Feelings on passing?

[Krististeph]

I never feel i am pretty enough or shapely enough to pass. I know this is only because of my self image, but it's not a real problem. I've CDd public a few times, my wife has been pretty supportive. With the support and love of my friend here, i hope to soon be able to "look comfortable and confident" in female clothes... FooK "passing"! I wish i could, but my bone structure says no. That's life. i'd still rather be who i am now than any other non CD or GD male out there: man, I cannot imagine how much most guys' lives must suck not being CD or TG or GD... Poor fools.

So, it is a comfort thing- are you comfortable in who you really are? Youcertainly sound like it- why not acknowledge both of your personas regardless of how you dress.

i did a recent post on outfits i am too shy to wear around my wife. Two days later, well i wore one tonight (just a nice evening gown, nothing crazy) and it's wonderful. Man, I feel sorry for all the 'straights' and non CDs when my friends here finally get me revved up and confident enough to go full public....

So take a few deep breaths, accept you will probably never look as cute or pretty as you wish you could, but everyone else is just the same. You will look cute and pretty enough if you smile, and be happy with yourself.

i used to shoot models' portfolios and some fashion- i could tell withing 2 minutes if the model was going to do well- a sincere attitude, a genuine smile- 95% accurate in getting modeling jobs- they were titanium angels: they were confident and no one could hurt them with any kind of negative comment, but then no one would want to either- appreciate your good points and others will want to join in on the feelings of success.

You've just motivated me to re-iterate my own advice this next week... thanks! it's never failed to work!

-kristi

[Kelly Greene]

I try to look pretty.
trying to pass causes to much stress.

[skylance]

I would like to eventually be passable, however, i dont think that's ever really gonna be possible as i have extremely broad shoulders and other very distinguishable male characteristics. I am hoping that once i can get a set of forms, a wig, and learn some make-up techniques the masculine look might not be AS noticeable. I'm also still in the process of getting comfortable just actually stepping outside while even partially dressed

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

I don't even try.......

You don't need to Karren. It looks like it comes naturally to you. Of course attitude makes all the difference. Sometimes more than makeup.

[Megan70]

[SIZE="3"]Passing In Public( again) There is HOPE for you guys (girlz) [/SIZE]Read On; This is A Revising thread for all newbies who've joined in the last 3 years and scared to death to take that first step outside. Not everyone should.... or has to feel compelled to!

Dear Sisters of the forum, especially those whom venture out:
I feel I must add my on the subject of "Passing As A Women". I am a 60ish CD who has been going out dressed in public now for over 50 years, since my early teens. Sometimes I get "read" as we say, but most of the time I don't. Its because I've spent years perfecting my art as passing naturally as a woman an not to come of as a buffoon caricature of one. .. I want to blend in unnoticed and not be stared at or go for the big shock value. That ruins the whole thrill of the "acting" part passing naturally.
CD's will never pass 100% of the time, but the objective here is to minimize it as much as possible. The scenario of going out for 3 hours to the mall or shopping center and behaving and shopping exactly as a woman would, and fool everyone is a thrill beyond belief. CD's must remember however that to minimize being spotted they have a few things they MUST do.

1) Dress appropriately for the place you are walking around at-No silk blouse, miniskirt, black hose or high heels when you go to the mall or grocery store or shopping center. You'll be spotted in a second and probably be laughed at. Wear what others are wearing in that particular place-like jeans and sweatshirt in the mall, look around you will see no legs showing .

2) Walk out the door with confidence and your head held high and don't slouch and stare at the ground avoiding eye contact. Its shows you/re afraid of something, mainly yourself.
I as a CD want to look and act like a woman occasionally because I emulate you so much. I admire woman and respect them that I want to look, act and fee l"pretty" like them albeit for just a few hours. I often have to explain to women I meet in bars or clubs the huge difference between a drag queen and a cross dresser. Most don't have a clue. When they find out that I've been married for 40 years and my wife knows of and accepting of my behavior they can't believe it.(She even goes out with me shopping. dinner, movies and more.) They always think I'm gay. The professional drag queens that I've talked to cannot,for the life of them understand why a heterosexual male would enjoy and get sexual and emotional gratification from wearing women's clothes. They do it as a performer, paid role-playing and performing for the money for a few hours at a club.,. They would never think of dressing up in women's attire at home on their own. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish I could experience for 24 hours in all ways(emotionally and sexually) what it would truly be like to live as a real woman. Also..... Here's to admiration to the beautiful gentle sex of the planet who gets all the fun looking pretty and feminine.

Remember if one thing stands out the most to give yourself away its fear! It shows in your face, your walk, your deportment. having complete confidence in yourself as you walk outside is the most important thing (plus no.2 I found is wearing the right wig for your face and age-found out being read by experience there.

