Please stop me.

[Aprilrain]

Its entirely possible that he could maintain erections throughout transition however its just as likely he will not be able to achieve a useful erection. All of that depends on his personal physiology.
If some one came to the TS support group I occasionally attend I would tell them not to plan on being able to have a useful erection, I don't like to blow pink smoke up anyones A$$. I think a person considering transition should expect the worse. I can still get an erection when I masturbate but I rarely get one during sex but then again I pretty much keep my penis out of the equation during sex.

[LeaP]

Wow. Davin is entertaining some seriously confusing thoughts. The mechanics of the penis aren't going to change, obviously. Blood flow and valves will work as designed. That Davin appears to be thinking of a fully active sex life with a male organ while on HRT is what's confused. People can. People do. Reportedly usually with difficulty. But a lot of them aren't terribly interested terribly often, besides reporting the experience as very different pre-HRT. My point isn't so much on that, though, as it is the notion that Davin seems to permanently want to retain the organ yet is desperate to transition. Granted, many TSs never have SRS for a variety of reasons, but I don't think I've read of this kind of rationale much.

Lea

[Inna]

[SIZE="3"]Liz, Do you want to have possibly grandchildren of your own blood or Don't![/SIZE] This is no longer about you controlling someone else life who by now is [SIZE="4"]AN INDIVIDUAL![/SIZE]

I talked to you before on the previous thread but now I am dumb found, simply speechless, what are you seeking especially knowing what you know about transgender issues, or DO YOU!

30-42% suicide rate and yet you do not trust you child not support her efforts to live life as she feels whole and just, LISTEN to her words, she is not asking for approval but simple fact of financial help.

I am being blunt, and perhaps the tone of this post cuts deeply, and may hurt, but I have directly experienced such doubtful passive support and it felt as though the person on the other end didn't love me a bit. I know different about you and yes you do love her very much but take the leap of faith, and support her heart not put up fences with deceitful trust or your own insecurities.

All she needs is a simple answer YES (if you can) or NO, but not lecture nor debate.

And even if you say yes, you have plenty of time to talk further which i am so sure you shall!

Let love conquer our fears, and allow truth to penetrate doubt.

[arbon]

What was down there died about 3 weeks after I started on E. No erections since, voluntary or involuntary. I am happy that it is not working.

[Elizabeth Ann]

[SIZE="3"]Liz, Do you want to have possibly grandchildren of your own blood or Don't![/SIZE] This is no longer about you controlling someone else life who by now is [SIZE="4"]AN INDIVIDUAL![/SIZE]

I talked to you before on the previous thread but now I am dumb found, simply speechless, what are you seeking especially knowing what you know about transgender issues, or DO YOU!

30-42% suicide rate and yet you do not trust you child not support her efforts to live life as she feels whole and just, LISTEN to her words, she is not asking for approval but simple fact of financial help.

I am being blunt, and perhaps the tone of this post cuts deeply, and may hurt, but I have directly experienced such doubtful passive support and it felt as though the person on the other end didn't love me a bit. I know different about you and yes you do love her very much but take the leap of faith, and support her heart not put up fences with deceitful trust or your own insecurities.

All she needs is a simple answer YES (if you can) or NO, but not lecture nor debate.

And even if you say yes, you have plenty of time to talk further which i am so sure you shall!

Let love conquer our fears, and allow truth to penetrate doubt.

Inna,
I really do appreciate your comments on this, and don't mind any tone you feel is appropriate. In fact, your and others comments have moved my thinking on this.

The discussion last night did not include any debate or challenges. I know Dav to be a careful and thoughtful researcher, and they came over to discuss financial issues. The discussion of sperm banking lead inevitably to their expectations for the future. Within that context, their expectation for a continued sex life was discussed (delicately).

Actually, I am less alarmed by the situation than I was. The affordability of the sperm banking was discussed in light of potential future expenses, and I was a bit surprised when Dav suggested that the major costs of this transition would be for HRT and electrolysis for hair removal. He confirmed that he "does not expect" to have any surgeries. I am not quite sure where that leaves the life he anticipates having, but as you say, he is an adult and I have not challenged him on this.

As to your concern about suicide or his mental health, Dav himself brushes that aside. Of course I could be misled, but my impression is that Dav continues to be happy and enjoying life, his SO, his field of study, and University life in general.

Liz

[Inna]

Thank god you took it well! I was a bit worried that I have overstepped my soft boundaries of helpful assurance and supportive mind set. But there within the letter, you did share with us, were the words of your child, clear and precise, her mind set made up as to the direction she wants her life to proceed and her plea for your continuing love, she so desperately needs.
You are a great parent and brave to bring such personal issue to the forum, and I must learn that not every parent will take steps I would have taken faced with this circumstance. And also that I am not in the midst of such but merely looking from a far and distant to your inner feeling of inevitable loss. Speaking with my loving mother and son, they both admit that the biggest hurdle the biggest pain is the fact that the image of a man they used to love so much had died and they shall never again be able to glimpse onto his so familiar stance. Yes they still look into my eyes but do they?

