Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 114

Thread: Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    9

    Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

    It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
    He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
    In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
    When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
    Am I being paranoid???

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Western Canada
    Posts
    171
    No, all crosdressers do not. Definately not.

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    This seems to be a recent topic here with some believing yes and others, like myself, believing that the vast majority of crossdressers are happy dressing as a woman, and even though they may fantasize about being one, that is definitely not in the books for them. Yes, many TS's have stated that they realized later in life that they were more than a CD and were trapped in the wrong body. I am a late starter (5 years ago) in the CD world and will admit that I think I am happy where I am, but really do not know where this will all take me.

    It is common for CD's to get into the "pink fog" and tend to overdo a lot of things from shopping too much, letting other higher priority real life activities fall to the wayside, and getting into a hyper activity of dressing and fantasizing about being a women and maybe even having an experience with a man. The "fog" sometimes happens after coming out to a wife or SO and getting some type of tolerance/acceptance from them. They sometimes try to make a mile out of that inch or foot that the SO may have given them.

    I can only counsel continuing and maybe even increased communications in all facets of the relationship with some special focus on the CD side. You need to understand what is happening, should feel and actually have every right to ask to sit down for a serious conversation on the topic, and to request some constraint on your SO's part as you try to come to grips with what this all means to your SO and to you. I do wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on joining this forum to get more information. After you get your 10 posts (only 3 more at the time I am writing this) you can apply for membership in the FAB (Female At Birth) section and talk with a lot of other SO's who have already experienced what you are going through with good and not so good experiences.

    One other counsel is to read the threads here and realize that we are all different with personalities, activities, interests and fantasies. You will read a lot of different things that may be contrary what is happening or may happen in your relationship. Take what you read with a grain of salt. There is a lot of good advice here to help you out, but sometimes you need to filter out all the rest where it does not or will not apply to your situation. Welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay. I also wish you the best of luck.

  4. #4
    Member Aylineira's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    267
    This is the human condition; we always try to categorize and organize things neatly into groups and such. However, crossdressing takes on a spectrum of who we are and what we do. Some only wants to wear pantyhose with heels. Others want to put on the whole thing and become a woman. However to answer the question: "do ALL crossdressers want to become women" is a resounding NO!

    More than likely your man is still trying to find out more about himself and where he wants to take his crossdressing to. My opinion is to allow him to find out more about himself and let him discover on his own on what and who he wants to be.

    There's actually more here to say, but I will let the rest of the forum speak for themselves.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Krististeph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    midwest suburbs
    Posts
    1,521
    No.
    i would venture that most have at least thought about it, at one point, just to take it to the conclusion, but many of us are happy only dressing the part. ;-)
    as is popular in clinical psychology today- the phenomina of crossdressing and transexualism is a spectrum- all shades from white to black. or pink to purple, or whatever...

  6. #6
    Shoes glorious shoes rachellegsep's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    648
    First off welcome and congratulations youv'e come to the right site. I am going to give several thoughts here good or bad so please don't shoot the messanger.

    I know I've looked at a couple of sites out of curiousity to know what the Girls who are transitioning would be going through. I've no intention of ever wanting to have sexual reassignment infact most cd's are heterasexual & happily married. I however know someone who has transitioned, and another of my friends was considering it at one time so I did some research to get more informed.
    Beware of assumption it can be a dangerous thing e.g. just because a married man may turn his head at a pretty woman walking pass it doesnt mean it that he wants to cheat on his wife with her.

    It probably is just curiousity. Anyway knowledge is a wonderfull thing and doesn't harm anyone ,unless you are looking up how to make home made nuclear bombs lol (anarchist cookbook. btw beware the feds monitor it).

    just seen new post . After a years of hiding , repressed feelings and thoughts, guilt etc it can be difficult to come out and open up immediately (like a tiger left with the cage open). As I am unsure of your marriage status, some more thoughts. In the case of a married man he might be suspicious of sudden interest as trap to seek ammo in a divorce. He may also see your checking of the browser history as an invasion of privacy or lack of trust in what he has told you leading him to become more introverted.

    Time , love and understanding should coax him out of his cave, as he is probably an emotional train wreck right now.

    You can join the GG section after 10 posts also read some of the stickies e.g. how to come out to your wife etc . These might lead into some insights. Good luck the journey has just started.
    Last edited by rachellegsep; 03-15-2012 at 02:07 AM. Reason: new post
    In search of muliebrity

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Girlfriend of BrandyGG candicd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    90
    Rachelle is right. Dont assume. As I tell my team at work, assume makes an ass out of u and me.

