Oil and water and our nightlife choices

[Rogina B]

I am happiest in the "mainstream"places..restaurants,bars,clubs,etc . We had a new nightclub open recently by a couple of TG performers.They solicited the TG business by personally inviting us to their club. Well,the drag show is funny,but the place is already attracting a huge Bear population as well as younger groups of like minded guys. My point is,when a place becomes overridden by the gay male nightlife,it is no longer as fun for TGs as it could be.This isn't my first time observing this. I wonder if the out and about girls also see this in their parts of the country. This is why I feel a whole lot better being the only TG in a mainstream place.Has anyone else noticed these growing Bear caves?

[Cheryl T]

Can't say that I have, but then I've never frequented any TG or Gay venues. Since I've been "out" I've only gone to mainstream places. I don't actually go to any clubs anyway. Most of the time I'm just in the mall or a restaurant or movie theater, the average place anyone goes. I don't feel the need to go to the other clubs as that is not the life that interests me.
I'm sure some of the girls feel safer in a place that is TG friendly and that works for them. For me I've never had an issue in any place I've been to so I don't give it much thought. Being straight, the Gay venues have never held any fascination for me anyway.

[Rachel Morley]

I get what you're saying. To me, it feels like a "masculine environment". I don't go to that many LGBT venues, and luckily for me the ones I do go to feel very mainstream to me but I do think that regular mainstream places can be better .... but only if you are comfortable being out there "on show" (unless you pass fairly well). I guess it all depends what you're looking for.

[AllieSF]

Nope, I have not seen that, but then I live in a very tolerant area. I also go to mostly mainstream venues but do have a couple of places that are known to be LGBT friendly because I like the crowd and the vibes. One thing to consider is that if a club relied only on TG's, it would probably quickly go out of business seeing that the LG groups are much larger. So, I say live with, get to know and have fun with our brethren. They can be a lot of fun, plus you will have a place to go to that hopefully will stay around a long time.

[Julogden]

Back when I used to go out a lot, my favorite place on a Friday night was a nearby lesbian bar that was friendly to us. I never felt totally comfortable in the men's gay bars because I always felt like they were just tolerating us, but I made a few friends in the women's bar who really liked and accepted me.

Carol

[msginaadoll]

I havent see that. In fact the LGBT club I generaly go to is more L oriented. But the ladies there are always nice to me. My Saturday hangout is where most of the T's go in my area. Dont ya love initials!

[Eryn]

The culture of a particular establishment will tend to mutate a bit, but from the owner's point of view as long as the place is profitable and they don't have to buy new furniture every day they are probably happy.

One alternative is to pick the worst-attended night of the week and ask the owner to promote a "TG night" and see if this produces the desired mix of people. From the owner's point of view this is a win-win because it boosts profits on the worst night while retaining clientele that otherwise might go elsewhere.

I'm also more comfortable in mainstream places when out alone or with a friend. When out with a larger group where it is harder to blend in a LGBT venue might be a better choice. I'm not a bar person, so I'm much more comfortable in a restaurant than I am in a stand-alone bar.

Eryn

[Rianna Humble]

I'm a bit like Cheryl in that I don't actively seek out LGBT or TG venues. In fact last time I went to an LGBT bar in London, it closed for good the same day

(No, it wasn't cause and effect )

[Nigella]

Maybe its payback time for all the time the TG community has hidden itself in gay establishments

[zoe m]

Maybe its payback time for all the time the TG community has hidden itself in gay establishments

Yes - good point Nigella

[docrobbysherry]

I'm surprised to hear of problems with bears in Florida!

Here in SoCal, cougars r the biggest worry in our local clubs! Talk about "wildlife"!

[Melody1985]

Being straight, those venues are not places I would want to go to. Mainly because I could see them being geared more toward a gay theme rather than just a community of "social outsiders" enjoying the night.

On the other hand, being shy about going out in public, the LGBT clubs are probably the only public places I would go. So obviously I'm a little torn here lol. Oh well, hope you find some good nightlife somewhere!

[AllieSF]

Melody, a lot of the gay and lesbian bars, not necessarily the majority of them, are actually very safe havens for anyone to go to straight, gay or otherwise. They are places to meet like minded and gendered, sexual orientated people, drink, dance, have fun, and based on my experiences, very accepting of others. Being gay or lesbian has nothing to do with it in general. Just being another friendly individual works wonders. And getting hit on by whomever is no really big deal if you learn how to handle it properly, since many times it is no different than being approached in a straight bar, excepting the creeps that seem to pop up every where at least once in awhile.

[Melody1985]

Melody, a lot of the gay and lesbian bars, not necessarily the majority of them, are actually very safe havens for anyone to go to straight, gay or otherwise. They are places to meet like minded and gendered, sexual orientated people, drink, dance, have fun, and based on my experiences, very accepting of others. Being gay or lesbian has nothing to do with it in general. Just being another friendly individual works wonders. And getting hit on by whomever is no really big deal if you learn how to handle it properly, since many times it is no different than being approached in a straight bar, excepting the creeps that seem to pop up every where at least once in awhile.

I unserstand what you are saying Allie. To be honest about my feelings regarding the "gay bars" in the not so distant past, I was the kind of guy that wouldn't be caught in those places even if it was just for 5 minutes, Granted a lot of that was because I didn't want people to think I was gay. Especially anyone that I may know. But, through this whole process I've been going through for about a month, I'm starting to waver a bit on my strong feelings toward never being caught dead in what is widely presumed a "gay hangout."

I've been hit on by 3 gay guys while in male mode in the past.. But I'm a nice guy, and didn't make a big deal/scene about it. Just a casual no. Although one guy just kept pushing and pushing. So I'm sure I can handle that if it came up again.

[Rogina B]

This nightclub being brand new,and run by TG's, could have had an L crowd or the Bear cubs it has now...A TG night is needed to balance things out. Oil and water don't mix very well.That is the reality of our nightlife.

[kimdl93]

my experience has been that it depends upon the night and the crowd. I've been to several local GLBT bars and had great times and a couple of boring evenings. If my limited experience permits making any generalizations, I've found that I mix in better with lesbians and women generally than with gay men. (although I have had some great conversations with gay men too)