For those who came out or had to come out.

[JCD568]

How did you come out to your SO, parents, friends etc. Were you caught and had to confess? Did you get to the point where you thought you wanted to come out? Or are you still closeted, like me.

I go outside, from time to time, for a smoke or to post a letter, or for a drive while dressed en femme. I always go out not wanting to be caught. It's a real thrill, but if I'm ever caught, I don't know how I'd take it. Maybe one day, I'll be comfortable enough to not worry about such things. I've grown SO much more confident while wandering around at night, en femme. Would like to progress further, i.e. go out dressed without worrying about what others think.

Joanna *Hugs* x x

[Renee W]

For me it was the day my wife found my stuff while I was at work. She approached me about it that night and we talked, I told her everything. After a few days of discussion and reading of information on the web, life has done nothing but get better. We now have a better, more open relationship and are finding more common ground and interest everyday. I have been married to her for 15 yrs, with her for 18, and out to her for 2 months.

[elizabethamy]

I left a white undergarment next to the white sheet of our bed and she found it one evening. I was more relieved than anything else b/c I felt terrible about not having told her. It has been alternately great and rocky since I told her, but having it out in the open between us means that we are going to resolve our relationship with this new side of myself one way or the other, so on the whole, the right thing happened. Plus I'm getting therapy and don't have to sneak or fib about what's being discussed there. Everyone's situation is different!

elizabethamy

[Cheryl T]

My wife found the trimmings from a picture of myself I had taken. She recognized the room and got curious. She then found the picture in my wallet.
For 3 days I got the silent treatment. Finally she asked, "Who is she?". I was confused and asked "Who is who?". Well, that got her mad and she repeated her question. Well, still confused I repeated mine. She said her's again to which she added, "the woman in the picture in your wallet". BUSTED.....
I produced the picture and said, "That's ME!". That made her even more mad, which of course I took as a great compliment. I told her wait here and I went to the car and got the proverbial box of clothes. I then produced the dress and heels, garter belt, nylons, bra, panties and wig that I was wearing in the photo.

After days of talking we found the time wasn't right and back in the box I went until about 7 years ago when I could take it no longer. After more talking and investigation she is now my best girl friend and we go out all the time together everywhere. I am free to dress about the house when I feel like it and never have to worry about her reaction. When it's time to take care of business about the house, that's what I do. It's the dream I always had...come true.

[kimdl93]

Let's say I've done it both ways. First, I came out to a sister, very privately. Then, some years later, I was "outed" to a number of family members, friends, and co-workers by my then wife, in the unpleasant weeks leading up to our divorce. Then, having found the former alternative far preferable to the latter, I came out to my GF when things began to get serious.

I think that latent desire to "get caught" is present in a lot of us. But, like being outed involuntarily, it has a number of drawbacks...foremost being that you're at the mercies of the situation, rather than being able to come out in a controlled and reasoned manner. Why risk a bad result, when you seem to really want someone in your life to share this part of you. So, start thinking about who that person is, as well as what and how you'll tell her/him.

[Lorileah]

In my marriage it just evolved. I asked if I could buy a pair of heels, she said only if I wore them. In my last relationship, she said she was coming out to meet me, I showed her photos, she asked who it was, I said "me", she said "OK". I sent my mom a picture, she asked who it was, I said me, she forgot all about it until I sent another 10 years later. I went to a party at a friend's house, dressed...hard to hide it then. Usually I just tell them, that is the easiest

[Patty F]

I told my wife right after we married, our 2 kids know and my youngest daughter (she is 32)and I have exchanged clothing. I dress around the house a lot and find excuses like halloween to dress in public. Best time was halloween in New Orleans, everyone so open and fun.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together after many years of marriage! It's more like Tina came out to both of us at once

[Jenniferathome]

I told my wife because I was tired of hiding and sick of the guilt/shame.

[Rachel Flowers]

I was always fairly confident she'd be accepting, but by the time I discovered it was real, we were in a really poor place generally so I just chose to keep it to myself. Once we'd sorted out the other issues, I just came out with it. She was more than accepting, she was delighted. We're now kicking ourselves for not realising 22 years ago!

[kimdl93]

I was always fairly confident she'd be accepting, but by the time I discovered it was real, we were in a really poor place generally so I just chose to keep it to myself. Once we'd sorted out the other issues, I just came out with it. She was more than accepting, she was delighted. We're now kicking ourselves for not realising 22 years ago!

For every horror story, there's at least one like Rachel's. Either way, she's going to find out, but if your honest about it, theres a good chance (maybe 50:50 or better) that she'll be delighted (great word, BTW) and the two of you won't miss out on 22 years of great experiences together.

[Dawn cd]

The only one who knows is my wife. She knows because, after years of being together, nothing can be secret. She would find something I washed and hung up to dry, or she'd notice bra lines beneath my knit shirt. But we never talked about it until about a year ago. We've spoken a few times about gender & dressing issues, and she's okay with it, but she doesn't want to be part of it. Our marriage continues to be strong.

[Cynthia Anne]

One day I decided A GIRL GOTTA' DO WHAT A GIRL GOTTA DO! If they don't like it then they can do what my signature tells them to do! Hugs!

[Helen Grandeis]

I came out to my wife because although I have privately dressed while she was not at home for twenty years (and before that on and off back till 1968), I had gotten out totally on a business trip and knew that I couldn't not tell her and be out. I gambled and deluded myself into expecting a good outcome when the writing was on the walls about how she felt. She went bonkers. She has no tolerance whatsoever. There was a carload size purge to the local TG support group monthly meeting. Helen has moved into the tiniest of closets. The rest of our marriage is going great. I was greatly impressed at how much she loves me. Unfortunately, Helen's future is uncertain. My tiny existence is sufficient for my most immediate needs. The future is a long time.
--
Good luck
Helen

[Brynn_A]

I came out to my soon to be ex wife. She was coming over to drop off some things and I met her at the door wearing a pair of girly jeans and a T..blonde hair flowing and a subtle smoky eye makeup.