    OK. Most crossdressers are heterosexual and happy. Me with big flashing lights. Absolutely no interest in transitioning. Thought about it briefly, but no.
    On the other hand, fantasy time could include me transitioning or crossdressing full time. Just depends on what B and I want to do at the time.

    As for your partner and her defensiveness. She does need to be more respectful of your questions and curiosities. If she has had to hide this for many years from others (and/or you), her defense mechanism will be to play it off and not want to discuss it. Just like anything a person has been hiding for many years. The way you word your serious questions will make all the difference. Get her to read this thread. You could also find similar posts on this site and with her read through them and ask questions from there. That would not be putting her on the spot, but more this "invisible person" on the other side of the computer.

    Hope that helps.

    Blessings.

    -Candi
    Loving girlfriend of BrandyGG

  8. #8
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Twin Cities, MN
    Posts
    3,500
    This is a very common misconception. Crossdressers do not want to become women. They just want to wear women's colthes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, etc. some of the time. Many will want to look like, act like and be treated as a woman as much as possible. However, they do not wish to become a woman. How person feels about themselves is very important .

    There are many who "crossdress" that do desire to become women but they are usually refered to as "transgendered" or "transexual". Again, there are degrees. Some want a physical sex change (SRS), some just want to live as a woman perhaps using hormones and other methods to make them more feminine appearing.

    It is very tricky to try to apply a "label" to anyone person as a label's purpose is to group like people. However, any one person may not neatly fit into any one label.
    Hugs, Carole

  9. #9
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    It mostly depends on the person and their perceptions on things Hon. Some say yes, some say no, some say maybe. When you get in touch with your feelings, you will know the answer. As far as myself, I'm a man this time around, no question. No matter what I would do, or how good of a day I had dressing or "passing" I can't hold a candle to a genetic woman. Certain inherent qualities cannot be duplicated no matter what we may do. Better to be content with who we are in my opinion but many hold on to that pie in the sky hope regardless.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  10. #10
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    9
    Thanks for the opinions so far, let me have them good or bad I want to hear from as many perspectives as possible.
    My wording of the question was a bit off - I didn't mean ALL cds, just a majority of them. Sometimes I just get the feeling that a lot of the CDs on here do want to make the full transition, but as you said I guess I need to take it with a grain of salt as every situation is different!
    My partner gets offended/defensive if I bring up seeing things on the computer history, so I find it hard to bring up a serious conversation about the whole thing he also tends to laugh off a lot of the things I say/ask instead of wanting to talk through them and says "im picking on him" but sometimes I feel like I need more answers! It can be very frustrating at time, especially lately because I feel like he is trying to supress his dressing *he never does it in front of me* and this seems to make him more irritable/distant how can I get him to open up more?

  11. #11
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    You bring up a new issue that he should be respectful of. He may have been dealing with this all his life, but you, I assume, are just learning about it. In my opinion, he has the duty to help you through all this as best possible. That being said, those who have been CD's since childhood or a very young age, probably have been hiding this from everyone. That causes a lot of issues and personality traits that sometimes makes good open communication difficult. He needs time, but still should be trying to keep you informed and answer your questions. Helping you understand him can only be a benefit to both of you.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    5,924
    I'm not going to defend the CD's anymore. They can speak for themselves here.

    Only a minority are transsexual here. In most cases their life depends on being the right sex. I read about everything realated to being TG but have no interest in changing my genetic sex.

  13. #13
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    Quote Originally Posted by paperairplanes View Post
    Sometimes I just get the feeling that a lot of the CDs on here do want to make the full transition .....
    I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.
    It's not surprising that you would get the feeling that a lot of CD's want to transition.

  14. #14
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    At home in my own skin
    Posts
    8,586
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.
    I find it a shame that you prefer to attack other forum members rather than address paperairplanes' concerns directly. Your gross over-exaggeration about the MtF forum being flooded with TS issues is neither accurate nor helpful to the OP, but is extremely offensive.

    I confess that I continue to read and occasionally reply to threads in the MtF cross-dressing section, but that is because I fit (or so I was told by an administrator) into the definition of those people for whom this section was intended.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    To address the original question, it is definitely not the case that all (or even a majority) of cross-dressers want to become women, but (as others have said) a largish number may fantasize about what it would be like without ever having the intention to go down that road.

