A Great Opportunity -But I need your thoughts

[EllieOPKS]

So, if you saw my first posts you would have said this guy is so deep in the closet he could possibly find the first black hole. After a few years of evolution, I have come a long way - for me at least. I still stay concealed but have ventured out multiple times under the cover of darkness and in my car. The Reason I tell you this is for you to see where I am in my "evolution".

Now, for my current opportunity. A couple of years ago I found a website for cross dressers in my area. I attempted to contact some of the girls but to no avail. I assumed the group had disbanded and so I gave up on it, until yesterday. I received an email from the founder of the web site. She told me a bunch of the girls were going to have a get together in a couple of weeks and I was invited. I was thrilled except for the fact that it was going to be at a local bar restaurant. I know the place is gay friendly but the primary clientele is straight.

Your advice please.
Try and remember back to the very first time you had the opportunity to meet with other girls. Was it your first time in public dressed or did you go to the first meeting in drab?
If you invited someone to a get together you organized, would it offend you if someone showed up in drab?

I hope you can figure out by the questions I ask that I have all intention being respectful of the girls who are kind enough to welcome me, but I am also nervous as cat at the thought of making my public debut as Ellie, especially in the city where I live. Your advice and thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Tammy V]

The first time i met another tgirl it was in a private setting and had a few of those before I went out to a club or in public. It sounds like a great opportunity for you though, because not only will you be in a good environment (the gay friendly clubs are generally very accepting), but you will be with others like yourself and they all had a first time out also and should be comforting and supporting. Good luck and have fun!

[Kimberly Long]

Girl go for it, hold your head up high and be proud of who your are. I still remember my first night out, it was nerve shaking. But no one said anything to me, so I assumed I passed. I have not been to a gay club, but many others on this site have and I agree with Tammy. They are more accepting.
A word of advice try not to over dress, you will fit in better.
I wish you the best and let us know how it went.
Love Kimberly

[EllieOPKS]

The first time i met another tgirl it was in a private setting and had a few of those before I went out to a club or in public. It sounds like a great opportunity for you though, because not only will you be in a good environment (the gay friendly clubs are generally very accepting), but you will be with others like yourself and they all had a first time out also and should be comforting and supporting. Good luck and have fun!

Tammy you have a good point, everyone has a starting point.

Kimberly you make a great point. I am thinking of may some jeans and a pretty neutral top at the max clothing wise. I am just debating the hair and makeup at this point.
Ellie

[Cheryl T]

My first time in a group setting was with me dressed before I arrived. Actually that is one of my hangup and up until about 2 years ago no one but my wife had seen me in both visages. Then an opportunity came at a meeting for me to have a makeover by an artist and I jumped at the chance. I washed all my makeup off and sat for the first time before. They got to watch my transformation and now since we are all good friends it's not an issue for me any longer.

[Taylor186]

I dressed and drove 1 1/2 hours to my first meeting with a TG/CD group. It was held at a private venue and I had an excellent time. Today I would happily go to a group meeting at a restaurant, bar, club or other public area. But I won't attend a local venue for fear that I would run into neighbors, family or co-workers.

[EllieOPKS]

Cheryl - what a lucky opportunity for you. I only wish I could have a makeover before I meet the girls next week. I am not very good at makeup so it is hard for me to soften my male appearance. I am hoping by meeting these girls I will also be able to find someone that can give me a makeover for the next meeting.

Taylor - If I had my preference my meeting with the girls would be at a private venue as well but this is going to be public and you hit my biggest fear on the head, which is friends recognizing me if I go dressed. I am willing to venture beyond my comfort zone a little just to have the opportunity to make friends with people with the same interests.
Elli

[Amber-Sue]

Wail a minute here, You contacted them a couple of years ago and they a just now returning the contact?? why so long a wait?? Are there anyone you may know to go with you?? Is the crossdressers club still active or are they in need on members?? Try to check them out first. Just the Voice of caution

[KandisTX]

