She is leaving me.

[Erica Marie]

Hi Hon,
I am so sorry to hear about your break-up. I do honestly feel your pain. All women handle it differently. I am dealing with the same issues with my gf. We are taking things slowly and seeing to what point she can accept my dressing. The bad news I have for you, is unless you are so new to dressing, it probably wont stop. I can tell you this, I cannot count how many times I told myself I would stop. I threw away countless wardrobes of cloths over the last 26 years. Ive been married and divorced, partly because of my dressing. Now my current gf knows. She is very understanding but it is hard for her. Take some time and if you can remain friends with her, maybe things will turn around. But take time and find out exactly who you are. Maybe in time you will find you can honestly stop, but you must do it for you not for someone else. If they love you they will love you for who you are, not for what they want you to be.
Be strong and you will have a happier life.

[Pinky188]

Thanks everyone for the kind, and enlightening words. I am gonna move on and live my life for me! I hope to remain friends with her,but have no expectaions of getting back together. If it happens naturaly then its ment to be. If not, oh well. Im struggling with a lot of other hardships, but Im trying to be positive and get through them. Thanks again. It really means a lot!!!

[prettytoes]

Pinky, things will turn around for you. Keep your chin up! I have often found that when things seemed at their worst, life throws you a 180 and all the pieces suddenly fall into place. Be strong!

[karenlong]

its painful, i was told after 27 years and 2 kids, it was all my fault, even tho she was told 2 years before we married and said it was ok, most of the time dressing is the problem with women, no matter what they say it is

[taís]

there's a lot of good words and advice here, Pinky, and you should listen to the girls.
I'm very sorry about everything you're going though. but don't let the sadness overcomes you. rough times are great times to push our limits and keep thriving.
and if you're feeling lonely now, remember to love yourself. that is, don't be too hard on yourself; put any blame away and let it turn into experience; and respect your feelings, but don't let them stop your life. you'll work all the things you gotta work and in the end, your chin will be glamorously high. (you can start practicing anytime, btw... now? ^ ^)
and remember we're here. I'll be sending good vibes. ;x

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Pinky, would you really have stopped and if you had could you have been happy? Can we stop being who we are and is it fair of someone to ask that of us? Maybe the insecurity is within her and not b/c you are a CD. It's a hard thing for a woman to wrap her brain around. I can accept it but I can't understand it. Some women are insecure in who they are and can't be secure with anyone until they are okay with themselves. Maybe if you give her space and time things will work out for you two.

[knitknerd]

This is difficult and there is no way around that. It is difficult for the spouse too. Did she feel supported or did she feel like she was doing the supporting? My biggest frustration has been that there is so much support and information out there for the cross dresser and so little for those of us still trying to be a wife. I have felt lost, alone, and like my husband died and in his place was a stranger. Do you know if that is how your wife felt? Has she ever been that honest with you? If not, it is time for some very open conversations. Now is a good time when there is nothing left to lose. It could be that her leaving is a way of hiding instead of facing the truth. If so, she will need her space and she will need to see that she is not forgotten. I don’t want to give you false hope, but if she is shown that her needs are as important as yours, there might be a chance that the history, friendship, and investment of time could trump her tipping point. If she is unmovable, it is not the end of your world as much as it might feel that way. Tragedy is a terrible hell when we are in the midst of it. But it can lead us down a path of positive transformation that we might not have even dreamed of. Sometimes we just have to take those first blind, timid, and bloody steps into the unknown and risk more falls before we find a prize.

[MichelleP]

Pinky, I am sooo sorry to hear what you are going through. Please don't let this bit of misfortune overwhem you. Take on your troubles individually and take small actions toward resolving each one. Keep your chin up. It may take a while but, the days will get better, really. You'll always have friends here.

Michelle

[Pinky188]

Thank you all so very much!!!

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Did she feel supported or did she feel like she was doing the supporting? My biggest frustration has been that there is so much support and information out there for the cross dresser and so little for those of us still trying to be a wife. I have felt lost, alone, .

