Causes of Late Onset CD?

[elizabethamy]

Hello friends, I have seen a lot on the web about "late onset transsexuals" who have apparently been studied at least as regards surgery outcomes. But for those of us who are late onset CD's -- I started when I was 54 -- much less research seems to exist. If you started late, did something happen that caused you to start? Job or life stress? A hormonal shift? A medical procedure of some kind? Therapy that unlocked life long repression?

I'm really baffled as to why this started, and as to whether I could possibly have repressed it from myself for so long. I don't recall much if any temptation toward girlyness my entire life no early dressing with cousins, or anything like that, though I am son of a DES-taking mother.

For myself, it was probably a job-loss issue that was the stress that induced my dressing, but that doesn't really answer why I do it, or didn't know about it for so long.

Any thoughts?

[Dana921]

I started late as well, age 47, and I feel it was simply that I had repressed the desires and had them all my life looking back now I recognize the signs. At the time though, I did not acknowledge them due to a great many things as far as being raised for what was acceptable behaviour for a man in our society. Nothing bad, just guys did this and girls did this type of thing. The stressor was a combination of things that happened within a couple of years time frame. Loss of job, divorce (not cd related as I was not dressing at this point), trying to get my own business started, and then my mom having a heart attack, stroke, cataracts in both eyes! So with all this going on I simply needed some outlet to, mentally speaking, relax. I did not have money or a venue to throw myself into and then the feelings I had came on full force and I was not in a position to push them back and had to deal with or try and understand them.

Dana

[Loveday]

I don't really know, nothing was ever repressed. I am constantly asking myself why ? I had been told by the doctor to wear pantyhose about ten years before it started but could not bring myself to do that. About two years after my second heart attack(mid forties) my father died unexpectedly in front of me in his home. I decided to do what the doctor had said, just the pantyhose at first but things escalted quickly. Then I found this website and decided that their was more out there like myself and I was not some kind of freak. Well here I am, kinda wishing I could have started in my late twenties.

PS. Maybe it was stress, I did go through some kind of PTSD after watching my Dad die infront of me. About every two hours, I would start see him dying in front of me, this went on for about a year and half. I had seen dead people before but not someone dying that I was close to. It finally went away.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Elizabethamy,

I started seriously in my 50's as well. I say "seriously" because there were a 2 or 3 adolescent episodes with lingerie that were clearly sexual in nature. At the time, I thought these were common and normal, though a recent thread here seems to assert otherwise.

There are those here who will assert that we were all simply repressed crossdressers in denial. I marvel that their degree of certainty, unencumbered by the need for facts. It seems to me more likely that some people have a sort of "predisposition" toward crossdressing, which may or may not ever find expression. In that view, the fact that you take up crossdressing at some point in life does not imply that you were always a crossdresser.

Like other conditions (and please, I am NOT asserting any pathology here), there can be characteristics that make you susceptible, and there could be triggers that that bring on expression. Of course crossdressers neither need all these characteristics, nor do these characteristics always imply susceptibility to crossdressing. Nevertheless, spend some time on this forum and you begin to notice some similarities among us (again, not all of us have all, or any, of these traits). On average, or at least the mode, it seems we are nonassertive, nonconfrontational, and often downright submissive. We are more empathetic than most men, and more tolerant of differences. In general, we seem to be introverted, and often escapist.

Stress does seem to be a trigger for many of us, as it was with me. Everyone has to chose a strategy, consciously or unconsciously, to deal with stress. Some strategies give you a sense of accomplishment (I did a lot of woodworking during graduate school). Some are self destructive, such as drinking and violence. Some are avoidance, such as concentrating on work. And some are escapes, when it is nice to be someone else, even another gender.

I am definitely NOT asserting that this is the case with all crossdressers, but it feels right for many of us late starters. I have a theory about why the distribution seems to be bi-modal, with most crossdressers stating in childhood, or in late middle age. There is a special kind of stress when you realize that your dreams and plans are slowly drawing to a close, that what you are is what you will be. There is not enough time for reinvention, and the die is cast for career, family, life. But sometimes, however briefly, the world you have created can be left behind. You are timeless, with a new world to explore with a new and foreign life.

I love my male world, but it is old. That woman in the mirror? Unbound from reality, she is young and attractive. And she likes me.

