OMG and you got boobs to LOL

[Jennifer8]

I’m sorry this came out so long just it like so much happen all at once. I spell checked it to thou. All my mistakes made me see ya my writing sucks so I should stop cursing and think more like homework. Sorry about my other posts bein a "teenage girl" mess. LOL

My mom is cool and I love her and all but Stacy’s mom understands me more I guess is like she’s a second mom to me and we like take turns living at each others house all the time. So I’m at Stacy’s and she he had to work so I was going to leave but her mom said I could hangout there with her cause she knew my mom wasn’t around and Id be sitting home alone.
So were talking and she’s asking why I do the stuff I do then says Stacy told her about the clothes. We talked for a while and well she asked if I was afraid what Stacy thinks and do I want to do more. I didn’t answer and finally she says let me help you be a girl. I was totally shocked! I just sat there thinking I didn’t know what to say and I finally asked her well what do you mean be a girl?!? She’s like just let me try some little things. UHH Like what? Your hair can be nicer and maybe something not black on your nails. OK you know I can do that. And maybe trim those eyebrows can I do them just a bit they will grow back. But that’s it? So I said ya and took the polish I had off and took a shower.
She did my eyebrows and straightened my hair and they looked great I mean nobody likes a unibrow right? And all this time she’s like not to much? You doing ok? Ya this ain’t to bad. And I did my nails quick. Then she’s like some makeup? Im like well I can do that and she’s like no not your way more like a girls. LOL. I did do my eyeliner myself lol and she did the rest she one eye and kept showing me like keep going? Ya its ok you can just do it it comes off right? lol I looked like a girl you know uh more like a girl.
OK come see what I picked out. Wait what?!? What stuff? Clothes. When? When I was in the shower DUH! All she kept saying was we can stop if you want and you ok. Come on I will buy you ice cream when were done lol it’s this joke like please please one more thing I promise. OK after trying a bunch of stuff I was wearing a denim skirt gray legings gray boots a blue top and gray hoodie. Like totally a outfit Stacy would rock out. Til I like raided her clothes with her mom LOL I never noticed for a girl that does not like being called girlie she has a lot of girlie clothes.

We talked more about me and me and Stacy and me thinking maybe Stacy liking me more then friends and I fell on the couch. I wanted to change before she got home cause her mom said we had to talk me and Stacy about me and her. BUT I got woke up by Stacy yelling OMG! Look at you and a skirt and OMG you have boobs to! That made me laugh and feel better and not all weird being in front of her like this. LOL After she like calmed down and looked me over and spun me around she dragged me to her room.
So Im sitting on her bed while she’s taking her makeup off and her mom comes out of her room and looks at me and I looked at her then Stacy then her again and I guess she saw the scared look on my face because she tells Stacy to go inside and for me to stay. uhhh. She was talking for like 1/2hr and like all I kept hearing over n over again was confused fragile emotional and girl.
So Stacy comes back in and says go talk to my mom while I change. Not like mean or get out but when she said it I felt like she didn’t want me seeing her change. So I asked her mom what happened?!? Why did she throw me out? She didn’t. I wanted to tell you everything is going to be fine and we are here for you ok. What?!? What about the other thing? And she said Stacy will explain. Ok so like is it ok for us to you know be inside together still? Its ok so go talk to her.
I totally got all this stuff with me and Stacy so wrong!!!! I’m an idiot. All this stuff I thought she was doing because maybe she liked me liked me was because your like one of the girls. She feels safe around me. She didn’t think it means anything. Were just friends OK. So you never liked me ever that way? No I’m sorry you got the wrong idea. BUT I didn’t! It made me feel sort of weird and stupid cause I could not tell the diff btw friends and want to be your girlfriend. I’m glad in a way cause she is such a great friend to me and it was confusing cause I like her and the stuff she does is nice but it made me feel weird before but now it’s cool I’m happy she loves me. You know like a friend. And I don't have to sleep on the couch

[Sammy777]

Holy hole in the donut batman that's a lot of reading.
75 views and no comments yet has to be some kind of a record in here

Seriously though. It sounds like you need to think about what you really want to do.
Still much confusion in this one there is Obi wan.

I read this whole thing and noticed you never once said how YOU feel about all this.

And I don't have to sleep on the couch

That's always a good sign. Couch bad - Bed good - even if you are friends.
You're better off without the whole "friends with benefits" thing. It usually does not end well.

