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Thread: Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

  1. #1
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    Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

    It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
    He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
    In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
    When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
    Am I being paranoid???

  2. #2
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    No, all crosdressers do not. Definately not.

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    This seems to be a recent topic here with some believing yes and others, like myself, believing that the vast majority of crossdressers are happy dressing as a woman, and even though they may fantasize about being one, that is definitely not in the books for them. Yes, many TS's have stated that they realized later in life that they were more than a CD and were trapped in the wrong body. I am a late starter (5 years ago) in the CD world and will admit that I think I am happy where I am, but really do not know where this will all take me.

    It is common for CD's to get into the "pink fog" and tend to overdo a lot of things from shopping too much, letting other higher priority real life activities fall to the wayside, and getting into a hyper activity of dressing and fantasizing about being a women and maybe even having an experience with a man. The "fog" sometimes happens after coming out to a wife or SO and getting some type of tolerance/acceptance from them. They sometimes try to make a mile out of that inch or foot that the SO may have given them.

    I can only counsel continuing and maybe even increased communications in all facets of the relationship with some special focus on the CD side. You need to understand what is happening, should feel and actually have every right to ask to sit down for a serious conversation on the topic, and to request some constraint on your SO's part as you try to come to grips with what this all means to your SO and to you. I do wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on joining this forum to get more information. After you get your 10 posts (only 3 more at the time I am writing this) you can apply for membership in the FAB (Female At Birth) section and talk with a lot of other SO's who have already experienced what you are going through with good and not so good experiences.

    One other counsel is to read the threads here and realize that we are all different with personalities, activities, interests and fantasies. You will read a lot of different things that may be contrary what is happening or may happen in your relationship. Take what you read with a grain of salt. There is a lot of good advice here to help you out, but sometimes you need to filter out all the rest where it does not or will not apply to your situation. Welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay. I also wish you the best of luck.

  4. #4
    Member Aylineira's Avatar
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    This is the human condition; we always try to categorize and organize things neatly into groups and such. However, crossdressing takes on a spectrum of who we are and what we do. Some only wants to wear pantyhose with heels. Others want to put on the whole thing and become a woman. However to answer the question: "do ALL crossdressers want to become women" is a resounding NO!

    More than likely your man is still trying to find out more about himself and where he wants to take his crossdressing to. My opinion is to allow him to find out more about himself and let him discover on his own on what and who he wants to be.

    There's actually more here to say, but I will let the rest of the forum speak for themselves.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Krististeph's Avatar
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    No.
    i would venture that most have at least thought about it, at one point, just to take it to the conclusion, but many of us are happy only dressing the part. ;-)
    as is popular in clinical psychology today- the phenomina of crossdressing and transexualism is a spectrum- all shades from white to black. or pink to purple, or whatever...

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    Thanks for the opinions so far, let me have them good or bad I want to hear from as many perspectives as possible.
    My wording of the question was a bit off - I didn't mean ALL cds, just a majority of them. Sometimes I just get the feeling that a lot of the CDs on here do want to make the full transition, but as you said I guess I need to take it with a grain of salt as every situation is different!
    My partner gets offended/defensive if I bring up seeing things on the computer history, so I find it hard to bring up a serious conversation about the whole thing he also tends to laugh off a lot of the things I say/ask instead of wanting to talk through them and says "im picking on him" but sometimes I feel like I need more answers! It can be very frustrating at time, especially lately because I feel like he is trying to supress his dressing *he never does it in front of me* and this seems to make him more irritable/distant how can I get him to open up more?

  7. #7
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    You bring up a new issue that he should be respectful of. He may have been dealing with this all his life, but you, I assume, are just learning about it. In my opinion, he has the duty to help you through all this as best possible. That being said, those who have been CD's since childhood or a very young age, probably have been hiding this from everyone. That causes a lot of issues and personality traits that sometimes makes good open communication difficult. He needs time, but still should be trying to keep you informed and answer your questions. Helping you understand him can only be a benefit to both of you.

  8. #8
    Shoes glorious shoes rachellegsep's Avatar
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    First off welcome and congratulations youv'e come to the right site. I am going to give several thoughts here good or bad so please don't shoot the messanger.

    I know I've looked at a couple of sites out of curiousity to know what the Girls who are transitioning would be going through. I've no intention of ever wanting to have sexual reassignment infact most cd's are heterasexual & happily married. I however know someone who has transitioned, and another of my friends was considering it at one time so I did some research to get more informed.
    Beware of assumption it can be a dangerous thing e.g. just because a married man may turn his head at a pretty woman walking pass it doesnt mean it that he wants to cheat on his wife with her.

