[SIZE="2"]The following is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but only slightly...
I saw the title question in a book, sort of a questionnaire thing, right after “What is the quality you most admire in a man?” Being a MtF crossdresser with some mileage, I immediately ignored the “man” inquiry and focused on the “woman” question...
Needless to say, there are many qualities I admire in a woman, too many to list here. Rather than write about the obvious, I’d like to discuss something based on years and years of painstaking observation – I really admire the quality that women have to be COMPLETELY unaware of their surroundings, which includes, most importantly, other people around them...
Not all women are gifted with this amazing ability, but I can safely say that at least 50% possess this uncanny knack to tune things out and focus on their own relationship to reality. I’ve been thinking about this for some time, and I’ve been observing women ever since I wanted to BE one of them in some second-hand way. The clothes I have adopted certainly help, but I also want to master their mannerisms and characteristics – if I wish to pass, and I DO, I need to act like them as well. Let us remember that ignorance is bliss...
I went to Wal-Mart the other night - not dressed, and not to see the women’s clothing (that’s another thread), but I was just doing some food shopping. As usual, it didn’t take long to bump into a woman or two, or three. Actually, they bump into me, because they have no idea that I’m standing there. I can be looking at a display of sweet relish, and a woman will insert herself in between me and the pickles, oblivious to the idea that there are other human beings nearby...
Another woman will park her cart/buggy in the middle of an aisle, and then spend 10-15 minutes choosing a non-dairy creamer. Meanwhile, I can’t reach the cans of coffee, so, being a gentleman, I take another “orbit” of the store, giving the woman time and space. When I return, she is most likely to be found blocking another item I urgently need. Apparently I’m invisible, but I keep looking at my corporeal presence to reassure myself that I AM real in some basic way. This is not chivalry; in fact I don’t have a horse, “high” or otherwise...
This amazes me – women invariably don’t notice other people around them, unless they are being paid to do so. I mean, I don’t really wish to be noticed, but this can get ridiculous at times. I’m beginning to see a fundamental difference between males and females, evolutionary in nature and profoundly disparate. If I say to a woman “Excuse me...” she will be extremely surprised that I’m there at all, and she will always say “Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t see you.” Of course you didn’t, but how could you miss me? I’m not made of reflective material, nor am I camouflaged to match the cereal boxes – I represent a dark presence in a well-lit atmosphere, i.e. I should stand out...
Of course, MEN notice me! Men, by way of the aforementioned evolution, need to be aware of everything around them. Back at Wal-Mart, a woman will often be accompanied by a man, and, since he is uninterested in shopping, he is doing the lookout duty for her. The other night I was looking at the boxes of pasta (or I was trying to), and the woman, as usual, didn’t see me – she occupied the space between the shelves and yours truly, but, fortunately, the man noticed me. “Dear...” he says, “Move back a little so this gentleman can reach the shelves.” She complies, apologizing profusely for not noticing me – do you see a trend developing here? This M-F teamwork has been observed on many occasions; come to think of it I’ve done it for my sister when she shops! I unconsciously act as a male now and then, I’m sorry to say...
Believe me, I admire this ability to not notice who is in one’s immediate vicinity, because, if I possessed it, I could go out dressed and not be bothered with CD anxiety. As a male, I assume everyone is aware of me, a man in a dress, and I’m not passing as well as I would like. Would women notice me if I was dressed as a woman - would they be aware of me THEN? I know that males would notice me, but they are genetically attuned to be aware of all things under all circumstances. There are exceptions, to be sure, but this male “awareness” is what causes most of the anxiety I feel while I’m dressed, from within and without – if I possessed a woman’s basic quality of non-awareness, things would be a lot easier, I feel...
I could “tune-out” the world and concentrate on that which matters most, namely my need to be less male. This is a formidable obstacle to overcome – I basically have to chuck my male-ness into the nearest receptacle (or the next aisle in a store), and somehow pretend to be unaware of those who may do me harm. Not an easy undertaking, but maybe my female clothing will act as a kind of containment vessel, or space suit, so I may navigate the inhospitable and gender-oppressive atmosphere of 21st century America. Is there a knob (or antenna) to retract, so I can tune-out all wavelengths I was previously aware of? Come to think of it, there IS such a knob – too bad I’m so fond of the dumb thing! Anyway, I’m serious – If I could ignore everyone around me, I would be able to crossdress with relative ease...
I used to live on a farm with several ponds, and nearly every spring a pair of Canada geese would fly in and set about starting a family. The female would make a nest and lay her eggs in a secluded location, while the male would keep an eye on everything. During the four week nesting period, if the female took a break to eat and drink, the male would be right beside her, standing guard. I kept my distance, but HE was watching me all the time. The female rarely looked up from her duties, in fact she was completely oblivious to my presence (unless the male goose alerted her). I see a parallel with the humans who frequent Wal-Mart - the female is getting what she needs, in a way that is most efficient, and this involves getting “into” a mundane task HER way. The male, meanwhile, is protective of the female, thinking of her safety at all times...
Generalizing? Sure. Over thinking? You bet, but take a look for yourself the next time you are in a position to NOT be noticed by someone who should be aware of you. I simply call it female obliviousness, and I wish I knew how to tap into this simple technique – it would help me to be a better (and less closeted) crossdresser, that’s for sure. BTW, I was at Wal-Mart again tonight, and I was walking through the frozen foods section. Ahead of me were three women and a man, gathered around a cart, having a conversation. The three women were facing me, but they didn’t notice me at all. The man, who had his back turned to me, reached over, and, without looking, pulled the shopping cart out of my way so I could get by. How did HE know I was there? UNBELIEVEABLE!!!
So, what is the quality YOU most admire in a woman? [/SIZE]