[jillleanne]

Good heavens, Sammy is right!!!! I can't believe Willow did not ask for comments. Good for you Willow, you must have a fan in me because I get great pleasure reading your posts. There's something about you that intrigues me enough to follow your adventures. I believe it's your innocence and openness and the pleasure you get from posting your real life experiences. I do hope you are saving these for further use some day down the road. That is a wonderful story Willow and your discoveries are part of the pleasures and sadness you will experiencce in life.
Willow, do me a favor please. Because of my age and as a result of my lifestyle in the late 60's, I cannot hold my breath as long as you so try to use a 'period followed by a capital letter' in your sentences once in awhile, just for me if you would, so i can stop and take a breath of air once in awhile, ok? If you don't, I'll understand.

[Stephenie S]

I have deletedd my post due to editing.

(and my remarks were FAR from rude)

[Debra Russell]

Willow - I want to see pic's of you after her mom did your makup and dressed you --- sounds like soooo..... much fun, keep posting and cherish your friends ...............................Debra

[larry]

Is this a fantasy story ?

[cdsara]

So is she willing to keep helping you dress and perfect your look?

[stacycoral]

Willow, your a lucky girl to have a great friend in Stacy, also how cool is her mom, girl i wish i could have had friends like this when i was a teenager, Show the repect due to Stacy, and sounds like you have a couple supported friends for life, I have teenage girls myself now, i know that your used to texing and not write stories. Willow, just tell Stacy's mom thanks from me, let you be you.

[MarcyRex]

Stacy's mom took a chance she read you right. Congrats on your girl club membership sponsor!

[RADER]

You are lucky to have friends like that.
Rader

[Veronica27]

As you said, and many of the others agreed, your writing sucks. That does not mean that you do not have an interesting story to tell. Whether it is true, or the product of a vivid imagination fueled by your fantasies and daydreams, doesn't really matter. It can still make for an interesting read with a few very simple suggestions. As a matter of fact, you express an innocence that is quite refreshing in this day and age. I do not blame you for your lack of eloquence, but rather place the blame on two things: the state of modern education and the overall sloppiness of communication that has resulted from so-called technological advancements.

So how can you improve your writing style?

1 Take your time, and think about the flow of your ideas. As others have pointed out, use shorter sentences that reflect one complete thought, idea, incident etc.

2. I counted approximately 20 uses of the word "like" that were totally unnecessary, and serve only to disrupt the flow of the idea. Concentrating on avoiding such words in your writing helps to avoid them in speech as well. They can be irritating to those who listen to you speak, and often stop them from grasping your ideas. Other examples, (not noticed in your writing), are disruptives words or phrases such as "right", and "know what I mean".

3 Learn the difference between words such as to, too and two, and were and we're, to name two examples. Several times, I had to go back and reread a passage, because my mind was grasping "to", when you were meaning "too", and the thought was not making sense to me. Texting has led to this type of error.

4. Spellcheck is useful, but is not foolproof, because of the anomalies of the English language. Take a moment to reread your entry before posting, concentrating on whether or not what you have written is clear and understandable. Can you follow it, or do you stumble over some sentences? If you have difficulty, others certainly will.

5. Attempt to use correct grammar as you know it, but clarity can be more important than whether or not you dangled a participle, or said who instead of whom.

6 You broke your story into paragraphs, but make sure that you leave a line between them. Breaking your story into paragraphs at the correct spot, is important in keeping the reader interested and not bogged down by a long drawn out read. Like good sentence structure, good paragraphs keep the reader going.

Keep the stories coming, they are enjoyable.

Veronica

[J'lyn GG]

Okay, here comes debbie downer. But, what her mom did and said, sounds a little creepy to me. Maybe its just the way you wrote it. But, the way she kept asking if you were alright and if she could keep going? Well, yeah...If it happened just the way you said... well, I think if I were your mother, I might advise you to steer clear of alone time with Stacy's mom.
Also, give your mom some credit. She may not be willing to do all those things with you, but as its been said many times on this forum, its easier to accept and experiment, when its in someone else's backyard.

[prettytoes]

Wow! That would have fulfilled my ultimate teenage fantasy! I used to sit and stare at the cheerleaders, like most teenage guys did. I was wondering how it would feel to wear that skirt and sweater, and if I could do makeup as good as she did, or if she might help me apply makeup. Most guys were thinking "I'd sure like to nail that", while I was thinking "I'd sure like to wear that cute outfit"!
Willow, you are very lucky to have a friend like Stacy, and her mom. Make sure to thank them both for what they do for you, and let them know how much it means to you.

