For those of you that read my last post, you know that I just recently left the safe confines of my closet for the very first time, and journeyed out into the outer world dressed from head to toe en femme.
In so doing, I was nervous, scared, and quite afraid. But I was also very much excited, hopeful, and inspired by all of the going out stories I have read in this forum. Looking back on the experience, though, I still cannot believe I actually did it. Yet I did, and for this, I am quite pleased with myself, proud, and happy.
In my post, however, I failed to adequately provide an account of the first person I encountered who saw me. She was a random, unknown woman, but a stately, elegant, older woman. She had the appearance of wisdom and kindness, and although she was older, she had the sparkling eyes of an otherwise youthful, playful, and gentle soul.
As I walked by her, we made eye contact. Although no words were exchanged, she smiled at me. And it was a lovely smile, a beautiful smile. Her smile to me was a gift. It was friendly, it was warm, and it was gentle. Within that marvelous, delightful, and heart melting smile I saw no hint of derision, no hint of mockery, and no betrayal of our shared and common humanity. I saw only a nice, charming woman who blessed me with an attractive and genuine smile.
And in the face of this wonderful, magnificent smile, I could not help myself – I smiled back at her, my painted lips beaming! But the moment got the better of me, it was larger than I could handle for my first encounter. As such, I could not help myself, and I broke eye contact with this generous woman and looked away. But the message had already been sent. At least the message I took from her smile and eye contact. The message offered to me, as translated by me, stated “don’t worry, it’s ok, everything will be alright, and it will work out fine.” And at that particular moment in time, that message lit me up, and gave me confidence. There are good, decent folk out in the wild after all!
I shall never, ever forget that smile. That smile was amazing. It was heartwarming. It was endearing. And it was what I needed to see from my fellow man (woman). Because of that smile, and the indelible memories I shall always retain of that smile, going out the next time, and the time after that, will be made all the easier.