Liz

[Donna Marie]

Wow, good question. Just as we were moving from Texas to North Carolina my wife surprised me by requesting a separation. I was 62. We went ahead with the move and I found myself living in a rented trailer. At Christmas I went to Florida to visit my older cousin Ruth. We went shopping at Sam's Club and I spotted a "sweet young thang" in a mini-skirt strutting effortlessly in 4" black patent leather spikes. Even my cousin gawked at her, but I was smitten. When I returned to my wintry trailer I went online to ogle heels and came across a store website that had high heels in sizes big enough for men and a table showing the comparative sizes for men's and women's shoes. Hmmm, I always wondered how it would feel to walk in heels. So I ordered a pair and then decided it would be better if I shaved my legs. And then I started looking at CD websites, and you can see where this was going. When I finally saw myself in the mirror with makeup, wig, dress, heels, and all, it was as if I discovered someone that had always been a part of me, but that I had never known before. But I had tried on my aunt's heels when I was 5 or 6 and I was definitely interested in them back then - just never followed up on it. BTW, the first heels I bought were just too high for me - I never did get the hang of walking in those.

So the stress of suddenly being on my own in a rented trailer certainly brought on my sudden interest in CDing. I'm 75 now, and still enjoying my femme part. I've been out a few times with mixed results. I usually come back wondering whatever possessed me to go out, but I still have the urge.

[meri]

Started at 55, now 59. Asking these kind of questions for the past 4.5 years. During most of my life, I simply didn't pay much attention to my thought processes regarding gender. Then at 55, I took a temporary job away from home, I was away for 6 months and that's when these things surfaced. Too much time on my hands for experimentation and self-contemplation.

I believe hormones also play a role. Looking back at my life, I know that I have always been borderline masculine. I was not interested in sports, didn't really hang out with the guys, liked singing and playing piano, enjoyed crafts (sewing, knitting, Christmas decorations), didn't like war or the military ... and the list goes on. If I stand back and take an unbiased look at this person, I might wonder whether this is a guy or a gal we are talking about. Fast forward to mid-life and the T starts it's natural and normal decline. At 55 there is opportunity and motive and suddenly my life is turned completely upside down.

Had I not taken that job, it's possible that all of this would have been delayed or perhaps not experienced at all. Can't really say since "I took the one [road] less traveled by".

Now as to my current status and thinking; with a different mind set, I would probably go the whole route and try to live the rest of my life as a female. However, my spiritual background and present mindset has given me a unique perspective on life and it's purpose. Hence, I choose to find my own place and the gender realm and live life on my terms. I was born with a male body, I will end this incarnation with that same, unaltered body. However, I will be consciously be doing, going, wearing things very few other males would consider or even want... I will be my own person.

[suzy1]

I have a suspicion that guilt is behind the apparent late onset of CDing for some.
In other words one might go through life in denial to the point of not being aware of it. Pushing it down into the sub-conscious.

I have been blessed with never having any guilt over CDing and have been dressing since I was 3 years old!


SUZY

[Karren H]

Its a direct relationship to how much time you have left.. The word "urgency" pops into my head... 0 urgency when your 5... 99.9% the week before you die! Lol.

[DonnaT]

Seems to me, for a number of CDs, those who are trans, that there is a switch in the brain that unlocks this part of who we are. The key that does the unlocking, for many, is a certain feeling we get when we donned our first fem garment(s).

You said in another post your first was your wife's white cotton panties with the pink floral print, when you were 54. And you indicated that it was as if they were magic, and all kinds of secrets were unlocked inside my brain.

I imagine, if you had dressed at a younger age, then the switch would have been unlocked at that time, like it was for me close to around 47 years ago, when I was 9 or 10, just from simple curiosity. It just felt right, and I continued from that day on. And like many, I know I am a trans CD with no desire to transition.

[Lorileah]

Life gets in the way.

In your 20's you are thinking how do I start a career and you were told you needed a family. You hit the bars or where ever to find a mate. You thought OK I like how the clothes look and they feel nice. They look and feel nice on her so...I can live with just letting her wear it and letting me touch them.

In your 30's you have the career, a wife and maybe kids. You spend a lot of time on them and you are worn out when you get home. You still wish to see and feel the clothes but you are comfortable just having someone to sleep with. Besides how can you enjoy it when the kids might see and tell everyone at school?

