I sometimes get down on myself because my increased awareness and acceptance of who I am (more TS than TG, I figure) means I am less sexually available for my partner. I feel guilty about that, which in turn affects my self confidence. When that is low, I tend to be less than kind towards the person I see in the mirror.
Lea, I'm somewhat like you. If I'm in a situation where I'm in drab and there are ladies around wearing their (always) nicer clothes I feel down on myself. I know the I'm simply conforming to the male=drone demand of society, but somehow it feels like failure to me. This is totally irrational, but emotions are seldom rational.
In the past it was much worse because I wasn't dressing and I had to "just suck it up and soldier on." At least now I can hold out for the occasional times that I can be myself.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I've purgeed 3 - 4 times ofverthe years, maybe more if you go back to my teens. Don't let the bigots & haters get to you. You have many friends here who are willing to help you at any time. Pity & self loathing will go away I'm sure, it has with me years ago.
Last edited by ArleneRaquel; 01-08-2012 at 03:45 PM.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Hmm... Lea Paine, I read your post a few times to try to understand what was going on, and think I've figured it out.
You were stressed about something, but possibly not CD'ing, and lashed out at yourself, and attacked the first obvious "flaw" that presented itself. Since you were looking into the reflection of the elevator, the immediate "flaw" to pop up was CD'ing.
I put quotes around the word "flaw" because, one, CD'ing is not really a flaw as far as I can see (But, I'm biased), and two, because, "We judge ourselves worse than..." etc.
But hey, who am I to talk? I'm the one that dresses up in a purple suit every night and fights a guy wearing black body armor and a cape.
Maybe so. The male image I see always seems to take me by surprise, though.Originally Posted by GBJoker
Lea
Posting Permissions
