I guess when it comes right down to it, I've sort of decided I'm more CD than TG. And while I love everything feminine, theres still much in 'guy life' I would hate to give up.. But this thread isn't about me... or is it?
I recently came out to a friend who decided to make the monumental step and decided she was going to transition. We decided we should do the girls day out. Also, we hooked up with a GG friend of both of ours. Well, it turns out I've been CDing longer than she has been transitioning. She was a bit of a late bloomer, but oh well. My friend is already on hormones and has had facial hair removed.
I really have no decent way to say this. And I am feeling completely hypocritical, like all those idiots who say 'Oh, I have no problem with them... BUT'.. horsepucky. And frankly I'm a bit ashamed of myself because as a CD, the whole point is looking like and wearing what you want.
I have just recently come to the reality, that while upon closer inspection I probably don't pass (Yet...), but I do in fact, blend in with a crowd and I am proud to say I can walk safely through a crowd or past a person, or even into the woman's restroom without drawing a secondly glance, which frankly for me is pure nirvana.
To make a long story short, she made many, many questionable style decisions, which is politically correct for she looked ... way too many contrasting makeup colors, wig in the wrong color, a sweater, socks and epically tall CFMP's, making her a crazy tall 6'6" easy. And to draw more attention to the fact she was looming over the whole population, she topped it off with a Pink banded Trilby (For those - a short brimmed Fedora) straight out of hot topic.
I'm going on 32 years old, and I guess I dress like a 32 year old woman. In stark Contrast, I was wearing a Jeans, a nice leather jacket, a casual printed T-shirt (The Who!) a set of Classic chuck taylors. The Actual Girl in the group was wearing a matching track suit and sneakers. We were just going out to a casual dinner and some prechristmas window shopping. To quit beating around the bush and get to the point she stuck out like a sore thumb. And because she was as tall as a mighty oak, we never lost track of her in all the department stores.
And you know.. I could have sucked it up and got over it.. if she wasn't being completely closed out to our advice. I offered Wig tape and to try and straighten her wig a bit, because it started doing that slouching forwards thing to where the false part is in the middle of the forehead. She resisted. The GG with us (Who is actually into costuming, costume making and cosplay(!!!!)) suggest she could try a front lace wig and she obstinately said 'there was no point in those'.. to which I chimed in 'Um, I'm wearing one now?'
Half way through the shopping, the huge heels started to bother her and she started walking around JCPenny in her socks (At least she wasn't towering over everything in the zipcode anymore). She asked to stop at Payless, and me and the GG silently cheered to ourselves. We were pointing out some nice flats and tennis shoes and she veered off like a heel-seeking-missile and grabbed a set of boots with a 3" heel and *ziiiip* taller than the universe again.
Don't get me wrong.. I have heels. I own 5 pairs of women's shoes and 3 of them have heels. One pair of boot which I save so special occasions has 4.5" heels. I also wear them around the house and practice with them so I'm not clopping along like a Clydesdale also... (And I'm totally pissed because I can fit in a 13W in womans, and she can get away with an 11 or 12, which is where most shoe stores stop, but besides the point!).
Meanwhile a friend was texting me (Who knew what we were up to) and asked how things were going and got a mixed answer. I gave her a SitRep. As if sent by the god of setup lines, she texted me back and asked if the GG I was with was dressed like that would I have the same problem, unaware the GG was actually there to witness it. To which she then said something to the effect 'Liz may not, but I would'..
I guess what I'm putting off is I was annoyed. Here I had dressed up (And yes, even if it's jeans and a T-shirt, the fact I was girled is 'Dressed up'. It still takes 45 minutes to go from naked to Liz) specifically for the purpose of blending in and not being the center of attention, and here she is going out of her way to draw every eye in the mall to her. And me as well. All the while, she's fervently pointing out she's not in 'Drag', but this is how she is. And I am somewhat ashamed, because deep down I know I should be the first in line to be supportive and the last person on earth to say anything or judge how people want to dress.
I guess I'm at a loss at what to do.. I don't think I want to have that much attention drawn to me again and she refuses to take any advice.. Ideas? Thanks in advance..