How do you handle Straight Men?

[Leeiah]

In my CDing adventures out around town it seems like all I ever manage to do is attract straight men. Now I am bi curious but haven't been with a guy yet but if I was I had always assumed that it would be with a guy who already has experience in that area so to speak? When a person comes up to me and they find out who I am and they are still interested it confuses me because they say they aren't gay or bi or anything like that. It actually turns me away, not really sure how to go about handling that in those situations. If you are interested but you aren't bi or gay or anything like that but you are still interested then what am I suppose to do or say to that?

And even if you did date them etc and or change there perceptions etc would you feel bad about that? Not sure how I would feel if I would change ones sexuality interests if it wasn't already like that. I have 2 offers from 2 straight men pretty much and they seem serious enough not only that but they seem stubborn they wont give up the pursuit, I just do not personally know if its right? Werid to say I know. Advice please? Not sure if this thread goes here, if it doesn't feel free to move it.

[JessHaust]

Leeiah, I'm neither gay or courious, but the way you handle anyone interested in you is dependent on how you feel about them. If you are not interested and they persue, it's wrong, straight, bi or gay, it's still wrong. But if you are interested, and they are interested, that's all that matters, see where it goes.
BTW, heard you had a good shopping day reciently, congrats! (we have a friend in common)

[Sophie_C]

Personally, I think when it comes to relationships, labels do more bad than good.

For what I've understood, few REAL relationships between crossdresers and men ever happen, whatever you call it. Sure, hookups, and things on the DL happen all the time, but real things with depth, even simple things like going out in public, spending time together, etc, almost never happen. Now, if you transition fully (including SRS) and pass well, it seems to be completely different, but simple crossdressing is miles away from that.

And, about "changing perceptions", don't forget that while typical gay relationships are pretty much accepted these days, transgendered ones are barely starting to cross that threshold, and crossdressing come far after that. That means that a man wanting to have a real relationship with you has to be either from an extraordinarily open-minded set of family and friends or not give a care about taking a ton of hate, hate that he can all avoid by simply dating a GG tomorrow. And, this they all know, regardless of how great you are, which is why they almost always just end up being hook ups / one night stands / things like that.

I'd bet a billion dollars they just want to hook up, and hook up "discreetly". If that's what you're looking for, great, but if not, beware...

[DanaR]

This has always been easy for me, I'm just not into guys.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Based on the experience of others dealing with 'straight' men who chase TV/TS, they may be interested in you in private, but they probably won't be interested in making you a part of their everyday lives, introduce you to their friends, family etc. If you are looking for a real relationship, you probably won't find it with those guys... plausible, but unlikely.

[Genifer Teal]

Buy me a drink - now go away! lol For me it depends on the guy. Most I won't give the time of day. There is so much guys don't get about women. I have learned that in general, they don't bite, and some are actually ok to talk to. Most will leave you alone if you tell them you are not interested. If not, call security and be sure to have someone walk you to your car - if you are at a club or bar. I admit that in the beginning, there were a few persistent men that made me feel uneasy. Having a guy buy you a drink takes some getting used to - especially if you know you are not going to do anything with him. Just don't let him buy you drinks all night long. That's not polite and it might be harder to run away.

My first night out (that counted for much) I had a guy hit on me the whole time. I kept trying to get rid of him and there he was again. At the time it really messed with my mind and question why I was dressing. It scared me back into the closet for over a year. It takes a while to find a comfort level dealing with guys. If you go to clubs you will need to learn. Don't let them scare you like I was back then.

Gen

[CINDYO]

if a guy says he is "straight" knows you are a guy dressed in womens clothing, and is interested.... bottom line is.... HE is not straight,just playing with your head, or he has alternate motives......a truly straight guy in NOT insterest in men and that is the bottom line...

[monalisa]

Just tell them they are not straight if they are hitting on you. Then it is up to you to decide whether you want them or not. It is not love but purely lust on their part and would most likely be a 1 night stand with no breakfast in bed in the morning.