My first time venturing outside was going to a meeting of "Neutral Corner" in San Diego California. I was nervous as ever, but it turned out to be a great night. Of course, I wasn't nervous getting dressed and ready to go, that was the most awesome time of dressing for me. My nerves hit when I was standing in front of the door and reached for the doorknob to leave the apartment. Once I opened the door, I had to walk through it, and once I did that I had to walk to the car. Once in the car with the engine started I was "safe" because I was in MY domain. Each time I got closer to another exit on the freeway, I had the urge of just turning around and going home but something wouldn't let me. I pulled into the parking lot and still had that thought of turning around. I then saw another gurl walking across the parking lot. That gave me the incentive to get out of my car and walk into the hotel and up to the room where the meeting was held. Once I was there I felt a peace settle over myself that I had not felt in a LONG time. It was the most wonderful evening of meeting sisters and enjoying my time out as Kandis, I haven't looked back to the closet ever since.

[eluuzion]

Basic etiquette places that decision in the hands of the host(ess) of the event. If it is not “obvious” by the theme of the event, it is typically stipulated on the invitation. I realize this is was a verbal invitation. You seem to already feel you will be expected to show up “dressed”. The proper procedure is to call and ask the host(ess) that invited you if failing to do so would be acceptable.

In my mind, just “showing up” in “Drab” would be like showing up for a pool party wearing a business suit, lol.

Whenever I need clarification I just ask the appropriate person. But of course, that tends to suck all of the drama out of trying to guess what people are thinking, .

Just my thoughts…

sincerely,
Gloria Vanderbilt junior

[docrobbysherry]

Ellie, if you're meeting a group of others, RELAX!

My first meeting with other CDs was in a bar. I showed up in drab. The only one dressed like that. It WASN'T a problem for the other girls, but for ME! After awhile, I felt out of place! I went up to my room, changed, and came down dressed. However, I was 3,000 miles away from home! I never worried about anyone from home seeing me!

Here's something u need to remember, tho, Ellie. A guy wearing a fem outfit, wig, makeup, etc., would make it VERY DIFFICULT for even his wife or mother to recognize him!

I've seen it for myself at the SCC! After hanging out with girls dressed for 5 days, u suddenly see them going home in drab. I usually can't recognize them!

[Sally24]

I'm involved with a number of groups in New England. It's not unusual for us to have new people show up in drab. In fact, sometimes they come and just view us from a distance at the lounge until their second trip. I will say that almost all of them wished they has dressed up that first time. Go with whatever makes you comfortable. Just make them realize your not a lurked or troll. If you have pics show them a few. Enjoy yourself!

[Lorileah]

Know that everyone at that meeting was in your place at some time. Personally I would go dressed to the nines. Maybe even get a makeover before hand. But do what you feel comfortable with. I have considered going to functions in the "alt" community but always fear they don't want a CD there. I haven't gone yet but I will contact the organizer when I am ready and ask if "Lori" can come (and since I am a member as "Lori" I expect the answer will be come dressed). Remember that we all go through different things daily. It requires a little confidence and a lot of chutzpah, but I would just do it.

[Stefanie_in_Mt]

The one and only time for me, we all showed up in drab but we had talked about and everone wanted to meet for the firt time that way. just to get to know each other. it was great to sit and talk to like minded people. We planned to meet enfemme the next time but my job took me away before we could meet a second time

[Cynthia Anne]

Wail a minute here, You contacted them a couple of years ago and they a just now returning the contact?? why so long a wait?? Are there anyone you may know to go with you?? Is the crossdressers club still active or are they in need on members?? Try to check them out first. Just the Voice of caution

Perhaps Amber Sue is correct! Know what you are walking into before sinking! If all checks good then dress and have a good time! Hugs!

[Jilmac]

My very first time meeting other Tgirls in public was at a monthly meeting of the local support group in Milwaukee. That was around 1996 and they met at a suburban UU church. I was still very much in the closet and in male mode including a full red beard which I had sported since 1971. I had femme clothes and changed at the meeting but looked and felt totally out of place because I was only half way femme. The other girls accepted me anyway and made me feel as if I belonged. However suggestions were made to losing the beard if I had any intention of coming out.

