a problem i face

[Cathrine]

Hi there Girls

i have a bit of a situation i need advice on and please be gentle and try not readinto it the wrong way and attack a person.

My wife is supportave of my dressing up and all the boundries are in place and work perfectly. She is not sexually attracted to Cath wich is fine with me as i like making love to my wife as a man and only as a man. OK here is the problem i am having in my mind, when dressed as Cath sometimes i get the urge Sexually, but as cath i want to ge on the receiving end of things (if you know what i mean).

SHe does know that when i get like this i go and play with toys and she does not have a problem with that as she understands that when i am Cath i am a girl.

but and there is always a but with the most of us is that i would like to experience the real thing and how it feels to have somebody take me as a real girl.

now i know if i did it would be cheeting if i went through with if that is if i can find someone. and i know it would hurt her and yes i know it sounds like i have answered myself. but i do have this urge to find out what it really feels like to be taken. any advice would be help my to sort this issue out would be great.

Thanks
Cath

[AllieSF]

Yes, you basically answered it to yourself. My recommendation is to get a large enough toy to represent the approximate size of the real thing and use that to fantasize what you would like to experience. Since she knows about your toy playing, you should be safe from bad feelings on her part. But then who really knows what a woman means when she says something. They are so hard to understand sometimes. So, tread carefully there. One thing you may do is to explain your fantasy desires to her, carefully of course, and see what she says. Good luck.

[Anna Abwaerts]

I know it would hurt her

When you love somebody, you dont do things you know would hurt other person.
I think these things must get out/experienced/solved before marriage.
Talk it out, maybe its time to take a break from marriage? You see other persons, she sees other persons? How would you like that your wife had the urges, cheated you, and the explanation would be that she had "urges", lets say rape simulaion/fantasy?
Edit: You wouldnt want to have sex with her dressed? Why, because of shame?

[darci.c]

Human relationships are complex, sometimes difficult, and sometimes a balancing act between different levels of desire. You might desire to experience certain kinds of sexuality while at the same time desire to not hurt your wife.

The context of marriage implies certain restrictions on these things, if you are to stay within the confines of "marriage."

I guess the best thing you can do is first try to understand what she expects of you, and what she expects of marriage. Then, if what you desire is different from this, then weigh the benefits of seeking this thing against what you lose.

But do not try cheating, or going behind someone's back, or being dishonest. You'll find that when you're honest with someone, and they continue to be hurt, it ends up being their decision, not yours.

Make an accurate assessment of what you value, then base your decision on that.

[SweetPea_GG]

I gotta agree with Anna. Even though you may have these thoughts now you are married and seems like you love your wife and value your marriage. Doing something outside the marriage can damage it for a lifetime and cause hurt to the other person even if they "say/think" they might be ok with you expire ting with the urges outside the marriage.

Turn the tables around. How would you feel if it was your wife saying something similar that she has these urges to be with someone else. I'm pretty sure you would be saddened by it amung other things.

My opinion is that if you do talk to your wife about this topic if you just can't let it rest and just be happy with whom you have vowed to devote your life to for your sexual needs then pls choose your words wisely on saying u want to experiment with someone else.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Can i say Trust goes out the widow, you are hurt. the real friendship you have had over many years , ( 35 ) You have a part of you taken away. do you trust, do you forget,

I can forgive, & yes i have, i cant take back, i know what its like first hand & i knew it had taken place, tho i was never told . at the time, i knew . yes i know the reasons why. just it sure is not nice , trust me you may think oh well just this once , not worth it.

I know im pretty strong as a woman .....that killed me. My..... Love...... is still just as strong for Jos. tho i lost sometimg.

Can i say dont do that to your S O......PLEASE.......

...noeleena...

[Kristy_K]

Cheating is cheating. Once you beak the trust of a person it can't be repair fully.

I would talk with a therapist.

There is good sex and then there is bad sex. Is the bad sex worth the cost of trust??????

Kristy

[Karren H]

but and there is always a but with the most of us is that i would like to experience the real thing and how it feels to have somebody take me as a real girl.

now i know if i did it would be cheeting if i went through with if that is if i can find someone.

Don't think "most" is correct and what ever you do...... Don't cheap!

[kimdl93]

Its this simple. You are in a monogamous relationship, fortunately with a supportive spouse. The solution may be found in honest and candid communication. Explain your needs and listen to her's. Also, there may be a place for compromise. One needn't be dressed to be on the "receiving end" .

[Marleena]

Ummm I agree with Karren most of us is wrong. I do not want the real thing.! Sheesh...

[LeaP]

First the obvious: While the fantasy of being "taken" may be shared by some women, the particulars of what you have in mind are typically not. All in (sorry for the pun), I don't see this as a feminine experience.

Don't cheat. Period.

Lea

[TGMarla]

Has it occurred to you that the closest you're going to get to actual natal female sex is anal sex? That's hardly the same thing as vaginal sex - a night and day difference, I imagine. So what you'd be experiencing, rather than what you imagine to be "sex as a female" would be homosexual male sex. Not on my list of things to do, real or imagined.

[DanaR]

I gotta agree with Anna. Even though you may have these thoughts now you are married and seems like you love your wife and value your marriage. Doing something outside the marriage can damage it for a lifetime and cause hurt to the other person even if they "say/think" they might be ok with you expire ting with the urges outside the marriage.

Turn the tables around. How would you feel if it was your wife saying something similar that she has these urges to be with someone else. I'm pretty sure you would be saddened by it amung other things.

My opinion is that if you do talk to your wife about this topic if you just can't let it rest and just be happy with whom you have vowed to devote your life to for your sexual needs then pls choose your words wisely on saying u want to experiment with someone else.

I think that most of us will agree with the above. Cheating is cheating.

[DonnaT]

The only way you can be on the receiving end, and remain faithful, is to have your wife use an appendage.

She may not be interested in using a hand held dildo on you, but if she knew that she's be able to receive stimulation also while wearing an appendage then she might give it a try. All you can do is ask, and discuss how she may also like it.

Also, there are some models that do not need the use of a harness. Some find these a little hard to hold in the vagina, and prefer using a harness with them as well.

[Sandra]

Can I just remind people that any mentioning of sex toys is not permitted as per the rules.

[suchacutie]

I'll just agree in summary. Options: 1) buy a realistic toy and go solo or with your spouse 2) divorce and do whatever you wish 3) leave it as totally a fantasy and enjoy the thoughts.

Whatever you do, keep your wife in the loop. Don't ignor how terrific your life is at the moment. Keep in mind how terrible you life would be if you mess it up.

tina

[Barbara Ella]

As said, it is cheating. It is not female sex for you to be taken. Proceed carefully and slowly. Infidelity can be permanent5.

Babes