Would you ever tell employers that you cross dress?

[KlaireLarnia]

Given that a lot of people are less bothered by men wearing women's clothes (to various degrees), if you where to change job would you ever tell your new employer that you crossdress and ask if they would object you you wearing female clothing to work - even if in a limited form?

I.e: You are offered a job and accept it. Would you then say to that employer something like: Just want to be upfront, at times I dress in more feminine clothing and often carry a women's bag. Do you have any objections if I turned up to work in appropriate clothing but wore female trousers/shoes/had a shoulder bag at times (or a mixture of male/female clothing for example)? Possibly even go as far as to say I am trying to understand myself and this is part of that and it would help me if I could do this.


I only ask this as with my recent ventures, I sit here (and at work) and often wish that I could tell them what I do so I could bring in a large shoulder bag rather than my male ruck-sack or wear female jeans or trainers to work (we only wear business attire in the office if we have clients in - otherwise it is jeans and t-shirts for us). But my bosses would most likely have a mental at me if I even asked them this now after being there around 2 years, as they are not the sort of people you can be open with and are purely focuses on their business and running it. But part of me wishes I had said something when I accepted the job as the people I work with (13 of us in the office) would not care. We had an openly homosexual guy work with us for 6 months and his dress sense was very female (including carrying shoulder bags) and no-one cared or was bothered. So I sometimes wonder if this would apply to someone like me.

Just wondering what others think or if anyone has actually done this. And I am aiming this at people who purely crossdress, not those who are or would consider some sort of gender realignment and do this as part of having to live as a female full time in run up to this, as I think employers would be more tolerant and understanding of this - over someone who dresses purely because they like/want to.

K

[Vickie_CDTV]

As my old girlfriend says, anything that can be used against you in life probably will be. Knowing you dress, even strictly outside of work, can only work against you in the eyes of an employer. In these hard times where jobs are scarce and most folks can be easily replaced, I wouldn't risk my job.

[DAVIDA]

Well, in my case, it was the employer that didn't tell the employees.

[Karren H]

I think many at work know. My department VP warned me that if I showed up at work wearing zebra heels like one the girls in another department that he wouldn't be happy. Lol. Told him all my heels were weren't that wild.

[Tanya C]

Over the years I've never told any of my clients or employers about my cding. I don't want to give anyone an excuse to be unhappy with my service.
In a perfect world I might consider it. But does this look like a perfect world?

[kristinacd55]

I have a very good friend who's dealing with this issue right now. She plans on transitioning and has told her family and this is the next step. I know currently it's a huge issue. As far as me, I just started driving a school bus recently and have definitely thought about it as well. The usual concern is will there be a justification by them to making me lose my job? Could be something down the line to add to my being out in public.

[Rebecca W.]

No, I would never tell my current employer. I do enjoy under dressing and that is a thrill because I am happy and only I know what is going on under the drab, boring clothing. I believe that every person has to understand their work enviroment very carefully and check on any laws that will provide you with employment security. Or in other words, harrasment or gender discrimination. My state is providing more and more protection for everyone regardless of your gender or the need to dress as the opposite sex. Just be informed and protected before making any statement to your employer.

Rebecca

P.S. We are all here to support anyone who asks.

[Krististeph]

I've consider several times finding an employer in the LGBT realm, not so much so i could CD at work, but so it would not particularly matter. it would need to be in a manner that did not affect affect the business adversely, if i ever did CD at work.

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on the employer. Some are progressive enough to not care unless it affects the quality of your work somehow, or if working with the public how the clientele react.

[Kristy_K]

I think it also depends on what you wear to work and where you work. Once your employer knows than your coworkers also knows. Once it is out it can't be undone. And it can changes people's opinion's of you as a person. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it is bad. It isn't easy to be yourself at times but it is a lot of fun.

Hugs,
Kristy

[shyselina]

I have sat down with my HR rep and she told me they would have no problem with me dressing as a woman for work.. She is very helpful and supportive if and when I make that leap.

[KlaireLarnia]

Part of my reasoning for asking is that I am considering my career at the moment and while I love the place I work - various things are making me wonder if I want to be there too much longer and heading into my 40's in the next few years I probably do not have that many career moves left in real terms.

