I have not posted here much lately as I have been more with Facebook however, I have a situation that has recently occurred and I am seeking advice. This may not be the appropriate forum and if so I do apologize.
I have not been able to go out much as Erin at all. This past Halloween with help from my stylist, who I confided in some while back, I went out as Sarah Palin. Christy did a wonderful job. Some of the girls I work with were out with me that night and I went to work in costume for Halloween. The girls I work with knew that I enjoyed myself and also seem certain that I dress more often due to the extent in which I presented myself. Most I am gay although I have only dated women. One of out vendors, John, saw me briefly the day I dressed at work. He has kidded me about when would Sarah come out again. It's kinda of been a little joke between us. As time has passed, I have looked forward to talking with him although I would feel weird as I was in guy mode. Last week something took over me and I told him Sarah may come out again and she would be looking for a date. Long story short I had Christy help me and this past Saturday I called John to come over to my apartment, part of me hoping he would not and the other part praying he would. I had been drinking that afternoon, mostly due to being nervous, and was buzzing. Mind you I have only dated women in the past, but no one over the past year to year and half. I kept thinking to myself, "What are you doing?" but carried forward. He and I were on the couch joking and talking about my "being Sarah" and of course drinking. I was a fish out of water but continued to flirt. One thing led to another and I remember waking to him leaving around 3 a.m. I awoke around 6 in bed with clothes everywhere. I don't remember how far things went...but physically I knew they went pretty far. I have been off this week and have not received a call from John nor have I attempted to call him. I have not talked to any of my friends at work either. I'm not even sure if they picked up on the interactions I have had with John in the past. I am not sure what to do. John is by our office at least once a week and I am not sure how to even approach him. For all I know he may be regretting everything. We did not talk when he left, I just awoke to hearing him leaving. I am now very confused about myself as I never thought things would go this far, not at this point in my life of Erin/Patrick. I know what I did was not at all safe in so many ways. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks all.