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Thread: What's SO Good About Being Gender-Enhanced?

  1. #1
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    What's SO Good About Being Gender-Enhanced?

    "SO" meaning significant other, that is.

    Countering the steady rain of SOs dismayed by their partner's identity or crossdressing, it seems to me that there's much that is positive - or COULD be viewed positively were we not so focused on shame, guilt, and loss. At its very best, it offers the possibility of creating or opening a relationship between partners that extends to the very cores of their being, something very rare.

    In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:

    • Intrinsically different and interesting,
    • Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,
    • Open to women's issues,
    • Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,
    • Often unusually intelligent,
    • Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home


    ... (on a lighter note)

    • Interested in fashion and shopping
    • Willing to spend
    • Will spend time with you and your friends
    • Happy to go with you to get your nails done

    etc.

    Think happy possibilities, people! From time-to-time I hear about people arriving at the conclusion that being gender-variant is a gift, not a curse. What's your gift?

    Care to add?

    Lea

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member JessHaust's Avatar
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    I could not agree more.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #3
    Cat's Eye Siren ArleneRaquel's Avatar
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    Being Gender-Enhanced is a great blessing, I love this great addition to my life.
    Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years. Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady

    My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty

    I'm Always Rainbow Proud

  4. #4
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    You sort of have the best of 2 worlds
    Rader

  5. #5
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Great point, Lea!

    But we should keep in mind that the majority of female SO's still want their guy around once in a while.

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  6. #6
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  7. #7
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Because of my age (70), I always thought crossdressing was a curse until I started taking care of GG's as a career. Remember, this was at at time when there were few women in the field. Many of those who came to see me would comment that I listened and seemed to understand. (Not trying to show off here, please.) One day the light bulb went off. The sensitivity and understanding came from the cross dressing and all the blessings that provided. It wasn't a curse but a blessing in disguise...with heels etc!! Although only my wife knows, I finally got the message...yes, it is different but vive la difference! So, Lea you really nailed that one.
    Laura

  8. #8
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I agree. All the benefits should out weigh the negatives for an SO.
    Sharing clothes, fashion tips, only interested in other women for what they are wearing....
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Kristy_K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........
    I would have to agree with you Karren. But since that isn't the case I will just have to just focus on the positives of it and enjoy life.

    Kristy

  10. #10
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    Coudln't agree more. On a lighter note...her jewelry collection has increased two-fold

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lea Paine View Post
    "SO" meaning significant other, that is.

    Countering the steady rain of SOs dismayed by their partner's identity or crossdressing, it seems to me that there's much that is positive - or COULD be viewed positively were we not so focused on shame, guilt, and loss. At its very best, it offers the possibility of creating or opening a relationship between partners that extends to the very cores of their being, something very rare.

    In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:

    • Intrinsically different and interesting,
    • Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,
    • Open to women's issues,
    • Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,
    • Often unusually intelligent,
    • Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home


    ... (on a lighter note)

    • Interested in fashion and shopping
    • Willing to spend
    • Will spend time with you and your friends
    • Happy to go with you to get your nails done

    etc.

    Think happy possibilities, people! From time-to-time I hear about people arriving at the conclusion that being gender-variant is a gift, not a curse. What's your gift?

    Care to add?

    Lea
    Did you share this list with your SO?

    Is she indeed pleased about all your pluses?

    If you asked her would she provide a completely different list?

    Does she agree with your assessment of the value of your crossdressing to her?

    S

  12. #12
    SO of CloserthanthisGG Lisia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephenie S View Post
    Did you share this list with your SO?

    Is she indeed pleased about all your pluses?

    If you asked her would she provide a completely different list?

    Does she agree with your assessment of the value of your crossdressing to her?

    S
    This was not addressed to me, but I wanted to answer anyway. In my case at least, once I overcame my fears and opened up to her about it, yes to all of the above, except for the one about her having a different list.

    Edit: and yes, she does still like to have her man sometimes too, but I try to communicate often about it, and so far she has not had too much Lisia.
    Last edited by Lisia; 01-18-2012 at 06:51 PM.

  13. #13
    Member Ashley S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........
    I couldn't agree more.
    We're here for a good time, not a long time.
    So have a good time. The sun can't shine everyday.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Sounds like a great idea if it works,
    I have wasted? a lot of time in the closet and if I was un-enhanced I wonder where I would be now?
    Most SO's chose their partners for very different reasons and I don't think one of them was gender enhancement.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  15. #15
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    So easy for us to see the benefits! My wife wants me to do all the stuff she doesn't... Hedges, car maintenance, roofing incidents, organise stuff, make things okay with people, iron my own shirts (she doesn''t like ironing), cook... the list is endless... male these days... step up to the challenge and do it...

    I really must get rid of the Christmas tree. It is sitting in the conservatory waiting to go... And fix the roof. My repairs of the summer have just come undone!

