is not part of anybody's affirmative action program despite having excellent credentials, I have defaulted to doing consulting on a part-time basis as part of this enforced semi-retirement.

The only upside to all this has been the fact that my wife is still working and we were empty-nesters until most recently, which gave me plenty of "Leslie" time to indulge in. Consequently, "she" really flourished and came into her own during this time. Fast forward a few months, and my daughter tells me that she and her husband have decided to split up, and asks if she could she move back into our house with our 5 year-old grandson while the divorce goes through. She says she needs to do this to have an opportunity to regroup, save up some money, and adjust to being a single mom before establishing a new household for the two of them. As devoted parents and grandparents, what else could we do except to say "Of course!", although I fully realized at the time that this would put a severe constraint on my "Leslie" time.

So here's my new reality for the time being: my wife works full-time, my daughter is a teacher, and my grandson goes to kindergarten for half-days every weekday afternoon. Both my wife and daughter are also fortunate enough to work close to home, with driving time being just over 10 minutes each way. Grandpa has now become the default baby-sitter every morning until noontime, my wife comes home every day for lunch to help get our grandson ready for school, and more often than not, I am also asked to pick him up at the bus stop after school. And being a teacher with their typically short hours, when my daughter does come home directly from work, she is usually here before 3:00 P.M. Shortly after 4:30 P.M., my wife is home as well. So if I'm really, really lucky, I have about 2 hours a day for any type of "quality" "Leslie" time between all these comings and goings.

O.K., perhaps that's still even more than some others here are able to cobble together, but my point is that all of this represents a wrenching change for me and has required considerable adjustment (and creativity) to find the time to dress up and go out, which had really become a non-issue before.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining, and I always did put my family before my crossdressing and will always continue to do so. I'm just saying that I fully understand your frustration when faced with life putting us into a position where we need to relegate something so near and dear to us to the back burner because we are putting our loved ones' needs above our own. Then again, we're parents - it's just what we do, and it comes naturally...

[jillleanne]

Ahhh! The joys of being human. It gets better sooner than you think; hang in there

[EllieOPKS]

Maria - There's plenty of time for Maria, you just have to be creative. Trust me on this as well, when the kids leave for college or to start their own lives it will be like a cool wind blowing tumble weeds thru your house. It only took one day and my wife and I were talking about not remembering the house being this quiet before we had kids. It's a wierd feeling. I am very much into the great outdoors and spend multiple weekends a year as Ellie. So there's an idea you might try, and it's not very expensive, 15 bucks a night.

[Kaz]

Hi Maria,

It is indeed a wierd and whacky world we inhabit! I remember having planned time when no-one was around and then was in one of those 'down' moods where it just seems so stupid and did nothing! Leslie's response rings home to me as do all the other posts... In theory my 3 girls have all left home, but then suddenly, out of the blue, they are back! But it is temporary, and the great side of things is that we have families and kids that are growing into their future. This is a joy I treasure above everything to do with DCing!

[Robyn Spotlight]

Hi, Maria. I have a scenario for you to imagine. Picture that your one wish was to be whisked away from this life into somewhere else where you could be alone all the time. You had no responsibilities and you could do whatever you wanted and no one would be there to stop you. Sounds fabulous, doesn't it. A place to yourself where all you dreams can come true? But as time goes by, I think you would miss your old life. You would miss your wife and kids and you would do anything to get them back. But you can't. You made the wish to be by yourself to do whatever you please because you you thought it was the right thing to do at the time. And before anyone tries to tell me off and say I'm full of it, let me tell you that I'm going through a similar situation right now. I made a choice that I thought was the right thing. Now I only see my two year old daughter once a week. I know none of this sounds like it needs to be written here, but trust me, the people that give the best advice are the ones who never follow their own. I hope I've helped you even a little bit. Take care of yourself, dearie