I suspect my brother is a cross dresser

[rachel_rachel]

My brother has just recently gotten himself out of a violent relationship and that means that i've taken him in.

He's got bags and bags of clothes stored out my shed.. Most of them full of women's clothing and shoes.. Whilst i've been and had a bit of a look, it's all too small for me, maybe not for him though.

Is it wrong for me to be looking through? In my opinion, Not when it's in my shed.
I did happen to find something that fitted me... a mini skirt!!
There's also a few pairs of shoes as well, but i've got too many shoes as it is, I tried on a pair of boots yesterday, fitted great.

I don't want to front him, He was a teenage runaway and has only just come back after 15 years, Also, i'm not the confrontational type....

Just wanted to vent.

[Karren H]

My younger brother crossdressed... actually I introduced him to it... We don't talk about it anymore... But I wouldn't confront your brother just in case there's another reason you didn't think of.....

[Mindy More]

I guess my 1st question would be - does your brother know you cd?
If he does, that could be useful to you in an opening discussion.

If your really curious to know. You can do the Concerned sibling thing. Maybe mention that you were worried and thought he might be in trouble so you checked his stuff and found mostly womens clothes, maybe he picked up the wrong bag?

A couple of reasons come to mind -
1. Maybe that's all the stuff he bought his ex, and he took it all back.
2. Maybe he took some/all of her clothes as a retaliation
3. Maybe they are his and he do's CD

I'm sure other excuse's can be brought up/created. It's totally up to you if you wanna pursue it further. If he's gonna be staying with you for a while, it may just come out. But if it's a short time, you'd have to start the conversation if you want to know either way.

I'd probably be dropping hints here and there to see if he knows any terms or something. Sorta like some pot smokers do, give a couple code words and see who knows. If they seem cool enough, maybe drop bigger tips until your actually talking about it.

(did I make sense? I think I just lost my point there but I was trying to help )

[donnalee]

Well, you could let him find some of your stuff..............

[jillleanne]

What is in those bags is your brothers' property and not yours. You have no right to open them. You could also suspect he is a serial killer but you would have no right to confront him in that either. What you do have is a right to tell him about yourself and who you are. Should he choose to discuss his personal life with you so be it, otherwise, keep your nose out of his personal life unless you know something that could impact his overall safety. Being gender enhanced is not a life threatening issue.

[gabimartini]

So, if you found money in some of your brother's bags, would it give you the right to grab it, just because it's sitting in your shed? Sorry, but that's a very lame justification for your indiscretion. You have no right to snoop, it's still his personal stuff, keep out of it.

Also, if he hasn't come out, don't bring him out. Seems like he has enough on his plate as it is. It was nice enough of you to take him in, so for the time being, just give him shelter, comfort and love, and let the rest figure itself out with time.

My two cents anyway.

[Tina B.]

I have to agree with Gabi, I've had brothers move in with me over the years, or stow things in my garage for them while they where going through hard times, I never felt I had a reason, or right to go through there stuff, and I would never mess in there personal life unless they came to me and brought it up. If you want to come out to someone, that's your right, but no one should ever try dragging another out into the light, we each need to come out on our own terms if possible.
Tina B.

[Jenniferathome]

Whats to confront? How about asking him about it. "Hey, I was in the shed rearranging things and noticed a lot of women's clothes in your bags. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

[Brynn_A]

Having been on both sides, giving and recieving shelter, several things come back. All of us by nature assume a certain level of privacy no matter the situation. When staying with a friend, I had no issue with them looking into my room to assure that I was doing no damage. However, had they actually gone through my drawers and closets, I would have considered that a major invasion. Likewise, after taking in a family member, I would occasionally take a peek to ensure there were no signs of illegal activity. Given their past, I felt I was warrated and did. Allow your brother to be who he is, respect regular boundariesor..invite him out shopping!

[DonniDarkness]

Dont push your brother, give him his privacy.

Its a little invasive to go thru his things and really invasive to be trying on his clothes without asking. Anytime anyone is in my closet im freaking out!

Does your brother know you dress? Thats where i would start if you feel so compelled by these bags of clothes.

But outright stateing that you went thru his things and found womens clothes, willl out him on the spot and could do irreparable damage to his own personal conflicts. He just got out of a bad relationship? help him with that instead of pushing more buttons. Be there for him, and when hes ready to come out to you it will happen.....but on his time. Pushing him now could send him into a denial/purge phase and set him back in his own personal acceptance.

Lots of Love,
-Donni-

[Marleena]

Donni just said it all for me. You need to stay out of his stuff. Would you like him going through/wearing your clothes if situations were reversed? Be careful with this.

[Rachel Flowers]

Several girls here have ready said it:if you offer him shelter, his personal effects are private. And so is his dressing, I can imagine how exciting it must be to stumble on someone else, but its his prerogative to come out, when he's ready, not yours to force it on him. Out yourself and wait for reciprocation. Perhaps explain to him not to be freaked if he finds any of your stuff

[Claire Cook]

I agree with others, it's his privacy here. Suppose you were in his shoes? But you might drop hints that, since he is living with you, there is something about yourself he might want to know .. in case gets a clue that you dress. How knows, it might lead to sisterhood?

[EllieOPKS]

Yep, violating someone's privacy is just wrong. Trying on his stuff is totally inexcusable. What kind of a friend would do that? If you want to wear something that is obviously female around him, it will give him the opportunity to start a conversation. If he doesn't talk then it should be obvious he wants to keep things quite.

[Stephanie47]

I don't think you stated what kind of violent relationship. You may not know the entire picture. I'd just approach the situation by offering to be a sounding board for him. If he is a cross dresser and he does not know you are also a cross dresser, I do not think he would be willing to unload his baggage onto you. Especially if that is the reason for the violent relationship.

[Chickhe]

What you should do is tell him you crossdress. That way it is his choice to tell you or not and you make it easy for him knowing you do it too.

[DonnaT]

Why did he run away?

[Rachel Flowers]

And if you come out to him and he bottles out, respect that he's not ready yet and don't push him.

[rachel_rachel]

Ok... let me clarify some things... I suspect that he might because my wife found 'chicken fillets' in the bathroom the other day and asked if they were mine... I don't use the kids bathroom.

If he's going to leave all these bags around AND leave them open... i can look. I know where he got the clothes from, I used to do excatly what he does.. Op shop bins over the weekends, rule no. 1 If it's out of the bin.. fair game.

Like i said, it was just a rant, i wasn't expecting the opinions that were forthcoming... Especially the moral issue ones. As i said, if he chooses to leave the bags open in plain view in front of my kids, I'll look. Who knows whats in the bags... i don't need a konck on the door from the local police for harbouring stolen goods.

[Ellyn]

Just because your brother has placed HIS PROPERTY in YOUR GARAGE with your permission, it does not give you the right to invade his privacy, nor steal his property. Shame on you.

[Niya W]

Uh she said he left breast forms out . If you leave the clothes out in the open then yes it's fair game.

[brenda h]

Ask him if he wants a girls night in.

[angpai30]

Just say "I noticed that you had lots of womens clothing. I'm a crossdresser and if you are a cder I'm here to talk if you need it. If not I still don't want you to freak if you find some of my clothes. I love you and I hope things work out for you.

[Donniesr]

Just love him because he is your brother..Anything else is secondary and will come out if and when its necissary..

[Rachel Flowers]

Rachel, I think you got the moral opinions because you specifically raised the issue in your opening post of whether you were right to look. It's always a danger here that one missing detail will cause a storm of pointless controversy!

If he's leaving fillets in the kid's bathroom then yes you need to tell him straight away.