    I believe that a number of members here have researched what we transsexuals face, not because they wish to experience it first hand but so that they can try to understand us.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  15. #15
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    I get what you're saying, and here's how I see it: if they want to make the full transition, then they are not CD's, they are pre-op, no-op, confused, in denial, scared, impoverished, trapped, or otherwise unable to do it transsexuals, not men who like to wear women's clothes. There is a forum for those with those feelings who wish to explore it further and would probably benefit more from those who have been there done that (transsexuals) than from men who like to dress up occasionally (CD's). While lobbying to keep crossdressing issues out of the transsexual forum, they flood this MTF crossdressing forum with transsexual issues.
    It's not surprising that you would get the feeling that a lot of CD's want to transition.
    flood?? heh...whatever you say...

    Your quote is a true but also a mean spirited comment...kind of like, waaaaaayyy too much make up dear...

    the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...

    ....just because you've got it sorted doesn't mean others have it figured out too..

  16. #16
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    3,633
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    flood?? heh...whatever you say...

    Your quote is a true but also a mean spirited comment...kind of like, waaaaaayyy too much make up dear...

    the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...

    ....just because you've got it sorted doesn't mean others have it figured out too..
    This x1000.
    Some of us still need to find our place and honestly posts from our TS members are very valuable and offer perspectives that might have been passed over.

    End all forum wars!

  17. #17
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Fort Myers, Florida
    Posts
    2,676
    Quote Originally Posted by whowhatwhen View Post
    This x1000.
    Some of us still need to find our place and honestly posts from our TS members are very valuable and offer perspectives that might have been passed over.

    End all forum wars!
    I agree. And if you consider the question the OP is asking, then the input of our TS members is important. Most will tell you that you don't progress from being a CD to TS. Many, if not most will tell you that they have felt they were born in the wrong body at a very early age before they even knew about gender or sexual issues. Most will tell you they were born that way. So yes, I agree, their input is important to this thread and many others. I value them as members and of course as people.

  18. #18
    Makeup addict!
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    813
    I don't want to be a woman at all. I love wearing women's clothing and I'm a wig enthusiast. I find it to just be a fun little hobby

  19. #19
    Member Karinsamatha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    478
    The answer is no, there are many different stops for those of us on this journey. Some people find that dressing once in awile maby for sexual release or because they need the mental release is ok. They would I think be ok presenting as male 99% of the time. Others go a few stops further on the train ride to drerssing as a women more frequentialy - more for a mental release than anything else. Others would live out there lives as a women 24 / 7. It all depends on the person, and there is really anyway of knowing untill you hit the "station" you need to get off at.
    The point of this is that we don't know what station is correct for us, some are driven to go to the end of the line, while some get off along the way. Not all of us know where we belong until we arrive.
    A prisoner in a kings disguise - Styx

  20. #20
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    1,643
    Paperairplanes I can only opine on what I feel, no I do not see me getting SRS. Very curious about being a true woman and in my mind would love too. Snap my fingers and back to reality because of social economical situation and it will not happen aka (pink fog). But in my current transitioning with my regiment I research my friends whom had and are close to surgery and listen, learn. I walk a fine line between my drab mode to my woman mode because of my job. Maybe you CD SO is doing that... Hope this helps and I am sure alot of girls are jealous that you care so much about your partner.

    P.S. Communication is key and she does need to share and or counseling to assist you. Honesty is the best policy in life and love.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  21. #21
    Junior Member NitaCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    82
    I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.

  22. #22
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    24,704
    Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  23. #23
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    waimate new zealand
    Posts
    3,326
    Hi,

    Going along with that ? what's the real attraction for men wonting to be like act or be women,

    Is it sexual, feeling of certain clothes, makeup & the big one seems to be shoes ,heels of cause.

    For my self . it was never about a wont , clothes well yes they are nice a little make up yes , shoes dont really care , heels yes i have a few pairs so what else can it be, Ill leave it there,

    Being a woman is very different than any of those things & all put to gether wont make one a woman one has to be a woman to understand what being a woman is all about.

    I never wonted to be a woman the difference is i was. when i was born, just i was a bit mixed up along the way, A bit of this & a bit of that, part of being I S yet over all its worked for myself so yes im happy just being my self, a woman,

    ...noeleena...

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    St.Louis
    Posts
    568
    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....
    My feelings also just like wearing the clothes like I have said before no make-up forms or dresses for me just bras panties and jeans no have never wanted to be a women just like myself as I am

  25. #25
    Follow your dream.
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    388
    Quote Originally Posted by NitaCD View Post
    I think all crossdressers have different feelings. I am a happily married hetrosexual crossdresser with no interest in becoming a woman physically/surgically. I like the feeling of being somewhere in between a man and a woman and crossdressing helps me accomplish this.
    Nicely said. I would say that a lot of CDs fall into this description.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State