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Thread: How do I ask for a feminine hairstyle?

  1. #1
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    How do I ask for a feminine hairstyle?

    Hello, I am partially new to crossdressing, but I definitely have another side that I like to express sometimes. Having lived decades without ever experiencing what women do, I'm somewhat left in the dark. So I want to get a feminine hairstyle with hair that is medium/medium-long. I'm not out, nor do I want to go in public dressed like a girl, or even try to pass, so how/what do I tell the hairstylist so I don't weird them out?

    I don't know if it's best to have an idea to tell the stylist or if I should say "just do what would look good on me if I were a girl." Obviously I can't just say that, so how would I get that hairstyle without drawing attention by saying I want a girl's haircut?

    Also, I'm planning on going to someplace like Supercuts, and not a salon that's all women. I don't even know if it's possible to get your hair cut in a feminine way, so that it looks feminine even right after taking a shower.

    Sorry this is so long. Basically I'm asking how do I tell the hairstylist I want an obvious female haircut without embarrassing myself when asking?

  2. #2
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    As you don't want to go out as a girl, you could tell the stylist that you are looking for a more androgynous, less masculine style than you have at present
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  3. #3
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    Your a man right?

    Why not just ask for a feminine cut?

    Sometimes it takes some balls not to have any.


    Julia

  4. #4
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    What i would do is the same as asking about make up clothes . bras shoes or any thing to do with womens issue's just only with women thats all. in your case id ask for thier books on hair style's & ask the top woman what would suit you. colour shape & what ever youd like to have done.

    as to reasons as to why , is up to you to say or not . you are paying for a service so you should expect that.

    I have worked with women for years wether male or female no difference ether way. its not a problem

    I would ask as you said what would look good on me as a girl.& dont go with wet hair or just after youv washed it, let your hair be as natural as it is normaly so they know what it looks like,

    The other detail is if your going to do this often then you need to have a repore with your lady who your happy with working on you.
    When i wore a wig i had our lady who did Jos 's hair do mine she was not bothered, & nore was i . tho i dont now & no hair so not a problem , its like this most woman dont care & its thier work so enjoy the time with them,

    & ask how best to look after your hair as well. & keep it nice,

    Hope it goes well for you,

    ...noeleena...

  5. #5
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    If you have a transgender community in your area, you could ask them for the names of some locally "gender friendly" hairdressers. If they have experience with trans folks you will not need to be concerned about asking for a feminine hairdo.

  6. #6
    Member Imeni's Avatar
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    Eh. It's just hair. Here is what you do.

    1. Go inside. Sit in chair.
    2. Tell her that you are feeling adventurous, and want to break your comfort zone. To try something new that you haven't done before. So get her to do the most feminine looking cut possible, as you want to rock the boats of everyone you come into contact with.
    3. When she smiles and does it, tip her big.

    Problem solved. ;D
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  7. #7
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    I go to the Haircuttery and have had the same stylist for over 3 years. When I first went to her with my longish hair and she asked how I wanted it, I just asked for a page style with bangs and she went to work.

    I still look male enough that I have not had a problem with my hair being long at work or anywhere else. Even though I style it feminine every day (without accessories of course), it still tends to look maleish on me anyway, even long. It just looks like I keep it clean and nice, instead of the hippy look, so I wouldn't worry too much about styling it male for work and feminine other times. My page style seemed to work fine for me either way.

    You can see my pic on my profile page. I cut it when my Angel was sick, but I'm letting it grow back out again.
    Joni

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  8. #8
    Junior Member Anna Abwaerts's Avatar
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    Oh now you planted a seed in my brain
    This wig that I have (my first) does not really work with my face, and I am wondering if other really will do, although I definitely will get some.

    I have quite thick hair and hiding it beyond wig is a shame, and as I keep my hair rather long-ish there is lots to hide under wig and it gets hotty.

    The seed is planted, as I said

  9. #9
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    Try to find a picture of the hairstyle you would like. Just a quick google search for "hairstyles" turned up numerous sites with hundreds of style photos. Most hair salons will also have books or magazines with pictures of all the popular hairstyles.

    My wife worked over 30 years as a hair stylist (owned her own shop) and you would always see some of the ladies sitting in the chairs reviewing styles, looking for what they want done.

  10. #10
    Member Starr's Avatar
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    I have been letting my hair grow for around 3 years now, it is down to the bottom of my shoulder blades.. well most of it is. I want to get a style done that will let me pull back in ponytail when male mode.. and let down when in girl mode. I checked with some of the tgirls around here and was directed to 2 different ladies, one is a pre-op Transexual the other does lots of Tgirls hair so she is open to whatever you want. You might check around and find someone who can help you in the same way.