This is why I wonder about work and dressing. At work I do think about it and get very very down at times (and only one person who I trust explicitly knows why I get down). While these drops are often short lived I have them. I am even seeing my gp this week (in part) to help me keep my mind straight so these swings are not as bad as they are now - which again pains me as I would rather tell everyone what I do and who I really am so I could just get on and act natural in work. But the latter is not going to happen.

If I was able to find a suitable new job I wondered if it would be possible or safe to be open about who I am. Using my example above the guy who worked with us was very open on who he was and how he dressed. Only twice was he asked to tone it down a bit by the boss which is fair enough. So I sit here and wonder, if I was honest - what would it do for me. Would it help or hinder me. If I was to turn up in female trousers, coat and shoulder bag would anyone really care enough - or would I be singled out for ridicule and abuse. Rhetorical questions which no one can answer but important ones.

I am pushing the boundaries of what I can and will do each week now. Yesterday was the shoulder bag. Tomorrow I will be doing a 2-3 mile walk home with a much bigger and obvious one (which will be in my male bag while at work and which I will take out when I am dropped off by a colleague in the town where I live). I will take out the shoulder bag, fold my male bag into it and walk home with it over my shoulder. This is me testing both myself and the reaction of others who I pass. Trying to understand what I am comfortable with and can take. Due to the roads around where I live not being the... best... in the world 5 mins from home I will swap the bags back over as a precaution.

If I could get away with not needing the male bag in the first place at work, or at any other time it would be such a big step and bonus. A way of giving a little freedom without compromising who I am and what I want. This is why I wonder of a career change. Would that give me that little extra room? A way to offer me another aveune to what I see as normality.

Thanks for the responsese they are kind of what I expected and it does give me a lot to think about.

K

[Melissa Cross]

As much as I want my family and friends to know about my CDing, I have no desire to tell my employer about it. We all know about work gossip and, for me, it's a personal issue that is none of my employers business.

I don't really have a strong desire to go to work en femme. I work for a large employer and all the issues regarding rest room use etc. would come up and I would rather not deal with that in terms of my employment.

[KlaireLarnia]

As much as I want my family and friends to know about my CDing, I have no desire to tell my employer about it. We all know about work gossip and, for me, it's a personal issue that is none of my employers business.

I don't really have a strong desire to go to work en femme. I work for a large employer and all the issues regarding rest room use etc. would come up and I would rather not deal with that in terms of my employment.

In my case I am not looking at going En Femme. More my normal mix of the two. Trousers, looking obviously male in the face but with more feminine clothes on. So trousers, decent shoes (or trainers as it would be now) and possibly a collared t-shirt or blouse and carrying a female bag rather than a male one. Something where I look decent, fit in with the dress code but still am obviously male. So the changing room issues etc would never come up. Working for a small employer helps in that respect.

[barbie lanai]

I'm retired and underdress everyday now. And in drab mode wear women's jeans sneakers and pink toed socks. Sometimes the wife even lets me wear a female top out, if not too female looking. So if I were working would probably wear the same in drab, but not mention crossdressing to an employer.

[Jenniferathome]

Not a chance. First,it is none of thei business what I do in my private life. And second, I think people are far less tolerant than you think. While on the street, people generally do not care, when in a work setting,things are quite different. Your career path would be nil. I happen to now live in a state, Idaho, where you can be fired for being gay, lesbian, or transgendered. There are other states as well where there are no protections. No,the business world I snot ready for crossdressers.

[KlaireLarnia]

[QUOTE=Jenniferathome;2735883 I happen to now live in a state, Idaho, where you can be fired for being gay, lesbian, or transgendered. There are other states as well where there are no protections. No,the business world is not ready for crossdressers.[/QUOTE]

Sorry, you can be fired for being gay etc? Excuse me? I am amazed that there are places like that in the USA. If that where to happen over here all hell would break loose and the employer would get in deep trouble (if it where proved which is another matter all together I accept). I understand that laws can vary from state to state in the USA, but even so I am surpised there is no (federal?) law that stops this sort of thing irrespective of the position of a given state.