Knit, you echoed my sentiments exactly. I've often wished I had other wives to talk to and ask questions.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Pinky;
First off, we all are here to support you in written word and I wish there were some of us close by to support you with a hug and a shoulder to cry on. You will pull through with the help of your friends. We can say all we want because of us having gone through basically the same thing but your perception is different than ours so what we say may not fit what you feel you need. Seek a counselor before the depression gets too deep. As I used to tell my students and now you, " I have an ear you can bend and wear wash & wear shirts so you can cry on my shoulder." What you are going through is like bad gas; its a little stinky and painful, but it will go away.

Always remember; we all are here for you.

My philosophy on life is this (after fighting Large B-cell Lymphoma for 13 years and now this unknown disease that the V.A. is treating me for): You wake up in the morning; you see a sunrise; your name is not in the obituaries (long story re: my first ex-wife);you see a sunset; its a good day. All the rest in between is superfluous B.S.

PM me or any of us (that you feel you can talk to) if you fell the need.

As always;
Hugs;
Phylis

[Janelle_C]

Pinky I'm so sorry to her this its alot of our fears. I hope with time you can heal. Just remember you did nothing wrong its part of who we are I lived with guilt over just being me but no more. Just don't forget to love yourself. Shy

[ReineD]

Tragedy is a terrible hell when we are in the midst of it. But it can lead us down a path of positive transformation that we might not have even dreamed of. Sometimes we just have to take those first blind, timid, and bloody steps into the unknown and risk more falls before we find a prize.

Wow, knitnerd ... thank you for posting this!

[Misskelly]

I'm sorry to here this but as many have said it not your fault just got to be strong sometimes thing don't work out but we got to keep trucking . But it good there so many people here you can talk to friend can help you through anything

[pantypixguy]

Hey Pinky, I went through the exact same thing a couple of years ago, so I know how you feel. As you already know, relationships end for many reasons. But the offending party (the leaver) will use anything and everything to make what they are doing feel right and to rally support for themselves. My ex told anyone and everyone about my CDing but she didn't just say that she added so much more that no one believed her about any of it. About a year ago I ask her why she did that (we have a child together so we still have to talk) and she said that when she first told people that I crossdressed nobody really cared, and she added the other because she believed it was gonna happen and people were more shocked and told her she was right to leave.

The bottom line is we are who and what we are, all of us have fears that we can and can't handle, and anyone has been taught what is normal and whether right or wrong they are going to leave by those standards.

I promise time will heal you and you'll be happier than ever. I love being on my own now!!

Hugs,
Kayla

[MsJanessa]

Darling, your fingers will heal, you will find a new job, another place to live, and a new SO and you life will go on--as far as stopping goes, that is extremely unlikely---if you had tried and she had stayed with you, you probably would have ended up dressing behind her back---better to start afresh and find someone more accepting--they are out there.

[Presh GG]

Pinky,
I just wish you happiness.

Presh

[Pinky188]

So I need to update you girls on my life. We are back together! But taking it slow. Crossdressing wasnt really an issue for her. It was other things that we both are working on to fix. I need to fix me, for her.And she needs to fix her, for me! We are best friends, and best lovers! We have a very strong love between us, so its worth fighting for! Thank you all so much for your support! It means very much to me! Thank you!!!!

[Alice Torn]

Pinky, Is it not something, how bad stuff tend s to hit in bunches!? My heart has been broken by so many ladies, that I can't recall all the ones, now. Being broke is really a bear, too, and all i can say, is be humble enough to ask for mercy from creditors. I have had to move 47 times in my life, never had a lover, no wife, no kids, no dating for years, now, forced to care for my harsh, angry father. I am 57. Nothing hurts as bad as a broken romance, but time will heal it.

[knitknerd]

This is good news! I hope you can both find some peace together. As hard as it is trying to muddle through differences, it is even harder trying to muddle through life alone.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hang in there Pinky, things have a way of working out and there are always options, sometimes it is just difficult to see.