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Thread: If I were...

  1. #1
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    If I were...

    If I were a woman or transitioned from male to female, I would probably be wondering why all of these cute guys want to wear women's clothes. I have a friend who transitioned from male to female. She refuses to let her SO crossdress as she wants a "man". Evidently once we join the other "camp" we become a real part of it. What would your feelings be in this regard?
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  2. #2
    Senior Member Daphne Renee's Avatar
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    hard to say for certain. As of right now I dont think I would judge someone else. Everyone is different but I dont know how you could be upset if someone were doing the same thing you did. I would as least hope I would be more understanding.
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  3. #3
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
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    i've got to agree with that, in my experience anyways. i've been a "skirtchaser" my whole life. when i started dressing about a year ago, never once thought about having relations with my SO, while dressed, nor did i want to. but when dressed, i don't know if its part of the fantasy or the ultimate validation, but i want to be with a man. i was raised very conservative, man and woman, so in drab mode all i want is women, but when dressed i do prefer a man!! and not one that crossdressers. i understand that most CD's are straight, so i guess i'm in the minority here.
    paula

  4. #4
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Since my sexual orientation has always been that of a straight male (preferring females sexually), on the remote chance that I would ever transition, I would probably choose a female as a mate and lesbian lover.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  5. #5
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    I know two TS's who liked guys before transitioning and like girls now. Who knows what would happen? That is why nature made the world a buffet
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  6. #6
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    I am a man, even if I do crossdress!! I have no desire to ever be a woman, just to dress like one!! So I would never transition, and don't know anybody who has. But we are all people, and people are certainly very different!! As Lorileah said, "That is why nature made the world a buffet!" A very profound statement!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

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    Maybe it's a hormonal thing.

    It's still slightly odd. You'd think after your friend's experience, they would at least be a little sympathetic towards this chap. As far as wanting a man, having someone who drinks pisswater beer til they pulke before driving home in their monster truck to (try to) beat me has zero appeal.

  8. #8
    Breathes under water prettytoes's Avatar
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    I am definately a lesbian trapped in a man's body!
    Life's too short to not be enjoyed! Live each day to the fullest!

  9. #9
    Senior Member KellyJameson's Avatar
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    As a heterosexual who has dated heavily I largely ignore how women look on the outside because I'm searching for a connection, my complement, the yang to my yin so have dated women of all different nationalities,ethnicities , physical appearances and intellectual capacities but I'm a strange bird so doubt I will find her but if I transitioned and desired a man it would still be the same problem. I want a profound spiritual connection or nothing at all. I'm to sensitive to survive that experience of being lonely in a relationship because there is an ocean between two people sharing the same bed.

  10. #10
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    I only like the men as a man that I have been with as a girl.

  11. #11
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abigail Evans View Post
    She refuses to let her SO crossdress as she wants a "man".
    Was she always male-attracted, or did this come about after hormones and SRS?

    If she was always male-attracted then I can understand why she would not care to be in a relationship with a male who could potentially become female, like she did.

    But, if her past relationships were with GGs and her attraction to men is post-transition (meaning that she didn't feel disgust over having had sex with a woman before), then maybe her desire to be stealth overrides everything else, such as an ability to respect her partner's gender exploration? If he's not passable it might cause too much focus on them as a couple and then people might discover her secret? Or perhaps she doesn't like any reminders of the painful process she undertook in order to get where she is now? Or maybe she is still struggling with gender inequities and she really does need to be with a man in order to feel fully feminine?

    How long ago did she transition?
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-25-2012 at 01:53 AM.
    Reine

  12. #12
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    I am somewhat familiar with this, and the explaination I have been given by the TS is that the TV partner 1) reminds them of what they once were and hated (being in the middle of the genders) and they find seeing it in someone else disturbing 2) When they transition they want a "nomal" (in the literal sense) life, and just like a GG the TS is afraid of their SO being discovered to be a TV and everything that comes with exposure... PLUS their background pre-transition being discovered as well.

    A TS friend of mine once felt this way, and told me years later after being involved with several "real men" for a few years she said she didn't like alpha males after and she said she liked having a "softer" man (a TV) after all. Go figure!

    Again, that is what I have been told, not what I say or believe, just what I have been told.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abigail Evans View Post
    I have a friend who transitioned from male to female.
    She refuses to let her SO crossdress as she wants a "man".

    What would your feelings be in this regard?
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Was she always male-attracted, or did this come about after hormones and SRS?

    If she was always male-attracted then I can understand why she would not care to be in a relationship with a male who could potentially become female

    I have to agree with your friend Abigail. I happen to like my boys to be boys too.

    Reine -
    One thing doesn't need to have anything to do with the other and nothing to do with what someone may or may not turn out to be later on. Some of us just like our boys to be boys, it's that plain and simple.