In your 40's the kids are away more. The wife is settled into her career, you feel like you are in a comfortable place. All is good your extra time is spent on things around the house, the boat in the summer, the kids sports in fall and winter (have to travel miles and miles for that). But you start to think about things. Life is getting short. That vacation to Europe has waited...should do that before you get to old to enjoy it.You really would like a new car that is comfortable now and not just transportation so you have to keep the job you are getting bored with for a little longer. Those clothes in your closet sure are enticing and you have an hour....yes, this is fun but why would I do this? But wow, my heart is racing and I LIKE it! OK I can do this once a week.

Late 40's the kids are off to college or have jobs. The wife is off to work. The boat is really not that much fun any more. You may only have 10-20 years left (men die young). You don't look bad from the neck down in those heels and skirt. It is still fun but you know it is "wrong". Things could be worse though, no one is hurt. 10 more years, you can retire. Then what? You worked for this long to be someone everyone wanted you to be. While you are OK with that you have not been who YOU want to be. Surely the wife won't mind as long as you are happy. But what if this means you are gay? No you are not gay, you like women. You like the clothes. It doesn't hurt anyone. You are happier. What the heck, the head is getting thin so a wig helps. You like who you are for the first time in years.

You are 50, you are seeing the downhill side now. You won't be in a rock band, you won't drive a race car, you won' invent something to make a million. You feel relaxed and happy when you are dressed. It feels natural. You have always felt this way and you realize that it isn't a perversion. You like how you look, you like how you feel. It can't be bad. You are tired of your job. But when you are home and dressed, you are happy. This is how it should be. You worked forever, you deserve to be happy right? The internet is a good thing you can surf and find others who are like you. You are not alone and you know that you are not crazy. And hey who is it hurting?

But that's just how I see it. Could be you just decided to live the last half of your life in a dress

[elizabethamy]

Thanks all for such thoughtful responses...a lot to consider. My therapist certainly starts from the assumption that a "feminine side" has always been in there and that, perhaps with job-induced stress and lowering T, "she" decided it was past time for her to be heard from, and so I am now listening. But there is a lot more to know -- everyone's take on it is slightly different, and not much in the way of research seems to exist...I hope that all of us "late onset" people can keep talking, sharing stories - we have a different set of issues than lifelong CD's. We might or might not have been lying to our SO's and families, but we have also, it seems, been lying quite briliantly and effectively to ourselves, and that's quite another thing to understand and deal with...

elizabethamy

[Alice B]

I started much later at almost 64. I had always been in situations surrounded by beautiful woman and was always attracted to them and had my fair share of encounters. That this is a cause, I don't really know. I ahd dressed as a woman at two different times for Halloween, at the suggestion of two different wifes, enjoyed it, but was not driven to repeat the adventure. Then one day the desire was there. Why? I don't really know. I just know that it is something that I must now due and love the adventure it brings.

[Eryn]

Wow, some great responses in this thread and I agree with most of them.

I wonder if the younger (as in 20s and 30s) crowd grew up in a world that is more comfortable with the concept of CDing while us folk in our 50s and 60s grew up in an intolerant world and had to fight past our self-repression before we could admit the truth about ourselves.

In any case, better late than never!

Eryn

[Nikki A.]

I know I escalated later in life although a little dressing was always a part of me. Also we late bloomers didn't have the internet and we felt isolated.
That said I think it is always in us, but through life and career it got pushed back in that there were more pressing concerns. As you age though, you see that you need to be who you are and you xperiment a little more and then you're hooked and it's hard to deny that this is a real part of you. How far down the road you travel is up to you.

[Sheila11]

Does the empty nest have anything to do with it? No young impressionable minds to fill with confusion.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Wow, this is something new ? I had no idea there was a "Late onset CD", I had allways assumed that a person , 'knew' at least something early on. This gives me something to ponder.

[Donna St. Marten]

I had been crossdressing on occasion during differnt periods of my life, but something happened when I turned 50 and I have been dressing on a regular basis ever since. I thought it was just part of the aging process where the older you get the less you care about what other people think.

[Miranda-E]

Wow, this is something new ? I had no idea there was a "Late onset CD", I had allways assumed that a person , 'knew' at least something early on. This gives me something to ponder.

Late onset is really stopping repressing it late in life.
There was always something there, either pushed back by the individual as a coping mechanism or pushed back by parents very early in life.

[Cynthia Anne]

I started when I was four! Unless my doctor is right and another lady had my soul first! In that case I may have started a hundred or so years ago before I was born! Hugs!