[Piora]

For me, it was my daughter. She was living with me up until recently, but had no idea that I crossdressed. I had ordered my first pair of shoes, and instead of them being sent by Canada Post, they were sent by DHL Courier! Of course, it was too late to do anything about it, and yes, my daughter was home when they arrived. Instead of inventing some c.o.c.k-a-namie story to cover it up, I decided to come clean. She was very understanding and supportive, and it went a thousand times better than I had pictured it in my mind. My awesome daughter....I love her dearly.

[Amanda S]

I came out to my wife twice, as it turns out. I had mentioned it before and she wasn't ready to hear it. I recently came out again, and she received it well, taking me shopping. It's important to know that I was not actively dressing BEFORE I told her; that, she said, would have made the revelation worse because she would have felt betrayed. And she's since found that me dressing is attractive to her...added bonus. I know my story is atypical, but it's been my experience thus far.

[kristinacd55]

My wife found a sex toy box and thought I was having an affair with another woman. That's when I fessed up.....that was about 5 yrs ago. But, this year back in February started going to support group meetings and then occasionally going to clubs and there is nothing like being out in public and meeting friends! I think that your coming to that point and if you can find a group or girls nearby you'll never regret it.

[Nikki A.]

Told my second wife when it looked like we might be getting serious. Some talking and she was supportive but not always accepting in the 20 yrs we were married. We set limits and boundaries which I kept until she passed away. Since then there have been a few major infractions ( ok well almost all limits broken).

[MarcyHunter]

Gone cottin choppin.

[Jonianne]

How did you come out to your SO, parents, friends etc....

Before my ex-wife and I divorced, she started seeing an ex-TG counselor who gave her bad advice and told her she needed to threaten and make ultimatums to me about my cding. So she threatened to tell everyone about it.

That actually was the best thing that could have happen to me.

I had started counseling on my own and had gained enough sense of self that I was able to tell everyone that was important to me, my kids, my family, close friends, bosses and co-workers and the church leaders I was a member of. It was hard at first, but later when I never lost a single friend, it became easier and easier to share. So the next time she threateded to tell, I said go ahead, I already told them. She never threatened that again.

She has passed now and I do want to say she was a good woman overall and I know we loved each other and I am so sad we could not work it out. I am angry at the so-called counselor who gave her bad advice, making my cd'ing a black and white, all or nothing issue between us and not allowing for any compromise whatsoever.

[Michelle 2]

Very much like many of the gals here I started crossdressing at the early age of about seven. This cumpulsive behavior grew as the years have passed into my teens and now into my midlife. I realized at a very young stage in my life that I was attracted to womans clothes and I never really had a problem with it personally. I just did not know how others would deal with it. Over several decades of crossdressing certain people in my life have found out about my lifestyle either by getting caught or by taking the initiative to inform them about my little hobby.

As for my spouse I have no secrets from her. I was one of the lucky ones who told her before our marriage. She is a very special woman and decided to love me and marry me for better or worse. Next year will be our 25th wedding anniversary and I can truly say that I love her more today than when we first met. I have found that as I continue to grow as a person that people do not respect you if you lie or decieve them. On the other hand if you are forthright and honest there really is nothing to fear, or stop you from achieving what you set out to do.

Michelle

[Roslyn]

Coming out to my wife, looking back on it, was hilarious, because I didn't realize until it was done.. I wascompletely sloshed one night, and just babbled on and on... The next morning (to my initial terror) she told me about the conversation, and then went on to tell me she was completely okay with it.. We had only been dating for a couple weeks at that point, but we're still together 13 years later, happily married, and looking forward to every new day.. on a side note, soon after the event, I gave up drinking permenantly, lol...

[Samantha B L]

I came out to my Mom and my sister and my two brothers and also to some family freinds back in the seventies. They all just hated it. After something like two years went by I saved myself some agravation by telling them I "quit" crossdressing and a whole lot of other LGBT stuff I came out to them about. Of course, I didn't "quit". I've lived at home most of my adult life because on the more good side of things my parents allowed their children to continue living at home as long as they work,keep reasonably hygeinic,help out with chores and stuff like putting up siding or mowing the lawn and pay rent and kick in on stuff like the cable bill and phone bill. so it's not like I'm spoiled and it's a good deal. I've been living with my sister now for about two years and I'm in my fifties. She came out and asked me why most of my facebook freinds were drag queens,gays,lesbians,drag kings,burlesque performers. She was good natured about it but she asked me if I was a "transvestite". I told her yes. Why fight it. She said it was Okay! A whole bunch of my freinds and relatives know nowadays and they're all cool about it.

[Stacey Summer]

As I've already said in another thread my mum and sister caught me when I was little and I was berated and scared witless by my mum. I had two girlfriends in my mid to late teens who I told by simply putting on their stuff. The first one was ok with it and liked it, the second one wasn't approving and I didn't do it again.

This time round I thought "What the hell!" My SO had just bought a really nice pair of knee-high platform boots and I said I wanted my own pair. She hasn't been approving or particularly tolerant but she seems to be getting more accepting now, she even wants to help me shop for clothes now! She just has one rule, no wearing her stuff, lol. Which is fine as I think I've got just as many clothes as her by now =P