[Jennifer8]

I know my writing sucks but I have no other people to talk to about this and getting all this out calms me down. I draw way better then I type or write. Thank you everyone for trying to help me write better. I have all this stuff in my head and sometimes I have a hard time getting it to make some sorta sence when I type it. that took me like over 2 hours to make it not be 1 big hot mess it was 2am I was tired and figured good enough. I couldnt sleep still and still feel like crap.

A lot of you keep sayin see someone. I cant handle that again. So please stop saying it ok.I can handle bein here.
And gawd NO she is NOT creepy!! why would you say that?? She took the time to go online to look up this stuff she was nice enough to talk to me alone so I wasnt embaressed in front of stacy you know I left out the part where I was crying for like a hour and she said its ok and sometimes theres boys that are girls inside and her n stacy are ok if I want to be a girl I told her idk what iam . we talked about stacy raggin me about dooing more n how Im scared of shed think of me n thats why she did that. OK!! so dont call her creepy cause she gives more of shit about me then my mom does right now.

Im sorry if I tryed to keep what little self respect for me I have right now n left parts out n made sound diff then what happen

[Jennifer8]

Is this a fantasy story ?

I WISH IT WAS!!!!
No this is my totally ****ed up life. Im sorry it sounds that way to you and maybe I didnt write it now right maybe I tried to make it sound better for some reason cause I didnt want to I wasnt ready to show you just how miserable my life is most days. How me and my mom barely talk n why I hang onto Stacy cause its her that keeps the assholes away most days that get a kick outta treatin m e like shit and some walkin talking ****ing punching bag prob becuase they figure if they leave me alone maybe they can get in her pants. that my friends are my friends more cuase they are Stacys and got used to haaving me around . How would you like gettin bein a year older then everybody else cause you cant figure out school how I get called names every day. if this is some fantasy then please someone wake me up cause it ore like a nightmare most days.

[Jill Devine]

Hey there Willow. Sounds like you are facing some tough and stressful situations. By the sound of it, you have been blessed with a great friend who also happens to have an amazing mother. That's a positive so your life doesn't suck. And maybe you have made friend's through Stacy but that is ok - lots of people make friends through friends.
Here are some positive things to dwell on:
1. You have a great friend who has a great mom
2. You are not totally in the closet (which is a terrible place to be)
3. You are young and have your whole life to grow into a stunning young lady (if you so choose)

Believe it or not: there are people here who would trade places with you!

Time flies by and before you know it you will be grown up. It gets better!

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Willow,

I would like to say I understand your position, but I can only empathize with you to a certain point. I was picked on when I was in school but I don't think it was as bad as you have it. I had more female friends than male.

As for your writing, the quote below explains a lot.

I draw way better then I type or write. Thank you everyone for trying to help me write better.

I think people who are artistic are not very good writers. But I admire you for taking the time to write and share your story. You don't know how many people you will help just by posting it.

Hang in there. You have a good friend and her mother. I hope it works out well for you.

[Raychel Torn]

Willow, yes your writing could improve but that's not why your on this forum so don't let that stop you from posting. This is a place where you should feel free to share. I think it's great that you were willing tell us your story. I found it very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I also think that what Stacy's Mom did was very nice, and Stacy sounds like a good friend. Most of us would have loved to have had such accepting people in our life at your age. Good luck.

[AnitaH]

Willow:

I will echo what others have said here. I enjoy your reading about your experiences. It's great that your friend and her mom seem to be understanding and they except you for who you are. There's at least 2 people in the world who know you and accept you that is something to hold onto. Like others here I wish anyone would have been that understanding when I was younger. Being totally in the closet is a painful and very lonely place to be even when the rest of life appears to be great. Hang in there and hang onto such a good friend.

AnitaH

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Willow!

I am so jealous that you have a friend like Stacy and with such an understanding mother who is wanting to help you. I like many others here had no one like Stacy and her mom to confide, especially a girl friend and her mom. You ROCK GIRL!! Just be yourself I love your writing style, it reminds me of my daughter's writing. If I didn't know any better I thought you sound like a teenage girl. I would have loved to see a photo of you after all that work, it sounds like you were an uncut diamond and and Stacy's mom did some cutting and polishing to bring out the true what was already there a very pretty teenage girl.