[Danielle_cder]

maybe it has to do with the subconscious fact that your parents are getting closer to death giving you that much more space to be you?

[docrobbysherry]

I have a suspicion that guilt is behind the apparent late onset of CDing for some.
In other words one might go through life in denial to the point of not being aware of it. Pushing it down into the sub-conscious.
SUZY

NO!

Its a direct relationship to how much time you have left.. The word "urgency" pops into my head... 0 urgency when your 5... 99.9% the week before you die! Lol.

NO!

Seems to me, for a number of CDs, those who are trans, that there is a switch in the brain that unlocks this part of who we are. The key that does the unlocking, for many, is a certain feeling we get when we donned our first fem garment(s).

You said in another post your first was your wife's white cotton panties with the pink floral print, when you were 54. And you indicated that it was as if they were magic, and all kinds of secrets were unlocked inside my brain.

I imagine, if you had dressed at a younger age, then the switch would have been unlocked at that time, like it was for me close to around 47 years ago, when I was 9 or 10, just from simple curiosity. It just felt right, and I continued from that day on. And like many, I know I am a trans CD with no desire to transition.

No!

Life gets in the way.
In your 20's you are thinking how do I start a career and you were told you needed a family. You hit the bars or where ever to find a mate. You thought OK I like how the clothes look and they feel nice. They look and feel nice on her so...I can live with just letting her wear it and letting me touch them.

In your 30's you have the career, a wife and maybe kids. You spend a lot of time on them and you are worn out when you get home. You still wish to see and feel the clothes but you are comfortable just having someone to sleep with. Besides how can you enjoy it when the kids might see and tell everyone at school?

In your 40's the kids are away more. The wife is settled into her career, you feel like you are in a comfortable place. All is good your extra time is spent on things around the house, the boat in the summer, the kids sports in fall and winter (have to travel miles and miles for that). But you start to think about things. Life is getting short. That vacation to Europe has waited...should do that before you get to old to enjoy it.You really would like a new car that is comfortable now and not just transportation so you have to keep the job you are getting bored with for a little longer. Those clothes in your closet sure are enticing and you have an hour....yes, this is fun but why would I do this? But wow, my heart is racing and I LIKE it! OK I can do this once a week.

Late 40's the kids are off to college or have jobs. The wife is off to work. The boat is really not that much fun any more. You may only have 10-20 years left (men die young). You don't look bad from the neck down in those heels and skirt. It is still fun but you know it is "wrong". Things could be worse though, no one is hurt. 10 more years, you can retire. Then what? You worked for this long to be someone everyone wanted you to be. While you are OK with that you have not been who YOU want to be. Surely the wife won't mind as long as you are happy. But what if this means you are gay? No you are not gay, you like women. You like the clothes. It doesn't hurt anyone. You are happier. What the heck, the head is getting thin so a wig helps. You like who you are for the first time in years.

You are 50, you are seeing the downhill side now. You won't be in a rock band, you won't drive a race car, you won' invent something to make a million. You feel relaxed and happy when you are dressed. It feels natural. You have always felt this way and you realize that it isn't a perversion. You like how you look, you like how you feel. It can't be bad. You are tired of your job. But when you are home and dressed, you are happy. This is how it should be. You worked forever, you deserve to be happy right? The internet is a good thing you can surf and find others who are like you. You are not alone and you know that you are not crazy. And hey who is it hurting?

But that's just how I see it. Could be you just decided to live the last half of your life in a dress

No!

---------I believe hormones also play a role. Looking back at my life, I know that I have always been borderline masculine. I was not interested in sports, didn't really hang out with the guys, liked singing and playing piano, enjoyed crafts (sewing, knitting, Christmas decorations), didn't like war or the military ... and the list goes on. If I stand back and take an unbiased look at this person, I might wonder whether this is a guy or a gal we are talking about. Fast forward to mid-life and the T starts it's natural and normal decline. At 55 there is opportunity and motive and suddenly my life is turned completely upside down.---------------
.

MAYBE!

I was at home alone often in my preteen and teen years. Had a sister and mom with plenty of clothes available. Try them on? NO! WHY? It NEVER OCCURRED TO ME, and I was too busy hiking in the hills and going to the beach! Or, meeting up with friends and GFs!

Moved out on my own in my 20's. Had a few fetishes I had fun with in private. Trying on ladies things wasn't one of them. I even had a live in GF and later a wife in my 30's/40's. Plenty of private time alone with their clothes. Never tried them on. WHY? It NEVER OCCURRED TO ME!