    It probably is just curiousity. Anyway knowledge is a wonderfull thing and doesn't harm anyone ,unless you are looking up how to make home made nuclear bombs lol (anarchist cookbook. btw beware the feds monitor it).

    just seen new post . After a years of hiding , repressed feelings and thoughts, guilt etc it can be difficult to come out and open up immediately (like a tiger left with the cage open). As I am unsure of your marriage status, some more thoughts. In the case of a married man he might be suspicious of sudden interest as trap to seek ammo in a divorce. He may also see your checking of the browser history as an invasion of privacy or lack of trust in what he has told you leading him to become more introverted.

    Time , love and understanding should coax him out of his cave, as he is probably an emotional train wreck right now.

    You can join the GG section after 10 posts also read some of the stickies e.g. how to come out to your wife etc . These might lead into some insights. Good luck the journey has just started.
    Last edited by rachellegsep; 03-15-2012 at 02:07 AM. Reason: new post
    In search of muliebrity

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  9. #9
    Girlfriend of BrandyGG candicd's Avatar
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    Rachelle is right. Dont assume. As I tell my team at work, assume makes an ass out of u and me.

    OK. Most crossdressers are heterosexual and happy. Me with big flashing lights. Absolutely no interest in transitioning. Thought about it briefly, but no.
    On the other hand, fantasy time could include me transitioning or crossdressing full time. Just depends on what B and I want to do at the time.

    As for your partner and her defensiveness. She does need to be more respectful of your questions and curiosities. If she has had to hide this for many years from others (and/or you), her defense mechanism will be to play it off and not want to discuss it. Just like anything a person has been hiding for many years. The way you word your serious questions will make all the difference. Get her to read this thread. You could also find similar posts on this site and with her read through them and ask questions from there. That would not be putting her on the spot, but more this "invisible person" on the other side of the computer.

    Hope that helps.

    Blessings.

    -Candi
    Loving girlfriend of BrandyGG

  10. #10
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    Yes. All CDs do want to become women.
    I am glad we could have this conversation
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  11. #11
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    No, transvestism and transsexualism are not the same thing. One can dress and not want to have SRS, go fulltime, or go on hormones etc. Many of us are happy being men and do not want to become women. This may or many not be the case with your boyfriend, I don't know, but yes it can be the case with those of us who dress.

    I would be curious why they were looking around for information on SRS.(Does your boyfriend have a TS friend who is having SRS, your boyfriend could be concerned about her and is looking to understand what she is in for, or something along those lines?) I'd take things slowly and make very sure you are both on the same page before making any irreversible commitments to each other.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Paperairplanes I can only opine on what I feel, no I do not see me getting SRS. Very curious about being a true woman and in my mind would love too. Snap my fingers and back to reality because of social economical situation and it will not happen aka (pink fog). But in my current transitioning with my regiment I research my friends whom had and are close to surgery and listen, learn. I walk a fine line between my drab mode to my woman mode because of my job. Maybe you CD SO is doing that... Hope this helps and I am sure alot of girls are jealous that you care so much about your partner.

    P.S. Communication is key and she does need to share and or counseling to assist you. Honesty is the best policy in life and love.
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  13. #13
    Junior Member NitaCD's Avatar
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    I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.

  14. #14
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    Ever played the game of what would you be if you weren't (insert current job / occupation). I think it is a bit like that. OK, not really, but still it is likely just genuine curiosity. I have no interest in transition or living as a woman however I do look up a lot of that stuff as well to try and get a better understanding of what TS go through from a medical point of view. Having that information I think helps me understand those who do wish / have persued that pathway a little better and helps to ensure I do not make ignorant statements or comments regarding such procedures.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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  16. #16
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    I missed your second post and I've just traweled your past posts.

    I am concerned from what you are saying that your SO is avoiding any serious conversation regarding this. I am a little concerned from what you have communicated that your SO may not have a clear idea of what he wants for himself. He appears from what you are describing to be demonstrating avoidance behaviours that may indicate denial or an unwillingness to address this seriously. And it is serious, for you, for him and for any future for you together. I would not discourage his gathering information and knowledge however he needs to start talking to you and himself seriously about this and seriously address those fundamental underlying questions of how he truly sees himself and his gender.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by NitaCD View Post
    I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.
    Nicely said. I would say that a lot of CDs fall into this description.