    I guess I am unenhanced!
    Kaz xx

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  16. #16
    Member bobbie c's Avatar
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    it's like anything else in life,it has it's upside and down, it's a matter of where you put the focus.also it's about communication with your loved one. for christ sakes try to enjoy the up sides of the 2 worlds,and there are many. I agree with with the list and i see this as an opportunity for so many things. it's not all about labels and certainly isn't all about the sexual aspect. it can fun, light hearted and certainly can bring a couple far closer together ...if they choose....or you can hang all the downsides and use this gift as a barrier and and source of "what ifs" and future "non problems". if kept in it's proper perspective and is a part of who you are as opposed to defining you, the opportunities are many. again there are 2 people involved....enjoy it and keep it balanced. i read over and over again about the saddness and the depression ...the attempts to label and define us..am i this am i that...my goddness live life and love your so, whether they are females, males or bi, gay,and any portion in between...thanks for the list and the reminder...hugs

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobbie c View Post
    it's like anything else in life,it has it's upside and down, it's a matter of where you put the focus.also it's about communication with your loved one. for christ sakes try to enjoy the up sides of the 2 worlds,and there are many. I agree with with the list and i see this as an opportunity for so many things. it's not all about labels and certainly isn't all about the sexual aspect. it can fun, light hearted and certainly can bring a couple far closer together ...if they choose....or you can hang all the downsides and use this gift as a barrier and and source of "what ifs" and future "non problems". if kept in it's proper perspective and is a part of who you are as opposed to defining you, the opportunities are many. again there are 2 people involved....enjoy it and keep it balanced. i read over and over again about the saddness and the depression ...the attempts to label and define us..am i this am i that...my goddness live life and love your so, whether they are females, males or bi, gay,and any portion in between...thanks for the list and the reminder...hugs
    What a nice thing to say. I mean it. I'm not being all smart-Alecky. It was nice to hear such a positive comment.

    I like the smile in the avatar, too.

    Stephie

  18. #18
    Member bobbie c's Avatar
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    stephenie...thanks...i appreciate that...its the way i strongly feel..

  19. #19
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    OH Lea
    I so wish that your post was all it is about, My life has been overshadowed by such uncertainty since of learned of my husband being a crossdresser. Your post sounds so lovely but in reality the wonderful secure marriage of 27 years now is filled with such doubt, it has made me feel so betrayed to learn this and i so often read here that what a CDer says he is one day, month, year (ie straight just like to wear womens clothes occasionally)changes to something totally different. My uncertainty overshadows any happiness, as i now live day to day in the marriage and wonder what is going to come next, or what his inner thoughts really are. It feel like i am now walking on the edge of the marriage, and one that i have always loved so much. I so wish i had know prior to the marriage taking place, it would have been so nice to have been totally honest with each other (actually i was and always have been)

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by CINDYO View Post
    OH Lea
    I so wish that your post was all it is about, My life has been overshadowed by such uncertainty since of learned of my husband being a crossdresser. Your post sounds so lovely but in reality the wonderful secure marriage of 27 years now is filled with such doubt
    It's not what it's all about, and I have enough drama going for several plays myself. I sympathize with the problems, Cindy, because I have lived them.

    What this thread is about is the celebration of diversity. Almost ALL SO threads focus on negatives. That's OK to a point because they are usually started at the point when people are in pain, but something that never comes up is that we are all culturally complicit in the hiding. It's a vicious cycle, but you need to know that your reactions are PART of that cycle.

    There have been cultures that recognize and value gender diversity. And truthfully there is much that COULD be celebrated, if we allowed it to be so.

    Stephanie,

    My wife would agree with everything on my list, but would still prefer not to have been presented with a gender-variant husband.

    If there's anything I've learned from my wife, it's that my reactions and expectations are all about me. Every last thing I got angry about in her, pushed back against, fought, cried over - all turned to blessings and an increase in love over the long term. She humbles me time and again. We are both are in our rights to stand our ground and draw lines. In practice that just leaves us on opposite sides of those lines.

    Give yourself up to each other where and when you can and the blessings flow, even if it means a radical redefinition of yourself and your life. I'm not saying that should be one of a couple or the other. I do think that intrinsic qualities like gender identity deserve special care, however. Be careful before you ask someone to actually sacrifice themself. Be careful that you know yourself well enough to know where your real limits are.

    I confess to not having loved being trans. But I'm starting to.

    Lea

  21. #21
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    These are all very positive attributes, but we need to make a concertedeffort to express them in our lives,so that our SOs can actually experience the benefits of having a gender enhanced partner.

  22. #22
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Being able to find positivity in this whole thing is a function of self-acceptance. I love who I am, I love my perspective on things, but it's all I know. And just because my being TG brings a degree of angst to my wonderful wife, it wouldn't do either of us any good if I were to retreat into the shadows without the ability to celebrate who I am.

    The key is to empathize with what our spouses and SO's go through as they travel along this path with us.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  23. #23
    davinax david's Avatar
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    Hi lea after reading your post although i agree in principle with a lot of what you are saying. yes it can be rather disconcerting for the so of a gender variant person to find out that the person they married as a male is in fact a female inside.This can led to possibly a break up in their relationship but given time it can also maybe lead to a greater understanding of what it can mean to realise that as a crossdresser they can have someone who knows what it means to be a female in todays world with all the problems that go with it.Take shopping for example if the partner is of the femme variety then he will probably have kept up with the latest fashions so will be able to be advise you what can flatter you or not.He will be only to happy to spend time with your female friends and feel comfortable with them.So yes i myself as a late comer to the crossdressing scene do agree with most of your post. davinaxx
    davina

  24. #24
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RADER View Post
    You sort of have the best of 2 worlds
    Rader
    Rader got there first but I feel the same.
    Now if only all people could see it that way.

  25. #25
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy1997 View Post
    I would have to agree with you Karren. But since that isn't the case I will just have to just focus on the positives of it and enjoy life.

    Kristy
    Same here. I like being positive about what I have to do....

    But fabricating "advantages" to justify something that you didn't choose and you have no control over just strikes me a funny. Like saying "one of the advantages of breathing is it helps move air the room... Way cheaper than an electric fan can! And if you brush your teeth first you don't need to buy air fresheners!" Lol.
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

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