Went out one Halloween dressed as a sexy hooker! It made such an impression on me I promply FORGOT that nite until 10+ years AFTER I began dressing!

It started when I tried on a pair of ladies jeans at about age 50. And, still I didn't really begin dressing until a year afterwards!

My vote is HORMONES!

[Krista1985]

I suppose I'd fall into the mid to later onset group for CD'ing,

Most of the girls on here got their first visit from the gender fairy in childhood/teen years. For me, it came on strong and out of nowhere in my early/mid twenties with no warning. My only prior experience was wearing a bra once at age 14. But that was for science, or so I told myself. (In my best Jacques Cousteau voice) "I needed to understand ze bra so I could remove ze bra und get to my girlfriends breasts."

My next experience was almost a decade later and I still get goose-bumps thinking about it. For some reason and I don't remember why, I began to have inclinations to TG stories and captions. That led me to some interesting sites, and before I knew it I clicked a link for this site somewhere out there. After reading posts that pretty much summed up my feelings about gender identity/fluidity, I made a conscience decision to try dressing up. I mustered my courage for a month or two, saved some cash-ola, not easy as I was finishing up my masters degree and a broke student/pizza man.

But it was enough for a, "Fisher Price My First Crossdressing" get-up, which consisted of a skirt, cami, pocket-bra, breastforms and padded panties. I purchased it in person at an appointment only TG shop in NYC, far from my University and where nobody would recognize me, but still drivable. It was terrifying and exciting making the purchase, the SA was cool as a fan which helped. She could smell the 'noob' on me and took great care to make me feel at ease. I drove home at breakneck speed, half hoping that once I put the stuff on, I would satisfy my curiosity and move on. Well, the opposite happened and keeps happening darn near daily nowadays (nearly 3 years later). So for me, the first trumpet sounded in my teen years, followed by 9 plus years of silence. Then the symphony really got going, and gets louder by the day.

[Elizabeth Ann]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I am constantly amazed by this belief that if you crossdress in one period, you were always a crossdresser, just a repressed and in denial one. Like any religious faith position, this one is impossible to refute, and thus needs no evidence whatsoever. If you crossdress in your 50's, you were always a crossdresser, but just didn't know it. How can anyone deny that? It is a tautology.

Why does it have to be an immutable, binary condition? From birth, you are or you aren't? Is there some compelling reason why you cannot become a crossdresser? I don't know the answer, but I don't think anyone else does either. So, instead of enforcing these mea culpas that "I was just repressed and in denial," maybe we could take people at their word when they say that they started later in life.

Liz

[Julie Hall]

I started at 56, 2-3 weeks ago. When I joined the forum a couple of weeks ago I believed this came out of the blue, without previous thoughts or desires. After I was on the forum for a short time along with much soul searching, I realized I had repressed thoughts dating back to childhood. The thoughts I repressed weren't simply to dress as a female but was to be a female. That I should have been born a girl. This had been pretty fully repressed, I wasn't even aware when I first came to this forum. Most of my adult life this never surfaced.

My stresser has to be the death of my wife last May and the approaching holiday season. This is the first holiday season I'll be without her for more than 29 years. Her health had been an issue for the last 20 years since our daughter died. Most of my time was making sure she was ok, taking her to ERs and doctor appointments, treatments and chemotherapy. My life was always busy helping her and I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything.

Even with that stress I don't believe I would have begun without that first item of lingerie in looking for sexual titillation. Perhaps it would have happened even later, I don't and will never know.

[Debglam]

Hi Elizabeth,

I always knew something was up (since about 7 or 8) but never really dressed (an article of clothing here or there over the years) until a year ago. For some reason I hit a point at 46 where I just HAD to dress completely. I did it and was gloriously happy but completely confused as this was a 90 degree turn in how I had been living my life up to this point. Kind of scared the crap out of myself and obviously scared my SO pretty good too (understatement!!!). I went and saw a gender therapist, scared that this was the first step towards who knows what, and really confused as to WHY this late in the game. I think he nailed it. He suggested that I had hit a point in my life where I was pretty satisfied with where I was and who I was, so the fear and the shame of admitting that I am transgendered was gone. That seemed to make sense to me. I have to say that laying down this burden has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Hopefully this will always be the case.

Debby