Fast forward to 2007, after my wife passed away I searched the internet for crossdresser friendly sites and found this forum. After joining, I met another Wisconsin girl here and she helped me come out to the world including removal of facial hair, (good decision). It took over ten years from that first meeting to actually coming out but I was convinced that there was a community of acceptance and that eased my fears.

If the KC girls are anything like the ones I met in Milwaukee, then my advice is go for it and do your first meeting en femme. I would venture a guess that there will be some girls there willing to help you in your journy.

[DonnaT]

My first time meeting others was at a holiday party thrown by the local trans support club. I was not a member, but the party was open to anyone who wanted to go.

It was the first time I'd met anyone as Donna.

Not long after that I met former member of this forum at the mall, and we were both drab.

Soon, I was going to a gay club in Richmond, VA as Donna.

Seems to me, at each occasion, everyone who was enfemme seemed more relaxed and open to conversation. And in a group setting, one didn't feel out of place when enfemme. Not sure, but it's probably like going to a masquerade party where one can feel freer to be more open.

But you most certainly can go drab, if you'll feel more comfortable.

Can't say for sure how others will respond either way, since everyone is different.

[Josephine]

I think I smell a rat. Why 2 years after your first contact? I would definitely check thinks out, or go in drab mode.

[TGMarla]

If it's all legit, I'd do as Lorileah says, and dress to the nines, and go have a good time. Once you're out, you'll be surprised at how comfortable you are being outside all dressed up. No one is likely to give a hoot and bother you, and you may be surprised at how at ease you find yourself. Have some fun with it.

[Daphne Renee]

I cant speak really from experience as the only time I have gone out dressed was on or around Halloween.
However assuming there is nothing stopping you (wife , girlfirend, job, etc..) I would go. I would be nervous but I would still go.
Oh and one other thing. You could get makeup done. I have been told mac will do this if you buy $50 worth of products.(which wouldnt be too hard to do). Also what I have done is go to a local beauty school. Its very inexpensive they do a fairly good job also.

[Robynts]

The first time I went out on public I had just bought my first wig and was dressed to the nines. I contacted a tgirl that lived about 100 miles away and told her I just had to get out. She said if I would drive the 100 miles to a TGIFridays near her she would bring some other girls and we would have a great time. And we did. I encourage you to dressed to the nines and go for it.

Now for a cautionary note, I would arrange to talk to someone in the group by phone before I committed to go. If they do not want to share a cell number be cautious (if they do share make sure you keep the number handy). Leave the details of your adventure (location, times, who you are meeting and their cell phone number) with someone (could even be a friend on this site), and arrange to do safe calls as you arrive to meet them and afterward or at a pre-determined time when the adventure should be over.

[EllieOPKS]

I have enjoyed reading first experiences of yours and it looks unanimous that all the experiences were good. As info, I sent an email to the organizer of the outing and informed her my plans were to attend in drab unless I heard otherwise from her. Several of you have made a very good point as far as being cautious and I will follow your advice. Thanks for your comments
Ellie

[jillleanne]

Yes, it depends on your comfort level really. Know your concerns and address them . Remember, regardless of what you would like to do, you have to do what you can actually handle in reality. I would probably go dressed and if I didn't like what I was seeing, I'd just leave and go shopping.

[Sarasometimes]

If you are in the closet as you say, I would not go to a local bar to meet a bunch of them. In drab or otherwise, if you cross paths with an aquaintance and you are sitting at their table I think they may put it all together. I venture out several times a month but I try to limit the risks of detection by driving a bit. My approach, if I wished to go to a cd gathering would be to look for ones in a somewhat distant area.

[Beverley Sims]

I am only new here as well.
I may wander around in my boots and skinny jeans with a LOT of confidence now.
I am not at home, that helps a great deal, but I am still working on a clear but unidentifiable avatar.
Maybe it will have to be my jeans and furry boots.
Think of these situations.
Jumping off the high diving board.
Skiing down the first black slope.
The first time out of a plane with a parachute.
Driving a car at 120 MPH.
It is not doing it, but the sudden stop that can occur at the other end.
All dolled up and feeling good...Around the corner.. "The girlfriend you were going to talk with tomorrow".