I understand that is it way easier to ignore a stranger in the street than someone you see regularly or work with - fully understand and respect this. I know people in the UK where I am who are transgenderedand hit a few issues initially when they had to go full time female as part of their preparation before the surgery. They both said while their employers where initially uneasy they accepted it and all was fine after a couple of weeks as people where told and understood. But my side is very different and it is more about being who I am and expressing myself as I feel I should be able to. Are there any people in the UK who have told their employers and gone to work in (even partial) female clothing? I wonder if the UK has the same mentality as the USA or not...

K

[Marleena]

Here is a map of the U.S. showing states with transgender rights in place for employment. The southern U.S. states being the least supportive.

http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/04/...employment-map

[johanna.kitten]

Klarie,

I've outed myself at work and I'm in IT (London, UK). I got it in my contract that I can dress however I like, it
only has to be smart. I was not up front with them when I started but I started out wearing more and more women's
at work and now I wear almost only women's but I do kinda mix a little bit at times. There are two co-workers that has
opinions (one of them more than the other...) But I got support from head of HR, CEO, CTO and head of Professional
Services. Having said that, I do go drabs when I got meetings with customers and sales people. I've also shown them
pictures of me dressed a little bit more extreme and we all had a good laugh at it. They also know I'd like to embark on
my transition, but they never said if they would approve of this or not. I'll find out soon enough as I am awaiting my
first delivery of hormones.

/Johanna

[AndrewJenny]

I work in the midwest in a highly technical field. A lot of the big employers are pretty good about TS employees who have proven themselves with a good track record of quality work. I think this is part fear of bad press and part business sense: a lot of these companies live and die on the efforts of their engineers, researchers, etc. and it just doesn't pay to lose someone with the knowledge and experience needed to innovate.

However, everyone I know who is "out" at work has a medical diagnosis and is actively pursuing gender reassignment. There's a big difference between this and "I like to wear women's clothes but am still a man." It's stupid that employers don't let us CD, given the emotional stress it causes to have to hide it (of course, it's also stupid that I have to work a 9-5 schedule when I have shown time and again that my best work is in 3-4 day marathons with no sleep, followed by a few days off). But I think that's still the way it is.

[Ava Tryptyk]

I don't think I would do something like that - if I am working I would like CD-related stuff to be separate from the work environment.

[jsunic_1978]

Everybody will get welfare and ssi disability at some point just being who they are!! Let the rich get richer, all fine by me

[KlaireLarnia]

I don't think I would do something like that - if I am working I would like CD-related stuff to be separate from the work environment.

I used to think like this but recent times and experiences have changed this - or perhaps I am reaching the point where I am no longer that bothered by how others perceive me as long as I am given respect where needed.

As I am not a TS or have any desires in this area, my dressing is purely for personal reasons. And while some time ago I would not have wanted it out in the open, these days I am less concerned. I have have been out in public with female clothes and shoes on. Had a lengthly, intelligent conversation in public on a train with a gentleman while in 3inch heeled ankle boots, female t-shirt and carrying a large shoulder bag (even going into it with him beside me to get my mobile phone out to check something we where talking about) - I have come to realise that most people are not overly bothered.

As long as I do not tread on my wife's metaphoric toes or do something she takes major umbridge to I am okay. It has taken me just under 5 painful and sometimes exceptionally lonely and unhappy times to get to where I am now. To reach the point where I finally understand and accept myself and the balance between the two personalities within me that make me whole.

I am by nature the sort of person you either get on very well with, or hate with a passion. I have been told by previous bosses I have an attitude problem. While I agree I have an attitude, it's not a problem for me - just for those who don't understand or like it. Dressing is starting to be seen this way for me. I am who I am , I am what I am. Why should I be forced into a box that does not fit me?

MY mind is currently asking - why can't you have both (to a degree)? Why shouldn't I walk in with a shoulder bag and not a rucksack. Why can't I walk around a supermarket in heeled boots. Why can't I wear a wider selection of clothes or softer looking styles? Perhaps I am looking for a balance of private, public and work life. There may be no balance to be had - but maybe there is and I am grateful for the insights I have been given, even though they are not as encouraging as I may have hoped.

[ArleneRaquel]

Being retired I might tell them Now, in person, enfemme

[Richelle423]

If I ever told anybody they would'nt believe me anyway.I would never tell an employer for fear of losing my job.It's none of their business anyway.We girls are not all there yet.