    I am in the camp of while personal discovery and acceptance levels may change during your transition that your sexual preference does not due to HRT.
    What transition does do is allow you to better explore and accept it, if you haven't already.
    Denial is not just a river in Egypt and can take a long time to navigate to reach your destination.
    Last edited by Sammy777; 01-25-2012 at 03:44 AM.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
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  14. #14
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prettytoes View Post
    I am definately a lesbian trapped in a man's body!
    I can relate to this.
    Dana Ryan

  15. #15
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    I am somewhat familiar with this, and the explaination I have been given by the TS is that the TV partner 1) reminds them of what they once were and hated (being in the middle of the genders) and they find seeing it in someone else disturbing 2) When they transition they want a "nomal" (in the literal sense) life, and just like a GG the TS is afraid of their SO being discovered to be a TV and everything that comes with exposure... PLUS their background pre-transition being discovered as well.

    A TS friend of mine once felt this way, and told me years later after being involved with several "real men" for a few years she said she didn't like alpha males after and she said she liked having a "softer" man (a TV) after all. Go figure!

    Again, that is what I have been told, not what I say or believe, just what I have been told.
    This makes sense. I once saw an interview on TV with a transwoman who was almost a decade post-op and who had gone home for her high school reunion. She was successful in her career in the film industry, absolutely gorgeous, and engaged to be married (to a GG I think). She said that for some years after post-op she had done everything she could to completely obliterate everything she had been as a man. And now, some years later, she was ready to make peace with her past and embrace many parts of herself that had contributed to everything that she was at the time of the interview. She just didn't feel threatened by her past any more.
    Reine

  16. #16
    Senior Member Foxglove's Avatar
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    It seems to me your friend should have the same choice as anyone else. Does she want to be in a relationship with a CDer or not? If she doesn't, that's her choice. But if she's already in a relationship with a CDer, that strikes me as a bit odd. She knows well what CDing is, so she should understand her SO's needs. Did her SO out himself to her before their relationship began? If not, that would have to be taken into account.

    But I see this as essentially the same situation as a GG with a CDing SO. If she absolutely won't tolerate it, then it's quite possible the relationship will fail. But as others have pointed out, it would be helpful to know her reasons for her refusal to tolerate it.

  17. #17
    Junior Member z.kasia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DanaR View Post
    I can relate to this.
    me too, I have felt this way for as long as I can remember!

  18. #18
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abigail Evans View Post
    If I were a woman or transitioned from male to female, I would probably be wondering why all of these cute guys want to wear women's clothes. I have a friend who transitioned from male to female. She refuses to let her SO crossdress as she wants a "man". Evidently once we join the other "camp" we become a real part of it. What would your feelings be in this regard?
    Most people have no idea why they have the feelings that they do. When they fall in love, it's all 'chemistry' to them; they have no idea where the desires come from. Mostly, it's from genetically influenced hormomal reactions and the experiences they've had in their life. Women are 'wired' to be attracted to, and find sexually desirable, males who display what is referred to as 'alpha male' behavior. Men wearing female attire or behaving as a female kills any attraction for >99% of women. And as women rely on men for protection, it also makes women feel insecure when her man is suddenly revealed to be less of the masculine person she initially thought he was.
    As far as your friend's SO not wanting her man to crossdress, well, sometimes we do things to help us maintain the illusion that 'everything's just normal'. Lots of people keep their 'head in the sand' about many subjects because to accept the reality, would make them feel insecure. So they prefer to remain delusional and keep thinking everything's fine.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  19. #19
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Exclamation One of the Rules I've learned since coming here, Abby, is:

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    [SIZE="2"]So, I have no idea what I'd do![/SIZE]
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  20. #20
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    My friend met her SO when they were both members of a TG Org, so she previously knew about his penchant for CDing. My own personal take on it would be that even if I transitioned I would look at my previous life as a learning experience and would never seek to deny it or minimize it and utilize the experience to continue moving forward as a person and never attempt to judge someone else. One thing I have learned in this life is that it is the person who counts and not so much that they are "this, that or the other thing."
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  21. #21
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I don't know how I'd feel about it if I transitioned because I would still want to be with a woman (one in particular... hi hun).
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  22. #22
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    If I transitioned I'd want to be with a man.why? Because I already do and I could care less if he liked wearing women's clothes,at the end of the day they come off

  23. #23
    Member Ava Tryptyk's Avatar
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    I think it would be fun to be a girl/woman, but I'm still happy with my life as a guy so I'm not planning to make any transitions.
    I simply am interested in the feel and look of women's clothing.

    Also, I don't think that crossdressing (if it's strictly just dressing, without any transitioning or identity changes) necessarily makes you less masculine or less manly. If you were manly before you crossdressed, it's not like you're going to forget how to be a man if you need to. It's more like a new world is open to you that a lot of men simply don't explore.

    I'm still heterosexual, and for marriage and/or intimate relations I'm still only interested in a girl (GG).
    Back on the forums! But still very much closeted.

  24. #24
    I'm wishing to be her SANDRA MICHELLE's Avatar
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    I would still want to be with my wife, I have often said that I am a lesbian and if I did transition I would surely stay a lesbian.
    I want to be this girl!

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