Originally Posted by
Leslie Langford
...despite the fact that the stars were in full alignment for me this past Friday when I went out en femme again. Let me explain more fully:
With my wife and assorted family members otherwise occupied on that particular day, I had the opportunity to hit the malls in "Leslie" mode to finish up my Christmas shopping - not to mention looking for a few items on "her" own personal wish list. What made this day even more auspicious was the fact that a GG photographer and Facebook friend of mine who is intrigued by my female alter ego (and has already done a photo shoot with "her") also happened to message me the night before with a most interesting proposition.
Seems that she had agreed to mind the store that day on behalf of the owner of a ladies' clothing boutique in downtown Toronto specializing in high end fashions, evening wear, and sexy lingerie, and she suggested in her message that I might want to come over for a look since she had come across a few items that she thought would look very nice on me. Talk about an offer that I couldn't refuse!...so I made sure that I would find the time to stop by her place as I finalized my shopping plans.
The day started off well enough, and I stopped off first at the Bay, which is a major department store chain here in Canada. They had a number of sales promotions going on, including a "scratch and save" event. With that in mind, I found a nice ladies' suit that had already been reduced by 60%, and I fully expected to make a "killing" on that purchase once all the other promotions were factored in. Well, as it happened, the initial response was that I couldn't "double dip" after the cashier had some problems completing the transaction due to the fact that even she wasn't totally up to speed on all the exclusions. It eventually took a Manager to come over to sort all this out.
What was interesting here is that I ended up dealing singly and collectively with 3 or 4 SA's as well as their Manager while they were trying to figure out what to do, and at one point, they began referring to me alternately as "he" and "him" among themselves. This was even though I was in full "Leslie" mode with the wig, make up, heels, purse, and miscellaneous accessories, and also while wearing a stylish and very age-appropriate outfit including a knee-length skirt and matching top. In fact, I was dressed better and in a more lady-like manner than any one of them. I also believed (mistakenly, obviously!) that I looked eminently "passable" that day, and at the very least, would be capable of blending in seamlessly. Needless to say, I was very disappointed by this reaction, but oddly enough - equally intrigued and heartened by the fact that they were not doing this maliciously and were treating me with courtesy and respect throughout, including the requisite small talk and complimentary comments on both my purchases as well as the great bargain that I was able to score in the process. In fact, the Manager even ended up over-riding the electronic block on the cash register to give me more of a price reduction than I was actually entitled to because she agreed that the store signage regarding the sale was misleading.
I guess what I am saying here is that the "bad" thing about this incident was that I was obviously "read", but the "good" thing is that it seemed to make no difference whatsoever to them, and they treated me just like any other customer- no sense of surprise, snickering, negative comments, eye-rolls etc. In other words, almost as if they saw crossdressers every day and that it was no big deal to them. So here I was - ego slightly bruised, but oddly O.K. with that, considering how this whole incident had played out overall.
By way of contrast, when I went to see my GG Facebook friend, she was all smiles, gave me a great big hug, looked me up and down admiringly, and reiterated a remark that she had made on a previous occasion about how great she thought my legs looked. She then gave me a quick tour of the boutique, offered me a glass of wine, confirmed my current dress size and likes/dislikes, hustled me off to a fitting room, and brought me a whole armful of skirts, tops, dresses, shoes and bustiers to try on, each of which I had to model for her outside of the fitting room and in front of a large mirror. They were all great choices, and her eyes got bigger and bigger and her smile wider and wider as I modeled each new outfit for her to critique and comment on. She seemed to be enjoying this fashion show as much as I was, if not more, even asking me to twirl around for her a couple of times. I think that she was genuinely surprised by how good some of those outfits looked on me. My GG friend also mentioned how impressed she was with my ability to navigate about in one of the pairs of 4" stilettos she that had brought to me to go with one of the dresses. I winked at her, saying that yes, I have had a bit of practice in that regard, and besides, what was the point of being a crossdresser if you aren't going to rock the heels - at which point the biggest, knowing grin appeared on her face. I should also add that she and I were alone in the store during all this time, so I had her undivided attention and she treated me just like a regular female customer throughout - if not better, in fact.
But the highlight for me was when I picked out a super cute pink corset with black lace trim from the store's lingerie rack to try on, and my GG friend enthusiastically helped me to position it properly. She then did up the back laces as tightly as she could while I stood there otherwise clad only in my panties and holding my breast forms in my hand as I awaited the proper time to insert them.
This just had to be one of the most surreal experiences of my life to date and a fantasy come true, and yet somehow, incredibly, it also felt like the most natural thing in the world as I was mentally transported into another dimension. This was also my first time trying on a corset, and we were both amazed at just how much of an hourglass figure I was able to achieve with it. So as an aside to all you ladies who have posted about corsets and bustiers in the past and how much you love them - I get it now - I really, really get it!