    Starr

  11. #11
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    I had tried the haircut salon chains a few times. They never quite undstood what I was looking for. So I ended up with their interuptations. Then I found a gal that does haricuts for TG/CD all the time. She's the only on4e that I let do my hair anymore. She gives a style that allows me to wear my hair ina masculine style when I need to( at work) and a femimine style the rest of the time. I recommend checking with the local TG community for a hairstylist.
    Diane Elizabeth

  12. #12
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    Do what I did...just ask the hairdresser to try a more feminine style. Make sure you ask for some tips on how to replicate it at home.

  13. #13
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    First of all, dispense with the stories and excuses. If what you want is a feminine hairstyle, just be 100% honest. You might be surprised at the reception you receive but don't think for a minute it's because you are a fabulous CD'er. Instead, look to your wallet (or purse if you will) and notice the green things in there. Those tend to elicit positivity out of those who sell goods or services. And then there is a concept called residual income which in this case becomes applicable should you become a repeat customer.

    That said...

    Quote Originally Posted by Starr View Post
    I have been letting my hair grow for around 3 years now, it is down to the bottom of my shoulder blades.. well most of it is. I want to get a style done that will let me pull back in ponytail when male mode.. and let down when in girl mode. I checked with some of the tgirls around here and was directed to 2 different ladies, one is a pre-op Transexual the other does lots of Tgirls hair so she is open to whatever you want. You might check around and find someone who can help you in the same way.

    Starr
    Wow, 3 years, that's terrific! Mine is probably at about 2 1/2 years. But have you gone this long without any trimming or layering? Getting a little bit taken off every so often is important for healthy growth.

    What I have found is that it's crucial that I maintain length to keep the hair in a pony most of the time (ie - guy mode) so that is what I make clear to my stylist. From there, a bit of layering is pretty much imperceptible in guy mode when the hair is in the pony (but it looks way too pretty when the hair is down, leading to quite a few cases of mistaken-gender-identity on the part of strangers).

    Regarding finding a stylist, it's not such a difficult thing. I have been in several chairs throughout my hair-growing adventures. Two were at beauty colleges which I am pretty much done with. They served their purpose, especially for that first time attempt at a feminine style, but while the price is right, I find the students to be sooooooo sloooooooow. I later found a salon stylist simply by walking in and using my "skills" in reading her as to whether she'd be receptive. It helped that the salon was empty at that moment and I met a young lady named Amanda who was terrific. Unfortunately, after a handful of visits to her, including getting a little trim off the ends, she moved to Texas so she handed me off to her friend & co-worker Sarah. Sarah is terrific as well, taking nearly an hour with me every time I'd visit. Unfortunately, she moved to another salon where I visited her one time and found it to be a bit too large and busy for my comfort (these places are a bit close to home).

    I have since found yet another stylist and even met another one the other evening who would love to help me as well. I guess it's that green thing going on. However, early on in my hair adventures I'd pretty much require a professional style before I went out & about. These days, not so much because I'm becoming more comfortable in what I can do for myself, provided I have a place to do it.

    Hope at least some of this helps.

    <end/hair-rant>
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
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  14. #14
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    First of all you don't have to tell your hairstylist anything but when you tell her what you want she will understand. Go online and check out medium/long hairstyles and cross reference your age. You will get several ideas and then you can download the ones that you like and ask her opinion about which type might look best for you. Because I need to maintain my male image, my hair is pulled back in a ponytail for work but when not at work it is is more of a bob with my hair shorter in back than on the sides. I have often thought getting it cut shorter, like the style Anne Benning had in American President, so that I could spike it in that "hot" feminine manner but shorter hair styles don't suit my square jaw line although most women my age have short hair and jaw line be damned!

  15. #15
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    Your lucky you have enough hair to do this!!! I'm dam bald so I can't. There are many good suggestions here, my opinion though is:
    1. Go to a smaller womens salon, sit down and be honest and say you want the most femmime style that she can give you. She will take your face shape into consideration etc.. and give you something flattering. If you do it this way the COMMUNICATION is VERY DIRECT and there will be absolutley no MISUNDERSTANDING as what is to be done. YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!! Once you do it you'll see that is not a big deal at all. The hairdresser will probably be glad you were direct so she can do her job without any guess work!!!
    2. You can go in and tell a lie but I don't recommend it because it is being chicken but if you have to...tell her you
    lost a bet with someone and you need to get a real girl cut...
    3. Your family has been nagging you to get a cut and now you're really going to show them!
    4. Take in a magazine picture and say you saw the cut on a girl the other day just like this one in the pic and you want it like that.
    5. If your town or city has a shop that does transgender people, then thats an easy way to do it.