[Stephenie S]

Well CINDYO has this absolutely right, no question at all.

Listen dear, if a "straight" guy finds out your status and still maintains he is interested in you, then HE IS NOT STRAIGHT!

S

[Aprilrain]

Guys who hookup with CDs are not straight! As has been said it's not likely to go beyond a hook up. Think about it, what's goin to happen when you're back in dude mode?

It's pretty damn hard finding a decent man period, being TS makes it 10 times harder, I can't imagine a CD stands a chance.

[Badtranny]

So a whole load of straight guys answered the question about how to deal with straight guys? lol

Leeiah, don't worry about it. These boys want to walk on the wild side and they will never admit to being anything other than straight. It's cool. I've had a "straight" guy actually teach me a thing or two, so who cares what they think of themselves? All I care about is what YOU think of them. A "virgin" sounds like fun to me. Wouldn't you love to be the first experience for a macho straight man?

I say go for it.

[sherri]

When an "admirer" says he's straight, first and foremost he probably means he's not attracted to manly men; in other words, he does not perceive himself as gay the way gays are gay, if you know what I mean. This distinction is probably important to him for several reasons, not the least of which is the stigma attached to being gay in a lot of guys' minds, which is why they can be rather touchy about it. But here's another interesting factoid to further muddy the water: ime, about 75% of admirers harbor some sort of crossdressing desires of their own, even if it's just a panty fetish. So it quickly becomes obvious that the term "straight" does not apply, but imo there's no point in pressing the issue. It's just semantics that mean nothing to me.

Btw, it's also interesting to note that gays tend to question the gayness of a guy who is interested in TGs. To them, the whole point is men being attracted to men, so no "true" gay would be attracted to a overtly feminized male. They would probably say a TG admirer is more straight than gay.

As for Leeiah's worry about leading a guy down the path to gayness, I'd say she can relax on that point. As others have posted, odds are 98% the guys just wanna take a short stroll on the wild side and once they've been laid, that will be about the end of it. And even if they discover they have a taste for it, you really haven't changed anything that wasn't in them already. Again, the worrying over labels is fairly ridiculous.

[Beverley Sims]

I have no desire to handle any men, now women......

[Badtranny]

Let's not get too far afield. The OP wants to get her groove on, but she's concerned about rockin' the world of some poor straight guy to the extent that he no longer wants real women.

My advice to her, is simply go girl, and let the chips fall where they may. If he's interested in a CD gal, than he's already got desires, and if the experience wakes him up and he becomes openly bi or gay and no longer a 'phobic asshole on the DL, then we all win.

Let's all go out and convert a few straight dudes!

[ReineD]

When a person comes up to me and they find out who I am and they are still interested it confuses me because they say they aren't gay or bi or anything like that.

That's because they're just into it for the sex. If you are into just that as well and no one will be surprised over anyone else's anatomy, then go for it and don't feel guilty. You can all pretend you are a hetero couple. But deep down, they do know that you are not a GG and this is what forms the basis of their attraction.

[Lorileah]

That's because they're just into it for the sex.

and also read that hey won't want to do any of the work, they want you to "do" them and then they are gone like a summer breeze. Thus they are still "straight" in their own minds because they didn't do anything

[Matia]

Philosophically, we are all fascinated by a feminine image of ourselves and we do the best to appear as feminine as it gets, we hide our sex with tape clothing etc and we wan to be as passable as it gets, for many our own image is very sexual and we dont want to be judged for what we do or how we were born. Some girls here take offense, if they are called 'guys' why we dont give this liberty to the guys interested in our image, that he is in fact interested in the way we present ourselves, as feminine as we are capable of? If the attraction is bigger than physical parameters we posses, i can understand that the guy will feel straight even if under the whole styling there is a born boy inside. I believe that nobody is 100% straight we are drown to certain sex characteristics more or less one way or another. We of all are best aware that sexuality is far from black and white. I perceive myself as a lesbian in Matia mode, but if my girl partner still saw me and treated me as a guy, slme of the magic would get lost. Its the same magic for the other people too though.

