I am discovering that my blossoming cross dressing ‘adventure’, to my surprise and especially at my age, is not just about putting on a blouse and a skirt. It seems to change my thinking and perceptions as well. Then again, perhaps it is not a change, perhaps it is an opening up of a long suppressed part in my brain. In that case it is a growth and I welcome it. I am experiencing a different self, searching, perhaps a new or changed identity, or am I perhaps completing myself?
There is a feminine side of me that is growing, perhaps a gentler side, yet without diminishing my male persona. I am not effeminate, and am comfortable as a man. Yet I am changing, softening perhaps. I do not understand it, but I’ll go with the flow, like tubing, and let the current carry me down a scenic river.
The realization of what’s happening is changing my perceptions of many things. All my viewpoints, opinions, and especially prejudices are being challenged almost overnight, including feelings I worried about but kept under strict manly control, trying to unhappily live up to what I thought the ‘ideal’ man should be like. Even so, in day to day living, I’ve always felt different from the ‘norm’, in the sense that I don’t watch football or any “sport” requiring me to sit on a sofa and drink beer.
Not too long ago I visited a lunchroom in what used to be a private residence. The main room was quiet, with soft pleasant background music, had flowers and nice curtains. The room had a feminine touch. It definitely was not your average cafe. I experienced an initial bit of reluctance to enter but within a few minutes I felt comfortable. The young hostess wore a pretty, brown, wet look blouse that I tried not to keep staring at. I sensed an inner longing to own such a blouse and I envied the young woman for being able to wear it. In public. Another lunchroom, in Mission, Texas, had a boutique attached to it. Even though I had not yet acknowledged my desire to crossdress, and though I did not browse through the boutique, I felt comfortable eating there as well. In fact, I seem to prefer it to a more masculine restaurant. I feel more relaxed. The feelings didn’t make sense at the time but now they are beginning to.
And so I find myself on a new, different, scenic road, aided not in the least by the many good posts I read in this forum.
And this all started when I bought a pink bikini, put it on and decided, gulp!, that I liked it.
Ineke