One thing I discovered that help me build my confidence and almost eliminate paranoia is never look over your shoulder TO SEE IF ANYONE IS WATCHING YOU. it's A DEAD GIVEAWAY THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT PERSON(You). First thought is you are a shoplifter. If you can feel eyes burning into your back .SO WHAT its their problem, not yours.What, you gonna bring them home to dinner with you. What your back doesn't see OR Worry About will not hurt you.

You may want to even be bold enough (as I have) and turn around and reverse the embarrassment to THEM and approach them and say" "Can I answer any questions for you? I saw you staring, do you have a problem?.Have you never experienced a transvestite before? I think we should talk!" I did this to a teenage SA counter girl years ago and she babbled and almost wet her pants. I ended it by saying , "yes, I'm a cross dresser but also a customer-my money is just as good as a females."

More from Abby's advice column later dears

Love

Megan70

[Marleena]

There.. advice we can all use from Megan. Thank you!

[PretzelGirl]

A movie sent me a message once......

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I agree with Megan too, although I prefer to not say I want to fool others. I just don't want to draw their attention. That is a compliment by itself. I go out so I can be out as me. I don't want negative experiences, so the less attention, the better.

[Lorileah]

Meh, passing and blending are over rated. They are virtually unattainable in most situations ( unless you are 5'4" 120 pounds and smallish). Don't we have enough pressure on us without adding that burden?

I have noted here that the majority of people who have been around on these boards for a long time don't work hard to pass or blend. It sort of confuses me why so many here want to be noticed and want to blend in. You cannot do both. I have said it before blending is the easiest thing in the world to do. Wear jeans (slacks) a simple shirt and either moccasin flans or athletic shoes. Don't make your hair up or your face. Walk like you are on eggshells and slump. You will be taken for most people , male and female, out in public. However my idea of dressing means I want to be seen and noticed. If I spend hours getting ready, I want someone to stop and stare. Otherwise, just go around like you always do. It does not make sense to me for someone to out on a nice dress and heels, maybe make up and a wig and then say "Don't look at me".

[cassandra54]

A movie sent me a message once......

Attachment 175506

I agree with Megan too, although I prefer to not say I want to fool others. I just don't want to draw their attention. That is a compliment by itself. I go out so I can be out as me. I don't want negative experiences, so the less attention, the better.

i am with you there Sue. i try to look as good as possible. i think the less attention we draw to ourselves (cd's, tg's, etc.) the better. we don't want to wind up on peopleofwalmart,com or any other website. that being said, i think there are some limitations or rather expectations of how we can present ourselves while in public and en femme. i know some people here have their own opinions and ideas, but imho, i think dressing appropriately with a wig, ( if you need one) and makeup (if you need some) if important.

on the other hand, while i don't obsess about being passable in public and i certainly know i may never, it is a nice goal to strive for and once again, i stress doing that with a reasonable effort

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

It does not make sense to me for someone to out on a nice dress and heels, maybe make up and a wig and then say "Don't look at me".

That's exactly how I feel. I don't want to hide who I am and I hate this feeling that we should have to. I spent my teen years and most of my 20's hiding who I was behind closed doors and anonymous names on internet forums and I just don't want to do it any longer. I don't want to go out in public and just make it another closet door.

I'd rather be seen as a confident, bold crossdresser than as a shy, blendable "woman" so I dress in clothes that I like and make me feel good. I wear the makeup that I want to wear and if I want to wear a wig I will but I don't have to.

I wish people on here would stop using the man in a dress comment paired up with "giving up" or "going halfway." If that's how I choose to present it is no less a full decision than "passing" is, and it is never half, it is it's own unique choice that I can make if I want to.

[Nicole Brown]

To me, passing and blending are just two words which describe our desires to be seen and not stand out in a crowd. When I am out and about, I always want to be seen and accepted as the female I am presenting as. In other words, I want to be viewed as any other woman you may pass when walking down the street or shopping at the mall.

[Shelly Preston]

All we can do is present ourselves in the best way possible.