In the end, most of the items that my GG friend had me try on were far too expensive for my limited budget (especially with Christmas gift-giving time upon us) so I settled for a cute shrug that I knew would go well with some of the cocktail dresses and evening gowns that I already own. I also put a deposit down for the corset which she has to order for me in one size larger for a better fit, and which I will be picking up early in the New Year. Needless to say, I was walking on Cloud 9 when I left the store after having been treated so royally, and all my self-doubts from earlier in the day had totally melted away by that point.
My next (and last) stop of the day was at a major downtown shopping center which I knew would be open until 11:00 P.M. that night because of the extended Christmas shopping hours, and I was looking forward to another leisurely round of selecting and trying on some of the scores of special event dresses and shoes that were being offered on sale for the current Christmas and New Year's Eve party season. I again landed at the Bay store there, which also happens to be that chain's flagship location. I found 6 dresses that I really liked while interacting with several SA's in the process, none of whom gave me any indication that I was being "read". Ditto for the lady who opened up a fitting room for me and came by several times to inquire how I was doing.
In fact, just before that point, a fellow female shopper who was about my age began to engage me in a conversation that lasted for over 10 minutes, and centered around her frustration at not being able to find anything stylish and age appropriate there that didn't feature a top or neckline that threatened to reveal far more than she would have been comfortable with. She even asked me for my thoughts on a number of dresses that she had already set aside, and gave no indication throughout that she suspected that I was anything but a fellow GG. But then, the moment of truth arrived...
After trying on all 6 of my selections, I found 2 that fit me so well and looked so awesome on me that they were "keepers", and I subsequently headed to the nearest cash to pay for them. In the distance, I saw a gaggle of GG's hovering around the cash register station, and I assumed initially that it was a mix of GG customers waiting to pay, along with some cashiers. As I approached closer I saw all eyes become trained on me, and I then realized that the group consisted entirely of store employees who were taking advantage of a quiet moment to have a yak fest.
I felt vaguely as if I was walking into a lion's den at that point, and all the warnings on this forum about the intuitive powers of teen-aged GG's to spot a tranny from miles away flashed through my mind. Fortunately, the male side of my brain also kicked in at that point, and I became determined to act cool and not let them smell the fear. I needn't have worried, though, as they all acted super nice while I was in their midst, complimenting me on my choices, taking special care to gift wrap them nicely, and ensuring that I was getting all the discounts that I was entitled to. Everything went without a hitch, except... just as happened at the other Bay store, the conversations were again peppered with "he", "him", and "sir".
I was so disappointed by this turn of events that - unlike the first time - I was just about to call them on this breach of etiquette and inquire as to why they were insisting on referring to me as a male when I was clearly presenting as a female. But discretion being the better part of valor, I also realized that no malice was intended here given the rest of their very accepting actions and attitudes, and I let it slide. I simply pretended that I just hadn't heard those specific references and went with the flow.
As I said in my intro to this post, I have very mixed feelings about what happened to me on that day. On one hand, I should feel crushed that I was "read" so easily - especially considering that I had achieved a very polished look between the outfit I had chosen to wear, my wig, and the great care I had taken in applying my make up (or so I had thought). I was also a little bothered by the fact that I see so many masculine looking GG's out there these days, and I thought that I looked at least as good as - if not better than - many of them, yet I was readily pegged for what I really was. Clearly, I now need to go back and re-examine the other aspects of the way in which I present myself to see what tipped them off - whether it was my voice, my body language, or some other, less tangible marker...
And yet... I am also curiously heartened by the fact that I was accepted so readily by GG's who were total strangers to me, and despite the fact that they clearly took me for a genetic male at the same time. It was almost as if this was no big deal to them at all, and that serving crossdressers was a common event for them - and no real departure from dealing with other types of "unconventional" customers such as those who have multiple tattoos and/or body piercings, spiked and/or purple-dyed their hair etc., or else wear one of the many distinctive ethnic and/or religious garments like the hijab or burqa that are now so commonplace in the larger cities of the Western world.
As many have pointed out here, true "passing" is a Holy Grail that few of us can realistically expect to achieve - even sporadically. Instead, we should focus simply on "blending in", feeling comfortable in our skins, and projecting that serenity and confidence onto those whom we interact with who will then invariably reflect that back on us.
I believe that this is exactly what happened to me on Friday, and if I ever had any remaining misgivings about going out en femme for fear of attracting both negative or unwanted attention, then I think that this experience has put those to bed once and for all.
Gaby