[Marleena]

Interesting topic Leeiah!

I don't have any experience in any of this but it seems these "straight" men are using TG girls for gay sex. They must assume since we present as females that it is not gay sex in their books.lol.

[stacycoral]

Interesting topic Leeiah!

I don't have any experience in any of this but it seems these "straight" men are using TG girls for gay sex. They must assume since we present as females that it is not gay sex in their books.lol.

I think Marleena makes sense, they look like a girl, so i can be gay, the girls here have given you good thoughts to think about.

[StevieTV]

I label myself as a gay crossdresser (TG most likely); however, if I a straight guy approached me I would first feel flattered. I would then rely on my feelings to tell me if I was attracted to him, both mentally and physically. Nothing would be better than finding a partner that I'm attracted to and that finds me attractive and interesting as well.

[Leana]

"All you do is attract straight men"?!!

If you only knew the trouble some of us go through to get one of them to approach us! ) Seriously, most men are just thinking "below the waist" and when they meet attractive girls like us it doesn't really matter to them about labels, unless their friends find out!!

[Kate Simmons]

Very carefully Hon. The poor dears' egos are so fragile, ya know?

[Bree-asaurus]

In my CDing adventures out around town it seems like all I ever manage to do is attract straight men. Now I am bi curious but haven't been with a guy yet but if I was I had always assumed that it would be with a guy who already has experience in that area so to speak? When a person comes up to me and they find out who I am and they are still interested it confuses me because they say they aren't gay or bi or anything like that. It actually turns me away, not really sure how to go about handling that in those situations. If you are interested but you aren't bi or gay or anything like that but you are still interested then what am I suppose to do or say to that?

And even if you did date them etc and or change there perceptions etc would you feel bad about that? Not sure how I would feel if I would change ones sexuality interests if it wasn't already like that. I have 2 offers from 2 straight men pretty much and they seem serious enough not only that but they seem stubborn they wont give up the pursuit, I just do not personally know if its right? Werid to say I know. Advice please? Not sure if this thread goes here, if it doesn't feel free to move it.

Be careful with guys who are attracted to you in girl-mode and say they aren't gay or bi. There is a lot of repression going on there and that only leads to disaster.

[ReineD]

Be careful with guys who are attracted to you in girl-mode and say they aren't gay or bi. There is a lot of repression going on there and that only leads to disaster.

I guess it's time to post a link to Alice in Genderland again: http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

Excerpt:

Each admirer is a bird unable to fly. Maybe he’s flown before? Maybe he’ll develop tail feathers of his own and shake them around in style in the future? But for now he’s limited by something. And that same thing that keeps him from being a terribly happening woman may be what’s keeping him from being an especially happening man.

That’s why admirers tend to be a heavier and older bunch of men. It would make sense if they were also taller, though I haven’t seen that near as much as I’d like. Some may have their wings clipped by lack of a steady job, car, or apartment. Many are married and unable to get out except under the rarest of circumstances. Some may be constrained by psychological baggage, religious guilt, or macho ethnic tradition.

But the problem for a man-loving TG like me is that once one of these fellows shakes off his shackles and sheds some pounds he may not emerge as a hot, happening man on the scene; he may just show up next week in a dress. “Darn,” I’ve often complained, “the best men here tonight are women.”

So, with all that being said, maybe it’s better to leave your local tranny night behind and look for straight men at a nearby singles bar. That’s all well and good but unless you’re 5’ 6” and Filipino or a slender white girl with amazing FFS, you’re not going to fool anybody. And if you think the men you reel in are pure, straight men with no clue, then you’re only fooling yourself—pleasant as that may be.

[seanmuscle]

I guess it's time to post a link to Alice in Genderland again: http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

Excerpt:

Rennee straight men are attracted to femininity. Not genitalia. A man loving a woman. Simple as that.