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Thread: The influence of the women in our lives

  1. #1
    Miriam
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    The influence of the women in our lives

    [SIZE=3]I've contemplated much of the wisdom on this forum, and even some of the folly, to try to come to grips with the hidden motivations for my crossdressing. I may never understand fully, but the engineer in me has to try ...

    The feminine model in my mind is far from the weak submissive that has been postulated by some. Shaped by my experiences with my mother, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, and some of the rural women I knew, I first think of women as endowed with an inner strength beyond that of most men. Their outward femininity is part of the same package that thinks before reacting irrationally, shows care and tenderness toward others while looking beyond weakness, and is able to show the sensitivity needed to best bring together those around them. My wife is also one of these women, and I admire them all.

    This feminine model contrasts with a loud, dominant, or inflexible person, who's inability to find a common purpose with others yields a facade of strength, but who's fragility under fire reveals otherwise. And it's clearly different from the weak submissive who blows with the wind in an attempt to get along with all, yet stands for nothing. I have much less respect for those at either end of this spectrum.

    I could only be motivated to crossdress if the feminine form I emulate is one I admire, and I would find it unacceptable to emulate a woman if it was inconsistent with the inner strength that I value most highly. I must conclude that the strong feminine model is at the very least an enabler for my crossdressing, and perhaps the prime motivator. More study is definitely needed.

    While it's clear that purpose and lifestyles vary considerably within this forum, I've seen enough to suspect that many of you might share very similar motivations to what I've described above. What do you think? How would you reshape this to fit your approach to life?
    [/SIZE]

  2. #2
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Marym, The only way I can express how beautiful and elegantly your words expressed how I feel, would be to not even try to add anything to what you wrote. They say to imitate is the best form of flatery. In my life as a CD, I have thought of the feminine image I present to be one of not only beauty, but the essence of the strong, inteligent loving women that have touched my life as far back as I can remember. A babysitter, teachers, an aunt and of course my mother. They all were sensual sexy and feminie without even trying. I admired and adored them. But not just for their looks, they were also strong and nurturing gentle yet strong women that touched my heart and formed my inter woman that I sometimes try to portray in manner of dress, but dressed or not, I feel they formed my softer side.
    I knew I should have stopped after my first sentence...you said it best. Thank you!

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Very eloquently put but also as an engineer I know there are a lot of unknowns out there. That can be estimated but not necessarily solved... Why I crossdress is one of those unknowns and though I'd love to invent a reason and adopt something like your statement....... I can't because I don't know why...
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  4. #4
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    That's a very nice post Miriam.

    It shows you respect women in general and so do I. Part of it for me was being raised by my mom when I was young after she divorced my dad. My grandmother was a wonderful woman too. No weaknesses there that some talk about. My wife is strong willed, yet compassionate and caring. The strongest people in my life were/are women.

    I'm not so sure how my being TG relates too much because I feel like I'm being me and not really emulating anyone. They have taught me to be compassionate and caring and that does come out in my personality. I don't see it as a weakness I just care about people and try to find the good in everyone. It is a learning process though after being raised as a male.

  5. #5
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    I was always around strong (and in the case of my beloved mother,overbearing) women growing up, and I never viewed women as weak or less than men (I never understood where other males ever got the idea that they were.) I always admired women for being both strong and loving, as opposed to my father who was just cruel and violent.

    Speaking as an engineer myself (or at least was anyway), it all adds up and makes sense in my mind (heroine mother, villain father, I identify and want to grow up to be like my mother.) I am also an only child, and we have a higher rate of transvestism to begin with.

  6. #6
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Sadly, I didn't have any real female role models when growing up. But I did once I was grown; mostly co-workers, they wouldn't date me (I wasn't the alpha male type, and didn't know how to fake being one well quite yet), but they were quite willing to be my friend, and showed me the wonderful, compassionate side of how women can be. They're the ones I still admire today.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    I have a general admiration of women and think that the term "weaker sex" is a tremendous misnomer especially after taking care of them for over 30 years. However, at times the feminine form emulated is certainly not like the people directly in my personal life. BTW, was only a math major with EE minor so if X=why, and Y=who, then X if a function of Y but I just said X=why....oh, forget it.
    Laura
    Last edited by Laura912; 03-06-2012 at 09:52 AM. Reason: spelling

  8. #8
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    I've never thought to imitate anyone in any way while dressing. Its a strange idea to me and I think I might feel a little creepy.

    Maybe I should anyway, though - because I certainly don't achieve a very good result now! LOL

    Lea

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
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    I can't point to my mother as an explanation for my behavior. But I do respect and admire the decades of hard work and immense patience that she invested in her family and community.