You must be going through these emotions face on and I do admire your candidness.


Always loving sometimes irritating , Inna

[Bree-asaurus]

Okay, thanks for all the comments about spiro. It would have been nice if everyone had agreed, but at least I learned quite a bit about it.

New question. Last night we had Dav and his SO over to dinner to discuss this sperm bank question. In the course of the conversation, Dav alleged that in his research, his penis will remain fully functional even after becoming sterile (he and his SO both seem to be fond of his organ). In particular, he said he would always be able to get erections, even it it might require the use of Viagra.

This is not my understanding. What is the experience of forum members here?

Thanks,
Liz

It varies from person to person.

I never get involuntary erections, but when my boyfriend turns me on, I do. I can even use it for a while. Usually though I lose the erection or it becomes hard to maintain. I think a lot of it has to do with my mental state. If your son (daughter) doesn't hate his parts, maybe he'll still be able to use them. But maybe not. There's no way to tell until he's actually undergoing HRT.

As for your other post saying he doesn't plan on having any surgeries, he doesn't have to. He may not be able to change his birth certificate and passport without SRS though. But things change. On the long path of self acceptance and transition, what he feels one day may not be what he feels the next. He could very well change his mind and want surgeries 6 months or a year from now. But that's something he will have to find out down the road.

And who knows... maybe he will start down this path and realize that it's not for him. But he needs to figure that out for himself.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Thank god you took it well! I was a bit worried that I have overstepped my soft boundaries of helpful assurance and supportive mind set.

Speaking with my loving mother and son, they both admit that the biggest hurdle the biggest pain is the fact that the image of a man they used to love so much had died and they shall never again be able to glimpse onto his so familiar stance.


Always loving sometimes irritating , Inna

Inna,
I know you have a good heart, Sweetie, and I love that you care enough to speak frankly.

And yes, I have loved having a son. I will miss that.

Liz

[Julia_in_Pa]

Elizabeth,

Your child is correct. After 11 years of full HRT I am still able to function within the confines of erection and climax.
I've always been sterile but that has never effected my ability to fully function.


Julia

Okay, thanks for all the comments about spiro. It would have been nice if everyone had agreed, but at least I learned quite a bit about it.

New question. Last night we had Dav and his SO over to dinner to discuss this sperm bank question. In the course of the conversation, Dav alleged that in his research, his penis will remain fully functional even after becoming sterile (he and his SO both seem to be fond of his organ). In particular, he said he would always be able to get erections, even it it might require the use of Viagra.

This is not my understanding. What is the experience of forum members here?

Thanks,
Liz

[Elizabeth Ann]

Way off topic, but . . .

Julia, I just cannot figure out what that illustration is in your signature. It is trivial to wonder, I suppose, but it is like that very small rock in your shoe that you just can't ignore.

Liz

[sandra-leigh]

Its entirely possible that he could maintain erections throughout transition however its just as likely he will not be able to achieve a useful erection. All of that depends on his personal physiology.

I lost the great majority of my ability to have an erection as soon as I made the decision to start HRT, before I had taken a single pill.

A small number of times in the 15 months since, I have deliberately tried to get an erection, to see if that subsystem can still do what it used to. It was like waving around a small plastic bag filled with lukewarm water, and not much more effective. The pleasant feelings were gone. One of the two times I got a small internal contraction; the other time nothing.

I never tried viagra. I haven't had a reason to.

Spiro does really nasty numbers to the blood pressure needed to start and maintain an erection.

These days, I do know that I can have some kind of erection, as I still sometimes get one when I read erotic romance stories. Just enough that I can feel there is some stiffness there. Maximum length is less than half the length it used to be, and maximum thickness is a farce.

I have not had any occasion to test with a Real Live Human, but I think it would be fairly difficult for me to maintain pressure against any muscle resistance at all. Now of course psychology is deeply involved, and perhaps I would be surprised at what was still possible with foreplay and an eager partner.

Length: these days I have to take care because the base is just barely large enough to grasp to guide urination.

This is my experience. I gather that other people's experiences are not often as extreme.

(Yeah, realizing and more-or-less-accepting that I would never have male-type sex again was difficult for me psychologically. Not that I had had much of it in my life, but there was always later, always the hope things would get better. And suddenly Things Aren't Going To Get Better. Felt like sh*t. Felt like a wasted life in that part of my life. Nice guys don't just finish last, they get asked to volunteer to help with the folding chairs and to help hand out water-bottles...)