What your family finds after you die

[darci.c]

I'm speaking of the paranoia I use to have before I decided that anyone who is going to know me is going to know the real me.

I remember coming up with complex and intricate plans to ensure that should I randomly die for whatever reason, that those I leave behind who would go through my things would either A) not find my women's clothes, (because I hid them so well) or B) Find them in the same spot where all the letters and mementos of all the women I've known in my life would be found. So that they would think something like this:

"Hmm... let's see. Giant plastic tote crate containing several large stacks of envelopes containing letters and cards from various women around the world. Most of these are "love letters", birthday cards, confessions, etc. A couple of empty wine bottles. Some books of poetry, some journals, taped locks of hair on pages with scribbles. Stacks of photographs of girls. 35mm negatives. A half-smoked joint. Ticket stubs from concerts, shows, art museums. Various items of jewelry. A ziplock bag with some crumbled remains of mexican mushrooms. Restaurant napkins with scribbled notes. A few works of unknown art. 15 pairs of panties. 6 pairs of shoes. 8 dresses. Carious other women's clothing. Couple of sex toys. Scented candles. Massage oil."

And my guess is that the observer would probably conclude that they were all kept for a reason: to remind me that all the women I knew in my life were real. I have something they wrote, something we did together, or something she wore.

Well, today the girl stuff is on the left side of my closet. Guy stuff on the right.

I'm wondering if anyone else has let fear get the better part of them?

[CindyT]

I think about this all the time! I told my kids that if I go, they must toss the box of videos in my closet, of course without watching them! I have so much in female clothing, like 3 totes and 2 duffel bags, hell they will surely know then! In reality, I don't think they will mind..... they will all be getting some inheritance.
Your idea seems very logical! I may consider a similar approach!

[DanaR]

I'm safe, my wife and kids know about me.

[Launa]

Yeah, this is a tough one. I'm lucky that if I were to die my wife could pitch all my stuff out the door for me and then the kids wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm sure you could find a way to store your stuff in a place away from your home and if you die you could have an attorney get it disposed of for you. However I'm not going to live with that fear!

[Joann Smith]

I'm safe, my wife and kids know about me.

I think i am ok too. The daughter keeps insisting on burying me in a dress...But i do have a CD friends photo album that she asked me to keep untill she got that silly purge thing out of her head ...I was worried about it getting found ,So what i did was put a letter explaining who and what it is inside.... then signed it " WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS ANY WAY ! '

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My wife and most of my family knows about me so I don't worry too much. My only concern I still face is what to do with my ugly less than flattering pics that I have storred. Because I only would want my family to see the pretty versions of me.

[jillleanne]

I suspect if anyone looked in your closet after you are gone, would simply come to realize you had a special friend with big feet that you kept a secret from them, and move on with their lives. I want me grave mrker to read something like this:
" In memory of Kevin and Jill "
"May they Live Near a Mall"

[PretzelGirl]

This is a tough thing for those that aren't out to anyone. Even if you have a plan, you have to have faith that it gets done the way you asked. If you have everything under lock and key, you could have a note on the outside (throw away or property of my friend at 404-999-9999 and it is a friend who dresses). That is the problem with secrets that have a physical part to them, it is really hard to hide them forever.

[Cheryl T]

No fear here. I'll be gone, so what can they do to me?

They can find all my things, all my photos and the letter explaining who Cheryl is. If that changes their feelings for me, then what can I do. I am who I am and I can't be anything else.

[sman61]

I still have the urge to throw it all in sheer panic. Nobody knows in my life. If I did throw it all I know I would get some more. I have tried to think that when I'm gone who cares but it don't work. I think I would like a separate house that nobody knows about but, I need to win the lottery for that. So what to do? I really have no idea.

[Paula T]

No fear here. I'll be gone, so what can they do to me?

They can find all my things, all my photos and the letter explaining who Cheryl is. If that changes their feelings for me, then what can I do. I am who I am and I can't be anything else.

I keep thinking of this more and more as I get older. I think Cheryl has the right idea but then there is a part of me that thinks I should at least tell one of my daughters so she could explain or try to. Silly me I can't explain it so how could she. If I were to die accidently now when they cleaned out my house they would see all those pairs of large size heels and outfits that don't fit my wife. I know I will have to do something as I am getting older every day. But on a lighter note having a bit more fun than some of my non CD'ing friends I sometimes think.