Hugs

[12Andy777]

I am so envious of your friendship with Stacy and her mom! I'm 18 and I wish I had people like that in my life. Anyway this was a wonderful story; I found it very uplifting. Thank you for sharing it here, Willow .

[Foxglove]

Hello, Willow! I enjoyed your story very much, and I hope to read more from you in the future. You sound a bit confused, but who isn't? I've been confused all my life, and I envy you because you're young and have lots of time to figure things out, to figure out where you want to go. You sound pretty sharp to me, and I'm sure you'll do things a lot better than I did. I wish you lots of luck.

And, oh, yes, some people have made some remarks about your writing. Do the best you can and don't worry about it, would be my advice. You know, I've got a university degree and have been writing all sorts of stuff for many years, and yet every time I write something, I go back and check my spelling and grammar. I always find corrections to make. And I've never known anyone who wasn't in the same position. So just give us what you've got. You have some good things to say, so please keep at it.

(And you can draw! You've got me there. I can't even draw stick figures.)

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Sammy777]

Willow, I want to apologize for my initial post being rather flippant regarding your situation.
[And believe me when I say that apologizing is something I do not do very often. ]

In reading your additional posts it's pretty obvious there is a lot more going on then just clothing.

A lot of you keep sayin see someone.
I cant handle that again.
I can handle bein here.

I don't mean to pry, however I feel I have to ask this.
Were your previous "professional help I'm guessing" interactions related to your distress over your now apparent gender issues or were they for some other reason? Depression perhaps?
Seeking informal help such as this forum was a step in the right direction.

me and my mom barely talk

she gives more of shit about me then my mom does right now.
I hang onto Stacy cause its her that keeps the assholes away most days
they figure if they leave me alone maybe they can get in her pants.

I am sorry to hear that you and your mom do not communicate very much.
You are a very passionate person.
I say person because it is still unclear if you wish to be identified as a Guy or a Girl.
Despite your name on here you still seem to be undecided on where you stand right now.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see you've become quite attached to both Stacy and her mother and how you became very emotional and feel such a strong desire to defend them [and their actions].

my friends are my friends more cause they are Stacy's and got used to having me around
I tryed to keep what little self respect for me I have right now
this is my totally ****ed up life. I wasnt ready to show you just how miserable my life is most days.

Starting friendships through friends, such as Stacy is a very common occurrence.
They may have started out as Stacy's friends but trust me they are your friends now too.

What you are going through in school is horrible.
That and these other personal issues can wreak havoc with your self esteem.
You have allies in Stacy, her mother AND your friends. Don't be afraid to turn to them for help.

Do your best and do not let your unique "writing style" stop you from expressing yourself in here.

You replied "IDK" when Stacy's mom asked you if you might be a girl inside.
To me, it seems like there is a possibility that might be true.
But ultimately that is something that only you can decipher for yourself.

There are two invite only sections you should look into joining on here:
The Young Members 18 - 25 section. and maybe the
Safe Haven (MTF Transsexuals) section.
I am sure that you will be gladly accepted in either, or both.

[Beth Mays]

I for one concider myself a Crossdresser.. not an editor for Readers Digest!
Write in your own style, dress in your own style.. mastakes in both can be corrected.


Beth

[Debb]

Willow.

This stuff is hard; it's harder when you're 19, when you've gotta deal with all the social pressures that begin to build in this time of your life.

You are dealing with it.. be proud of yourself for that. Many of us ran from it when we were your age, only to realize later in life that we wished we'd dealt with it earlier!

I am way jealous that you've got at least some supporters. I'm a parent, and I've always found it harder to deal with my own kids, rather than to deal with other peoples' kids .. that might help explain your mom's position. It's gonna be hard for her, and if she tries to turn an ignorant eye to it, it's only gonna get harder for both of you.

Without being or seeming insistent, show her the best sides of you. Try not to seem pushy .. think about what that might mean; it's hard to put yourself outside your own mind, to see in another's perspective, but that's something you've got to do in order to get along with your mom better. Yes, she doesn't seem to try to shift perspectives .. that's where you've got some convincing to do. Spend some time trying to develop more empathy for her. I, too, am an empath, but I find it especially hard to have much empathy for those I live with ... since I get to see all the "mistakes" (those that I perceive to be mistakes) ... you probably have trouble having empathy for those you live with, too.

It's worth it in the long run. Yeah, you maybe don't wanna hear that at 19 .. gonna say it anyways.

It's worth it. Things get better.