  10. #10
    Complex Lolita...
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    Quote Originally Posted by marym
    I could only be motivated to crossdress if the feminine form I emulate is one I admire, and I would find it unacceptable to emulate a woman if it was inconsistent with the inner strength that I value most highly. I must conclude that the strong feminine model is at the very least an enabler for my crossdressing, and perhaps the prime motivator. More study is definitely needed.
    While it's clear that purpose and lifestyles vary considerably within this forum, I've seen enough to suspect that many of you might share very similar motivations to what I've described above. What do you think? How would you reshape this to fit your approach to life?
    [SIZE="2"]Yes, I harbor similar feelings, but I must admit I haven’t come across many females worth emulating in a comprehensive sense. My motivation to crossdress comes from within, and it is reinforced by what I see in the outside world – this is not gender-specific, however. I am just as likely to be heartened by a male display of effeminacy, which I will take note of and fold into the strange soufflé called Freddy. There are certain human characteristics that move me to become what I am, and they spring up from time to time when you least expect them to. All in all, the union of the genders, as it resides in an individual, remains the most powerful motivator I have come across…

    That being said, strong female models have crossed my path now and then. I don’t think I’m willingly trying to be like someone else, rather I’m using a visual model and implanting a new, more appropriate personality within that is more to my liking. I cannot help be like I AM, no matter what wrapper I put around the candy bar, but the presentation, female in origin, does affect my personality in unforeseen but delightful ways. In many ways I crossdress because I haven’t met HER out in the world – I make myself into what I want to see (or know)…
    [/SIZE]

  11. #11
    Member cdkateinboston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marym View Post
    [SIZE=3]While it's clear that purpose and lifestyles vary considerably within this forum, I've seen enough to suspect that many of you might share very similar motivations to what I've described above. What do you think? How would you reshape this to fit your approach to life?
    [/SIZE]
    Marym, well said and I agree with you whole heartedly here. My mother raised both myself and my brother as a single mom working 2, sometimes 3 jobs to bring us up, and while biased, I am forever impressed at how well she did under such difficult circumstances. I have always admired her for that, and I am sure that admiration has played a role in my having a strong feminine side.

    I am positive that there are as many contributing factors that cause such a large number of gender defined men to seek out and engage in their feminine side, and the problem is that those who don't understand and don't bother to try are quick to put us "crossdressing" folk into tiny compartmentalized boxes that make it easy to explain the complexities of "why" we dress, ie we must be gay or are weak/sissies (please understand I use the definition of sissy here as would be viewed from the macho uneducated "redneck" male view of us, not the segment of our population who engage in that role which is as much a part of our population as any). After years of introspection and research (I am a scientist in my day job, so one of my hobbies has been to research our community to seek answers), the best I can come up with is that there are an infinite number of reasons that we decide to put on our first pairs of pantyhose or try on our mom's stuff when children, and as much as we all want to know (in some cases very badly) "why" we do it, I don't know if there is a single answer.

    Sorry to be so long winded here but I have thought a lot about this topic over the years and just wanted to give my two pennies worth a little here. But I will agree with you completely here Marym, while I am sure there are additional little pieces of our lives which have helped to shape and form our feminine selves, our admiration and emulation of the strong women who we have encountered has helped us in this regard. It may even be that seeing those women be so strong has helped us girls be strong ourselves, especially when so many don't know or understand us.

    Great post Marym!

  12. #12
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Like Freddy, my motivation for CDing is as a means to self expression. I have no desire to emulate, femulate or imitate any woman. I don't wear forms, don't tuck (not necessary in my case,) have a fake voice or a female name. I don't pretend to be a woman. I'm a sissy, damit! If I had to judge women by early influences, I would have to conclude that women were violent, alcoholic, cruel, cold, screaming hysterical and/or abusive. In fact, the two people I admired most when I was young were men. One was a 5th grade teacher who who was very kind and compassionate toward me when I was spiraling downward in emotional crisis. The other was a probation officer who went out of his way to help me (unsuccessfully) stay out of trouble. He taught me how to play the banjo, so I think about him every day when I practice. Of course, I've met lots of wonderful women in my life since then and am fortunate to be married to the best one. But I don't admire women as a group or "femininity" any more than men or "masculinity." I'm just trying to be myself.

  13. #13
    Miriam
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    Thank you for the kind feedback, ladies. Even the alternate views have given me a good deal to ponder. But let me clarify one important point that I unintentionally left ambiguous.

    The term "emulate" was chosen carefully, quite distinguished from "imitate". I choose to emulate the inner strength of those who shaped me into the person I am, and it's quite possible that a byproduct is subconscious emulation of other facets.

    My father has always been my conscious role model, and he was a great guy that I'll remember always. The guy that is most foremost in my life will always emulate him, though I would not intentionally emulate any but his finest attributes intentionally. But some of his other facets spring forth in me without effort, including my passion (and perhaps my hairline). Why shouldn't the same process be at work with regard to the women in my life?

    Miriam

  14. #14
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    There are countless examples of women who are superb role models for me to emulate. Thus, I try my best to present a feminine persona that represents how I feel about them.
    Hugs, Carole

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