I have started going out dressed a few months ago. After dozens of excursions, I have had ZERO problems, until 3/5/12. I went to Joann Fabrics to buy some hemming tape. I walked into the store and started walking down the main isle. Two young (early 20's) women were walking towards me. They were in deep conversation when one of them looked at me, did a double take and stopped talking; stopped walking. Her mouth dropped to the floor. Okay, so I was read. Big deal. I continue on to the isle and they proceeded upfront when I heard her say, "There is a guy dressed like a woman over there!" to everybody at the front of the store. Much laughter erupted. I ignored them initially; didn't want them to ruin my parade. I couldn't find it so I stood in line for a while to ask for the location. I was fed up with the constant chuckles and stares, so I ended up leaving. These were customers doing this and not the employees. If it were, I would have made a bigger deal with it. I wasn't mad I was read, I was FURIOUS that she took it upon herself to out me in front of everybody to rally against me. My wife was disappointed that I 'let them win' but if I wasn't feeling comfortable, why stick around? It did ended up affecting me to where I hit a minor depression for a few days. My wife, my therapist, and even my own mother told me not to give up; not to go back into the dark place (my depression). They all told me that who cares what other people think? So what if they read you as a guy? So what if a few people laugh at you? Why let strangers keep you in a depression? And this came from my mom, "Have you seen pictures on the internet or even in person people at Walmart wearing pants for shirts, in their underwear, or wearing shirts that don't even come close to covering their gut? If they can go out looking like slobs, you can go out looking like a nice decent lady" Even with a pep rally, I still took a week off of going out.
Today I got all dressed up. I was going to go out to Meijers (a grocery/ department store). After I got all done, I couldn't make myself go out, so I started watching Glory on Blu-Ray. My mom called wanted to know what I was up to, and told her I got all dressed up, but too chicken to go out. Back in May, she was completely opposed to going me even leaving the bedroom dressed and hounded me constantly about it. After my failed suicide attempt, she realized how much hiding was causing my depression. She didn't want me to go back into the dark place so she told me to touch up my lipstick, straighten out my wig, and hit it all. "You have every right to be who you are, and you will be who you are. Don't let strangers force you to live a life that isn't yours." I did just that. Grabbed my purse and drove to the store.
I got to the store, walked in and looked at their Blu-Ray selection (awful). Didn't find anything I liked so moved on into the shoes. Tried a few on, but still couldn't find any decent flat dress shoes. All I have is heels! I love high heels, but don't want to wear them all the time. Went to the grocery section and picked up some stuff for dinner tonight (Chili! Yea!!). Went to the self scans paid and started walking out towards the door. There was an elderly man in a wheelchair at a register; a lady (mid 20's) standing with him, paying for their items. The man kept staring at me as I was walking towards them, and he said, "That's a guy.... Beth, look that's a guy right there......" She looked at me, looked me up and down for a few seconds and said, "No dad, that's a woman" I wanted to smile so big, but acted like I didn't hear it. I walked out the store a moment later. I called my mom immediately to thank her for pushing me!!!!
Now it is possible she did read me as a male, and was just being nice. If so, she is a special person that I hope God blesses thoroughly. Wish everybody could be like her.
I have a feeling though, that she did read me as female. When our eyes clicked, there was no dilation, or flinching, or widening of the eyes.
It is important for all of us to accept ourselves and not rely on the approval of complete strangers. Wives, kids, employers.... yea that is different, you have to consider their input. But, my mom, my therapist, and even my wife are right. Don't live your life for complete strangers. So what if she did read me as male, so what if others had, so what about that *itch at Joann Fabrics, if my presenting as female bothers them so what. Maybe they should seek some counseling.
Amber
Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
Originally Posted by MsArlene
. If I was in your neighborhood, I would do it in person.
