Stuck "In Between"

[NathalieX66]

But the whole idea of going back and forth makes no sense to me at all as a ts person...I can't internalize it ...i just accept it as a part of the diversity of human nature..

Kaitlyn, you see gender as a fixed binary....you are either male or female. It's like the old computer programming code 0 or 1....011011010100011111.
Most people fit the binary: they are born male or female. Transsexuals also fit the binary, they just happen to not fit the binary they were born in.

Some of us, like myself, are not happy with the constraints of the gender we were born with. I could go on HRT any day, and be happy....but it's not me. It would involve killing someone.........that being my male half, whom I happen to like being. you may be different from me, but in my case, the other end of the rainbow is no better than the end of the rainbow I'm at now. So I just go with the flow.

So I'm non-binary....also called being "gender fluid".

[sandra-leigh]

I do not think I would say that I feel particularly "stuck" in-between. I am in-between, but I am not living to any laundry list or particular ideal; I am just living the way that works for me. I do not expect that what works for me now will necessarily be what works for me later; I could go either way (but overall tendency these days is to more female.) Because I am not guided by a goal other than "what works", there isn't much feeling of being "stuck": if I were feeling "stuck" I would work towards alleviating it.

I would, though, say that there are a few areas that I'm still feeling a bit stuck, such as in not wearing blatantly obvious clothes to work. There were times in the past that I felt this quite intensely; HRT reduced that intensity a lot.

[Aprilrain]

I envy guys in some ways. You CD's aren't going to appreciate/understand this one...but they don't have to wear make up, get nails done, wear shoes/clothes that are uncomfortable. They get up take a shower, throw on deodorant, brush teeth, comb hair and out the door. Hey, maybe I got stuck in the wrong gender now that I think about it, lol.

Woman do this too, haven't you ever heard of hippies?
Seriously though, my ex almost never wears make up, gets her nails done or wears uncomfortable shoes and why should she? She's a stay at home mom. She's not a slob either she dresses nicely and cares for her hair and skin. Once I get rid of this beard shadow for good I probably won't wear to much makeup either, just a little eye makeup which I don't see as a burden at all.
Anyway if you think a suit and tie isn't uncomfortable then you clearly have never worn one!

[Debglam]

Anyway if you think a suit and tie isn't uncomfortable then you clearly have never worn one!

Amen, A-flipping-MEN!!! Add to that the "huge" selection of choices in color I get to make everyday. . .grey, dark blue, black, dark green.

[sandra-leigh]

Anyway if you think a suit and tie isn't uncomfortable then you clearly have never worn one!

I changed careers so I wouldn't have to wear a tie.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Amen, A-flipping-MEN!!! Add to that the "huge" selection of choices in color I get to make everyday. . .grey, dark blue, black, dark green.

There are shops in the mall that sell suits in bright colors so I know color options are out there. Its just that there is a stereotype that goes with wearing these brightly colored male clothes.

[whowhatwhen]

I'm sure there are, but for some reason people have decided that they can tell others how to dress.
Personally, I would love to see people being more expressive but dress codes seem to exist to keep everyone in a kind of gray emotionless blob.

[Debglam]

There are shops in the mall that sell suits in bright colors so I know color options are out there. Its just that there is a stereotype that goes with wearing these brightly colored male clothes.

You are correct but I can't wear them in my line of work. I've taken to wearing some brighter shirts and ties on occasion and I still get comments from the "gender police" when I wear pink. Oh well. . .

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Typically women's business attire is the darker colors too.

[ReineD]

Typically women's business attire is the darker colors too.

This is true. Look at women's suits at Macy's Department store. The majority of the 200 results are gray, black, and tan. True, there are a few reds and one fushia, but these are not colors the average office worker would wear, although she may wear such colors at a social event:

http://www1.macys.com/shop/womens/ap...D100&!qvp=iqvp

Do men still wear ties?

[Anna Lorree]

Do men still wear ties?

Only when I have to, which is pretty much for job interviews, weddings, funerals, and when I wear my dress uniform for work.

Anna

[LeaP]

Do men still wear ties?

Well, *I* do, but I've never applied the term to myself.

Lea

[Debglam]

This is true. Look at women's suits at Macy's Department store. The majority of the 200 results are gray, black, and tan. True, there are a few reds and one fushia, but these are not colors the average office worker would wear, although she may wear such colors at a social event:

http://www1.macys.com/shop/womens/ap...D100&!qvp=iqvp

My GG colleagues at work quite often wear LBD, sheath dresses, etc. instead of suits, but you are right - they are usually in pretty conservative colors. I don't want to take the thread too far afield, and maybe it IS the trans in me, but they do get to accessorize - colorful scarves, cute jewelry, and awesome shoes to kind of break-up the dreariness of the colors! Maybe I should just wear my bright red pumps with my three piece suit, instead of wingtips sometime???

Do men still wear ties?

You have a mean streak in ya girl!

Debby

[ReineD]

You have a mean streak in ya girl!

Yes. I know.

[AnitaH]

Yeah, I'm definately "in between" right now and have no clue where I'm going...yet.

This expresses exactly where I'm at right now. Stuck/confused

AnitaH

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I am confused and unsure of my gender. I do not consider myself as male or female because I simply do not know. I do not have a relationship because I have no wish for any person to share my life. I have no children either.
I did the test a few months ago.
Your COGIATI result value is: 265 Which means that you fall within the following category:
COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL

All that this test did was cause me more anxiety.

