Stuck "In Between"

[Kaitlyn Michele]

There is only one test... Look in the mirror and be honest about yourself...

It's very hard, and it can be quite wrenching, so sadly many people ask the internet by answering ridiculous survey questions(just think about that for a second).....why not just ask a psychic?

Also to the OP... I would urge you to consider that being gender fluid is not about being stuck in the middle gender wise...I've learned over the years that lots of people are quite comfortable with an identity that is gender fluid...so it's not really being stuck..if you can be happy with your gender identity that's a very simple and constructive thing

Unfortunately for gender fluid people, the world is almost exclusively binary gendered..... It creates a situation where people that don't live as one gender usually end up being outsiders and being marginalized by society...and so gender fluid learn how to cope in that world and can feel stuck as an outsider..

[DonnaT]

Stuck? Since this is where I like it, then I would say firmly in the middle, not stuck.

[Rachel Flowers]

Like many replies already posted, I'm in the middle but don't feel "stuck". Male mode isn't intensely macho and girl mode isn't road to transition. Now that I've found acceptance in myself and my wife I'm comfy where I am thank you!

And I love taking tests - I perform personality tests on others for a living - but all these self-reported gender identity tests are very low in "validity" - i.e., are they actually measuring what they purport to measure?

[suchacutie]

I think I was stuck between genders before we found Tina. Tina has allowed me to separate my gendered selves and I think I understand both of me much better! Before it was a mix and a muddle and a bit confusing.

The average might be in the middle, but I'm now much more at either end

[Kaitlyn Michele]

that's an interesting point too..

as someone that feel's very binary, and had to change my gender role or literally feel like killing myself..the idea of going back and forth, of having 2 genders makes no sense to me at all...i can't comprehend it and yet many people feel that way as the previous post mentions..

i find myself wondering if that's exactly how a cisgender person feels about people like me....

[Anna Lorree]

Have a look at Dr. Harry Benjamin's Gender Scale (for MtFs) developed in the mid 1960s, from Type 1 male identity, to Type 6 female identity:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_scale

I put more stock in the Benjamin Scale than I do the COGIATI test, though I will admit to having taken it many times. On the Benjamin Scale, I am somewhere between a 3 and a 4. I very much see aspects of myself in both, so I will call myself a 3.5 there. As for COGIATI, it usually places me as Androgynous with the same advice listed here for such. A few times it has labelled me as a "borderline Transsexual". When you compare the two, that actually isn't far from where I rank on the Benjamin Scale, so I don't really gripe about either. I DO wish I could just go to one end of the spectrum or the other, exist as either a content man or as a content woman without confusion. It would be far easier...

Anna

[Marleena]

Have a look at Dr. Harry Benjamin's Gender Scale (for MtFs) developed in the mid 1960s, from Type 1 male identity, to Type 6 female identity:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_scale

Hmm.. never saw this one before! I'm a definite TYPE 4 on this scale, and possibly a 5. Sheesh..I give up on placing myself anywhere. I'm just me, and enjoying myself.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

There are some good points and replies here. I must say that I am unfamiliar with the term cisgender and will need to do some research on it.,

[docrobbysherry]

NO, I hate for anyone to touch my feet and I hate having my nails ground on. I wish I never had to go again but my nails look horrid if I don't keep them done. I just waited a month before going to get my nails filled in b/c I dread going so bad.

I envy guys in some ways. You CD's aren't going to appreciate/understand this one...but they don't have to wear make up, get nails done, wear shoes/clothes that are uncomfortable. They get up take a shower, throw on deodorant, brush teeth, comb hair and out the door. Hey, maybe I got stuck in the wrong gender now that I think about it, lol.

I'm with U on the feet and finger nails, Whispers! Leave mine ALONE!

And, u don't have tell me how lucky I am to be able to get out of the house in drab clean, dressed, and ready in a 1/2 hour or less! Because I spend over an hour just preparing to START becoming Sherry!

U forgot shaving! We don't have to do THAT either! Never mind not shaving our arms, legs, pits, etc. Some of us don't even shave our faces! Lol!

[~Joanne~]

I am also not stuck. I enjoy both sides of me and they both make me a whole person. Some days I may explore the one side more than the other because it is new to me but at the end of the day, it's still me

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Ugh, Sherry, you are right. I did forget to include that dreaded chore of shaving.

[carhill2mn]

I don't consider myself "stuck" between genders. I just am one sometimes and the other at other times.

[Anna Lorree]

There are some good points and replies here. I must say that I am unfamiliar with the term cisgender and will need to do some research on it.,

Cisgender means being happy as your birth sex/gender combination.

Anna

[stacycoral]

Have a look at Dr. Harry Benjamin's Gender Scale (for MtFs) developed in the mid 1960s, from Type 1 male identity, to Type 6 female identity:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_scale

Cisgender means being happy as your birth sex/gender combination.

Anna

This stuff is SOOOO complicated! As I get a better handle on who and what I am, I would say that I am NOT stuck between genders but I am actually BOTH genders, or at least comfortable in both genders.

wow, after looking at the Benjamin scale i would have to say i 'm at 2.5, that was insightful. Thanks for the thread is been good reading.

