OK I can feel good mixed...

[johanna.kitten]

So, today - was an odd one...

Yeah I can stand being in the mix... I will prolly bore you death with this one.

I had my makeup professionally done by Selfridges in London, new nails and my hair done up (even if it is too short for my likings). Ah, got mixed, from the bottom: My brown/amber croc shoes (mens). Burgundy femme trousers, burgundy tights, black lace undies, cowboy type belt by Cavalli, new white cachmere top with buttons on the sholders, new pearl necklace matching my earrings, two white gold rings with diamonds. Professionally done black nails and professionally done makeup, still wearing my glasses as I had no time to pick up new lenses today. Also wearing my Versace fur coat that could pass. And a scarf in burgundy, to match the trousers, with some silver in it.

I rock up at a top-notch bar in London and with my luck the music playing was Lady Gaga's "I was born this way", all good, the music almost stopped as I walked in. This is a place where you rub shoulders with the financial elite, footballers and people from the music industry. I was, of course, drowning in Jean-Paul Gaultier's femme perfume. I loved it. It was great, I ordered a bottle of Bollinger, of course, no glass, and had a sip of it and left. (Later bar-hopping.)

All good in my books, but I am still soo depressed that I am not yet 100% female. I will post about this elsewhere - I am sick of it. I have a good life and I have not.

/Johanna - so freakin' depressed it is not funny

[Kaz]

Someone very wise once told that me that to get what we really want we have to give up what we think that we want? Or something like that... It must be great to be loaded and to move in those circles... I guess it must be very hard to not get you want you want...?

[Marleena]

Johanna I have days feeling like that too. You are not alone. Hang in there.

[johanna.kitten]

(Eh, my postings does not seem to happen all the time.)

I just posted in the transsexual forum and it tells a different story about me, just now. Not a happy bunny at all I'm afraid.

/Johanna

[Angie G]

Sometimes you have to go ant get what you want. If you have the means there is a way girl.
Angie

[Cynthia Anne]

Depression is for unhappy people! I'm dead broke BUT I'm too happy to be depressed! Hugs!

[johanna.kitten]

Kaz, yeah - I really do suffer. There are so many things that goes just right for me, one is that I can dress at work, but not having my hormones upsets me quite a lot. It is worse than most things... I even emailed my previous quack this morning in a desperate attempt but nothing yet. Darn, there must be some sort of emergency number to call. Failing that I probably call in sick and seek a local support group here in London tomorrow, I really need someone to talk to - great this forum is here, otherwise...

/Johanna - seriously unhappy now

[johanna.kitten]

True, there are so many things that are good, I really don't want to miss out. It is just so frustrating to not be where I'm supposed to be, and also so far away from it. Not only am I a little bit scared of what I have to do but there seems to be a whole planet fighting me as well. It does not really help that I got this wild lifestyle - but I am getting better at controlling myself, it used to be pretty bad in the past, like parties that went from county to county and you never knew in which one you'd wake up in next time. Really bad sign!

/Johanna

[Barbara Ella]

Johanna, Just keep talking to the girls here. I cannot know the depth of your feelings and inability to be where you must be, but I know things do change all the time, so I have hope that they will for you.

Babes

[johanna.kitten]

Bebes, I'd like to be 100% woman and currently I'm far away from this. I do dress every day, in public or not, but often mix as I please. Now I do at times get hormones but I really like to have them prescribed to me as it is safer that way, and then I could also get them all the time. This is just my first step in the right direction. For so many years I have denied Johanna, but I just can't any more as I am Johanna. I'm so glad Johanna happened to me even if it is a struggle at times. Johanna showed up around 1983 or so, so I know her quite well by now even if she been hiding for so many years. If I just had the courage as a teen I would have been so much better off now...

/Johanna