Kate I am sorry, but you cannot and I mean you cannot say what you would do in any situation until you find yourself in it, and even you yourself have said " if you were dating & he dropped the cd bomb you would MOST LIKELY move on" ..... firstly they were/are not dating, they are married, 2 ndly there are children involved in this marriage, not quite so easy to walk away from a marriage and kids especially if you love them, for some, & u may well be 1 it maybe that easy, but not for the majority.
There is something called compromise in all relationships whether they are spelled out at the start e.g barring any major disaster "I" will play netball/hockey /go fishing/play darts every WED, or some things become a compromise over time in a relationship . one wants to watch a Documentary on Mondays the other wants to watch a comedy on Tuesdays, they don't all get discussed to the death before they become written in stone in a relationship !!!!
As far as I understand the situation, the wife knows wants no part in the cding at this time, apparently does not want/know how to discuss it, perhaps she feels she backed herself into a corner in the beginning and just does not know how to reverse that stance ......... it is not always a full road to TS with cding ...... for some and a small majority that is where the journey leads, more will explore the possibility but continue to reside in both modes ........ perhaps that is why the wife is scared because she reads "ALL" CDERS are TS, but we know this is far from the truth, however many will spread scare stories, either because of ignorance or because it suits their personal agenda
Perhaps the original poster could enlighten us as to how he has tried to approach discussing CDing with his wife