help needed......

[andrea1979]

I am quite new to the forum so this is quite strange for me.

I have had feelings that i want to be a girl, 24/7 and that i should have been one from that start! i have had them for a long time but never confronted them!

over the past few weeks/months my feelings have gotten very strong and this is what i want to do, but i don't know how to tell my parents or friends.
i think fear is always the biggest thing to overcome!

i would like some advice or even experiences of others to help along my way!

how did people tell others in person , with a letter? what were the reactions ?

i know i need to do this, but i want to do it right first time...!

anything would be greatly reveived

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Andrea

I hope you wil take the time to think through what is happening.
You really need to be sure of your situation.

As an example I am a crossdresser and have no desire to change.
As soon as you tell someone there will be lots of questions.
Do you have the answers ?
What will there reaction be ?
I would not presume to advise you on the correct course of action for you.
There are a lots more girls here in a similar position to yourself,and I'm sure they will post a reply soon.

[Natalie x]

Hello Andrea

Shelly's right: think about it for a good while yet; be sure it's what you want; practice ways of saying how you feel; think about questions that will be asked; read the postings here, recounted by people who have been through it already. But mainly, take your time.

When you are sure, really sure, start with the person you feel most confident about, and work your way through your list from easiest to hardest; by the time you get to the hard ones, you will have had lots of good experiences to give you confidence to deal with the rejections, and there will be some.

Good luck

[Stlalice]

Andrea,

It seems that I have given this advice more times than I can count - before you can "come out" and tell others about what you feel is the real person that you are, you must be sure in your own mind about it and be able to accept yourself and be comfortable with it. Toward that end before you do anything else, finding a good psychologist/therapist that specializes in gender issues is of critical importance. A good one will be able to help you "sort out" the feelings that you describe and help guide you through the "coming out" process. One thing to remember - you have a priceless gift in time and taking the time to sort out your feelings first will be time well spent. In order to find a gender specializing therapist I would recomend that you go to the web site for the International Foundation for Gender Education at www.ifge.org - they have professinal listings for all of the US and many other places. A bonus if you call them - you WILL be talking to a trans person who has "been there - done that" who will give you help/advice based on experience. If you have a need to just talk or a question feel free to PM me. Hang in there kid.

[Kim E]

Andrea ~
I agree completely with Stlalice. She has given you very accurate information. Its very important for your own well being, to consult with a therapist specializing in gender issues. Take your time and go slow.

Kim

[deeasheville]

You may think that you would as soon die as to talk to a stranger about the way you feel. But the fact is, if they specialize in gender issues, they can ask a few quessions, that will get you started.

But by all means talk to someone soon, if you hold in all that your going through too long it could do true damage to you.

[DonnaT]

See Alice's advice. Just tell your parents you need to talk to a gender therapist and ask them to help you set up a meeting. They'll probably ask why, but all you need say is that you have some gender issues you need to talkabout and will discuss it further with them once you talked to the therapist, so you know for sure what you are talking about.

[Freda]

Stlalice, you are just about the wisest poster on here. your advice to Andrea was spot on.
Too many people become locked into a fantasy and put off the relevant medical and psychological assistance - chiefly because the fantasy ( sometimes fuelled by encouragement from people who will never really know you) becomes a substitute for dealing with real life.
Face to face discussion is vital - because it may be that there is an entirely different psychological explanation for a person's unhappiness with the body they were born with. Again thank you for your excellent comments - an altogether refreshing change from well meant, but unqualified back-slapping of the 'go girlfriend' variety.

[Bobbie Lee]

that is a great link Stlaice. i feel for you andrea, i too have a lot of questons i neen to work on getting figured out. one is just who is "bobbie" and just where does she fit into my life and the lifes of those around her.

[andrea1979]

Thank all for the advice,
I def know this is what i want I have had 26yrs to think about it, and i know i have some things to sort out as well.

Can anybody recommend a good person to talk to in the south of england! I don't have a problem talking to people , it just needs to be a person who knows what they are talking about!