Told a friend/coworker I was TG

[Rachel Mari]

I'll try to not make it too long.

A friend/coworker that I've known for about ten years, called me at work today and asked if I wanted to have lunch. I gave her an estimate of about when I would be free and asked where it would be easy for the both of us to meet.

We used to be on the same crew but about 8 years ago she moved to different town and to the crew in that town within the same company. We pretty rarely see each other but we've kept in touch as she's a friend of both me and my wife.

The last time we talked, she sensed that I wanted to tell her something, but I said no, not right now (not over the phone and there wasn't enough time). So it was not a total surprise that she called for lunch a couple of weeks later. I have been wanting to tell someone, to talk to someone, about this part of me that I don't want to remain hidden. I've been feeling this way more and more (especially after seeing my therapist for the last year and being a member of this forum) and I've been thinking of who, when and where.

We were having lunch and talking about things were going for each of us. I was fighting with myself as to whether or not I should tell her. I told myself that this would be a step towards my own acceptance.
I told her that there was something I wanted to tell her and that only my wife and therapist know what it is. She told me I could trust her (which I already did whole heartedly) and she would keep whatever it is private.

So.... I finally took the plunge and went ahead and told her that I was TG. I explained that I've had these feelings since I was 5 yo and I've always kept that part of me hidden (It wasn't always hidden. When I was very young, I learned quickly that people, especially other kids, didn't feel the same way I did and let me know in verbal and physical ways what they thought of it). I explained how I felt that I have never felt like a man, but I'm not a woman, but I'm both, with one side never expressed (except in a vacuum).
I have to say she took it very well and didn't seem that surprised about it (she said it was the earrings, lol). She did say that she has lots of questions (for another time) and that she wanted to give me a hug.

It felt so good to talk to someone. Someone who has been my friend and they're still my friend.
I've learned so much from all of you here. A year ago (before finding this forum) I would have never wanted to tell anyone and I would still feel I was defective and alone. I have a long road ahead of me but I know that the first step is the hardest and I'm starting to take steps.

[DanaR]

That was a very nice story and it sounds like it went well. I'm so happy for you, thanks for sharing.

[Rianna Humble]

That's great news You obviously chose exactly the right person to be the first you have told apart from your wife & therapist!

I'm also glad that taking part in these forums has helped you to understand that you are not defective, neither are you alone. Yes, you have a long road ahead, but as the proverb says "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" and you have already taken that step and a few more besides. Don't forget that you will come across quite a few friends from these forums on your journey who will be there to support and encourage you.

[Jonianne]

It's a wonderful liberation to be able to be open and honest and not hiding secrets all the time. You don't have to tell everyone, but being able to share freely with those who know you more than surface deep, will change your life.

[Melody1985]

I'm happy for you and all concerned parties Rachel.. Happy to hear that this forum along with therapy has gone a long way to help you work through one of your biggest hurdles TG's have, and a feeling you have had since the tender age of 5. Keeping pressing on!!

[Rachel Flowers]

Well done, Rachel. I know in other threads there are people who say you should never tell a colleague but it does look like you chose well here. We're all very lucky to live in an age where we can share information and experiences with each other so easily. The day after I came out to my wife she sent me a message in work saying "you must have felt so alone". And I'm completelywith you on the man/woman thing. I'm not even totally one or the other when dressed, Rachel and her male alter ego swirl around each other and both enjoy girl things and boyish things.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I am so happy for you Rachel. Friends and support from those friends are like a pot of gold. I am so happy you have such a trusted friend.

I think the biggest thing for us is the decision to trust someone and prove to ourself we do have great friends!

[Barbara Ella]

Rachel, it is so heartening to read such wonderful words from someone who has been in the forum for a year. I only hope that I can journey and develop as you have, over the next year. It is truly a remarkable experience to recognize a friend that one can trust with our inner secrets. There are always reasons to avoid the discussion, but those are all too often of our own making. I know I am making too many, and can only imagine the fun times I am missing.

Congratulations. Babes

[marlaNYC]

Rachel i have to say this is really heartening and inspiring. i really appreciate you sharing - the "I was fighting with myself as to whether or not I should tell her" pretty much sums up my dilemma too, so it's really wonderful to know that you won/lost the fight to be able to say something and that it can be done

[Rianna Humble]

It is truly a remarkable experience to recognize a friend that one can trust with our inner secrets. There are always reasons to avoid the discussion, but those are all too often of our own making.

You have said something very profound and true here! Too often we dream up reasons why such and such a person will not accept us for who we are, but all too often these reasons are unfounded.

When I began my transition, I had to let former political colleagues know about my decision and there were some who I did not believe would react at all well. How little did I know! Those same colleagues who I had expected to turn against me each approached me privately to say that if there was ever anything that they could do - whether just providing a sympathetic ear or something more active - then they would be there for me. Those people turned out to be some of the best friends I could have. The difference was that theyu did not trumpet it in public, but came to me quietly to express their support.

[Rachel Mari]

Thanks all for your replies, you mean a lot to me.

Sometimes I don't remember that I did tell her (or that anyone knows), but then I realize I had told her and I feel a calmness and the future looks a little brighter.