The other night my wife and I were talking and cuddling. We were talking about a 3 week trek she had made and out of the blue she said that she had had lots of time to think about lots of things, including my dressing. As I have said in earlier posts, she accepts but wants no part of it. But, in our talk she said that she now fully accepts my dressing and is not bothered at all by it. She knows I love her and that our relationship is safe and on very solid ground. Wow! Was that great.
Thats wonderful and incredible. It reinforces the idea that our loved ones may need a lot of time and a lot of positive reinforcement in order to get their minds around the role that dressing plays in a relationship. Your last sentence is a key element - she knows you love her and that the relationship is safe and solid. You've both been rewarded for your patience, thoughtfulness and perserverance!
Thanks for sharing, gives me hope where hope is needed.
Alice, congratulations on having such a great relationship with your wife. I have said many times on here that a CD has to let his wife know that he loves her more than anything else!! As Kim said, sometimes it does take time for for them to get their minds around around the dressing role. I hope the two of you have a very long and happy marriage!!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
Congrats Alice,
I know you'll take the easy steps with her so she's not overwhelmed, and I hope your jouney together grows closer. Can't wait to hear the new experiences.
Colleen
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Feeling pretty on the inside.
Congrats Alice! I'm happy for you and agree with what the other ladies have said. Life just got better for you.
It seems to take a lifetime to discover and understand the true meaning of love because fear often masquerades as love. You are fortunate to have a partner who knows herself well enough and whose mind is astute enough that she is able to transcend the superficial roles, appearances and expectations that are born of fear and see into your heart. You cannot teach this love unless the other wants to learn it independant of the relationship because it comes as much from the relationship with self as it does from another and when two people together have this you create beauty. These stories give me hope for others and maybe someday for myself as well.
Heartfelt grats, Alice. TIme alone is a wonderful thing for a woman it seems. While a solitary male seldom does more than check scores on sports center (present company excepted) a solitary woman is continually going over everything. I know your wife made the best decision that shows the depth of her love for you. They are truly amazing individuals. Give her hugs from all of us, there is no way to appreciate them enough.
Babes
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Alice! Thank you! That is the sweetest news I heard all day! Thank you for sharing it! Hugs!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
That's fantastic !
You are one lucky lady, I am so happy for you Alice
Cindy
Wow -That's so great. I'm really happy for you.
Mary
That is fantastic news, Alice. To say something like that must mean a bunch. Thanks for sharing.
That is awesome! Thanks for sharing.
Dana Ryan
That is awesome Alice. I agree that it does show that taking your time is the way to go. I am happy for you!
That's wonderful!Originally Posted by Alice B
Your post illustrates the fundamental issue in marriages where the wife isn't on board with the CDing. It just takes time before a wife can know at the bottom of her heart that her marriage isn't threatened by it.
If a CDer's femme expression has been steady for awhile ... if he has reached a place where he is happy with his presentation and routine and he isn't adding anything new or he's not trying to hide anything from his wife even if it seems insignificant, then she can feel secure that he is who he says he is. I believe the biggest cause of angst in marriages where wives have just found out is when husbands begin their journey, after years of repression, of having their femme selves catch up with their guy selves in terms of ease of expression (perfecting the presentation, needing to go out dressed). And if there is resistance from the wife (which is understandable because, having just found out she's at sea with what the CDing is all about), there begins a push/pull dynamic where the wife fears her husband's ultimate goals in terms of living and sexual expression. She resists, and he bucks against her resistance.
Sorry to get on a soapbox, but I couldn't resist using this thread to point out to others who aren't so fortunate that it can sometimes take years before the wife knows, really knows and trusts in her heart that the CDing is what it is and it won't change her husband's feelings for her or their marriage - providing he's a CDer and he does not eventually come to believe he is TS out of sheer frustration over not being able to express himself, which is a whole different story.
The most painless way to get to where you're at, is for CDers to be as clear with their wives as soon as they can, to eliminate the continual stream of surprises. If a CDer needs to be able to present believably in order to begin going out to support groups or just out in the mainstream (in the next town over if they don't want to out themselves to everyone they know), then he needs to share his goals with his wife and not drag it out for years, pining away doing a lot of stuff behind her back.
I'm not saying you did anything behind your wife's back, Alice, I'm just making a general observation.
Reine
That is awesome news, Alice!
My wife just recently had the same epiphany. It is a wonderful feeling to know that the trust is there again.
When my wife gave me the same speech, I took it with a grain of salt, just knowing it would change quickly. But on the contrary, I believe she truly meant it. As proof, last night after she went to bed, I put on my bra and eye makeup and lipgloss. I sometimes sleep like this. Anyway, as I just laid down on my office sofa, she came down to ask me something. (I sleep on my sofa due to medical reasons.)
She saw my "breasts" and makeup, and asked me her question. Then she asked me if I was dressed. I said yes, partially. She just grinned and said that she was going back to bed. And left.
I thought that she'd be acting funny when I got home from work. But, the opposite is what I found. She was loving and happy.
Here's to the hope that your wife makes it to this level of understanding. Soon.
That is such wonderful news. It sounds like you are one step closer.
I agree babes, I haven't felt closer with my wife since I told her on Christmas I like panties & stockings. She has been great with it as we may go pantie shopping for our date night this Friday and have a "fashion show" when we get home!
That is wonderful news, Alice! Knowing your wife is secure in you and you in her love, that's what makes a relationship great.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
Awwwwww, that is so sweet
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