[Joanne f]

There was a time when i thought that i was half and half so in a way that is like being stuck in the middle yet there is no true middle as you only have the physical bits of one or the other so it is like trying to balance the physical side of you with the mental side and the more that you can balance the physical side to match the mental side the more you will pull away from that "stuck in the middle"

[Nichola]

I guess you're talking about the 'Given up looking for answers...' thread I posted where I said I feel stuck slap bang between the genders.
It's just how I feel I suppose, I like a lot of things about being male yet I so need my girl time it's unreal. It's so confusing, but these days I'm intent on enjoying it because I'll never know the reasons why.

[ReineD]

[SIZE=+1]The
COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY[/SIZE]
(COGIATI)

The Cogiati Test is not meant to be a diagnostic tool, according to the transwoman who developed it, Jennifer Diane Reitz.

Ms. Reitz has no background in gender research, she is a writer/webcomic author/computer programmer. The test emphasizes stereotypical gendered behavior, and it is a fun online game for transgenders wishing to validate who they are.

[Debglam]

that's an interesting point too..

as someone that feel's very binary, and had to change my gender role or literally feel like killing myself..the idea of going back and forth, of having 2 genders makes no sense to me at all...i can't comprehend it and yet many people feel that way as the previous post mentions..

i find myself wondering if that's exactly how a cisgender person feels about people like me....

I think that is how the cis-world feel about all of us in the trans world. At least, IMHO, we have common aspects that we can base our understanding of each other on. Again, IMHO, I think the level of GID or whatever you want to call it comes in varying degrees. For a middle pather like me, getting to fully present as a woman part time seems to resolve the discomfort. A greater degree and I can see where you would have to transition. A lesser degree and maybe underdressing is sufficient. Maybe. . .

[carhill2mn]

NO, I hate for anyone to touch my feet and I hate having my nails ground on. I wish I never had to go again but my nails look horrid if I don't keep them done. I just waited a month before going to get my nails filled in b/c I dread going so bad.

I envy guys in some ways. You CD's aren't going to appreciate/understand this one...but they don't have to wear make up, get nails done, wear shoes/clothes that are uncomfortable. They get up take a shower, throw on deodorant, brush teeth, comb hair and out the door. Hey, maybe I got stuck in the wrong gender now that I think about it, lol.

IMHO one of the reasons that many of us enjoy CDing is that we can then put on makeup, get our nails done, wear pretty clothes and shoes.

[Asche]

You CD's aren't going to appreciate/understand this one...but they [=guys] don't have to wear make up, get nails done, wear shoes/clothes that are uncomfortable. ...

IMHO one of the reasons that many of us enjoy CDing is that we can then put on makeup, get our nails done, wear pretty clothes and shoes.

There's a huge difference between "can" and "have to". It's the difference between opportunity and oppression.

One of the (many!) reasons why there's some friction between the CDs and GFs here is that a lot of guys here ignore the distinction.

[Asche]

I don't think of myself as "in between" because that image implies that people's natures can be put on a line between two poles (i.e., a single dimension), and one is what we think of when we say "male" or "masculine" and the other "female" or "feminine." I think that's a ridiculous oversimplification of how people really are.

I know that I don't fit into this. In some ways, I'm very "masculine", in others, quite "feminine", though which is which seems to depend on who's looking at me (not to mention the phase of the moons of Jupiter ), yet I'm the same person. Basically, I just don't fit. And after seeing how cramped and uncomfortable those boxes are that people keep trying to fit themselves (and me) into, I'm glad I don't fit. It frees me to wander off that stupid masculine-feminine axis out along directions that the authors of that axis don't even know exist and have lots of kinds of fun that "everybody" says don't exist.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

There's a huge difference between "can" and "have to". It's the difference between opportunity and oppression.

One of the (many!) reasons why there's some friction between the CDs and GFs here is that a lot of guys here ignore the distinction.

Right, for CD's getting to do all of that is an adventure but for women it's expected. She either expects it of herself or society does.

[Intertwined]

I didn't go to the internet to find out what I am... I've known that for over 20 years, I went to the net to help me understand it... AND I still don't...

Even here on this forum, just like in life, I am a square peg in a round hole...

The Very Question itself seams invalid to me... Stuck "In Between", implying 2 Genders, Masculine/Feminine, Black/White, 1's / 0's, I don't believe its a Binary.

Even the most Masculine figure I can think of " John Wayne " I'm sure had a touch of femininity somewhere...

Same for the opposite end of the " Spectrum ", Marilyn Monroe had a masculine side...

With black at one end of the Spectrum and white at the other, there is an infinite number of colors " In Between ", Don't get STUCK on the Black & White

[Amanda22]

Hey, maybe I got stuck in the wrong gender now that I think about it, lol.

This made me smile! Thanks for the laugh! You can cross dress if you like, you know. We'll totally understand.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I think that is how the cis-world feel about all of us in the trans world. At least, IMHO, we have common aspects that we can base our understanding of each other on. Again, IMHO, I think the level of GID or whatever you want to call it comes in varying degrees. For a middle pather like me, getting to fully present as a woman part time seems to resolve the discomfort. A greater degree and I can see where you would have to transition. A lesser degree and maybe underdressing is sufficient. Maybe. . .

It's fair to say that any person born and socialized as male that goes against that socialization shares a common bond.. We know what its like to not feel like one of the guys for sure...we know that to resolve discomfort we are compelled to break the mold ..

But the whole idea of going back and forth makes no sense to me at all as a ts person...I can't internalize it ...i just accept it as a part of the diversity of human nature..