Is it important to pass?

[Jenniferathome]

For me it is. I have read and participated in many debates on this subject here. And while I totally agree with those who say that being crossdressed is about how the CD feels, I have come to the conclusion that, for me, it is just a little more than that.

Of course, selfishly, I do not want to be embarrassed but how I "feel" is intertwined with the environment in which I find myself. For example, I'm tense when the Steelers are losing and giddy when they are winning. The same is true in crowds. A tense crowd, makes more more uptight. So, by not passing successfully, I am disturbing the 和, or harmony as the Japanese say, of the group. In boy mode, I don't care what others think of me but for some reason, I just don't want to impose on others when I am in girl mode. And crossdressing is just different enough that the average person will rearely experience any interaction with a CD All that means is practice, practice, practice. Just an observation about me and not intended to judge anyone.

[Karren H]

I used to think so....a long time ago.... but as time marched on I realized "who am I fooling?". I don't really pass.. People either didn't notice or didn't care.. So I figured if they didn't care then I don't either. Now its not important. At all.

[meganmartin]

Personally I do not think it is important to pass however I have always tried to blend.
Blendable is more of an obtainable goal than passing for me anyway.

I find that sometimes I can fool people for a few moments than I either say something or do something that gives it away.

One other note sometimes I have fun when being read and peoples reaction and or they are curious and ask questions. The interactions are very funny.

[Paulette]

Megan ans Karen have hit the nail on the head, blending is an achievable goal for most of us and when accomplished allows the freedom to experience life as a woman. How you conduct yourself is all that you control, other people are responsible for their own actions. For those you go for the **** or over the top look , please do not cry the blues when someone outs you by their actions towards the man in a dress.

[meganmartin]

Thanks Paulette, another thing Karen stated is so true.
Early on I fretted over if I passed or not and was not enjoying my girl time.
Now I try to just look my best and not over dress. Once I got over that I enjoy my outings much more and my natural personality shows.

[Paulette]

Megan you are so correct on not over dressing. I once read an article about "cross OVER dressed" and it really hit home. I spent the next few weeks looking at what the GG's were wearing at different events that I attended in my drab life. If you pay attention everyday to what the GG's are wearing you will get a sense of what is proper and acceptable in society for your size, shape, and age. This is my going to the mall and shopping outfit for the early to middle of the day http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...0&d=1325728381. Towards late afternoon I will sometimes wear a dress suitable for an office worker. Again the ability to blend in has served me well. As you can see no one is going to clock me as a man from 20 feet away, and I get to wear a nice light blouse, cropped jeans and heels. In this photo I had just run some girly errands and was on my way to get a facial. After the facial I re-applied my makeup and went to a casual dinner with a couple of friends. Both of y friends (one GG) were dressed similar to me with nice tops and pants.

[Debra Russell]

It's true passing is a goal albet unobtainable for most of us. I always strive for passing but settle for passing as well as I can - the angst of the worry just is'nt worth it...................Debra

[Kerigirl2009]

To me the answer is YES!!! I want to pass or atleast blend in with everyone, I don't want to stand out in the crowd, or be read immediately.

I have gone out only a few times i my life, I really do want to go out more and just live the fantasy of being accepted as a woman figure while I am presenting as a woman.

I guess its all about confidence, I have a bit of that but I also have just as much fear of being recgonized and called out infront of everyone. I could handle it I think but don't really want to go there by myself.

So if I can pass then all the better for my self imposed fear.

[Marleena]

I think our goal is to pass Jennifer. Can we do it, dunno.. The test is to walk into a room full of teenage girls.lol. You'll find out in a hurry.

I'm leaning towards blending and confidence after reading this board for awhile.

[kimdl93]

I so desparately wish it were possible for me to pass, but I cannot ever really believe I might. At best, I hope not to scare anyone. So far, I've accomplished that...at least no one has run away shreiking yet. And a few times, I do get called Mam, which was delightful. Of course, I don't know if that's because they can't tell or they're simply being courteous.

[suchacutie]

After reading a number of threads about passing, and as Tina has matured, I think I finally have an idea about my feelings on this subject of passing.

Tina wants to have the tools to pass. She wants the confidence, the understanding of appropriate wardrobe choices, the ability and saavy to do her makeup properly and appropriately, the necessary control and presenatation of her voice and language, and the deportment that gives off so many feminine signals that the idea of this being a "man in a dress" never crosses the mind.

These abilities are a part of Tina and a part of what gives her the "feminine feedback" while we are in feminine mode. For sure, she never wants to look at herself, or hear herself and be presented by the "guy in the dress". If Tina is comfortable with all of this, then she has succeeded in "passing".

