Until joining this forum, whether I recognized it or not, I have allowed fear to dictate the terms of how I live my life. I am transgendered, I am afraid, and I have been a closet dweller my entire life.

Over the past year, however, I have taken many baby steps, made positive strides, and made much progress in the development, evolution, and maturation of Anne. For instance, I have recently come out to certain friends and family, I now purchase my own makeup in person, I shop for my own clothes, and I regularly visit a nail salon (albeit all in drab).

These are things, however, that even just one year ago I could not imagine myself doing, even in drab. Simply put, such things seemed beyond me, and seemed very much impossible. In this, I refused to engage in any action that I perceived to be a risky undertaking. But the problem was that I considered everything to be a risky undertaking, which meant that I did nothing except dress within the warm, safe, comfortable, and lonely confines of my blessed sanctuary that was my closet.

And this was all very much fine with me, until it wasn’t. Reading the stories, adventures, and experiences of members on this forum, though, has led me to believe that perhaps certain things are possible. More importantly, I have begun to believe that not only are certain things possible, but that I can do these things, whatever they may be.

Regardless, if anyone told me a year ago that I would eventually go out in public fully dressed as a woman, I would have responded with a hearty laugh, a “yeah right,” an “it will never happen,” and a “get lost.” But that would have been a year ago. It may have even been six months ago. It would not have been, however, last evening. In fact, last evening, I did just exactly that – I left the safety of my closet behind, and for the first time ever, I went out into the outside world dressed completely as a woman.

While en femme, I used the occasion to attend a TG support group meeting. Prior to the meeting, I had never knowingly met another member of the TG community. Last evening, however, not only did I meet real, honest-to-goodness crossdressers and transsexuals, I made many new friends doing so, all the while presenting as a woman.

This is not to say, though, that the experience was easy. The experience was anything but easy. I was scared sh!tless from the very beginning, as I stood inside the comfort of my closet (a hotel room), looking at the door that would lead me to the outside world. At that moment, all made up from head to toe as a woman, I questioned my resolve, my courage, and my desire. I wondered whether I could open that door, and whether I could take those first couple of steps outside without collapsing into the fetal position.

Fortunately, I did not have to wait long, as I did open the door leading out, and I did walk out into the outside world. In this regard, I faced my fear, and my fear was substantial. Although I damn near let it get the better of me, I did not. That I did this, though, that I actually did this, I am quite pleased with myself, and proud. I faced up to my fear, and defeated it.

Even better, I discovered that in so doing, the world neither exploded nor blinked out of existence. Armageddon did not occur. The moon did not crash into the Earth. And the oceans did not rise up and swallow all of the lands.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was amazed by the reception I seemed to garner along the way. Everybody I saw either offered a warm smile, or simply did not take notice. Of course, the TG crowd was gentle, kind, understanding, warm, and absolutely amazing. But those other people that I saw, that saw me, were not the monsters my mind had previously made them out to be.

As a result, I had a fantastic, wonderful, and exciting evening. I went out into the real world dressed as a woman! Li’l ole fearful me. I did it! I actually did it!