[StevieTV]

They will find a gold mine if they sell my belongings on ebay

[Tina B.]

My boys are grown men with lives of there own, I'm sure they will adjust and move on with there lives, how they feel about it is something they will have to deal with, but they will deal with it.
Tina B.

[Heisthebride]

I have thought about this. Make it known in your will or instruct your executor via a letter about your "secret", someone you can trust. Explain your feelings and why you didn't come out. Either have them sell or donate, your stash and if you want leave a photo album for them if they are interested. They can choose to see this side of you if they want but they also have the option or your choice to throw it all out and keep your secret. I think this would be an enlightening exercise for those of us in the closet.

[Sally24]

It can be as simple as leaving instructions. My children know about Sally so for me that's not the issue. They have been informed which bag has "toys" that they don't need to see. They know what to throw away without opening. Maybe those in a different situation would do well to leave similar instructions about a few boxes of their items. It could even be something written in your will for the executor to take care of.

[monalisa]

I think we need a secret society that has a key to our house and upon death remove all female articles and evidence before family and friends find our alter ego and our girly items.

[StarrOfDelite]

I was just thinking of something along these lines this morning. Got an email that a college fraternity brother collapsed in cardiac arrest while X-country skiing, is now in a coma and expected to either not survive or have significant intellectual and physical impairment of he does. This was totally unexpected, since he appeared to be in very good condition when I saw him at a reunion a couple of years ago. News of that ilk tends to raise concerns about how one's stash will impact upon post-mortem reputation. In addition to all of the above suggestions, I am also considering leaving a set of passwords to all my Masculine email and business accounts and an unprotected DVD which has all of the family fotos, along with strict instructions to destroy the hard drives in all of my computers. Most of my fotos are on password encrypted DVD's which I would recommend to everyone irrespective of life expectancy concerns.

[moondog]

I'll be dead so I won't care.

[Stephanie47]

If I pass on before my wife, she'll dispose of my wardrobe. However, she does not know the extent of it. It may take her a long time. She knows of the very large box and smaller one in the nightstand that has my original additions to my femininity. She does not know of the twelve Zerox boxes of garments stacked in the converted garage or the two boxes in the closet above the water heater. Actually, she may find some slips she may want to keep-very sexy. I've thought of decreasing my collection of over 400 slips. If she passes before me, I'd probably make a concerted effort to drastically reduce my wardrobe. There's no way I could ever wear so many slips under my eighty or so dresses. However, I would buy some more nightgowns as there would be no reason anymore to not sleep en femme.

[Krissie1962]

My executor knows about Krissie. nobody else does ? my things consume a full closet and dresser. the mens things are in a pile on top of the dresser.I worry every day when leaving for work ,if ill return home.If given notice of my time left ,I would tell my son about me ."explain why half of my house is locked when he comes over". IF my time comes unexpectedly.he will figure it out.
in any case does it realy matter? just enjoy life as much as possible. " in a skirt"

[sandra-leigh]

My wife and my immediate family know about me, so that isn't an issue for me.

My thoughts have run more to whether I should leave instructions that my obit should explicitly mention my femme name, and likewise that any service should openly acknowledge my TG nature. I don't want this important part of my life to be hushed up like a shameful secret, and I do not want to just disappear without a trace. Most of my friends in the city have seldom or never heard my guy name.

And if they buy "guy clothes" to put me in for the viewing, whatever part of me survives the death of my body would likely Not Be Amused.

There are other aspects of my service that I consider leaving instructions about. Choice of religion (that will probably hurt my mother more than choice of clothes.) Songs I'd like played at the service.

[aprilmaeflowers]

It's already happened to me...got sick in 05, had open heart surgery, youngest sons wife got into marked "PRIVATE" boxes looking for my will, don't have one, but found my stash. I asked my son what happened to my stuff...he burned...but other than me jumping his asz for destroying my stuff, life goes on...

[AllieSF]

I just commented about this in another thread. When I am dead and gone, I really do not care. What I do is not illegal nor perverted. It will be a surprise for someone, and so be it.

[Julia_in_Pa]

They are going to find a black 1987 Mercedes 560 SEL sedan with 3 kilo's of coke and approx 50,000.00 dollars in the trunk.
It's in a storage locker outside Miami.


Julia

[Robertacd]

Quite frankly I don't care what they find or think because I will be dead.