  18. #18
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    Yes. All CDs do want to become women.
    I am glad we could have this conversation
    This is a very incorrect answer. I know for a fact it is incorrect as I am a CD and have no desire to become a woman. Since you said "all" I have proved it incorrect.


    Quote Originally Posted by NitaCD View Post
    I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.
    This is exactly where I fall in. Good answer
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  19. #19
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Going along with that ? what's the real attraction for men wonting to be like act or be women,

    Is it sexual, feeling of certain clothes, makeup & the big one seems to be shoes ,heels of cause.

    For my self . it was never about a wont , clothes well yes they are nice a little make up yes , shoes dont really care , heels yes i have a few pairs so what else can it be, Ill leave it there,

    Being a woman is very different than any of those things & all put to gether wont make one a woman one has to be a woman to understand what being a woman is all about.

    I never wonted to be a woman the difference is i was. when i was born, just i was a bit mixed up along the way, A bit of this & a bit of that, part of being I S yet over all its worked for myself so yes im happy just being my self, a woman,

    ...noeleena...

  20. #20
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
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    I can only talk for me obviously. [How some members think they can talk for all of us is just arrogant!]
    I am just me, a sort of blurring of man and women. Sexless and yet highly sexual. [Does this make any sense?]

    So the answer is no.

    SUZY

  21. #21
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    Hello,

    Heterosexual cross dressing and being TS are two extremely different things that many times outwardly look close to the same.
    The first group expresses their need, want, desire in cross gender presentation IE dressing.
    The overwhelming majority of cross dresser's are heterosexual males with no desire to either alter their bodies in a permanent way like undertaking HRT and or having gender correcting surgeries.
    They are perfectly content within the confines of presentation only.

    Transsexual pathology is based upon the subject's extreme need to " correct " what both society and biology has given them.
    This need manifests itself from dressing in the correct gender's clothing to genital mutilation caused by angst and self abasement manifesting from years of presenting in the wrong gender.
    Professional therapy is sought in which to understand themselves and also in many cases to fulfill medical protocol that medical professional's follow concerning the mental and physical care of TS patient's called the Standards Of Care or (SOC) for short.

    Yes it does seem that many cross dresser's seem to want to transition to becoming women full time.

    One group of cross dressers bases this upon fantasy thinking with no further need or desire to progress.
    The other group are not considered cross dressers but rather TS women that have self assessed themselves in which to live within the parameters of what society deems acceptable.
    They do not want to cause damage to their families, career, etc.
    This does not mean they do not want to transition and the longer the charade and false front of what they are not continues the more difficult it is to live as what they are pretending to be.
    For many in this group this accumulates to the point of not being able to successfully live a false life and the wall comes tumbling down.
    This is many times what you see in " late transitioners" identified as those that have lived a lie for their spuses, children, career's. etc and now that the children are grown and the careers have been wrapped up they finally feel free to transition to what they always were.

    What is your partner? I don't know and I believe that your partner doesn't know either.
    The only thing you can do is stand by your partner in a loving and supportive manner or risk further alienation with this issue.



    Julia
    Last edited by Julia_in_Pa; 03-15-2012 at 07:14 AM.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    The question will be asked and answered 1000 times, but doubts remain. The thing is there are many, many CDrs who will never even seriously contemplate sexual reasignment surgery. Among CDrs there are the relative few who are actually transsexual and who really need SRS. So, yes, you are being paranoid. If your partner has repeatedly said no, then in all likelihood he means it.

  23. #23
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    The simple answer is NO. The vast majority of CD'ers are men that enjoy being men that sometimes enjoy dressing and feeling like a woman to a degree. I would never consider transition. After over 50 years as a CD, I can safely say it will never enter my mind. Fantasy thoughts?= maybe. Reality?= Never.

  24. #24
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    No. Of course not.

    But this is a regular question in most female type partner's minds. The truth, born out by many answers to your post, is that there are many guys perfectly willing to remain male while exploring the wearing of women's clothes. Although I cannot fathom why, many guys seem to LIKE being guys. Go figure.

    S

  25. #25
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    No you are not being paranoid as this is what most wives/SO will think from the first moment that they hear their partner likes to cross dress, it is almost a natural thing to think especially by the time you have read all the things on here, and to answer your other question NO definitely not all CDers want to become a woman but almost all will fantasize about it at some point but how can you tell , well that can be by talking a lot and careful observation by you at what your SO is doing and saying in the way of CDing , there is a long way between CDing and TS and many things in-between but one way or anther there will be fantasies that is a part of CDing .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

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