[NathalieX66]

COGIATI test means zilch. Zero. Nothing. It isn't even a legitimate test within the medical community. It's bogus. fake.
People are far more complicated and complex, and the scientific and psychiatric tests are far mor sophisticated than this. A guy can like rugby and till prefer sheer pink lingeree, and be heterosexual, and like getting pedicures in any color.

[ReineD]

Your COGIATI result value is: 265 Which means that you fall within the following category:
COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL

All that this test did was cause me more anxiety.

I agree with NathalieX66. Please read my post #42. There's more about what the Cogiati test is all about, together with who devised it (with link) here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post2731576

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kaitlyn, you see gender as a fixed binary....you are either male or female. It's like the old computer programming code 0 or 1....011011010100011111.
Most people fit the binary: they are born male or female. Transsexuals also fit the binary, they just happen to not fit the binary they were born in.

Some of us, like myself, are not happy with the constraints of the gender we were born with. I could go on HRT any day, and be happy....but it's not me. It would involve killing someone.........that being my male half, whom I happen to like being. you may be different from me, but in my case, the other end of the rainbow is no better than the end of the rainbow I'm at now. So I just go with the flow.

So I'm non-binary....also called being "gender fluid".

I agree...I understand this..

I guess what i tried to say is that when we all communicate, we are all talking our own books as they say on the trading floor..

as a transsexual the idea of gender blending sounds weird to me... why would anyone want that...and i was comparing that feeling to what a gg or gm might think about me...

i can't imagine being any other way than myself! and neither can you!! LOL

the huge complicating factor is that many ts people start off wearing clothes and getting told they are cd's...many gender queer people start to feel like they are female before realizing they are not..etc etc..

it makes it really difficult to communicate sometimes....but i think it can be agreed that whatever and whoever you are, it should be a goal to NOT feel "stuck"..

[suchacutie]

I have to smile at those who think a suit and tie are uncomfortable. It sounds like the same discussion that high heels are uncomfortable but necessary. What's so uncomfortable about a tie?

If one buys a suit properly tailored, and a shirt with the correct neck size, a suit can not only be comfortable, but can feel and look terrific! The other day I had a dark blue suit with a purple shirt and a purple and silver tie. Felt and looked terrific in guy mode.

When I got home I put on some sweats and my 4.5 inch heels. Those heels felt terrific too!

So I just don't see the problem swinging back and forth between genders, and in either gender clothes can be just terrific. They just to fit well and present the style that makes you feel great!

[ReineD]

as a transsexual the idea of gender blending sounds weird to me... why would anyone want that...and i was comparing that feeling to what a gg or gm might think about me...

i can't imagine being any other way than myself!

Yes, and this is a problem with a lot of (not all) marriages. The wife just can't wrap her mind around her husband's need to crossdress. We have ancient, world-wide cultural histories of binary-gender beliefs to overcome. Hopefully schools will be able to introduce gender non-conformity in their sex-ed classes to dispel some of the bias and then the concept won't be so foreign when some of these kids grow up to marry gender non-conforming partners. And the partners themselves will have found a way to accept themselves and therefore not spend years sexualizing the crossdressing, which will make it a lot easier on their spouses.

... or am I dreaming in technicolor?

[Anna Lorree]

Yes, and this is a problem with a lot of (not all) marriages. The wife just can't wrap her mind around her husband's need to crossdress. We have ancient, world-wide cultural histories of binary-gender beliefs to overcome. Hopefully schools will be able to introduce gender non-conformity in their sex-ed classes to dispel some of the bias and then the concept won't be so foreign when some of these kids grow up to marry gender non-conforming partners. And the partners themselves will have found a way to accept themselves and therefore not spend years sexualizing the crossdressing, which will make it a lot easier on their spouses.

... or am I dreaming in technicolor?

What a wonderful world it would be.

Anna

[sandra-leigh]

What's so uncomfortable about a tie?

It chokes. Some people are sensitive about pressure on some parts of the neck.

[Aprilrain]

... or am I dreaming in technicolor?

yes but dreams are nice.

I have a problem with the thought that transsexualism might be "taught" in a sex ed class. Its not about sex! I have read a collage text book that explains the basics pretty well but it took a whole chapter and if that chapter was even taught in the class that used that book they likely spent a day at best on the subject. Throw in a strong resistance by a small but vocal religious minority in this country against any kind of education of LGBT issues and it a losing battle. Our best bet is the continued positive coverage in the media that has been going on lately. IMO.

[ReineD]

yes but dreams are nice.

I have a problem with the thought that transsexualism might be "taught" in a sex ed class. Its not about sex! .

I was thinking of a more comprehensive instruction: gender non-conformity as it affects FtM, MtF, and everything from crossdressing, genderqueer, transsexuality, and in between, together with the sexualization of the crossdressing for some people and how repression may cause this, and how self-acceptance may banish it, the feelings of shame associated with gender non-conformity, and the stuggles it takes to overcome internalized transphobia. I would also include a section on homophobia and transphobia in our society.

As to the sexual aspect, it might also be good to include a talk on fetish in general, whether this involves CDing or any other fetish. Oh, and also include a section on the vast array of sexual preferences and how this does or does not correlate to gender identity.