    I still think the more DIRECT with the COMMUNICATION is the answer to get what you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You and the hairdresser will have fun doing this so don't BEAT AROUND THE BUSH!

    Enjoy and tell us how it went.

  16. #16
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    I would actually recommend not going to a place like Supercuts and go to a regular salon. If you find someone that gives you a cut you like, you will probably want to stay with the same person as long as possible. It just seems to me that the chains have a higher turnover and probably pay less, so you may not get the consistency that you want. Of course that can be true anywhere, but generally you get more when you pay more.

  17. #17
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    Several people have already told you how to do this. It's no secret. But you have to do that thing that is so hard for lots of guys. You have to communicate. Just tell the stylist what you want.

    "I want a more feminine hairstyle".

    That's it. That's all.

    I would echo the ones who say you might want to go to a regular salon rather than a discount chain. There you will get someone who will actually listen and who also wants you to come back.

    S

  18. #18
    Member Marcyme's Avatar
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    I have had fem bob hairstyles for most of the past 20 years. I have seen many different stylists. Never had one reject me or act weird when I just asked for fem styles. I tell them it is just me being me and refusing to comply with the short hair and goatee crowd!
    I agree, stay away from the chain stores. Look for local modern salons with younger staff. The younger girls have more fun with our requests.
    When looking for a new stylist, I call a few soon and tell them I am looking for an fun, open minded stylist that would have fun giving me feminine styles. Almost every salon I have called here excited and says I have just the stylist for you! I will usually chat with them, and make .an appointment if I get a good feeling from them.
    This is how I found my current stylist. I think she has more fun than I do! I have an appointment Saturday and she told me to plan on 3 hours, but won't tell me what she is doing. She says "you will look like a new woman!" So excited!

  19. #19
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Hair? Hmmm, I seem to remember that concept and at one time my head was covered with the stuff!

    But, seriously, pick a shop that looks a bit trendy and tell them that you want to have some fun and would like a completely feminine hair style that you can maintain easily (longish if that's what you want). Then ask her for some ideas. They should be able to show you some pictures of where he/she would like to go with your hair and then go for it.

    And do give a significant tip. When you go back you will get treated even better.

    tina

  20. #20
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    I don't lie to my hairdresser(s). I told them how to cut it a long time ago and now when I go in I tell them that I'm just looking for ma trim and how much. Its a style that I can get to look feminine when I'm home or masculine when I need to go out.

  21. #21
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcyme View Post
    I have had fem bob hairstyles for most of the past 20 years. I have seen many different stylists. Never had one reject me or act weird when I just asked for fem styles. I tell them it is just me being me and refusing to comply with the short hair and goatee crowd!
    Overall I cannot fault you about your openness for so many years but I do wonder why not completely come clean about your motivations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marcyme View Post
    When looking for a new stylist, I call a few soon and tell them I am looking for an fun, open minded stylist that would have fun giving me feminine styles. Almost every salon I have called here excited and says I have just the stylist for you! I will usually chat with them, and make .an appointment if I get a good feeling from them.
    This is how I found my current stylist. I think she has more fun than I do! I have an appointment Saturday and she told me to plan on 3 hours, but won't tell me what she is doing. She says "you will look like a new woman!" So excited!
    ...or maybe you are being completely honest and it just didn't come through in your first paragraph.

    And what you said got me thinking. Perhaps we are kind of like the ultimate challenge for the stylist or makeup artist who is willing to enthusiastically take on a transgendered client.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  22. #22
    Member Marcyme's Avatar
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    Oh I am pretty open with my stylists

  23. #23
    John JohannaH's Avatar
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    I just tell my barber (who is a woman) that I want a girl's haircut. That's all it takes!

    At one time I had my hair down to my shoulders, and I went to a stylist several times, and simply asked for a woman's style and paid the money. Money from a man is just as green as money from a woman!

    Bear in mind when the weather is warm I wear denim skirts and sandals along with painted toenails.

    Johanna
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  24. #24
    Member carnut62's Avatar
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    I grew my hair out for years. Just find a picture of someone in a magazine or hair book and tell them that you want that style. They don't seem to care. I always seemed to have mine up in a ponytail so I cut it after 3+ years and donated it. My daughter was 4 and didn't remember me with short hair. I have been thinking of growing it long again but the hair on the sides of my head next to my sideburns just won't lie flat and won't grow longer than 2-3 inches, guess it is part of going gray and getting old.

    My profile picture has my real hair.

  25. #25
    Princess in the making SandraAbsent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julia_in_Pa View Post
    Your a man right?

    Why not just ask for a feminine cut?

    Sometimes it takes some balls not to have any.


    Julia
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