After that I would remind you of a quote

You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time

[Sallee]

some of the people can be fooled some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
I know that I agree with what has been said "Dress to blend and appropriate for the situation." I seem to pass when I do that or at least I don't seem like I am standing out in the crowd and I don't get the Look.
But some times it is nice to over do it, too high heels, short skirt, lots of cleavage glamour makeup. That is what makes cross dressing fun. But that is for my night at the club, usually gay, the down side of that is there are usually a bunch DQ's there that look fabulous and they put me to shame. Oh well, I can enjoy the mall in jeans and flats and pass with no questions most of the time.
Bottom line try to keep it fun and be safe

[jjjjohanne]

I'm not interested in passing. I just wear the clothes with a man head. I find it a struggle to find clothes that transition well from a man head without a sudden burst of femininity. Wow, that sentence doesn't make any sense. I don't want to look pathetic. I want to dress in the clothes, but I want to present as a man. I want to represent us well. I have been told by some store clerks where I was shopping that they appreciated me keeping a man's head. They said that they liked it better that I was not pretending to be something I was not. I responded to one lady that I am different than most CDs. To me, it is about the clothes. But to many, it is about becoming a woman. They would not be satisfied to wear the clothes only. I have tried to wear makeup, just for the excuse to wear the clothes. I must say that I find the man-head approach to be much less work!

[suchacutie]

My wise wife once explained to me that your clothes (and the rest of it) should make you feel wonderful.

To me, part of feeling wonderful is the same issue I've been hearing from GGs since I was old enough to understand language, "omg, what should I wear to this...(event)." To me there is a comfort zone of wearing what one "should" wear for a certain situation. Once I've done that and I feel great, what else can I do, or what else can I expect?

Once Tina is in her "zone", she is who she is. If anyone doesn't like that, there's not much I can do about it, so why worry or be concerned at all.



tina

[ArleneRaquel]

I'll settle for blending, for me passing is at best hit & miss.

[STACY B]

I once ask about the dreaded passin on a thread before an got my leggs SWITCHED ,, So thats what we all ask ,, Since I already knew the amswer it was fun to ask but the answers I got were rite on . Ya cant pass unless your 18 an havent hit puberty yet an have no beard or should have been born female anyway with all the trates of a girl an its not realy passing its more body image becuz for the most part we cant pass ,, But we can dam sure keepin guessing though an most people are to scared to ask or just dont want to know .

[linda allen]

To me, passing and blending are the same. You can't blend in if you are not passable. But no matter how you want to look at it, when I am dressed, I want to be seen as a woman and never as a guy in a dress.

Those are my feelings exactly. I don't want to be a "guy in a dress". Or a guy in a wig with boobs. And I certainly don't want friends or neighbors to recognize me as a guy in a dress.

[Sarasometimes]

Passing is nice but blending is practical.

My objective prescisely! At 6'2" and not great checkbones I think that is my best goal. Essentially, I just want to move about the cabin without undue attention.

[Ayaka.N]

I was thinking about this the other night. For the first time in a few weeks I had psyched myself up to getting dressed and made up for a little night time walk, as I'm still quite far off trying it during the day time. I felt a little confident as I stepped out but still couldn't work up the courage to go anywhere I would likely be seen, and soon enough I was getting a little neurotic about my appearance, and ended up taking a few detours to make sure I wouldn't be seen up close. I ended up thinking about the old paradox of the tree in the woods, am I passing if there's nobody there to see me? Then as I turned around corner I almost bumped into a huge guy and trotted home like a spooked horse.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that if I'm not passing, I don't really want to be out there. Like those just above me:

I don't want to be a "guy in a dress". Or a guy in a wig with boobs.

To those of you who do have the emotional strength to stare down society, good for you though, you're making way for the rest of us!

[Michelia]

I never pass. I ALWAYS blend, even if I stick out a bit being so girly. It is not something I plan. It is just the way it is.

[ArleneRaquel]

I try to blend, if I pass, I pass, if not at my age I really don't care.

[KimberlyJean]

Maybe not passing but fitting in, when I shop in guy mode I get alot of looks and never feel comfortable. When I shop as Kimberly I hardly get any looks at all and feel so much more comfortable, once I get in the doors. Getting out of the car is very hard.

[TGMarla]

Passing is nice but blending is practical.

Yeah, but it's not near as fun as getting all dressed up all pretty. I think the misnomer is that we think, "Nobody knows!" And that's bullcrap. I'd say that about 95% of us get clocked every few seconds when out in a crowd, no matter what we're wearing. So wear whatever you like. A whole lot of people are still going to pass you by and think to themselves, "I'll be darned.....a freakin' crossdresser! That was a guy!"

As for passing, it's nice to put your best foot forward and try your best to look as female as you can without placing a neon sign on your head that says "Yo! Crossdresser here!" I suppose dressing down a bit (or a lot) may cause fewer people to take a second look at you, but I think most of us get clocked no matter what we're wearing, so let it ride.

[Kaitlyn26]

The only time I do not care about passing is the day after. If I stay anywhere besides home, a friends house or something I could care less. Just cover the faded makeup with some sunglasses and the loosened tuck with a long shirt and get home lol. As far as how I dress. I try to dress practical and with my age group more or less.