Pinky this guy is creating a toxic workplace for you and the others. I agree with the other posters it has to be handled before it gets worse. Good luck!
Pinky this guy is creating a toxic workplace for you and the others. I agree with the other posters it has to be handled before it gets worse. Good luck!
yup , saying "calm down, you freak" was definately a poor way to diffuse a situation. I don't imagine anyone much cares what an angry guy yells.
Are you going to have to work with this guy much? It might be a good idea to develop some constructive strategies for diffusing his apparent anger and insecurity.
As for his knowledge - maybe it was just a lucky guess. If not, you're not as closeted as you think - and evidently it doesn't matter all that much to the company.
is he dating somebody you know? or knows you or knows pinky? (my "friendly" ex told a few :-)
I am not sure that asking him why he said that would be productive. If he doesn't already know for sure, then he is going to be making statements and you are going to be in the position of denying or confirming them, giving him more to go on. Even if he has something solid, do you want to be in a position of confirming or denying?
As a supervisor, do not give him a chance to control the discussion based upon what you might or might not have done. "This is not about me, this is about your behavior". Read him the policy riot act: "No matter what you think someone has done, you will not act that way, especially not towards the management." "If you have a problem working with someone, do not take the matter into your own hands; bring the matter up to with your supervisor." "You will be working with a wide variety of co-workers, and working with the public or in circumstances where the public might happen to overhear. You are a representative of the company. If you don't think you can handle that, then this is not the workplace for you."
And, of course, you should make sure the supervisors are on the same page, trained the same way in handling personnel matters.
You should not have called him "freak", so you will need to apologize about that or do whatever the policy says would be appropriate: you need to make an example of yourself with respect to the way you handle that mistake.
Last edited by sandra-leigh; 01-28-2012 at 08:23 PM.
If you are out to anyone, anywhere, you're fair game for the word to spread. People love gossip. To this day, I fear telling a very few past co-workers that I crossdress; both of them occasionally drink, and sometimes people say things when inebriated that they usually wouldn't.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I would have said takes one to know one. Lol
um... either this person is as psychic as the only real psychic person i have ever known, or your mind has the powers to manifest your fears in the people around you.
Pinky did you ever resolve this problem? It's been a while.
Thank all of you for your kind words! Yes Marleena, it was resolved. Im back to turning wrenches at a shop near my home. Same company but a differant shop. Word travels fast within the company however! So everyone at my current shop had heard about the "incedent". Everyone agrees that that guy is a douche bag! They made some light hearted fun at me and that was it. I get along very well with most everyone in the company so the guys knew that it could not have been my fault. Anyway, Im not real worried about it. Im glad to be at a shop that has cool people working at it again!! Thanks again girls!! You all are awesome! Now I have to get back to my Soiuxie and the Banshees!!! Good night girls!!!Originally Posted by Marleena
I think it is entirely possible that he just threw a random shot in the dark and hit jackpot. I've been accused of crossdressing in the past despite doing it maybe once or twice a year st the time. It was just people trying to take a sucker punch at my masculinity.
I agree that professionalism is the key here. Apologize for your comments, then remind him that his comments are unacceptable as well and if he persists, he will be reprimanded for it. Also remind him of discrimination/harassment in the workplace laws that are in place for a reason.
Me personally, I would be mad as hell too, but I have to stop and think for a minute. I may be the first CD/TG person he has ever come across. I have a chance to win acceptance by showing that I'm a good, level-headed person and not "unstable" like many who are prejudiced against us would assume. Maybe prove you are the better person by offering a beer and a chat with the guy to find out why you bother him so much....
"To deny our impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human...." - Mouse from The Matrix
Love me or hate me, I will always be myself.
I'm just the kind of gal that likes death metal, beer, and "dad" jokes. Oh and I build computers and play PC games.
I'm glad it all worked out for you Pinky.
I'm glad to see the situation turned out for the better, Pinky. As for how that guy could have found out, maybe he knows your e-mail address and you may have used similar e-mail addresses on this site, and links brought him to these forums, but I'm just speculating. If you don't have to deal with that guy anymore, then it really doesn't matter! Just remember to be professional in the workplace and refrain from name-calling even if you're angry.
Back on the forums! But still very much closeted.
He probably thinks he knows more than you. Alot of people like to start at the top and work their way down. As for his knowing of you? Could be a millions ways he knows. Anything from hearing it from someone else in the company to seeing any fem traits you may have like clean shaven arms, etc. Ever sell anything on the net? I sold some brand new footwear I had bought a few years back and never wore so listed them on the net and a local person I know inquired about them, so he had just outed himself to me unknowingly via the net.
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