What others think of her is less interesting! It's what she thinks of herself, and what my wife thinks of her!

Maybe that could be called "internal passing"!

[Kelli Ca]

wish bi didnt care but for now i really do. I wont pass, at least i dont think i make a passable woman so i stick to the house. i hope one day to not care.

[Loni]

it is always important to pass...if it is a test, or another car on the road way.
but if you just dress and act like a lady most will never know or care one bit.
for years i was scared that some would just do a screech and point at me and others would do the same. (think the original body snatchers).
but now i know it never happens, and people treat you as you are dressed.
as for passing, in retrospect of me looking like a real girl..no way is that going to happen, but i dress and act right, sure there have been a couple snickers. but for most it is life goes on.

no body cares. to busy with there lives and problems.

.

[Cheryl T]

To me "passing" has become more a state of mind than an actual physical state.
I do my best, to look my best, to be my best, and still sometimes I'm "read". It used to be an issue for me and now I'm in the "I don't care anymore" camp with Karren. It's not that big a deal. I carry myself with confidence, I conduct myself with dignity and hopefully people realize that and ignore the flaw that I was not born female, but only do my best to present the feminine portion of my being.

Most of us would pay dearly to "pass" ... to go about unnoticed as anything other than a "normal woman". It's rare that any of us can truly say "I pass".

[JessHaust]

I still want to 'pass', but I have begun to understand that it's really more 'Blend'.
I love to dress and don't want to look like a Monty Python skit, so I try to dress up a bit. The post about observing want GG's are wearing is one to take to heart, but there are GG's that dress up and those that dress down.
I'm lucky to have a wife and 2 adult daughters to help me dress right. BTW the wife is more dress down, the daughters are more dress up, so I end up somewhere in the middle.

[GBJoker]

It is very important to me, and is why I don't dress nearly as much as most people on this site. If I don't don't look far enough away or different from my "normal" self, then I have failed. It bothers me both in public and private.

[Sandy Banks]

It is a goal, but I admit I'm not 100% sure I do, but I blended well today. Went to the Grand Coastal Mall an outlet mall,CVS, gas etc., got no weird looks and even bought a few items. Took some pics when I got home..............

[christina s]

It would be a definite plus . I would like to be able to walk through campus and not be the buff guy in a dress , but blend in .

[ThisIsBob]

I'd love to be able to pass, and from the neck down, I think it's fairly achievable, but until I learn what I'm doing with makeup I have 0 chance. Even when my roomie did my makeup for me for the club the first time I went out years ago, it was still much more about "blending" than "passing".

[DanaR]

I try to blend. I'm not going to the mall and wear a mini skirt and 5" heels, anyone that does that is going to get attention. I try to dress to fit in. There was another thread where a girl was going out with a GG, and the GG suggested that she wear jeans. That is how a lot of women dress now days, so finding places to go in a dress or skirt is a little harder.

[Miranda09]

I would have to say that for me, passing is important. I want that illusion created, which really makes me feel like the transformation is complete. However, I don't over do it either. I like to keep the styles simple. with maybe a little extra on the makeup (which still needs work!!).

[rachaelsloane]

Jen,
I believe "pass" is not the right word to use but rather "present". Since I have been going out, it is really important that I present myself the very best I can (clothes, hair, makeup, etc.). It also helps that many times I have been complimented
on my outfit or hair.
Remember, when you're out in SF, we need to go out.
Rachael

[TGMarla]

For me, it is important to pass as well as I can. I don't think I'm able to fool many people at second glance, but I do the best I can do, and it makes me feel good.

[Sarah Doepner]

It must be important or we wouldn't all know what it is. Passing is a goal, just like getting 100% on a test or all your money back from the IRS. As long as we recognize that it's probably not going to happen and don't bet our lives on it, why not say it's important? However, like the vast majority of crossdressers, I have learned that I'm not going to make it all the way to "Pass" so I'm learning to appreciate the journey.

[Starr]

Since i now use my own hair and not a wig, i am not as concerned about passing. It is me a little makeup some fem clothes but it is me... To a lot of people who pay little attention to what is going on around them yea i guess i pass. For those who take a closer look at 6' tall and 190 lbs i kind of stand out and they may say to themselves, was that a man or woman? Which is fine with me, to those i have to deal with close up and direct i am sure most know but as long as i present myself properly, smile, hold my head up, and act like i belong then they will in most cases accept me as me... and the above is all i hope for